Top Secret: THE RETROSEXUAL CODE

[sweetnpetite]

I think she made it fairly clear on the other thread

post a link! post a link!!!

 

[CharleyH]

Subject: Retrosexual woman for the Reterosexual man
Author: Me

A Retrosexual female belongs to REAL Women, Concerned Women for America or the National Institute for Womanhood.

SHE happily DEALS with his limp tire.

She cooks the red meat he kills and she cooks it always burnt and grey because she doesn't believe in devouring the blood of passion.

She doesn't go for things like boob jobs and face lifts, and believes that as soon as she is married, well "What do I have to be sexy for?" The office spread sets in - but OH - she doesn't work. NEVER.

She dresses in a way too floral skirt, panties that reach to her breasts, and a blouse that is always - ALWAYS done up to the neck, especially when having - OMG SEX?

By the way, she believes sex is for procreation purposes and has never heard of the term blow job, except at the hair dressers.

Her favorite position is no position, but when she needs to actually 'do it' to keep him happy, she likes missionary, and often taps her fingers on his back.

She believes in guns, and believes her Reterosexual male should just kill all those feminists and damn, cringe, homosexuals, and she is constantly bitching about and protesting any rights, especially protesting against legalizing sodomy, hates Brittney Spears, (damn hussy) and THAT Janet Jackson.

Her IQ is less than 100 because that's the only way any female could be reterosexual and DEAL with a reterosexual male - aka: Beta-male.

She knows all his disguises when he tries to put himself out as prey for the young hussies out there - she is on to him, and stays up, late - late - LATE at night when the 12 kids are asleep. She waits for the moment he gets home and she ties the knots in her knuckles around the bobbit knife that he has so carefully sharpened for her, and without anxiety, because she is a retero woman and compassionate afterall, she drives him through the snow storm to the hospital, at 2 miles an hours, tossing his cock casually out the window on the way.

The wound he receives, but never brags about, is from her, and from that point on, he eats Quiche - lots OF QUICHE.

 

[sweetnpetite]

ANd he doens't have a damn thing to prove to anybody but himself

(Same goes for a 'real women')

ps: Here's one more: Whether the guy is retro, metro, homo, or hetero, a real man doesn't give a shit what a bunch of writers think about him.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Top Secret: THE RETROSEXUAL CODE

... and from that point on, he eats Quiche - lots OF QUICHE.

I adore you, Charlus.

(you know it, I just like to write it out)

P.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Re: Re: Top Secret: THE RETROSEXUAL CODE

LMAO!!!!

Good one charley. I wish I could make that rolling laugh face!

Subject: Retrosexual woman for the Reterosexual man
Author: Me

A Retrosexual female belongs to REAL Women, Concerned Women for America or the National Institute for Womanhood.

SHE happily DEALS with his limp tire.

She cooks the red meat he kills and she cooks it always burnt and grey because she doesn't believe in devouring the blood of passion.

She doesn't go for things like boob jobs and face lifts, and believes that as soon as she is married, well "What do I have to be sexy for?" The office spread sets in - but OH - she doesn't work. NEVER.

She dresses in a way too floral skirt, panties that reach to her breasts, and a blouse that is always - ALWAYS done up to the neck, especially when having - OMG SEX?

By the way, she believes sex is for procreation purposes and has never heard of the term blow job, except at the hair dressers.

Her favorite position is no position, but when she needs to actually 'do it' to keep him happy, she likes missionary, and often taps her fingers on his back.

She believes in guns, and believes her Reterosexual male should just kill all those feminists and damn, cringe, homosexuals, and she is constantly bitching about and protesting any rights, especially protesting against legalizing sodomy, hates Brittney Spears, (damn hussy) and THAT Janet Jackson.

Her IQ is less than 100 because that's the only way any female could be reterosexual and DEAL with a reterosexual male - aka: Beta-male.

She knows all his disguises when he tries to put himself out as prey for the young hussies out there - she is on to him, and stays up, late - late - LATE at night when the 12 kids are asleep. She waits for the moment he gets home and she ties the knots in her knuckles around the bobbit knife that he has so carefully sharpened for her, and without anxiety, because she is a retero woman and compassionate afterall, she drives him through the snow storm to the hospital, at 2 miles an hours, tossing his cock casually out the window on the way.

