tired of sex???

[loveroflove]

what the heck? i am confused! i have had 3 sexual partners and the only one that i actually liked having srx with was the second one! reason? because he gave me slight pain with my pleasure! neither of the other two guys i have been with have! now i am in a relationship with a guy and he is sweet .... just not...umm...good in bed...?
i dont know what the heck is wrong with me on this i only like sex when there is pain and cant orgasm right...and when i do i like pain with it...and i somehow cant feel the pleasure at all when i even my breathing out and i dont even try to do it! (this happens ALOT)
idk i give up i guess!

 

[NatashaLove]

Strange. To me, sex is like eating. Sometimes you don't want to do it for a while, but the urge always comes back.

 

[SashaGaga999]

Strange. To me, sex is like eating. Sometimes you don't want to do it for a while, but the urge always comes back.

Seconded.

Maybe you need to not be in a committed relationship for a while. Sleep with a whole bunch of dudes for some variety and see what you're into?

 

[NightL]

What were you like as a partner to these men? Did you ask them? Did they tell you what they liked? Did you respond to their suggestions? Were you the same for every partner or did you adapt and adjust to their individual needs and desires? How do you think they rated you?

My point here is communication. If you want men to adjust and adapt to your needs and desires you have to tell them exactly how you like it. Guide them, let them know when they are hitting the spot, what to do when they get there, how to sustain it then how to take it to the next level. They need to learn your body signals and sometimes you will have to tell them exactly what they are.

As these three men were different for you, you also were different than their previous lovers. You can't take it for granted that a new partner will instinctively know what makes you tick nor should you do the same.

Most people are eager to please, and most will want to know how to make things better for you - you will have to tell them.

In terms of incorporating pain into play, the responsibility is yours to lay down exactly what you desire and what the boundaries are. What seems natural to you may well be initially beyond a new partner's comfort zone. With clear communication they can get the hang of it - when they learn to read your signals they can have fun playing with it. A partner may not necessarily get a kick out of delivering pain but an understanding partner will get a kick out of seeing how you respond to it.

Communication, guidelines, boundaries, limits and rules then fun. All this can be explored during play as you get to know each other.

If you ever have an amazingly instinctive lover and then ask "where did you learn that, how did you know what to do?" I would suspect most would reply "I had a lover who guided me and taught me...", obviously through communication and practice. They will remember that teacher with the utmost of fondness and respect for those lessons.

If you don't like it - the responsibility is yours to change it.

 

[loveroflove]

What were you like as a partner to these men? Did you ask them? Did they tell you what they liked? Did you respond to their suggestions? Were you the same for every partner or did you adapt and adjust to their individual needs and desires? How do you think they rated you?

My point here is communication. If you want men to adjust and adapt to your needs and desires you have to tell them exactly how you like it. Guide them, let them know when they are hitting the spot, what to do when they get there, how to sustain it then how to take it to the next level. They need to learn your body signals and sometimes you will have to tell them exactly what they are.

As these three men were different for you, you also were different than their previous lovers. You can't take it for granted that a new partner will instinctively know what makes you tick nor should you do the same.

Most people are eager to please, and most will want to know how to make things better for you - you will have to tell them.

In terms of incorporating pain into play, the responsibility is yours to lay down exactly what you desire and what the boundaries are. What seems natural to you may well be initially beyond a new partner's comfort zone. With clear communication they can get the hang of it - when they learn to read your signals they can have fun playing with it. A partner may not necessarily get a kick out of delivering pain but an understanding partner will get a kick out of seeing how you respond to it.

Communication, guidelines, boundaries, limits and rules then fun. All this can be explored during play as you get to know each other.

If you ever have an amazingly instinctive lover and then ask "where did you learn that, how did you know what to do?" I would suspect most would reply "I had a lover who guided me and taught me...", obviously through communication and practice. They will remember that teacher with the utmost of fondness and respect for those lessons.

If you don't like it - the responsibility is yours to change it.

thank you.... the only problm i have is that ai am so shy! and i am so quiet! i dont make that much noise.... and thank you i am just kinda scared to ask... and the first guy? we only did anything 4 different times...2 time in a car and he quit in the middle of it another time...and the second guy we were like bunnies for the weekend we were together....the guy i am with now is such a sweetheart and he wont force me to do anything i dont want to do and knows some of what i like but i am just shy to ask him for more lol though he did mention some of the tamer stuff that i want to try!

 

[loveroflove]

Strange. To me, sex is like eating. Sometimes you don't want to do it for a while, but the urge always comes back.

haha! yes sex is good! and that is how i ended up in another relationship! but i know my pleasure areas better and so have issues with partner sex... its ok not the best (...yet??).... another issue i have is the sweat! eeww...gross! but eh i can live with it lol

 

[NightL]

i am just kinda scared to ask...

The biggest thrill I get is seeing a partner enjoying themselves to the utmost pleasure - that is a massive turn on for me. The communication side of things is just part of that. If they are confident enough to ask and guide I know we are going to have a good time. The asking is part of the journey, it indicates assertiveness and confidence - that is all kinds of sexy.

