Time makes problems less worrying

[oggbashan]

30 years ago I was involved with the construction of a new technical building as the client's representative.

Today I have been shredding my personal copies of the correspondence between myself and the Clerk of Works.

One incident made me laugh - now.

We were plagued with theft of building materials despite having a patrolling watchman all night. The site was just too large for one man. The thieves waited until he passed before helping themselves.

Our solution was to install an eight foot high security fence. It took weeks of argument with the local council to get temporary planning permission for the fence. Eventually the fence was installed. On the first night the watchman patrolled uneventfully and nothing was stolen.

On the second night:



150 metres of security fence were stolen. We still had 450 metres but there was a LARGE hole...

Og

 

[rgraham666]

Snicker.

Humans.

 

[oggbashan]

Employee Appraisal:5 point scale. Part 1

I found a chart I made as a discussion tool for our 5-point employee appraisal scheme. I adapted it from an earlier version circulating as an office joke. My intention was to provoke debate among junior managers. The real system assumed that the majority of employees would score 3 on all five areas and that sort of score was praiseworthy. Anyone scoring 1 (Far exceeds) or 2 (Exceeds) would need a covering explanation. Anyone scoring 4 (Needs Improvement) or (5 Does not meet Minimum) would need a detailed account of what the manager had done to inform the employee of the shortcomimgs and what effect there had been. Trainees in the early months were expected to be 4 or 5.

Category 1: Quality of Work

Far Exceeds Requirements: More infallible than the Pope.
Exceeds Requirements: As infallible as the Pope.
Meets Requirements: Usually gets it right.
Needs Improvement: Usually gets it wrong.
Does not meet Minimum: Always gets it wrong.

 

[Boxlicker101]

30 years ago I was involved with the construction of a new technical building as the client's representative.

Today I have been shredding my personal copies of the correspondence between myself and the Clerk of Works.

One incident made me laugh - now.

We were plagued with theft of building materials despite having a patrolling watchman all night. The site was just too large for one man. The thieves waited until he passed before helping themselves.

Our solution was to install an eight foot high security fence. It took weeks of argument with the local council to get temporary planning permission for the fence. Eventually the fence was installed. On the first night the watchman patrolled uneventfully and nothing was stolen.

On the second night:


150 metres of security fence were stolen. We still had 450 metres but there was a LARGE hole...

Og

That is an AWFUL lot of fencing to drive away with. It is more than a football field and a half.

 

[oggbashan]

Part 2 to 5.

Category 2: Promptness

Far Exceeds Requirements: Completes a week before projects started.
Exceeds Requirements: Completes a week ahead of target dates.
Meets Requirements: Meets target dates.
Needs Improvement: Completes a month after target dates.
Does not meet Minimum: Never completes anything.

Category 3: Initiative

Far Exceeds Requirements: Rewrites the manual for others to follow.
Exceeds Requirements: Does most things well, rest brilliantly.
Meets Requirements: Usually competent.
Needs Improvement: Usually fails to understand.
Does not meet Minimum: Needs assistance to find own desk.

Category 4: Adaptability

Far Exceeds Requirements: Can walk on water, through fire and flies unaided.
Exceeds Requirements: Can swim, run, jump etc to Olympic standard.
Meets Requirements: Can walk, cycle, drive, swim etc if required.
Needs Improvement: Sinks in water, falls off bike, crashes car, etc.
Does not meet Minimum: Never seen more than ten feet from the bar.

Category 5. Communication

Far Exceeds Requirements: Can convert a mullah to alcohol and bacon fries.
Exceeds Requirements: Can persuade the board to change policy.
Meets Requirements: Persuades others with sound arguments.
Needs Improvement: Loses arguments.
Does not meet Minimum: Talks to and loses arguments with himself.

 

[oggbashan]

That is an AWFUL lot of fencing to drive away with. It is more than a football field and a half.

I think they had help. If you saw a couple of bright yellow trucks with several men wearing jackets and hard hats loading fencing in the evening would you call the police, especially when then had set up traffic lights to control other vehicles?

The guard was shown forged paperwork suggesting that they were working under instruction from the main contractors. He dutifully recorded the removal of the fence in his logbook. When the Clerk of Works turned up in the morning - the shit hit the fan.

Og

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Those fences are now required for large projects in my area. No permit needed for them.

But that's still funny

I don't get your second post though.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I think they had help. If you saw a couple of bright yellow trucks with several men wearing jackets and hard hats loading fencing in the evening would you call the police, especially when then had set up traffic lights to control other vehicles?

The guard was shown forged paperwork suggesting that they were working under instruction from the main contractors. He dutifully recorded the removal of the fence in his logbook. When the Clerk of Works turned up in the morning - the shit hit the fan.

Og

They would need help, and good organization. Maybe it was the company that had provided the fence stealing it back so they could sell it or rent it again.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I think they had help. If you saw a couple of bright yellow trucks with several men wearing jackets and hard hats loading fencing in the evening would you call the police, especially when then had set up traffic lights to control other vehicles?

The guard was shown forged paperwork suggesting that they were working under instruction from the main contractors. He dutifully recorded the removal of the fence in his logbook. When the Clerk of Works turned up in the morning - the shit hit the fan.

Og

That makes it even dumber. I take it the security guard still got fired even though he was shown forged papers?

 

[oggbashan]

That makes it even dumber. I take it the security guard still got fired even though he was shown forged papers?

Yes. And the company that employed him lost the security contract.

At the time it was a serious problem for me. Thirty years on? I can laugh about it.

Og

PS. About two years ago I saw a large JCB being loaded on a low-loader at 6pm on a Sunday. I took down details of the low-loader and descriptions of the men, drove around the corner and phoned the police on my mobile.

Two days later I had a phone call from the JCB's owner. He and his employees were transferring the JCB from one contract site to another where it was urgently needed first thing Monday morning. But - during the year two of his JCBs had been stolen in broad daylight in residential streets and no one had noticed anything wrong.