TimRailing Stories - Feedback please!

[TimRailing]

Hi,

I recently wrote several new stories:

Tim and Emily
Five chapters of: Conjugal Visits

I also have two stories pending. I am just getting back into writing and am curious why my average rating is 3.5 when many people seem to have all there stories a 4.5

Is it my plots?
Grammar?
Character development?

Thanks in advance for any insight

 

[sr71plt]

People like a link included:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1111274&page=submissions

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It failed my Brady Bunch Test.

I have like a jukebox in my head. And when I start reading a story the jukebox starts playing familiar tunes: The Brady Bunch Theme, Green Acres, Its A Gay World (Its A Small World tune), etc.

Sometimes it plays PETER GUNN or HAWAII FIVE-O

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=296wS9ome4M

 

[8letters]

Hi,

I recently wrote several new stories:

Tim and Emily
Five chapters of: Conjugal Visits

I also have two stories pending. I am just getting back into writing and am curious why my average rating is 3.5 when many people seem to have all there stories a 4.5

Is it my plots?
Grammar?
Character development?

Thanks in advance for any insight

I read "Tim and Emily". There is as far as I can tell no plot. It is just background in narrative summary about their fairly normal life. I would suggest picking an episode in their life and having that as the backbone of the story and fill in background as needed. For example, a trip to Florida or a convention. BTW, Harry Potter isn't at Disney.

 

[hylas_]

I read the first chapter of "Conjugal Visits". It was a schizophrenic experience.

The part before the time-jump is boring and unnecessarily long, filled with uninteresting information about the financial world, and introduces a main character who is very hard to care about. The only thing thing that kept me reading beyond the first couple of paragraphs was the knowledge that that piece of shit was going to prison, and the hope that he was going to get prison-raped properly.

Then, after the time-jump, things suddenly heat up. The Adrianna scenario pushes some of my personal buttons, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. I love a female character who knows exactly what she wants.

Your language could use some polish and isn't always clear. You are particularly "wild" with your timeline, jumping back and forth, and at one point recounting the same events twice. Throughout it all, it's not entirely clear at what point in time the narrator stands. Is he still in prison? I think I more or less understood in what sequence the events unfold, but it's all a little complicated. Try to keep the timeline simple, until you become more confident as a writer.

I'll read more chapters, but I feel that whether or not I'm going to enjoy them will have less to do with your skills as a writer, and more with whether or not you happen to push my personal buttons.

Sorry for the kind-of-negative feedback. Hope it still helps.

 

[Dream_Operator]

Hi,

I also have two stories pending. I am just getting back into writing and am curious why my average rating is 3.5 when many people seem to have all there stories a 4.5

Is it my plots?
Grammar?
Character development?

Re Conjugal Visit:

No, most people read these stories just to get off. Having a MC that is a submissive male and a premature ejaculator severely narrows the number of readers who will enjoy (or relate to) your story -- posting in the Loving Wives category only makes the situation worse. Especially, when the nature of the story (fetish) isn't spelled out in your slug.

That said, if you're happy with what you've written, I wouldn't worry about the scores you receive.

If you are truly looking for advice on improving your writing:

Drop the long, irrelevant backstory at the beginning. It's boring and does little to advance the plot.

Open with an action incident -- like the foreman of the jury reading his guilty verdict in the courtroom, and then fill in the back story as you go along.

The sex scenes seem to be rushed, and mostly told in summary, almost as an afterthought.