Too small for my wife?!?!

[Cardinal]

I need a little help. About three weeks ago my wife announced that she was no longer interested in sex with me. She doesn't want a divorce but sex is no longer satisfying for her. She has had two kids and since then she told me that when we have sex I don't feel as big as I used to. We bought a dildo and played with that for a while and she seemed to enjoy that. Her lack of satisfaction has nothing to do with my efforts, I try very hard and usually give her orgasms orally.
We don't have sex any more and I joke that "I'll have to take matters into my own hands" and she just laughed and said that it was ok. She won't even give me a handjob any more.
I think that she still uses the dildo and that really turns me on but she won't let me watch her use it. I don't think that she is interested in sex with another man and I don't want another woman because I still think that she is the hottest woman I have ever met.
Any discussion or advice would be appreciated.

 

[Shadowann2]

One word for your wife....

Kegels! They worked wonders for me after I had 3 kids.

 

[pinkhawk]

You didn't say how old the kids are. Some thing is going on with her. Saying you are suddenly too small!?! Sounds cruel. Did you do something to piss her off?

 

[Monazwx]

I am so sorry that you're in this situation. To me though, this doesn't seem like you're too small. It sounds like your wife as changed her mind about the relationship. I've never had any kids, (hopefully other posters to this thread can back me up) but I wonder if the "stretching" has had such a dramatic effect.

Also, she doesn't care about your pleasure. If she did, she would at least consider the handjob.
Do you know if she's seeing someone on the side?

Maybe counselling can help, but you both have to talk about the future of the marriage.

 

[Cardinal]

The kids are toddlers, and she wasn't being mean with her comment (I probably made it sound bad)
As for the exercizes that seems like a hard subject to bring up and I am pretty sure that there is no one else.
She does "reward" me now and then if I have helped out around the house or been "good."

 

[pinkhawk]

Ive had 4 kids and I know toddlers can be exausting ! Give her time If your relationship is o.k it will come back to her. A tip for you though, you don't say how big you are, but my husband goes from 6.5 or 7 inches to WOW! when he wears a cock ring. Maybe you should surprise her with some "jewlery" !

 

[Cardinal]

I also don't think that I am too small, at least this is the first time I had heard that.
I probably wouldn't mind the self gratification if she would become part of it, either watching, encourging, or just rubbing my chest while I stroked myself.
How do women feel about men masterbating? How do they feel about watching?

 

[Cardinal]

Like I said I don't think that I am that small but I have also noticed that when we start to fool around she did feel looser than before. I could use three fingers after only a minute or so.

 

[Shadowann2]

I love to watch my hubby masterbate in the right setting.

Did she have an epesiotomy? That can sometimes cause physical problems with muscle tone down there.

 

[Cardinal]

No cutting or tearing this last time.
I wouldn't mind turning this into a female domination agreement but she is pretty conservative and I don't know how I would bring it up. Especially now.

 

[lilpriss]

Damn, if I had a man at my disposal all the time who was willing to please me I'd certainly do my best to please him! That's crazy.

It almost sounds like she IS a dominant type, you may just want to jokingly start calling her "Madame", or "Mistress" when you do finally get to have sex... see how she reacts. It may turn her on.

I am very conservative by all appearances too, that does not mean, however, that I'm closed to any type of adventure in the bed...

The two of you need to communicate, outside the bedroom. She may just be tired. She may be depressed. She may be questioning what she really wants out of life. The only way you will find out what's going on in her head is to listen to her and ask questions.

 

[ramsey]

Hey Cardinal

Look at my sig file - it might help.

ps:- I don't think size really is the problem here.

Communication is the key

Good luck

 

[BreadMan]

Another Horse in the Barn

I think that there is another horse in the barn. It's hard to tell about women sometimes.
Good Luck.
Try this, Just starting maturbating in the bed and see what she does.

****Size only matters in the MOVIES*****

 

[Bandit58]

I've had two kids and an episiotomy and a tear......my lover isn't exceptionally endowed but there ain't nothing wrong with the way we feel each other

I have watched him masturbate (I'm still a little shy to do that in front of him myself though....we haven't been together much yet). It's quite a turn on....I usually join in He loves it when I slip a finger in his ass while he plays....

