Too Kink or Not Too Kink

[secretme]

Here's the question:


Is there a kinky thing you would do with a lover, but know you wouldn't respect him/her afterward?



*I'm looking to create a top 10 list...

I'm going to order them in what I think is most likely to least likely, in terms of things a person might do and then regret in the morning. So we're talking extremes really. #1 would be the thing that most people would have no trouble with but someone might not be happy about it later and #10 would be the thing that a person is least likely to go all the way through, but you never know...

1. Dirty Talk
2. Oral sex (sit on my face and tell me that you love me)
3. Watching
4. Bondage
5. Anal
6. Roleplaying
7. Gang bang
8. Golden Showers
9. Bukkake

If someone wants to argue with my order on this then I'm happy to discuss it.




***We need more!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

No, I think the second part would obviate the first part.

 

[secretme]

No, I think the second part would obviate the first part.

You would think. BUT, I'm sure you wouldn't be too surprised that there is a population out there who wouldn't be too bothered by the idea. Sooo, if you can't think of something YOU would do, I'm sure you can think of something SOMEONE would do... My imagination isn't working well tonight.

Contrarlywise. Is it not at all possible that in a moment of weakness you might allow someone to talk you into something that you wouldn't necessarily do if you were thinking/sober/not horny?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

You would think. BUT, I'm sure you wouldn't be too surprised that there is a population out there who wouldn't be too bothered by the idea. Sooo, if you can't think of something YOU would do, I'm sure you can think of something SOMEONE would do... My imagination isn't working well tonight.

Contrarlywise. Is it not at all possible that in a moment of weakness you might allow someone to talk you into something that you wouldn't necessarily do if you were thinking/sober/not horny?

At this hour, the only thing anyone could talk me into doing anywhere near a bed would be sleep! Sorry, but I'm a morning bear.

 

[Trudy_Antone]

Speaking from a friend's point of view - she was in to some CRAZY shit - I think the question should be 'would you respect yourself afterwards?' I know my friend had a hard time going back to 'normal' (as in two mutually respectful people 'loving' each other) sex after she stepped over to the dark side. Sometimes the line should never be crossed.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You know, there were some things I would not let myself do thinking mylover might not respect me afterwards. But I started thinking about that. If I got my lover to do some of those things, I would certainly still respect them-- hell, even admire. Or worship.

So, I stopped thinking that way. I still have insecurities-- maybe about doing something well enough or something like that-- but not about respect. If I want to do it, or I want my lover to do it-- that's plenty enough respect.

Truantone, I can only figure-gangbangs, bukakke?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

If you love the other, really love them, then what they would like is what you would like and vis versa. The respect part is a given once love has entered the picture. I wouldn't force someone to do something they didn't want to do. But if by some chance they found it interesting then why would my view of them change?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

No, no, no.

There are experiences that seem appealing but corrode your soul afterwards. Better think before you leap.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Here's the question:


Is there a kinky thing you would do with a lover, but know you wouldn't respect him/her afterward?



*I'm looking to create a top 10 list...

I wouldn't think so. If it was something I would want to do, or even be willing to do, I would not lose respect for another person who was willing to do it.

 

[The_Fool]

So what if your partner doesn't want the respect, but instead the humiliation? What if what that person wants for sex is set up to create distrust rather than trust?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

So what if your partner doesn't want the respect, but instead the humiliation? What if what that person wants for sex is set up to create distrust rather than trust?

I would quietly withdraw from that partner, my (extremely vanilla) self. And probably go hide for a while.

 

[ms.read]

So what your really asking is what's too kinky for me?

Seeing my husband fuck another guy.

Seeing my husband dressed up in drag for sexual gratification.

 

[TE999]

If the kink was mutually agreed upon, fine. If it was mutually enjoyable, fine. If not, fuhgeddaboutit!

I may be a perv, but I do have standards.

 

[Stella_Omega]

So what if your partner doesn't want the respect, but instead the humiliation? What if what that person wants for sex is set up to create distrust rather than trust?

Now, that-- I wouldn't enjoy very much.

I can seriously get off on temporary humiliation and distrust, in a sex scene, but if it spills over into our relationship in other ways, nuh-huh. And I'm wondering what kind of paragon someone would have to be for it not to spill over.

And thinking-- Dayum!

 

[secretme]

No, no, no.

There are experiences that seem appealing but corrode your soul afterwards. Better think before you leap.

