Thrown to the wolves

[morninggirl5]

Did i willingly do this to myself?


For the past two days, i've been receiving responses from "Dom's" who have read my profile at alt.com or bondage.com. I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps a passing grade in a basic reading comprehension course might my first requirement before i read any correspondence.

I thought what i said was concise and clear, not open to wide interpretation. To me single means single. Not married, not separated, not thinking about getting a divorce, but single.

I don't even want to think about how conversation was interpreted. I thought conversation meant an exchange of ideas and information. Obviously, some of these men don't own the same dictionary i do.


Help, somebody, please tell me it will get better.

 

[MissTaken]

I would love to tell you it gets better.

Reply to those that capture you interest and either politely decline others or ignore them all together.

There are a few gems at both sites. Patience, my dear friend!

 

[MzChrista]

Think of how dumb the average person is. Now figure that by definition, half of all people arent that smart.

You just got to keep trying.

 

[cellis]

MG... I had to chuckle...

I know exactly what you mean.

I had the same thing happen to me.

In the beginning I tried to be nice and write back and say no thanks I am not willing to be a gangbang slut for you and 6 of your friends... While you sick wife is in the other room...

Some were just too mean....

Just in real life you have to go through the toads to find the Dom... and it took me 6 months or so....

 

[SierraMoon]

i had a personal ad at bondage.com for about 1 week, and had only 2 responses (i think my inexperience may have had something to do with it). My profile said that i was single, looking for someone to play with, skin to skin. The first reply was from a Dom in Sweden, telling me that i WOULD call him that night, and tell him about me, so that we could develop a relationship... ummm yeah, right... i think Sweden is a little ways away from Michigan... i mean how are we supposed to play skin to skin with that kind of distance between us? hehe.... my 2nd reply was from the Dom that i play with now.... i was very lucky, that one of my 2 responses, produced a very trustworthy, skilled Dom. Haven't had any responses since, and i am truly glad for that!!!!

Hope you find what you are looking for mg

 

[Shadowsdream]

morninggirl5


Be patient and do not take the rediculous requests personally.

Some people have the mentality to think exclusions in preferances means everyone but themselves.

So if you state you are looking for a tall blonde adonis the occassional short bald bowlegged cowboy will read your post and say to himself..."YeeHaw! Thats Me!"

The Dom of your dreams is worth waiting for.

 

[morninggirl5]

Thank you all for your responses.

Cellis, i'm glad my predicament gave you a chuckle at least.

Sierra, i think my inexperience is bringing some of these bozos out of the woodwork. They seem to think that i've got absolutely no idea what a D/s relationship entails and that i'm going to immediately comply with anything they "request to show my willingness to submit."

I'm afraid that i'm going to doubt one of the gems when they tell me they are "loving and patient" because i've heard it so much from the others.

Miss T and MzChrista, thanks for the support. I'm not giving up, but i definitely felt the need to vent.

 

[cellis]

MG...

only that I have been right where you are... I can empathize with you...


I certainly did not mean to offend...

 

[Frouwa_Aph]

This happens to everyone posting an ad at alt.com or bandage.com.
<g> I have a whole folder in my mail program called Deppen (that's german for idiots) and I have some prime examples for male subs who are in sore need of a reading skills 101 class.

Monika

 

[SexyChele]

*snif*snif* Man, I'm really feeling out in the cold on this one! I've had an ad at alt.com for months now (almost forgot it was there!), and I've received 2 responses. One was from an idiot I won't even go into. The other was actually surprisingly a nice guy. He just neglected to tell me he was in the process of looking for a job out of state - until he called to tell me he was moving to Texas and wished me well. Oh well, at least we were still in the "getting to know you" stage.

Other than that, zip! Nothing! I've even thought of pulling my ad from alt.com. Haven't tried bondage.com, but I don't think I'm the material for Doms looking for subs online. I think I have to have that initial face to face meeting. I don't come across very well, online, I think.

Good luck to ya, MG. I know I've gotten the same thing from other online dating services. It's gotten to the point where I've pulled all ads online for me. Just didn't work - I need men who are at least literate and can read. And those seem to avoid me.

 

[tassie]

hello mg, you inspired me. what can a personal ad at bondage.com do for me? i thought.

make me laugh.

been registered 4/5 minutes? what do i get, one guy

"nice profile. tehe!" which i thought was ok.

another guy

"respond at once! sub!!!"

jeez i give up.

if we keep stuff about online stuff to one thread is that ok? I need something other than periods to make me laugh!

 

[morninggirl5]

Cellis, no offense taken at all. It was nice to know that some good came from my "trials."

