Today..

[freakygirl]

was my fathers birthday.. and I had completly forgotten it.

I didn't even take anything to the cemetary...

is that bad? am i forgetting him?

I had time.. I just didn't remember.. my god.. i feel awful now.

 

[lobito]

Freaky, it was a "ME" day remember? Not that it makes it any better for your concious, but you can always go tomorrow, yes?

 

[Calamity Jane]

No Freaky, you're not evil.

Personally, I don't do the cemetary thing. I don't take flowers, or go visit. If I feel the need to communicate or show love for a loved one who has passed over, I feel I can do it no matter where I am.

Would you feel better, if right now, you lit a candle, and talked to your father? I'm fairly certain that he wouldn't care where you were at the time.

And no, it doesn't sound as if you're forgetting, maybe just healing?

 

[Mensa]

was my fathers birthday.. and I had completly forgotten it.

I didn't even take anything to the cemetary...

is that bad? am i forgetting him?

I had time.. I just didn't remember.. my god.. i feel awful now.

Why awful?

Remembering dates isn't that important. Keeping his memory alive in your heart and mind is what counts.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Maybe your 'me day' was your dad's spirt telling you to relax and take care of yourself

 

[Debbie]

was my fathers birthday.. and I had completly forgotten it.

I didn't even take anything to the cemetary...

is that bad? am i forgetting him?

I had time.. I just didn't remember.. my god.. i feel awful now.

Don't feel awful, I don't think that is what he would have wanted on your ME day. You aren't forgetting him. Till this year I did not know exactly where my Dad was buried. (A long story but my Dad's side of the family did not want to talk about him, he married outside of his religion and my Mum was pregnant with me when they married.) I haven't been to his grave yet but the few memories I have of him are alive in my heart.
Remembering a loved one who has passed on is different for everyone.

 

[batter]

my dear Freakygurl32

my father passed away 9 yrs ago. i have not been to the cemetery since. my older brother goes with my mother every week. they put the memorials in the local newspaper for his birthday, anniversary of his death, easter, fathers day, christmas,etc and i did that for the first 3 years. i dont any more because my father does not read those things in the paper. i have moved on with my life. his death is a part of the life process and i do not need to be paying the local newspaper to say "hey dad, i miss you."
do not be hard on yourself for what happened. you are not forgetting him or caring any less. you are simply getting on with your life as you should be.
hugs to you from me.

 

[weathered2]

You will reach him better spending some quiet time on your "Me" day enjoying memories of his presence and his spirit. Don't feel guilty at all. That will just create static that will interfere with the reception.

 

[privy2u]

forgot

Everything is okay Freaky! Smile and accept that you have taken another step in getting on with your own life. We all go through this after a loss. It doesn't mean we have forgotten, just that we are accepting it a little more as time drifts along.


Privy

 

[stargazer]

Freaky: I know as a parent that I would want my kid to have a "me" day every so often. I'd feel bad if they thought that I would want them to mourn for me any day. Enjoy your "me" day! He would want you to.

 

[Ysandre]

I used to feel bad when I forgot my dad's or mom's birthday or death date.
I used to attend their graves regularly, some said religiously.
I don't anymore.
My parents would not have wanted me to cling to their death as I clung like a baby. They guided and watched me grow up to put me on my own.
You are not evil for forgetting it. You are not wrong for wanting to spend some time doing something for You. All too often we don't do things for ourselves and it drains us.
I think you were fine to not go. I wouldn't forget memorial day. But that's just for the neighbors. *smile*
I still go to their graves occasionally, now it's just a random occasion when I'm thinking about them.

 

[Cheyenne]

I'm with the group that doesn't go to the cemetary to visit graves- the people I loved aren't really there anyway. It is the main reason why I won't have a grave when I die- I will be cremated and sprinkled over one of my favorite places on earth.

Don't feel guilty- if you think of your dad during the year, that is more important than remembering him on specific dates.

 

[OUTSIDER]

The fact that you feel such remorse for your forgetfulness(sp) tell's me your not a bad person just busy with life and living, I forget birthdays/anniversaries and important dates all the time...even when I write them down in a diary/calendar I just end up forgeting to look in the damn thing.

I'm not evil......just crap at remembering dates

 

[LukkyKnight]

Gone but not forgotten.

Maybe your 'me day' was your dad's spirt telling you to relax and take care of yourself

No worries, freaky, let me explain birthdays for you... I was confused about them for many, many years.

Birthdays are that one day when people who aren't really close to you can celebrate you. They can wish you well, they can sing, they can express themselves without others looking for some deeper meaning - a societally acceptable day to tell somebody, "I like you." We each get one per year.

