Too comfortable!!!

[aubergene]

Anyone in a long term relationship knows the moment... the moment when you realize that things have gotten TOO COMFORTABLE! I had a moment like that today and don't know how to fix it! I'm glad my hubby and I have been through enough with each other that we are comfortable but I still want there to be some mystery, some effort, some allure! We both have gotten fat, sloppy around the house, and boring. A rut intervention is necessary! Ideas to jolt us out of this horrible place?

 

[SweetErika]

You may be out of luck in the mystery department for the most part, but you can certainly have effort and allure.

I'd say your first step might be to take better care of yourselves. It's hard to be really excited about someone else when you're not thrilled with yourself. Do something active and fresh together, even if it's just a walk after dinner or something equally simple. Maybe start a new hobby as a couple so you have another interesting element in your lives and something new to talk about. It'd be ideal if you could combine the two. How about something like dancing classes at your local community center? If that's not appealing, you could try a healthy cooking class, nature club, massage class, or community service project that gets you out.

As for the effort and allure, how about setting a date night, picking each other up in a bar, or something similar that requires effort to look nice and woo each other? You could also agree to do one particularly thoughtful, romance-oriented thing each week; that could be as simple as leaving little love notes around the house, making a special meal, giving a relaxing massage, writing a love or erotic letter, etc.

Exploring new sexual territory can rekindle things, too, IME. How about agreeing to fulfill fantasies and/or do everything BUT intercourse for a set period of time so you can rediscover all of the other hotspots?

I feel your pain, for sure! We've always been a very comfortable, friendship-focused couple, so it's easy for us to get and stay in a rut. I'll have to take some of my own advice on this one.

 

[phillyinjun]

Good words, Erika. I will try out a few of your suggestions. I love the bar scene...

 

[Lady Reiha]

You may be out of luck in the mystery department for the most part, but you can certainly have effort and allure.

I'm currently in a 4-year relationship and I still find things I have yet to know about my boyfriend.

*Shrugs* I wouldn't go as far as to say "You may be out of luck". ^.~ But that's just me.

 

[NippleMuncher]

It is extremely easy to become complacent in a long term relationship. If you find yourself in a rut, I'd suggest striking a fire yourself, such as going out to dinner, excuse yourself from the table, and when you return, slip your panties into his hand as you sit down.

Maybe he's got a mild wish or fantasy that you could fulfill for him, such as wearing a special piece of lingerie, maybe trimming or shaving your pubes. There's got to be something that he's asked for or hinted at that you've been reluctant to try. I'm not suggesting doing anything you aren't willing to do, but certainly to open your mind and possibly indulge one of his fantasies.

I can tell you from my own complacency experiences, any initiation from you to show that you still care, find me attractive and desirable, would be met with a voracious sexual animal.

I hope you find some insights here, good luck, and report back with your progress to let us know how things work out.

 

[yoshimitsu]

Congratulations on seeing it and trying to do something about it this early.
I hope I never get there again but I know I will and hope I hit it as proactively as you.
I think one way to look at it would be it's time to start finding new parts of yourself or new interests of your own. Never stop growing and exploring and if you keep surprising yourself you will keep surprising your SO.
If you are more conservative or practical try dressing up like a pinup girl and see if you like it.
If you are a hardcore punk rocker try dressing up in something sleek and sexy.
Try different things and see what you are open to.
Music is a huge thing in my life and I don't know how people can live without it being a huge influential factor. Check out new music. Go to as much live music as you can and persue different tastes. Who knows maybe you and your SO will find yourselves pressed against a huge wall of speakers in throws of passion never experienced before.