Top/Bottom = Gateway Drug?

[CromCruithne]

My wife and I have recently started to really explore Bondage and a little pain play. We're both happy to switch, but she tends towards bottom and I towards top.
I've always been more than willing to experiment and she'll generally go right along with me. I've noticed that we're both willing to up things to the next level fairly quickly. We started with light bondage and some feather teasing and in just a few months we've got a set of restraints, a flogger and I've found some household objects that work well for inflicting the kind of pain we're into right now.

I'm just wondering how many of the more experienced folks here followed a similar path and just kept progressing as opposed to those who just progressed a little way and found the level they were looking for.

 

[FurryFury]

This looks like a great topic for a poll to me.



Yes, we started small. Yes we did more and more, until we didn't. I wish we still did. Now and then is NOT enough.

I have seen a few people on these boards grow scared that they keep wanting to escalate things. Where will it all lead, they ask. It will lead to where it leads. Usually the intensity doesn't remain and grow exponentially, forever. Damn it!

 

[TenJed69]

Yeh I guess me and sub girl have been kinda similar. Started off with a pair of handcuffs I suppose, went from there. Now we've moved it out of (though it still remains in) the bedroom and are exploring the D/s lifestyle which I find a) much more satisfying and b) improves the bedroom-oriented domination NO END

 

[be_ignited]

To a certain extent, yes. Me and Mine both came into it knowing BDSM was something we wanted, so its always been there to some degree in and out of the bedroom. As we've been getting more comfortable with one another we've taken it further. He feels more comfortable being 'mean' and rougher with me and I couldn't be happier about it.

 

[intothewoods]

Sure, at some point ya gotta keep upping the ante.

 

[CromCruithne]

I have to admit, I made this post half knowing the majority answer already. I may have only recently started to experiment in this direction, but I've had friends throughout my life that practiced BDSM to one degree or another and they were always the more adventurous type in every part of life. Not adrenaline junkies per se, just always actively searching out something new to pique their interest.

I'm mostly just wondering why it took me so long to try it and where it might be heading now.

 

[intothewoods]

I have to admit, I made this post half knowing the majority answer already. I may have only recently started to experiment in this direction, but I've had friends throughout my life that practiced BDSM to one degree or another and they were always the more adventurous type in every part of life. Not adrenaline junkies per se, just always actively searching out something new to pique their interest.

I'm mostly just wondering why it took me so long to try it and where it might be heading now.

Hmm. I'm not an adrenaline junkie but I do search out new things to pique my interest. But most people do, don't they? So far I don't tend to the extreme of the bdsm spectrum, but I do like new things in my sex life. Actually, I think most vanillas in a succesful relationship like new things in the bedroom too.

 

[midwestyankee]

Hmm. I'm not an adrenaline junkie but I do search out new things to pique my interest. But most people do, don't they? So far I don't tend to the extreme of the bdsm spectrum, but I do like new things in my sex life. Actually, I think most vanillas in a succesful relationship like new things in the bedroom too.

Agreed. Why, just the other night my wife asked for more chocolate chips.

 

[intothewoods]

Agreed. Why, just the other night my wife asked for more chocolate chips.

Ahem. Literally or figuratively?

I love dark choclate. Just sayin'.

 

[midwestyankee]

Ahem. Literally or figuratively?

I love dark chocolate. Just sayin'.

Had some dark chocolate tonight, in fact, as we finished the zin after dinner.

Ah, you should know that I speak in tongues here, and as often as not it's all about figuratively. Figuratively speaking, of course.

 

[CromCruithne]

Hmm. I'm not an adrenaline junkie but I do search out new things to pique my interest. But most people do, don't they? So far I don't tend to the extreme of the bdsm spectrum, but I do like new things in my sex life. Actually, I think most vanillas in a succesful relationship like new things in the bedroom too.

Maybe it's just my location, but so many folks around me are more than content (or least claim to be) with the status quo in every part of their life, that I wonder at the idea of a universal spirit of adventure. So many parts of life in Mississippi are performed by rote rather than thought and introspection, from religion to marriage to work to general way of life, that it just seems logical to me that a large portion of the folks around here find their "safe" spot and never budge from it.

