Touch me deep...

[Nirvanadragones]

Lighthousekeeping: Jeanette Winterson

I fell asleep, and dreamed of a door opening. Doors opening into rooms that opened onto doors that opened into rooms. We burst through, panelled, baize, flush, glazed, steel, re-inforced, safe doors, secret doors, double doors, trap doors. The forbidden door that can only be opened with a small silver key. The door that is no door in Rapunzel's lonely tower.

You are the door in the rock that finally swings free when moonlight shines on it. You are the door at the top of the stairs that only appears in dreams. You are the door that sets the prisoner free. You are the carved low door into the Chapel of the Grail. You are the door at the edge of the world. You are the door that opens onto a sea of stars.

Open me. Wide. Narrow. Pass through me, and whatever lies on the other side, could not be reached except by this. This you. This now. This caught moment opening into a lifetime.

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

I want to read Jeannette Winterson...i really must do that at some stage...

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I want to read Jeannette Winterson...i really must do that at some stage...

Stage?

She's a life change. Not a stage.

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

Stage?

She's a life change. Not a stage.

perhaps sometime we can do a book for coffee exchange

 

[Guest]

it's the quiet night that breaks me.
I cannot stand the sight of this familiar place.
it's the quiet night that breaks me,
like a dozen papercuts that only I can trace.
all my books are lying useless now.
all my maps will only show me how to lose my way.
oh call my name. you know my name.
and in that sound, everything will change.
tell me it won't always be this hard.
I am nothing without you, but I don't know who you are.

it's the crowded room that breaks me:
everybody looks so luminous, and strangely young.
it's the crowded room that's never heard.
no one here can say a word of my native tongue.
I can't be among them anymore.
I fold myself away before it burns me numb.
oh call my name. you know my name.
and in your love, everything will change.
tell me it won't always be this hard.
I am nothing without you, but I don't know who you are.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

http://www.selenakittyn.com/index_files/heartless2.jpg

 

[DesertPirate]

http://www.selenakittyn.com/index_files/heartless2.jpg

Powerful image

 

[impressive]

I would die that way with you.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Powerful image

Thanks for noticing...

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

http://www.selenakittyn.com/index_files/heartless2.jpg

wow

 

[Nirvanadragones]

" I'm going to keep you." I ran my fingertips along your cheek as you lay on your back looking so peaceful and beautiful.

"Oh you are? For how long?" You turned onto your side to face me, one eyebrow raised and a terrible attempt at feigning seriousness.

"Hmmmm? Until three days past forever."

You stared at me for the longest time, your eyes misted and you gave me a simple smile and said, "I love you."

I waited everyday for the sounds of your footsteps coming up the stairwells, but they were silent. I waited for your hand to touch the back of my shoulder and I would turn to find you standing there apologizing for being late before wrapping me in your arms and kissing me, but my arms never held you again, your kisses became just memories. I would cover my ears at night to block out the whistle of the trains because I knew that's how they took you away.

Sometimes I wondered if you were ever real or if I was going mad slowly. The person who changed my life, the one who made me take chances was gone taking all the magic and surprises with her. You spoiled me with all those little gifts and notes that you would pull out from behind your back or hide in my pockets or purse but mostly I loved the flower that would appear on my pillow when you left early for work. My pillow. It still smelled of you and I held it to me every night so I could fall asleep or when I needed to feel you near me. I kept your things where they were so when you came back it would be just as you left them and I re-hung all your clothes after I ripped them from the hangers and buried myself with in them. Even when things were at their worst and food was scarce I set a place at the table for you and talked to you. Not a birthday went by that I didn't forget to celebrate until I had a box full of unwrapped gifts waiting to be opened.

The hardest times where when the snow would fall in those big flakes and all was quiet, we would walk along the river, do you remember that? We joked that Paris looked like a giant cake iced and decorated and you told me if you could you would wrap it up and give it to me. It never looked that way again after you were gone. Then there was the mornings when it would rain and I would remember how we made love so sweetly, my fingers found their way between my legs as I imagined your fingers, your lips, your tongue taking me over the edge again and again

I pulled out the photograph. As I traced my finger along your face I noticed my hands. They were now the hands of an old woman not the ones of the girl in the picture sitting next to you. I don't remember how I got that way and where the girl was who danced in the best cabarets, walked the along the Seine with you, bought those chocolates from the corner shop when she sold her first painting because they were your favorite. She faded into the background of a painting, a lesser character used only to fill the space, colorless and faceless, part of something but not the focal point. She was the ghost that impersonated a human, blending into the population of a living city but not being able to interact with them.