The wound he receives, but never brags about, is from her, and from that point on, he eats Quiche - lots OF QUICHE.

 

[CharleyH]

Bumping - 'cuz I appreciated Rumples humour, and hell - vain - also appreciate mine.

 

[CharleyH]

hmm a sudden man-fear of castration - lol bumping EVILY

 

[raphy]

That sounds more like a list for 'Real Women', Charley. it's more akin to the 'Real Men' list than the 'Retrosexual Men' list.

Personally, I think that the 'Retrosexual Men' list was contrived as a knee-jerk reaction from men who find the idiots who take the 'Real Men' list too seriously.

 

[CharleyH]

I know Raphy - satirical me - I do best at parody and satire. I loved Rumps - hmm - how interesting it that . . . thread - just needed to talk about what a REAL RETRO woman would be . . . and she wouldn't - certainly - be from this century KISS

 

[raphy]

I did have a whole list of 'Retrosexual Women' things, but lit ate it. I'm going to try and remember a few:

A retrosexual woman knows how to change a car wheel and unblock a drain but is more than willing to have her boyfriend do it because after all, why do the work yourself when someone else is more than willing to do it for you?

A retrosexual woman knows what all of the items for sale at the cosmetics counter are, but doesn't necessarily use them all at the same time.

A retrosexual woman knows what she wants from sex and isn't afraid to go out and get it.

A retrosexual woman knows how to use her power drill equally as well as her hairdryer.

A retrosexual woman doesn't take self defence classes because they're liberating or emancipating, she takes them because she wants to know how to kick the shit out of people.

There were more, but I forget them now.

 

[raphy]

I know Raphy - satirical me - I do best at parody and satire. I loved Rumps - hmm - how interesting it that . . . thread - just needed to talk about what a REAL RETRO woman would be . . . and she wouldn't - certainly - be from this century KISS

Oh yes, you're sure right there.. And god knows I wouldn't want to live in that century

That 'retro' term in 'retrosexual' is so misleading.. They shoulda named that list something else

 

[CharleyH]

I still love 'rumps' and oh thats telling enough

 

[fifty5]

Re: Re: Top Secret: THE RETROSEXUAL CODE

Subject: Retrosexual woman for the Reterosexual man
Author: Me

Loved it Charley!

Keep on keeping on!

f5

 

[CharleyH]

Re: Re: Re: Top Secret: THE RETROSEXUAL CODE

Loved it Charley!

Keep on keeping on!

f5

But where oh where - other than Raphy who is certainly not retero - are these RETERO COWARDLY MEN?

Castration must have scared them away . . . .damn QUICHE EATERS

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

I still love 'rumps' and oh thats telling enough

Oh, blush, blush. Admit it, you just like the kid in my AV.

In actual, matter-of-fact, I've got a hunch the RETRO in retrosexual was the product of nothing deeper than a word play on METRO, as in metrosexual. If I'm wrong, it won't be the first time today, just ask raphy.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[CharleyH]

I know Rumps - nod, I love RUMPS - oh - oopS aKA: ASSES

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

I know Rumps - nod, I love RUMPS - oh - oopS aKA: ASSES

Hey, how'd you know a lot of people call me one of those? Boy (or girl as the case may be) it's hard to keep anything secret around this gin joint.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[CharleyH]

think its a vodka joint - ssh - so are you saying your ass is suddenly in the non-um- lets see - retero air LOL - BIG KISS

 

[Guest]

Charlie,
Sometimes I call him Rumps, but more often Rumply. Whatever, he's a cutie in spirit (I say that cos I don't really have a clue to his real visage).
P.

 

[fifty5]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Top Secret: THE RETROSEXUAL CODE

But where oh where - other than Raphy who is certainly not retero - are these RETERO COWARDLY MEN?