If a partner does not appreciate this then let them be somebody else's boredom. Their problem not yours. You have only one life, make the most of it.

 

[suckonsimon]

Hey, loveroflove.

I see you are 21 and I'm guessing these guys are a similar age. Take it from me aged 60: Guys need to learn a very great deal about how to be the kind of lover who takes a girl to the stars and back. Give this guy time and opportunity for the 'practice makes perfect' thing to happen. If you can manage to overcome your shyness and talk about how it is and what you'd like, he'll appreciate that massively and, give he's a sweet guy, he will do his utmost to put it into practice.

In a word: you've hardly started, darling, with how fabulously fun this is going to be!

Simon

 

[BoobLover78]

Tired of Sex? Never had it!

The way I see the topic title is this: I can't be tired of sex if I've never had it before. I ONLY wish I was tired of sex lol
At this point I'd have sex with any girl that asked me. I'm ready to take this raging virgin bull out of the pen.

 

[MeekMe]

what the heck? i am confused! i have had 3 sexual partners and the only one that i actually liked having srx with was the second one! reason? because he gave me slight pain with my pleasure! neither of the other two guys i have been with have! now i am in a relationship with a guy and he is sweet .... just not...umm...good in bed...?
i dont know what the heck is wrong with me on this i only like sex when there is pain and cant orgasm right...and when i do i like pain with it...and i somehow cant feel the pleasure at all when i even my breathing out and i dont even try to do it! (this happens ALOT)
idk i give up i guess!

I agree with NightL on guiding him. In my limited experience, the short term sex partners were never all that good. It always took time to get better.

Take for example, my husband, when we started having sex, it was so bad! It wasn't very satisfying and was more frustrating for me. Often, I would just do it myself. So we did that for awhile and didn't communicate too well, his confidence plummeted and my frustration sky rocketed. Not a good situation.

thank you.... the only problm i have is that ai am so shy! and i am so quiet! i dont make that much noise.... and thank you i am just kinda scared to ask... and the first guy? we only did anything 4 different times...2 time in a car and he quit in the middle of it another time...and the second guy we were like bunnies for the weekend we were together....the guy i am with now is such a sweetheart and he wont force me to do anything i dont want to do and knows some of what i like but i am just shy to ask him for more lol though he did mention some of the tamer stuff that i want to try!

Part of why I wasn't satisfied was because I was shy and couldn't properly tell him what I wanted/needed. He didn't know what to ask to fix the problem.

Our relationship continued, and we got along just fine outside of the bedroom, but sex was getting sad and we started to struggle. He seemed to lack a desire for sex, and I was so under satisfied that I wanted sex all the time. Can you tell where this is going?

It really got rather dark, and things looked pretty bad. I assumed his lack of drive was because I wasn't attractive to him. Long story short we ended up being forced to talk to each other when things got to a very low point.

It turned out, he wanted to be able to pleasure me, but felt like he wasn't good at it and so he just didn't want to try when I was always taking over. At this point, we had to either talk it through and fix it, or leave. The relationship was far more important than sex, but we still had basic needs to fulfill. Working it out has been the best thing we've ever done.

From there we've only gotten better. Turns out, he's incredibly turned on when HE gives me an orgasm. Time, trust, and understanding made it easier for me to tell him what to do. I can tell you, that first time he brought me to orgasm was sort of comical. It was like our team winning the sports match kind of celebratory. High fives and all!

haha! yes sex is good! and that is how i ended up in another relationship! but i know my pleasure areas better and so have issues with partner sex... its ok not the best (...yet??).... another issue i have is the sweat! eeww...gross! but eh i can live with it lol

Sometimes, when we get used to our own touch, another's doesn't quite cut it. I had become so used to my own, that for him to help took way longer. Over time, his touch became a far better feeling than my own.

Verbally guiding him may be difficult, so you could always try by physically guiding him. Move his hands where you want them, or move your body around to find the right spot.

Being shy makes verbal communication harder, not impossible. You can try written communication like letters, e-mails, stories, text messages, and notes. After sex, discuss it! Getting feed back is a really good thing. What did you both like and not like?

Chances are, you could use a little work and some feed back for what he likes, too.

Also, when you even your breathing out during sex it prolongs the process. Our bodies have triggers and heavy breathing is a small part of how our bodies process pleasure and achieve orgasm (I think I worded that badly).

As for pain with pleasure, what are you interested in? I don't like to make assumptions, but if you're interested in learning a bit. Here's a simple resource that could give you some ideas, and also show your sweet guy, that a little pain when asked for isn't a bad thing.

Good luck, and stay safe.

 

[NightL]

This last post from MeekMe is one of those that truly make me belief this is an amazing space.

It should be such a must read for anyone having difficulties within their sex life... Should be a must read for any young person.

Yep

 

[MeekMe]

This last post from MeekMe is one of those that truly make me belief this is an amazing space.

It should be such a must read for anyone having difficulties within their sex life... Should be a must read for any young person.

Yep

::blush:: I wish I had Lit around or someone to tell me these things. If passing on my experience helps, then I'm happy. (^_−)−☆

 

[unregistered]