 

[SweetErika]

Maybe it's just my location, but so many folks around me are more than content (or least claim to be) with the status quo in every part of their life, that I wonder at the idea of a universal spirit of adventure. So many parts of life in Mississippi are performed by rote rather than thought and introspection, from religion to marriage to work to general way of life, that it just seems logical to me that a large portion of the folks around here find their "safe" spot and never budge from it.

I think that's true for many people everywhere, but there are places that tend to attract and nurture a more adventuresome spirit more than others. A lot of times they're thought of as "liberal" places; San Francisco, California and the West Coast in general, Seattle, Vancouver B.C., New York and Alaska to name a few.

That said, I think the independent/adventuresome spirit can lead to isolation a lot of times because so many are into doing their own thing. Having less of the day-to-day stuff in common and being very independent can lead to less of a sense of community.

I'd have trouble living somewhere that really loved the status quo. The east side of my state is like that, and while we've flirted with moving there for many reasons. I always come back to needing to be in a place where diversity and trying new things are embraced long-term. I don't think I could deal with having to hide and not being able to connect with others who are GLBT, poly, kinky, etc., easily for more than a few years.

I got off track there, but I couldn't pass up thinking about it upon reading your quote!

 

[intothewoods]

Maybe it's just my location, but so many folks around me are more than content (or least claim to be) with the status quo in every part of their life, that I wonder at the idea of a universal spirit of adventure. So many parts of life in Mississippi are performed by rote rather than thought and introspection, from religion to marriage to work to general way of life, that it just seems logical to me that a large portion of the folks around here find their "safe" spot and never budge from it.

It may very well be where I've lived - fairly large urban centers.

 

[faeriefire]

Hmm...how far down the rabbit hole will Alice tumble...cool question, but I think the answer is still gonna be determined on a moment-by-moment basis. There are things that currently seem really gross, uninteresting or weird to me. Something tells me that over time I'll become more openminded and want to experience more of them. But I think if that happens I'll decide at the time what is ok and what isn't. People grow and they change. I don't think that's something to be feared.

A friend pointed out to me that a lot of my insecurity with bdsm topics that fall within my grey areas comes back to wondering how far I'll go. Not knowing is scary, but once I recognized that I can say yes or no to anything at any time I saw the truth in his words. Being able to call a halt gives the freedom to push some of those limits and see how I react. And if I dislike something or feel guitly about it afterwards then there will be something to consider, discuss, and reflect on.

Luckily I am in a pretty good position/time in my life to explore and learn. I grew up in a very openminded city, altho my family was less relaxed than most of the folks around. That said I know in the future I'll have access to some pretty awesome bdsm scenes. And knowing me I'll jump right in But I have every intention of taking regular 'time-outs' and doing a self-check to make sure I still feel solid and good about my decisions. For me it's going to be very important not to lose a sense of who I am or to feel like I've compromised my principles. That doesn't mean I won't change and grow, just that I intend to do so at a reasonable pace so my psyche can keep up with any alterations lol.

 

[Netzach]

I'm jaded and bored with what a lot of people consider edgeplay and I consider kind of medium-heavy. I'm on a back to basics kick and it's quite exciting - so intensity is sort of this elusive thing that isn't a logical progression.

 

[Netzach]

It may very well be where I've lived - fairly large urban centers.

God, there IS life in the middle here, peeps. I put Montana and Wyoming on that map of "places people go when they're maverick/loony."

Frankly, now, with the internet, Warhol was more right than ever. We can all have our 15 minutes and someone like him would never have to leave somewhere like Pittsburgh was then.

 

[intothewoods]

God, there IS life in the middle here, peeps. I put Montana and Wyoming on that map of "places people go when they're maverick/loony."

Frankly, now, with the internet, Warhol was more right than ever. We can all have our 15 minutes and someone like him would never have to leave somewhere like Pittsburgh was then.

I know, I know. I'm really bad on this. I totally admit I've been really sheltered in an atypical sort of way. When I went to Chicago I was such a dork. I kept saying, wow, this is like a real city! I'm aware the cities on the left coast are very unlike anything else, but when it comes to the east coast, I'd sort of been raised to believe NYC was the holy grail of..well, everything.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I definitely tend to up the ante. I consciously put the brakes on this by holding off on a lot of things.