Castration must have scared them away . . . .damn QUICHE EATERS

Now I thought I'd grokked what retrosexual meant, but what is "retro cowardly," Charley?

f5

 

[CharleyH]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Top Secret: THE RETROSEXUAL CODE

Now I thought I'd grokked what retrosexual meant, but what is "retro cowardly," Charley?

f5

Depends on male or female my friend BUTT pretty aure I used castration effect oh - diss ------ CUM up with something as hard as the women on this post and - then - then we'll . . . . . . . TALK.

 

[cloudy]

I did have a whole list of 'Retrosexual Women' things, but lit ate it. I'm going to try and remember a few:

A retrosexual woman knows how to change a car wheel and unblock a drain but is more than willing to have her boyfriend do it because after all, why do the work yourself when someone else is more than willing to do it for you?

A retrosexual woman knows what all of the items for sale at the cosmetics counter are, but doesn't necessarily use them all at the same time.

A retrosexual woman knows what she wants from sex and isn't afraid to go out and get it.

A retrosexual woman knows how to use her power drill equally as well as her hairdryer.

A retrosexual woman doesn't take self defence classes because they're liberating or emancipating, she takes them because she wants to know how to kick the shit out of people.

There were more, but I forget them now.

*applauding wildly*

That list could most certainly apply to me. As in my story about the flat tire, if it makes them feel good to "take care" of me, then why the hell not?

I like my power drill much more than my hair dryer (hair's too long, and takes way too much time to dry, just let it do it's own thing), and will yell at my husband when he reaches for my (well-organized) tool box instead of his own, damnit.

I was on a kick-boxing team for a long time just because I "wanted to know how to kick the shit out of people".

We won't go into the sex thing.....might get me started, and it's the last thing I need right now

Cloudy

 

[Belegon]

Hey, just for the record...

What happened to the fun tone that this all started with(on page one) around pages two and three? Thanks to all y'all who worked to get it back, 'specially Charley.

I had a lot of fun with my couple of posts and here I boot up after helping put the kids to bed and find poor Raphy taking all the heat and playing Errol Flynn swordfighting three or four at once.

C'mon now. How many chauvinist misogynistic homophobic assholes y'all think we got running round dis here joint? Ever heard of preaching to the choir?

I'm damn proud I know my way around a tool box, can explain the offsides rule in hockey, know the difference between a biceps and a triceps, love single malt scotch and Guinness, carried my wife over the threshold, have season tickets to baseball, used to have them for football and hockey, was president of my fraternity, have hair on my chest and all the other manly man things that are true about me .

I also know the difference between Monet and Manet, have seen a ballet other than The Nutcracker , can hang out with my gay friend from work at his favorite bar without feeling threatened by the surroundings, know how to cook something other than mac n' cheese, love watching my kids, can play Barbies with my daughter, love that my wife's favorite part of a hockey game is the fights and will gladly sing along to Surrey With The Fringe On Top .

Finally, as a MAN, I need to say; Raphy, I got your back brother.

 

[damppanties]

I hate when members of my sex jump up and scream when they see a mouse! (or spider) For Pete's sake, give me a break. I like mice and I'm usually the spider killer (or free-er, depending on my mood) in my group weather male or female. I am however afraid of bees when they come in the house.

I am currently the only person in my 15-member household who has,

-caught a baby bat in my bare hands and put it outside when it was trapped in the bathroom. (I loved it. )

-killed innumerable lizards.

-squashed cockroaches.

-picked up the killed lizards and squashed cockroaches on paper and disposed of them.

-laughed when a dragonfly or some such thing came into the room and people screamed and ran (in what seemed to me an exaggerated manner) or crouched on the floor as it flew overhead.

However, I simply cannot bear the sight or smell of raw meat.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I started out by saying - are men getting seriously intimidated by what women think of them? It's kind of a new thing to see men defending their right to being men.

Some men are probably intimidated by what women think of them, especially around the age of puberty. Anyone who worries about his gender image after that has serious problems with their gender image.

The whole idea that there are ways to act that are manly or non-manly is just so much bullcrap. That's my main bitch about the original post (in addition to the fact that it has not a trace or originality or wit to it): not that it stereotypes men, but that it's just such an old and stale concept. It's like starting a post about women drivers and having people seriously discuss whether women drivers are really bad or not, or whether blacks really do like watermelon. I mean, it's just so totally not there.

---dr.M.