Too Much Time to Think.....

[knightshadow]

.....food for thught......

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a
moaner.

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.

11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special
person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

HAPPY HUMP DAY ALL

 

[Annora]

Perfect way to end a day...Very cute "Food for thoughts"

Thank you, I truly needed an upbeat moment...

 

[Sultry_Shade]

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Reminds me of a George Carlin Routine I heard once...paraphrasing a piece here

"I just can't get hungry in a place called the terminal snack bar."

 

[Jaybird3]

I like the one where George Carlin talks about getting in the plane as opposed to getting on the plane.

 

[Sultry_Shade]

Yeah that's a great one!

"I'm getting IN the plain let Evil Kenivil get ON the plane."

~chuckling~

 

[Jaybird3]

Have you read his books Sultry? They are a real set of gems...

 

[Sultry_Shade]

No I haven't, but sounds like I should. He is one of my all time favorite comedians.


My husband was telling me he has one called Brain Droppings, just the title itself made me laugh.

 

[Jaybird3]

There are two of them out now and he has a website. The website has a bunch of his stuff that you can order online. I can still remember the first time that I heard "The Seven Words that You Can't say on Television".

 

[Sultry_Shade]

Coolie, I'll have to google it. Thanks for the info. I love to read his quotes, they crack me up.

 

[thegirlfriday11]

.....food for thught......


3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a
moaner.

14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

HAPPY HUMP DAY ALL

these cracked me up
#3 and #14 are my favorites