Ive been with my fiancee for 3 1/2 years now and spanking and some BDSM has been a part of our relationship on and off. We both ejoy it but more recently my love and adoration for her keeps me from wanting to act out all the perverse fantasies that I have bouncing around in my head. Im affraid I may be too much of a soft heart to act out the BDSM fantasies that we would both enjoy. Is this a case of loving and respecting her too much to humiliate her or has Johnny just lost his touch? Help please
Too Soft Hearted
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Digging_Deep
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John_Mira said:
Idiot.
Referring to yourself in the third person is obnoxious scrote. To get to your hesistance, you sound like you lost your nerve pussy. She's got you shackled and you don't know it. Trick Dom played by the sub. Classic shit dickless.
Oh Im sorry I forgot, no assholes need reply to this. with an attitude like that You must be real popular with the ladies digging deep have fun living in your mom's basement and dreaming of women youll never have the courage to talk to....eat shit and die asshole
YinandYang
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John_Mira said:
Hi John,
I would say that the fact you care very deeply about your fiancee can be a postive thing in this issue. I am assuming she likes to be spanked and any of the BDSM aspects you have tried. Tell her of your fantasies and see how she reacts. In my experience things have always come gradually, there are things L does to me now that if he had suggested a while ago I would have been shocked! And I have found, and I don't know if this is a general consensous amongst people in this lifestyle, that each time we play, the next time goes up another level. Of course we have limits, but each time those limits are pushed a little further. Maybe slowly but surely will help you deal with guilty feelings?
Hope it works out well for you
Hi,you maybe interested in a post i just added to the ht cafe as i feel exactly as you do when it comes to affection..im now so pleased i had the courage to raise a burning fantasy with my girlfriend that ive long harboured.she had some old dresses to throw out and i asked playfully if she would keep one so i could rip & tear it off her.to my delight she was thrilled with the idea and it led to the most frenzied sex weve had in ages.its something we often repeat & each time her eyes are ablaze with lust as i almost rip & tear her old dresses in half.we both find it highly rewarding.John_Mira said:
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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What I read in your post is a situation many BDSM or D/s enthusiasts encounter when they get into a serious relationshi as opposed to just playing. It doesn't mean you have lost your nerve or you aren't up to it....it is more often a reflection of the mainstream ideals we are raised with and conditioned to believe in such as loving another means being gentle and courteous etc. So once you find deeper romantic feelings develop you revert back to what you were taught, feel guilt for wanting to hurt the one you love....when what you need to do to get back on track is to remember these are things you both enjoy and which likely helped develop the love you feel. If it is what you both want (and yes, communication is strongly advised before assuming too much), doing it is more loving than denying your partner their needs as well as your own. Enjoy the journey.
Catalina
Catalina
Leolover711
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YinandYang said:Hi John,
I would say that the fact you care very deeply about your fiancee can be a postive thing in this issue. I am assuming she likes to be spanked and any of the BDSM aspects you have tried. Tell her of your fantasies and see how she reacts. In my experience things have always come gradually, there are things L does to me now that if he had suggested a while ago I would have been shocked! And I have found, and I don't know if this is a general consensous amongst people in this lifestyle, that each time we play, the next time goes up another level. Of course we have limits, but each time those limits are pushed a little further. Maybe slowly but surely will help you deal with guilty feelings?
Hope it works out well for you
Very well put by YY. This has been the case in My own relationship. We have been married for over 10 years, happily I might add, and I slowly introduce new games. I probably could have gone faster, but why rush things? W/we have our whole lives to explore together as will you. Do enough to keep things on the edge, but be patient. If she senses you are pushing too fast, she might feel you are more interested in the acts themselves than in her. I find that as long My wife knows that it is her I find sexy, the act W/we perform whether its spanking, DP or TP, oral servitutude, even just simple things such as being served a drink, are accessories that add to her, much like a nice pair of earrings. Good luck.
trodas
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John_Mira - don't worry about how extreme things maybe are in your head - womans will denny it to the death, but the indisputable fact is, that it's the womans, that are mostly far more perverted that average man
And Im envy for this, but hey, it also means that your love of your life are going to like your ideas - sometime later
Like Leolover711 say - keep things around the edge and push the limits a little all the time - you get there.
Any my personal experience? Loving girl too much so you did not want hurt her, could also mean losing her for good. Happens for me.
I was young and stupid. Please, don't be the same, don't fight your desires, rather talk about it - with her, of course
And Im envy for this, but hey, it also means that your love of your life are going to like your ideas - sometime later
Like Leolover711 say - keep things around the edge and push the limits a little all the time - you get there.
Any my personal experience? Loving girl too much so you did not want hurt her, could also mean losing her for good. Happens for me.
I was young and stupid. Please, don't be the same, don't fight your desires, rather talk about it - with her, of course
onceburned
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John_Mira said:
From what I have read in another forum, this is not an uncommon problem. Guys are raised never to hit women and taught that loving someone involves not causing pain. So you have a lot of social conditioning that is in the way.
I am afraid that I haven't any advice to offer. But perhaps try to keep in mind that by giving her what she wants you are being loving to her.
snowy ciara
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Welcome John. First off, pay no attentiont to the troll behind the alt.
Second off, take the real advice above and turn it on it's head. If she also desires to take your bdsm-ing to another level and it is a deep hunger for her, you're hurting her more by denying her desires. Not loving her this way hurts more emotionally and mentally than anything you could do physically.
Second off, take the real advice above and turn it on it's head. If she also desires to take your bdsm-ing to another level and it is a deep hunger for her, you're hurting her more by denying her desires. Not loving her this way hurts more emotionally and mentally than anything you could do physically.
rosco rathbone
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snowy ciara said:
*strokes chin*
Wise for one so young. Tricky, too.
snowy ciara
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Me, wise? Thank you Mr. Rathbone, but you give me too much credit, I think. Tricky, well yes...
dr_mabeuse
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If you ask me, when you're starting out, D/s is really a push-pull proposition. You never know how far you want to take her till you get some idea of how far she wants to go.
It would be a sad mistake to take a whip to her before she's ready for it. She'd get freaked and that would be that.
I'd encourage her to explore some stuff in fantasy and she what she's interested in, then take her just a little bit farther. If you're into BDSM for the erotic and intimacy aspects (and it sounds like you definitely are) and not just so you can beat up women, then her input is essential. I never thought I'd use a whip on her until she asked for it, and then it was like there was nothing else I could think about. That's what I mean: she pulled, I pushed, and that's how progress is made.
---dr.M.
It would be a sad mistake to take a whip to her before she's ready for it. She'd get freaked and that would be that.
I'd encourage her to explore some stuff in fantasy and she what she's interested in, then take her just a little bit farther. If you're into BDSM for the erotic and intimacy aspects (and it sounds like you definitely are) and not just so you can beat up women, then her input is essential. I never thought I'd use a whip on her until she asked for it, and then it was like there was nothing else I could think about. That's what I mean: she pulled, I pushed, and that's how progress is made.
---dr.M.