Not everyone thinks... It's pretty easy to envision a situation, say, new couple, one person suggests something... Maybe the other isn't open enough to refuse and it might not sound terrible at first, but after it's said and done the partner isn't happy about it.
Take something as simple as handcuffs. Most of the people on this forum probably wouldn't see that as extreme. But there are those out there who have trouble with anything that isn't missionary. People get into relationships without knowing what partners might like in bed. You could be involved for a very long time, establish trust and a solid foundation, then go for the sex and end up faced with something entirely unexpected. If you're already invested, it would be pretty easy for a seemingly simple suggestion on one part to have some pretty devastating effects on someone else.
Yes I can already hear the chanting, "but if you're having sex with someone you should be able to talk about... before hand or after with an open mind." But we all know that not everyone's mind works that way. Especially in our puritanical society. A vast majority of people enter the bedroom for the first time with someone having never discussed preferences and then assume the position.

I wouldn't think so. If it was something I would want to do, or even be willing to do, I would not lose respect for another person who was willing to do it.

Again, ideally, I agree.

So what if your partner doesn't want the respect, but instead the humiliation? What if what that person wants for sex is set up to create distrust rather than trust?

Interesting, but I agree with Stella. There's no way for something like that to not spill out into the rest of the relationship. There would be way more involved in that dynamic than just the sex.

So what your really asking is what's too kinky for me?

Seeing my husband fuck another guy.

Seeing my husband dressed up in drag for sexual gratification.

Yep I think you're on the right track. That's what I was looking for. So are those things that if he showed up at home one night and wanted to, you'd let him do it, but you wouldn't necessarily be happy about it afterward?

If the kink was mutually agreed upon, fine. If it was mutually enjoyable, fine. If not, fuhgeddaboutit!

I may be a perv, but I do have standards.

Ah Tom, you can't think of a single situation that you might get talked into something and not be happy about it later? Nothing?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Okay, here's one. I've hidden in the closet while my partner fucked someone else-- someone wwe both knew, who knew the we had an open relationship, but did not know that I was there on that afternoon.

If i were hidden in the closet and my partner came in with someone off the street that neither of us knew-- That would destroy my respect.

But if that had happened in, say, the seventies-- I probably would have been all about it!

 

[CharleyH]

No, no, no.

There are experiences that seem appealing but corrode your soul afterwards. Better think before you leap.

If you don't dive into desire you don't live the life God gave us. God gave us desire and pleasure.

 

[jayce1066]

http://www.monkeydyne.com/rmcs/opencomic.phtml?rowid=224067

 

[Handley_Page]

The snag as I see it is that one person's 'kinky' is another's 'adventurous'.

 

[Stella_Omega]

http://www.monkeydyne.com/rmcs/opencomic.phtml?rowid=224067

Hee hee!

 

[Belegon]

I can only think of one time where I followed through with something I really didn't think I would enjoy.

It wasn't a relationship. It could have grown into one, perhaps. In our non-sexual interactions, we were getting along pretty well. The circumstances were unique enough that I can't say for certain we would have dated further. (She was a friends roommate and there was unfinished business with the original friend.)

Anyway, she was into far rougher sex than I was comfortable with... in a first encounter, she wanted to roleplay rape, complete with being slapped around.

Yeah, I did my best to play the role for her. But the results weren't satisfying for either of us.

We only slept together that one time and she was shortly out of my life.

 

[Xelebes]

I had a woman who, when asked to sit on my face, did so but lost all respect for me. So it must be, so it must be.

 

[TE999]

Ah Tom, you can't think of a single situation that you might get talked into something and not be happy about it later? Nothing?

Upon reflection, there is one situation I can think of.

If I was enamored of a woman and she of me and we genuinely cared for each other, and one evening she expressed a strong desire to play water sports, I'd probably go along with it but afterwards I'm pretty sure I'd be disgusted.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Upon reflection, there is one situation I can think of.

If I was enamored of a woman and she of me and we genuinely cared for each other, and one evening she expressed a strong desire to play water sports, I'd probably go along with it but afterwards I'm pretty sure I'd be disgusted.

After thinking about this, I came up with a similar possibility, but I was thinking about golden showers.

 

[TE999]

After thinking about this, I came up with a similar possibility, but I was thinking about golden showers.

Ummm...yeppers...that's what I was referring to...just got a tad too euphemistic.