Too much forelay

[NerdLover]

Sometimes when my boyfriend and I are doing foreplay, I feel like it goes on for too long. It seems that I get very excited and then by the tiem we get to having sex, often times I will not be nearly as turned on as I was. I believe that the lies with me. I have a problem that I dissociate(zone out) often throughout the day. I don't want to ruin his sexual experience but I feel that he needs foreplay more that I do, even though I am the woman. I was wondering if anybody had any ideas on how to stay excited for longer. It seems that I get turned off after about 2 mintues, like a female premature ejactulation. Anyone got any idea?

 

[EJFan]

everyone's different. tell him about it. you're as entitled to a positive experience as he is.

how about during intercourse... do you stay alert and in the moment then? or do you zone out there as well?

 

[Guest]

 

[Slightly AsQ]

My spouse used to have this same problem (or maybe it was my problem because I wasn't doing the right thing.) Anyway, she eventually found a good way to handle it, which was to take control. In other words, if I wasn't doing something that she found interesting, she'd put me on my back, take the lead, and start doing things that she liked. I usually found this pretty exciting.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Listen, if you want to get down to business earlier, your boyfriend is not going to complain. Next time you reach what you think is your foreplay-excitement-peak, so say to him (in your own words of course) "I am so hot, I want you so badly, I need you to fuck me right now."

 

[human_male]

Yeah what these people said. Don't just lie there, take a more active role. There's no rule that says the man has to initiate going from foreplay to sex, or kissing to groping, or whatever. Do what you want to do, he's not going to complain. Unless he's a jerk who can't cope with a woman taking the reigns.

 

[Obfuscated]

I have a similar issue!

Generally, after five minutes of foreplay, I want to be fucked. Period. I mean, if he wants to go down on me, he's certainly welcome. But I'm very penetration-driven, so sometimes I just say, "Don't you go creeping down the bed, mister! Come up here and fuck me like a jackhammer." Generally, no complaints!

Just tell him what you want...I finally learned to be honest after my divorce.

 

[NerdLover]

Thanks for all the great advice, I will try to be more active. It seems like He really enjoys the foreplay; if i say something to the effect of "I need you inside," he is disappointed. We have tried having me taking more control of the situation, but that isn't something that I am all that comfortable doing. I think it is mostly a mental thing on my end. Thank you for the advice

 

[Eilan]

Thanks for all the great advice, I will try to be more active. It seems like He really enjoys the foreplay; if i say something to the effect of "I need you inside," he is disappointed. We have tried having me taking more control of the situation, but that isn't something that I am all that comfortable doing. I think it is mostly a mental thing on my end. Thank you for the advice

How, specifically, is he wanting you to take control? It seems to me that if you're saying that you need him inside you that you ARE taking control. I guess I don't understand why he'd be disappointed with that. I'd think it would certainly beat having foreplay continue to the point that you're not "into" the moment.

Seems to me that there needs to be a bit of a compromise.

 

[oxphocker]

One day...strap him to the bed and say, "ok, today it's my turn" at that point bring out saddle/jumpercables/etc and show him what you think is hot. I doubt he will be all that disappointed unless he has some fetish for foreplay. Personally, I just like to see the other person happy so I am willing to be patient...show him you are having a great time and that might take his mind off of things.

 

[M's girl]

This is only my look on things but how (the hell ) can there EVER be too much foreplay. Maybe you should not consider all the lovemaking and 'fooling around' foreplay in the strict sense of the word? Is foreplay only there to get you ready for the 'real sex'? I don't think so. But I understand what you mean. I do. I get excited to the point where I want to have my orgasm pretty soon also, but then it's just fun to prolong that feeling. Sometimes the feeling wil subside but that's OK, I know I can get it back later on and we can enjoy more lovemaking. When I feel like I need some more or different stimulance to get 'back on track' I will surely let M know by pushing him in the right direction or taking 'matters in my own hand' ... so to speak. It's all about 'listening' to each other's bodies too. It's an ongoing process though and we are still learning..... all the time. And that's so much fun!

 

[aka Lusty]

I used to find too much clitoral stimulation to be uncomfortable, almost painful even, so it ruined the act of foreplay for me to some extent. I learned that if I wanted to enjoy that aspect of sex again I needed to be honest about how much stimulation I wanted and needed. I did, and my partner was okay with that. My point is that not everyone needs a great deal of pre-intercourse stimulation and there is nothing wrong with that. I agree with Eilan about finding the middle ground though. Your boyfriend needs to realize that sex isn't just about his pleasure and that the bedroom is no place for an ego trip.

(Getting off of my soapbox now )

 

[Exoman]

All that has been said already sounds good. I'd like to add that some guys may be afraid of doing too little foreplay because guys often think that women are always wishing for longer foreplay periods. So he may just be trying to do what he thinks you want. My partner often surprises me by "wanting it now" instead of doing more fooling around first.