 

[Chuckwrox]

It's not the sex

It doesn't sound to me like she finds you too small, despite what she says. The fact that she's not giving you handjobs, anymore, points me to look at the relationship, not the physics. There are hundreds or even thousands of ways of being satisfyingly Intimate without intercourse, without the size of the penis entering into it. So to say, I mean.

I'd look to the rest of your relationship with your wife for the answer. Maybe look at other ways that you guys are no longer Intimate with each other. Sounds serious, to me.

 

[Guest]

It could be the stresses of life. My wife went through something similiar when our boys were 2 & 4. 7 years later we are having more sex now than before.
My wife still wanted to please me though. It could be that she may be feeling guilty about her loss of sexual desire or she may not be feeling sexy.
Physical contact by hugs, rubs, & kisses may get her to relax.
It can't hurt. Sex is great but remember that you married your wife for LOVE not sex.
I hope things work out for you

 

[Lust Engine]

The last few posts seem to have hit on something here. Okay fine..the Mrs. just isn't as being as receptive sexually as she once was but what about other physical things? Does she still hold hands? Cuddling? Simple hugs? Kissing?

If there seems to be a drop off in these things too, I'd wonder a little deeper if sex is just another of the symptoms of her refusal of any kind of intimacy.

I'm sure that most everyone in here sees that the best solution is to open up the lines of communication. Talk openly & frankly. Be completely honest with one another; no flippant remarks like "taking matters into your own hands". While cute, it could also hurt. Try to find some resolution. Express to her your feelings by saying things like "I want...", "I feel...", "I...". Don't be accusatory; she might be under stresses that you just don't understand yet.

You're her companion in life. This could be a silent call for help too. be responsive, compassionate & honest. Above all else, communicate & hope for some kind of resolution.

Good luck

 

[Cardinal]

Thank you for the responses and theories. I don't think our relationship is in trouble as much as it is changing.
Today she caught me on Literotica and asked if reading porn (her words) was how I got off now, and I said yes. We sat down and had a discussion and she agreed to "reward" me for certain chores and participate in various activities for my pleasure. I haven't seen the list of chores and rewards yet but she seems to be enjoying making the list (I can hear her giggle as she makes the list.)
She knows that I like when she gives me a hand job with her panties so this morning she handed me a pair and told me to wear them to work and then she would watch me masterbate with them. I can't wait to get home.
I think that this is an example of her efforts for me and for now it seems pretty good to me.

 

[Cardinal]

As I left for work this morning she gave me a kiss and said "good bye sissy boy"
I know that she thinks she's teasing but it also made it more fun.

 

[lilpriss]

Sounds to me like you've got a closet dominant on your hands...

 

[Rick2002]

Geee,

2 things come to mind here. the first is that you and your wife have somehow not communicated as well as you think.

....and the other thing...( I know I'm gonna here crap for this),....and I hope it is NOT the case,.......
....you're wife may have found herself another lover.

Good luck my friend and I hope I am wrong.

 

[Guest]

hey.
i think she is just playoing games. all women do that from time to time. some more than others. you would know if your relationship was in trouble. im thinking it is a mix of insecurity and and sexual frustration. i have never had kids but i can see how kids could drain ones energy and make them feel inadequet in bed. she does not think YOU are inadequet, maybe she is questioning her own performance since the arrival of the children best of luck to you both. true love can overcome any hardship.

 

[Cardinal]

update

Thank you to everyone who opined with advice. Last night my wife started to give me a hand job but when she got me hard she stopped and told me to finish myself. She stayed right there rubbing my chest until I was done and then she said that this is how we were going to take care of my needs while she is this tired.
I don't mind the extra thrill with her laying there or watching me makes it fun and if she is too tired for anything else I can do this for a while (hell I've been doing it since I was 12 anyway!)

 

[Freya]

Sounds to me like you've got a closet dominant on your hands...

Bingo. Try exploring that a bit with her - if you don't mind being submissive that is.

 

[Cardinal]

I am starting to think that I really like being submissive! Now a follow up question, if you are submissive how can you get you spouse to dominate you the way you want to be dominated?
Now that this has started I am starting to think of about 100 ways that I would like to be dominated. And a follow up question...when we get in a fight now I really feel like I have opened up and she "has something over me" is that part of the game or would she be taking advantage if she used my sub sex play in a fight?