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nastygirl said:* mother wants to talk about my abuse at the worst times for me
* wants her to talk about it, knows she needs to talk about it to get it out, but wishes she would go into therapy to talk about it
* my mother was battered by my biological father, who she left in the middle of the night when I was 2
* I was sexually abused from the age of 3 or 4 til I was 6 by a pedophile who was "helping" my mother out by watching me and my sister (who is 1 year younger than me)
* not sure if my sister was abused but she is a very very angry person, she refuses to talk about it
* feels so guilty for not telling and saving my sister, although also knows I was a scared child at the time
* remembers the words "We got it in a little further today" as he was placing toilet tissue in my underwear
* his nicotine stained hands haunt my dreams
* wore my mask well all through school, was extremely popular, was the fucking prom queen.....but no one really knew me
* first love was the first person I told about my abuse, didnt tell til I was 18
* told my mom at age 20 in a therapy session by reading a letter. couldnt look her in the eyes.
* needed to know my mother didnt know it was happening because she was in the room while he would fondle me
* wishes I had never told my mom at all because she feels so much guilt and pain over it. wishes I could take that away.
* medicated myself all through college with pot, acid and 'shrooms and if that wasnt around, drank til I was passed out or vomiting
* suffered through an agonizing 2 months straight of insomnia, then tried to kill myself
* senior art exhibition was about my abuse, first time I had told even my best friends was through that exhibition
* fell in love with man in NYC who was clean from coke for 7 years when we met and then after he asked me to marry him started using again, 2 years into our relationship
*ex was the nephew of the "father" of the Irish mob, the "Westies" in NYC
*was photographed by undercover cops investigating the Westies
*very good male friend was murdered in NYC, still wonders if ex had something to do with that
* was physically, sexually and emotionally abused at the end of that relationship
* packed my shit and left for Texas when he was at work one day after hearing "you will never make it to Texas alive"
* went through a total of 12 years of individual therapy
* left group therapy a year ago when my therapist told me it was time to go. i am "healthy" now. I agreed with her (still do)
* hates that past rears its ugly head up at most unexpected times, also hates that no matter how far I have come, still is painful at times. wishes it would go away permanently.
* lol thinks again that I confessed too much
* feels better for confessing
* appreciates being able to let it out there and have it float away
NG
badmatt said:it didn't just turn into make fun of Matt by paying fake compliments night did it?
My Queen...Mystical said:Hello everyone I am back. Doubt many would remember me![]()
Mystical said:Nice to meet you Sorta thanks I have missing in action for a while because my Angel wasn't around much either.
Matt thanks darling I have missed this place as well as all my friends.
sortacurious said:Slowly pulls tanktop over head...drops jean to the floor...woohoo headed out to the hot tub all. See ya later alligators!
Mystical said:Hello everyone I am back. Doubt many would remember me![]()
I've got my share of those...and I seem to barely remember a hazy week involving 8 broken ribs...they over did it knowing it'd happened before...damned fools...had me addicted to the shit! and stubborn as fuck me, said hell no to the chemical ways of dealing with it...why trade one for another right? I mean fuck, I only took the demerol once when I was a kid and had six of them broken.naded said:No kidding, they are directly related to the size of the scars on my body, civies would have left alot smaller ones. Oh well, they did pass out morphine like it was cool though.
badmatt said:
I've got my share of those...and I seem to barely remember a hazy week involving 8 broken ribs...they over did it knowing it'd happened before...damned fools...had me addicted to the shit! and stubborn as fuck me, said hell no to the chemical ways of dealing with it...why trade one for another right? I mean fuck, I only took the demerol once when I was a kid and had six of them broken.
Mystical said:Thanks Shineing and it is nice to meet you as well. This thread seams nice and morbid in the same breath but as it was said before it helps to have aplace to uload.
Angel I am on my way over. I love you too always and 4ever
Mystical said:Thanks Shineing and it is nice to meet you as well. This thread seams nice and morbid in the same breath but as it was said before it helps to have aplace to uload.
Angel I am on my way over. I love you too always and 4ever
Mystical said:Hello everyone I am back. Doubt many would remember me![]()