If they were really about what the name implies, mothers would be the focus. The only reason they are on the day they are on is that there's a broad desire to measure progress in life. Is everybody who turns 18 paying enough attention to be able to vote wisely? Nope. Is everybody who turns 65 due to retire? Nope. It's an arbitrary "average" we can accept, no more.

Your father's alive and well in you. Children are how we persist through time. Once somebody has left your day-to-day life it is natural to think of them less over time, but their influence has already had an impact - was it a dear friend in high school, a lover, or a grand-parent you never see anymore? They echo in who we are, contributing to our whole without regard for the ways in which we acknowledge that.

You're fine.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

Freakgurl (just my opinion) but I think it means your finaly getting to move on with it, Your not forgetting your father altegether now are you? No but you are sperating yourself from hanging on to him.

besides we all forget things from time to time.
Everyone forgot my birthday and I'm right in their face everyday.

Nothing wrong with you.

 

[SimplySouthern]

Why would you feel guilty for NOT going to the cemetary? Your father isn't there.

I feel guilty for going TO the cemetary. My father has been gone for 3 years now. I have to go to the cemetary to cry over him. I need that -- he doesn't. I see crying and carrying on at the cemetary as something selfish that I do for myself....my father isn't there and he has no happy memories of time spent at the cemetary.

Your father's memory lives in your heart now. You can remember him, and pay honor to him from anywhere. You can celebrate his birthday with him anywhere.

My father was my best friend. He and I loved to do thing together. I'm sure you and your father shared some special memories and special times together.

Remember those. L augh at funny times, Cringe at the embarrassing moment, cry over your loss -- and then pack it up, pack it in and move on.

Happy Birthday (albeit belated) freakygurl32's Dad -- you must have been a wonderful man to raise such a caring and kind daughter.

My thoughts are with you, sweetie. The holidays are always the hardest time.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Your Dad will always be with you. I'm not a cemetary person as I don't believe our loved ones are really there. My Dad passed before I was three years old. My Grandparents would take me to the cemetary once a year as I was growing up, and while it comforted them, I have to admit I was pretty bored. (I did get a kick out of seeing the family name in marble!) I haven't been back in so many years now. As I grew older, and especially in the last several years, I swear I "feel" my Dad with me. I believe he's looking after me in some way, and I am comfortable with "talking" to him any time I need to.

Please feel that your Dad is available to you anytime and any place. Try not to burden yourself with unnecessary guilt, and you can visit the cemetary any time you need the comfort.

Wishing you all the best.

 

[freakygirl]

Thank you everyone.. You have all given me a whole new outlook on this.. I hate the cemetary.. I hate the fact that I go there and see my brothers and fathers names written in stone. I think of the finality of death. I HATE IT!

Death is so unfair.. their deaths were sudden.. I feel guilty because I wasn't able to do anything for my dad.. I sat here in this very house and watched him die. I knew he was going to die. I had dreamt it, right down to the clothes he was wearing, a few years earlier. I live with the thought of that every day of my life. Losing my father had one of the biggest impacts on my life. He wasn't a perfect father.. as a matter afact he was a drunk.. an ass.. but he was my father and I loved him dearly.

I had my "me" day.. without guilt. My nails, hair and toes look so nice. I finished up some shopping.. and I drove out really early this morning, while everyone slept, to the cemetary..

I sat a small Christmas tree between their head stones.. I said a few words.. I cried.. I screamed at God (or whoever).. I cried some more....I felt relief.. a release of some sort. Like someone, something took a load of bricks off my chest.

It's been 5 1/2 years.. I wonder daily.. if death gets any easier..

thank you again everyone.. it means alot to me to know there are people in this virtual world I hang out in that care.

 

[Bob Peale]

{{{{HUGS}}}}

It never makes any sense, never gets any easier, but in time, we begin to understand its place.

 

[lobito]

speaking of bricks on your chest, PRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

it's good to know some of us can make another here feel better about some things.

 

[freakygirl]

Bob Peale quote: {{{{HUGS}}}}

It never makes any sense, never gets any easier, but in time, we begin to understand its place.

thank you.. sorry about the drool on your chest.. I can't seem to get that under control when you are around

lobito quote: speaking of bricks on your chest, PRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

it's good to know some of us can make another here feel better about some things.

hehehe.. I like your av.. can I bite it?

 

[lobito]

anytime freaky, anytime...

still waiting for you to ask for that "otherside" pic that a certain someone told you to ask for...

 

[freakygirl]

anytime freaky, anytime...

still waiting for you to ask for that "otherside" pic that a certain someone told you to ask for...

I'm shy.. I won't ask.. I'll wait until you offer













welll dammit.. OFFER ALREADY!

 

[christophe]

Freaky it sounds like you need a nice big Christmas hug


huggggggggg

 

[freakygirl]

Freaky it sounds like you need a nice big Christmas hug


huggggggggg

thank you, Chris... much needed and much appreciated.