Kitteneater696
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My girlfriend and soon to be my wife wants to try being tied up during sex. I don't want to hurt her so I'm just asking for tips.
Tied up?
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Gerilynn69
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Do your research. Check out online and print books on rope bondage. Better Bondage for every body is a good book.
Take your time and talk about how she can let you know if she is uncomfortable. Check in often.
Take your time and talk about how she can let you know if she is uncomfortable. Check in often.
may_I_please
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Hold down her wrists firmly first, check how she feels and if she really does like it then the world is your oyster
You may like leather buckle cuffs linked with a chain. If not too tight then she could remove them, just tighten them hard for a real restraint. Particularly works if you have a metal headboard or hoop you can put the chain round. Also can link to other restraints for further lack of control and then there’s a whole world out there that restricts even further but take it slow and steady
under mattress with 4 point Velcro fastening cuffs (ankles and wrists) is easy to hide away and always available
these things are easy to buy. They are even available on Amazon.
rope and metal i don’t think are for first exploration
have fun, and check in on comfort levels
You may like leather buckle cuffs linked with a chain. If not too tight then she could remove them, just tighten them hard for a real restraint. Particularly works if you have a metal headboard or hoop you can put the chain round. Also can link to other restraints for further lack of control and then there’s a whole world out there that restricts even further but take it slow and steady
under mattress with 4 point Velcro fastening cuffs (ankles and wrists) is easy to hide away and always available
these things are easy to buy. They are even available on Amazon.
rope and metal i don’t think are for first exploration
have fun, and check in on comfort levels
AnnieLit
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My take on this - for the first few times use something that she can easily get out of on her own. Because the main problem is that not only you don't know where her comfort level is, but most likely she doesn't know that either. So, go slow, ease both of you into the real thing.
Start with something you have at home - a soft scarf wrapped couple times around her wrists and then tied to the headboard. Make it loose enough so that if she wants to, she can immediately slip out. Or if she prefers the feeling of being tied up, she can pull on that scarf as hard as she wants to. I like long winter scarfs for that - they are wide and there is zero risk of cutting her circulation by accident.
Next step would be the leather cuffs. You can get the ones with the buckles and skip the velcro step as velcro will not last long and the buckle can always be left loose enough that she can slip her hand out if needed.
She might be eager to go to the "real thing" before you are comfortable with it. Explain, that this is needed for both of you - you need to make sure you can trust her to say when things are too much for her. One would think that it is an obvious thing - of course will use a safe word if she can't take it anymore. Well, without writing a whole essay about submission, I will just say that no, it does not always happen. Again, neither you, nor her will not know where she is with this until you get there.
Stay away from metal cuffs (the police type) and ropes as you need to know what you are doing - it is pretty easy to really hurt her, especially with ropes.
The main safety rule: never ever leave the person in restraints unattended! Things can go very wrong very fast, you need to ALWAYS at least hear her. It's a good idea to start practicing this from the very beginning, even when she is capable of getting out on her own. Just to get into the habit.
Start with something you have at home - a soft scarf wrapped couple times around her wrists and then tied to the headboard. Make it loose enough so that if she wants to, she can immediately slip out. Or if she prefers the feeling of being tied up, she can pull on that scarf as hard as she wants to. I like long winter scarfs for that - they are wide and there is zero risk of cutting her circulation by accident.
Next step would be the leather cuffs. You can get the ones with the buckles and skip the velcro step as velcro will not last long and the buckle can always be left loose enough that she can slip her hand out if needed.
She might be eager to go to the "real thing" before you are comfortable with it. Explain, that this is needed for both of you - you need to make sure you can trust her to say when things are too much for her. One would think that it is an obvious thing - of course will use a safe word if she can't take it anymore. Well, without writing a whole essay about submission, I will just say that no, it does not always happen. Again, neither you, nor her will not know where she is with this until you get there.
Stay away from metal cuffs (the police type) and ropes as you need to know what you are doing - it is pretty easy to really hurt her, especially with ropes.