I sit here and wait, smoking cigarettes and reliving my memories as they curl up and drift away with the smoke. I wait for you to come and collect me so we can finish the cycle leaving behind a fading photo of two people who once shared a love and a life.

~ Samandiriel: Expiation

 

[impressive]

An email.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

And as I lay me down to sleep
In the bed I eternally made,
I realise that
This is my penance.
I am destined to live my life
In this way.
The waters within me
Will always rise and fall
Like the tide at sunset
For it is this longing
That keeps me afloat

 

[matriarch]

The way she says my name just as she's falling asleep. The sound of her voice when she says 'I love you'. The feeling deep inside me when she callse me her 'beautiful wife'.

 

[bluebell]

Today was a day that dug into my flesh. Got inside and made me a weeping yarn ball of schizophrenic emotions. Hurt painted with pretty.
I do know there was laughter, too, at least.
I'm not sure how I'll feel when I get up, but right now I think I've felt so much that its both dripped out completely, leaving me nothing but an albino glare, and expanded to bursting in my heart. Just, open. And empty. With wind passing through. Like that part in St. Elmo's Fire where they all find Demi Moore rocking back and forth inside the empty bedroom with all the windows open. Except, that's inside of me. Well, inside and out.
Pulpy heart on raw carpet.

 

[damppanties]

Today was a day that dug into my flesh. Got inside and made me a weeping yarn ball of schizophrenic emotions. Hurt painted with pretty.
I do know there was laughter, too, at least.
I'm not sure how I'll feel when I get up, but right now I think I've felt so much that its both dripped out completely, leaving me nothing but an albino glare, and expanded to bursting in my heart. Just, open. And empty. With wind passing through. Like that part in St. Elmo's Fire where they all find Demi Moore rocking back and forth inside the empty bedroom with all the windows open. Except, that's inside of me. Well, inside and out.
Pulpy heart on raw carpet.

I wish virtual hugs had the power to wipe all that hurt away. *hugs*

 

[Trinique_Fire]

I'm touched every day by your unending kindness. It's a sort of thing I don't understand either, but I just roll with it. So I do whatever I can to show my love for you. Dinner in Tupperware and aluminum foil included, love.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

In my dream last night, the robins returned.

 

[maggot420]

If my life was mine to give
I would give it all to you
If my heart had the strength to feel
I would feel it all for you
If my soul was not so wasted and dry
I would will it to soar up high
Alongside your spirit in the slpstream clouds
If...

 

[Byron In Exile]

Shelley in extremis

The sun is warm, the sky is clear,
The waves are dancing fast and bright,
Blue isles and snowy mountains wear
The purple noon's transparent might,
The breath of the moist earth is light,
Around its unexpanded buds;
Like many a voice of one delight,
The winds, the birds, the ocean floods,
The City's voice itself, is soft like Solitude's.

I see the Deep's untrampled floor
With green and purple seaweeds strown;
I see the waves upon the shore,
Like light dissolved in star-showers, thrown:
I sit upon the sands alone,--
The lightning of the noontide ocean
Is flashing round me, and a tone
Arises from its measured motion,
How sweet! did any heart now share in my emotion.

Alas! I have nor hope nor health,
Nor peace within nor calm around,
Nor that content surpassing wealth
The sage in meditation found,
And walked with inward glory crowned--
Nor fame, nor power, nor love, nor leisure.
Others I see whom these surround--
Smiling they live, and call life pleasure;
To me that cup has been dealt in another measure.

Yet now despair itself is mild,
Even as the winds and waters are;
I could lie down like a tired child,
And weep away the life of care
Which I have borne and yet must bear,
Till death like sleep might steal on me,
And I might feel in the warm air
My cheek grow cold, and hear the sea
Breathe o'er my dying brain its last monotony.

Some might lament that I were cold,
As I, when this sweet day is gone,
Which my lost heart, too soon grown old,
Insults with this untimely moan;
They might lament--for I am one
Whom men love not,--and yet regret,
Unlike this day, which, when the sun
Shall on its stainless glory set,
Will linger, though enjoyed, like joy in memory yet

 

[Nirvanadragones]

"Don't tell me who you live for. Don't tell me. Show me."

 

[Nirvanadragones]

For the ones who inhabit lives
where belonging is torn and
longing is numbed.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

He longed to become Real, to know what if felt like;
and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes
and whiskers was rather sad.
He wished that he could become it without those
uncomfortable things happening to him.

~The Velveteen Rabbit

(No, not that kind of rabbit, you pervs. )

 

[Byron In Exile]

This thread rules.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

This thread rules.

I concur.



~


Ek het gedroom jy gee geboorte aan ‘n seuntjie.

Met rooi hare.