To an online friend (3/19/01)

[PoliteSuccubus]

She sits and reads his poem how powerless words are
About how could a woman for, by, thu his words love him?
And yet,
And yet,
What are they, he and she, to each other?
Just words.
No shadow lays between them, no hand, nor smile, nor glance
Just words
Words like bright gems
falling from lips, tumbleing from thoughts,
oozing thu emtions.
Words.
And he had turned away from his long ago love
for the same things, the same reasons,
that brought he and she togther.
She sits and reads his poem,
and she wonders.

*Not very good I know, but....when on the net and you feel a connection with another person, what really lays between you?*

 

[Cloudbrst9]

She sits and reads his poem how powerless words are
About how could a woman for, by, thu his words love him?
And yet,
And yet,
What are they, he and she, to each other?
Just words.
No shadow lays between them, no hand, nor smile, nor glance
Just words
Words like bright gems
falling from lips, tumbleing from thoughts,
oozing thu emtions.
Words.
And he had turned away from his long ago love
for the same things, the same reasons,
that brought he and she togther.
She sits and reads his poem,
and she wonders.

*Not very good I know, but....when on the net and you feel a connection with another person, what really lays between you?*

 

[Cloudbrst9]

She sits and reads his poem how powerless words are
About how could a woman for, by, thu his words love him?
And yet,
And yet,
What are they, he and she, to each other?
Just words.
No shadow lays between them, no hand, nor smile, nor glance
Just words
Words like bright gems
falling from lips, tumbleing from thoughts,
oozing thu emtions.
Words.
And he had turned away from his long ago love
for the same things, the same reasons,
that brought he and she togther.
She sits and reads his poem,
and she wonders.

*Not very good I know, but....when on the net and you feel a connection with another person, what really lays between you?*

Sorry about that messageless post. I just can't get used to this sites mechanisms.

Anyway, about your poem (from a person who is non-analytical when it comes to poems):

I like what you're trying to say, but somehow I'm missing it somewhere. Er, uh, I mean . . . Sheesh! Are you saying that you love someone's poetry, and wish you knew them?

The use of "thu," is that supposed to be thru (through)?

It sounds great, the descriptive part, but the message isn't clear to me. Maybe I'm just not the best person to be trying to say anything about your poem, but I do like what my mind thinks you're trying to say. Odd, I know, but my apologies, and I hope someone much more qualified can elaborate, or really be of help to you.

Thank you,
cb9

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Maybe it would have helped if I had posted the poem that inspired this one, but...I don't have that persons permission, and since he is no longer in my life I can't ask him.

However, I will continue to explore the line of thought I had and see if I can come up with something better. When writing peoms I often find myself writing a page of so of random thought, then boiling it down to it's essense to get a ten line poem.

Any any comments will be kindly looked upon. After all, if we only wrote for the critics, it would all be crap.

 

[HomerPindar]

Hey, PS...see your still writing, good news there...

She sits and reads his poem how powerless words are
About how could a woman for, by, thu his words love him?

Two things here are um..the same thing ... punctuation.
"She sits and reads his poem, how powerless words are."
that's my suggestion for the first line, but the second is a real stumper for me. Cloud asked, and at the threat of repitition, is thu meant to be thru? Assuming it is (dangerous I know, but the line works for me if that is the case, and some puncutation is done) here's a change for you
"About how could a woman -for, by, thru, - his words love him?"

BUT, still not sure about "About," or the subject of the line. "How could a woman, through words, love him?" This works as an explination, but that's not really how the line reads. Least, not to me

And yet,
And yet,
What are they, he and she, to each other?
Just words.
No shadow lays between them, no hand, nor smile, nor glance

I like this line, the use of shadow is a good pick, has alot of possible meaning and layers to it...

Just words
Words like bright gems
falling from lips, tumbleing from thoughts,
oozing thu emtions.
Words.
And he had turned away from his long ago love
for the same things, the same reasons,
that brought he and she togther.
She sits and reads his poem,
and she wonders.

*Not very good I know, but....when on the net and you feel a connection with another person, what really lays between you?*

A very good question indeed, and certainly a worthy topic to persue in poetry...good luck

HomerPindar