The main safety rule: never ever leave the person in restraints unattended! Things can go very wrong very fast, you need to ALWAYS at least hear her. It's a good idea to start practicing this from the very beginning, even when she is capable of getting out on her own. Just to get into the habit.
Get some underbed restraints. They're discreet and inexpensive and adjustable, and versatile. You can experiment with various permutations; use them as cuffs, just restrain wrists, just ankles, cuff ankles to wrists (my favourite) or go full spreadeagle. From the lady's perspective it's a soft start, but if you both get off on it it's a good gateway to more heavy duty bondage.
This is one of my playmates:
This is one of my playmates:
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Kitteneater696
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worked no roped this time but I'm working on that we'll get into it as she loved the scarf. Thank you for the advice. I'm new to it as well but more then happy to explore and if she likes it I'm down
TallGlassOfSarcasm
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Most importantly.... talk to her.
Listen to her.
Make sure she is comfortable (to her level of comfort)
Remember that tying someone up is about trust as much as anything
She has to feel safe with you, and that comes from knowing that you know what her limits are and that will will go right up to them and not a step further
Listen to her.
Make sure she is comfortable (to her level of comfort)
Remember that tying someone up is about trust as much as anything
She has to feel safe with you, and that comes from knowing that you know what her limits are and that will will go right up to them and not a step further
LadyElsbeth
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I agree with everything Annie suggested. Start slow and go from there. DO NOT start out with hardcore leather, velcro, etc. You never know what is going to trigger someone and her not being able to escape the restraints may trigger a panic button for her. So start with something as simple as your silk tie and loosely tie her hands above her head to the headboard. Communicate at all times and check in with eye contact to make sure she is comfortable and in the zone with you. The eyes will tell you everything. I love that you care enough about her to ask us here in the Forums. It shows you truly care for her wellbeing. You are already 10 steps ahead of most lovers.
Agree totally, but would venture that tying is about trust MORE than anything.
A good first step is "Imagine your hands are tied above your head..." and have her put them there, and maintain the position; she retains full control. And the first time you grduate to 'real' bondage (soft scarves are a good suggestion, tied loosely) keep the play soft, and sensual. Tease. She has to want you to be in control. And never forget the aftercare, especially if you get into rougher play. Kisses, cuddles, reassurance... the chances are, if you do it right, she'll be on an adrenaline high by the time you finish and she needs to be brought down to earth slowly and with love.
AnnieLit
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Another thing I wanted to add here: if the two of you decide that you do like ropes, not just scarfs and wide cuffs, please, do your homework. Ideally, find local shibari classes and attend a few as a couple. They are very technical and are not like a sex orgie at all.
The main goal being not that much to learn how to tie the complicated patterns, though that might be a fun thing too, but to go through the safety training. As any shibari class starts with that and goes in detail about what should NEVER be done and what can be done only for short periods of time. The problem is that it is possible to cause long lasting harm and the only way to avoid it is to be aware of the specifics. Like, you probably will have enough common sense not to place any ropes across person's neck, but there are other parts of the body equally sensitive that most people without medical training are not aware of.
The main goal being not that much to learn how to tie the complicated patterns, though that might be a fun thing too, but to go through the safety training. As any shibari class starts with that and goes in detail about what should NEVER be done and what can be done only for short periods of time. The problem is that it is possible to cause long lasting harm and the only way to avoid it is to be aware of the specifics. Like, you probably will have enough common sense not to place any ropes across person's neck, but there are other parts of the body equally sensitive that most people without medical training are not aware of.
pumperguy191
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While this all great advice, a kinky little side story. When my wife and I got into bondage, it was immediately rope. We found a softer style and went with it. Whenever we went to Home Depot, we'd cruise the rope isle, always with a big grin and fondle the different types of rope on display. I'm positive that a few fellow shoppers saw us and grinned, knowing full well what we were doing. Good times.
