Tough Hide

[Ambrosious]

Do you have one, or does your feeling bruise easily? I have always had a tough hide, and it has especially been handy the past few days. Do you get your feeling hurt here and at other places on the net? How can virtual strangers hurt so easily and without conscience? Is it easier to hurt someone you don't have to face in RL? Just curious.

 

[R Nitelight]

Ambrosious

You bastard!!!!

 

[Expertise]

Broad shoulders and thick skin are things that have served me well. Don't let the bastads get you down Ambro.... AND STOP WITH ALL THE LUDICROUS POSTING YOU CROSS DRESSING MIDGET!!!

 

[Dillinger]

"Is it easier to hurt someone you don't have to face in RL?"

Unfortunately, yes, that does appear to be the case.

 

[Shylady]

It depends on the situation. It usually takes a while to hurt my feelings.

 

[TonyG]

Yes, no, no, mean to begin with, yes.

 

[DEFENDER]

soft tender side

as in real life my experience has been you can get hurt also in virtual reality, but only by those you give the power to hurt you. i still get hurt anyway, i never learn or then again maybe i do.

 

[Guest]

 

[Ksss]

Yes, I believe that in this cyber community that feelings can be hurt. Depending on my mood and how sensitive I am feeling, usually I don't let too much bother me.

 

[Countess DeWinter]

I have very thin skin, but to combat that, I try very hard to be nice to people. The Golden Rule really does work.
And, if I read a thread or post that riles me up...I go on to the next one.

 

[Never]

Ambrosious:
"Do you have one, or does your feeling bruise easily? I have always had a tough hide, and it has especially been handy the past few days. Do you get your feeling hurt here and at other places on the net? How can virtual strangers hurt so easily and without conscience? Is it easier to hurt someone you don't have to face in RL? Just curious."

Let me see if I can brake that down into two parts..

Having a tough hide implies that you're under attack or that you need one or else your feeling will be bruised. I don't have a particularly tough hide but my feelings are almost never bruised simply because I rarely perceive criticism as being an attack against me.

I have had insults hurled at me but only by near strangers who were trying to get a reaction. While I'm distant when dealing with most people if someone had a problem with me or the way that I acted I'd take that under consideration and see if we could reach an agreement.

I believe I perceive the world differently from the way some people do. I don't expect people to pander to my sense of self, I don't expect to be coddled or my self esteem to be stroked. On the contrary, I find those who do so to be unpleasant company many times at I find such forced intimacy to be presumptuous really. There are times when I've actually felt insulted when someone complimented me on my appearance or manner or cooking.

I think that most bruised feelings are self-inflicted. You expect a person to do or say something and then become hurt when they do not.


Now for the 'virtual strangers' part: words on a screen shouldn't be able to hurt you if they are written by a stranger. The rules of etiquette are difficult enough to enforce in any reality. I have friends on this board and if they hurt my feelings I'll assume I've done something to warrant that attack. Too often meaning can be misconstrued in this particular medium. Given your emotional state while reading and your general mindset a simple comment can be teasing, playful or spiteful and insulting.

I've watched several times as two people began arguing on this board because one person read something in a message that may or may not have been there. Several times I've been called a bitch on this board, been told to fuck off and had people complain about my lack on intelligence, lack of humor, lack of maturity... But coming from Expertise, Xander, April, Nikki, Rosebud, Chief, Killer and the rest I understand that there's no malice in those words.

A few nights ago, I was near tears with the thought that I had angered someone on this board. The person was attacking my morality and my honesty and the fact that they could consider such things about me caused me to seriously rethink the way I present myself in this forum. Of course, I was wrong and it was a misunderstanding. I had taken a general comment to the board as being aimed at myself and let the theatrics carry me from there.

Where was I? Oh: People can only hurt you if they are close to you. Meaning it's best to be cautious of the people you let get close to you.

 

[Whispersecret]

Amen, Countess. I try to live by the Golden Rule, but I'm human and don't always live up to my own standards. Then again, who does?

I've been hurt by comments on this board before. Maybe that makes me a sucker, but sensitivity isn't exactly the easiest thing to turn on and off.

 

[Never]

Whispersecret:
"Amen, Countess. I try to live by the Golden Rule, but I'm human and don't always live up to my own standards. Then again, who does?"

Well I hate to name names but.. me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then again, my standards are so low.

 

[Cheyenne]

Where was I? Oh: People can only hurt you if they are close to you. Meaning it's best to be cautious of the people you let get close to you.

I seem to be saying "Amen" a lot tonight. But, AMEN. A perfect summary of what I've been saying in many more pages of prose the last few days.

 

[naudiz]

I wasn't born with a tough hide. As a child, I was very sensitive. That got beaten out of me by my teens, though. These days, to actually hurt me you've got to be close, and that's not going to happen easily because I'm a real hardass about who I get close to. When it comes to people being mean on-board or elsewhere online, I don't usually get hurt, but I do get pissed off sometimes. Sure, the board isn't real, but the people reading it are. That doesn't make you responsible for their feelings, but it does make you responsible for what you say. If you're a jerk, you're a jerk whether or not your being a jerk hurts anyone's feelings. While it may not hurt mine, I will think you're, well... a jerk.

Is it easier to hurt someone you don't have to face in RL? No. I don't like to hurt people. It isn't fun, it doesn't make me feel good, and if that's what I had to resort to to get my jollies, then I would be pretty pathetic. It's about self-respect. No, I don't have to face that person in RL, but there is someone I have to face RL every day in the mirror. If that person starts to get a kick out of hurting people just because she can, then she's not the kind of company I care to keep.

Sometimes the world gets me down, and I find myself getting pissy or wounded over petty shit. That why over my computer, I've got a little card that reads: No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. I think Eleanor Roosevelt is the source of the quote. Seems true to me.

 

[R Nitelight]

If all the members of Literotica were on an airplane, and the airplane crashed into the Andes Mountains, and we were forced to resort to cannibalism to survive, we'd have to eat Ambrosious last. He's got a tough hide.

 

[jcgirl]

unfortunately

Bruise toooo easily

 

[Chuckus]

I am the same way in RL as I am here on the BB. I have always had tough skin since about age 6. Had to, to survive and be who I am. We moved quite a bit and I learned the hard way to just not wear my emotions on my sleeve all the time and just take it in stride. Sure, my feelings get hurt just like all peoples but it is how you deal with it once they do get hurt. I try and learn something from each situation, if I get hurt, WHY? I try and find out why and what I did to exaserbate or allow that to happen and try to modify my behavior so I don't make the same mistake twice.
But back to the point, I am pretty easy going and it takes quite a bit to get my worked up and pissy, or bother me. Lately I have been working lots of hours and as I get tired, it is more challenging to keep a cool head under pressure......but we must take the higher road and do the best we can. I treat people the way I want to be treated.