Too many commas?

[EmilyMiller]

'With my freshly manicured hand, I lifted my short dress, pulled my thong aside, freed my rigid cock and pointed it at my two naked sisters.'


If yes, how should it be reworded?

« With my freshly manicured hand: I lifted my short dress; pulled my thong aside—freed my rigid cock… and pointed it at my two naked sisters. »

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Guy just wants to fuck his sisters while he's dressed in their clothes.

You lot are nuts.

Rule 1 of AH, that I learned the first day I posted here: Your thread WILL get derailed, no matter how hard you try to keep it on course.

Oh, you'll still usually get a bunch of on-topic answers of varying degrees of usefulness, but people are also going to have fun with it, and it will go off in some WILDLY bizarre directions. Post about how to create sexual tension in a certain scene, come back a few hours later to discover it's turned into a debate over which Muppets should play which roles in an adaptation of a particular erotic story? Yeah, that'll happen here. Just roll with it.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Rule 1 of AH, that I learned the first day I posted here: Your thread WILL get derailed, no matter how hard you try to keep it on course.

Oh, you'll still usually get a bunch of on-topic answers of varying degrees of usefulness, but people are also going to have fun with it, and it will go off in some WILDLY bizarre directions. Post about how to create sexual tension in a certain scene, come back a few hours later to discover it's turned into a debate over which Muppets should play which roles in an adaptation of a particular erotic story? Yeah, that'll happen here. Just roll with it.

In fact... fuck it. I want to see that thread.

 

[anthrodisiac]

You lot are nuts.

Thanks!

Seriously, though, you got a ton of good advice amongst the madness. Lots of people gave you suggestions on how to rewrite your sentence, how to handle commas, etc. Hopefully it helps!

 

[Djmac1031]

Better too... many... commas than... too many.. ellipsis, because you...
run the...risk...of your story... sounding... like it was.... narrated by... William... Shatner.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Better too... many... commas than... too many.. ellipsis, because you...
run the...risk...of your story... sounding... like it was.... narrated by... William... Shatner.

Hey! Who… is… that… directed… at…?

 

[Djmac1031]

Hey! Who… is… that… directed… at…?

You know.... I'm just as... guilty... as you are

 

[Britva415]

A missing Oxford comma in a Maine labor law cost a dairy a $5 million settlement regarding overtime.

And people love to use that as "proof" that it's always necessary for clarity.

 

[IWroteThis]

And people love to use that as "proof" that it's always necessary for clarity.

You know, while I ran across it recently while searching for something else, I've never seen it mentioned in one of these discussions before.

Also, I was replying to somebody who said it was never needed, so maybe you read a little too much into what I said?

 

[Britva415]

You know, while I ran across it recently while searching for something else, I've never seen it mentioned in one of these discussions before.

Also, I was replying to somebody who said it was never needed, so maybe you read a little too much into what I said?

Did you mean it that way?

No? Then you aren't who I was talking about.

Intended like "there are people who..." not like "you're one of those people..." but I guess you have to spell out "there are people who..." to avoid you people reading a little too much into what I said.

Anyone who is one of those people and recognizes theirself in what I said isn't reading too much in at all. It's certainly about them.

 

[designatedvictim]

Nope. Freshly-manicured is a compound adjective describing the hand and should be hyphenated.

Oh, no...

History will show that this thread is when the Nigh-Eternal Battle between the Hyphenated and De-hyphenated came to a head.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Part two of the question is this.


The brother is clearly screwing his sisters and has been doing so for long enough to get the level of trust needed to play this kind of dress-up game. He's willing to do it as often as they want and even go shopping or to dinner or parties with them and maybe some of their girlfriends

But, he's dead set against any kind of MM contact and he needs to make it clear to them.


How does the writer do this without offending the typical CD crowd?


This may never see the light of publication. It's very early and very rough.

Personally, most of the cross dressers that I've known have been completely straight, so I'm not sure a warning is necessary.

 

[designatedvictim]

Better too... many... commas than... too many.. ellipsis, because you...
run the...risk...of your story... sounding... like it was.... narrated by... William... Shatner.

You didn't have to take my comment about Shatnerizing so close to heart.

 

[IWroteThis]

Did you mean it that way?

No? Then you aren't who I was talking about.

Intended like "there are people who..." not like "you're one of those people..." but I guess you have to spell out "there are people who..." to avoid you people reading a little too much into what I said.

Anyone who is one of those people and recognizes theirself in what I said isn't reading too much in at all. It's certainly about them.

Gee, how did I get confused and think you were replying to me, just because you hit reply and quoted me...