Mokia, i teach reading every day to my students. Maybe i'll start some online classes for adults.

Chele and tassie, i'm not looking for an online dom, rather i'm looking online for someone to meet and get to know in a real life situation. WriterDom's online predator post is printed and handing next to my monitor. Somewhere, someone must have compiled the list of most frequently used "commands" of the pretenders. If someone finds it, please point it out to me, the other side of my monitor is bare. Miss T assured me that there are some gems to be found and cym has said before that she has had some luck with both places. Surely they didn't take all the good ones already.


I described this whole process as feeling like i'm standing naked in a room full of strangers to someone else. Reaching out and actually searching for someone is a new and pretty scary experience for me. Starting that process online seemed a little safer, a little less personal and intimate way of beginning. Perhaps dealing with the pretenders and learning to recognize them is the price i pay for my hesitancy.

 

[tassie]

sorry sweetie, wrong end of stick firmly grasped.

sorry

 

[cymbidia]

I know, you know, we (mostly) all know that you're definitely not looking for any kinda online-only thing. You're not into BDSM: THE ONLINE FANTASY GAME. We know that. You've always been focused on finding yourself in this, and now you're ready to seek a partner. I'm, well, thrilled. I feel like a proud mama bird as her birdlet takes that step up onto the edge of the nest, you know? ~sniffsmirksniff~

Honestly. It's scary; i know that. But you're doing well, mg. You're doing everything right. Just keep going.

It is a bit like standing out naked to the eyes of all who pass by. It's a bit unnerving. It's a challenge to be open when one is unused to being so.

But - in this case, at least - the end will justify the means.
It will.
It will.

Just remember to respond politely to all who contact you, even if to say:
Thank you so very much, BigBadSpankingDom, for the time you took to contact me. Unfortunately, i am not at all sure we have compatible interests and goals.

For instance, you are married and, as i stated in my ad, i am only interested in corresponding with those who are unmarried. Since i'm not interested in a hidden or online-only relationship, and your marital status would preclude our having even the remote possibility of a future together, i must respectfully decline your offer to prove to you what a "good slut" i am by mailing you my panties.

Again, i thank you for your time and i hope you find she whom you seek soon.

Regards,
mg


Seriously, girly-girl, all will be well. You gotta sort through the dross and the dolts before you find your princeDom to kiss. That's the way this thing works.

b.

 

[SexyChele]

Chele and tassie, i'm not looking for an online dom, rather i'm looking online for someone to meet and get to know in a real life situation. WriterDom's online predator post is printed and handing next to my monitor. Somewhere, someone must have compiled the list of most frequently used "commands" of the pretenders. If someone finds it, please point it out to me, the other side of my monitor is bare. Miss T assured me that there are some gems to be found and cym has said before that she has had some luck with both places. Surely they didn't take all the good ones already.

I think there's been some misunderstanding with me. The ad I have placed at alt.com is for a skin-to-skin Dom, not the "online" thing. Still, only 2 responses, and neither of them working out, is not what I personally call very good odds. I've even changed my ad a couple of times, but there is only so much and so many ways to say what I want/need.

Oh well, maybe you will be one of the lucky ones, MG. And maybe I just need to take the hint and stick to the 'nilla world, hoping to "convert" some fellow? Who knows...

 

[Ebonyfire]

Help, somebody, please tell me it will get better.

I wish I could tell you it will get better, but alas it does not. I am a Domme, and I had to remove my alt.com profile cause I was tired of reading emails from a-holes.

Ebony

 

[SpectreT]

It amazes me how many people who use computers are illiterate. Basic spelling and punctuation are utterly beyond some people, let alone grammar. I do cut loads of slack for those whose first language was not some form of english, but anyone with truly awful grammar will just get pointedly ignored, generally. Someone remind me some time to post a few from my own "Deppen" files. Switches get some real zingers, especially male Switches.....

Be good, and hang with it. And by all means, laugh at the more ludicrous ones. It's better than crying or smashing bricks with your skull.

And feel free to vent here, too. You know you've got support right here if you need or want it.

 

[monster666]

It's been said so well here that I think there is very little to add that's contructive, so I'll just say this:

Nothing is better than smashing bricks with your skull. Except maybe nailing 2x4s to your knees. And there was that guy on Howard Stern that hammered a spike though his penis - I've been dying to try that.

It's better than crying or smashing bricks with your skull.

 

[cymbidia]

Someone remind me some time to post a few from my own "Deppen" files. Switches get some real zingers, especially male Switches

What a fabulous idea!
I think we should have a thread devoted to just that: Deppen email. It'll help us all keep some perspective as we sort through the dross and slop and grammar-free invitations to instant sluthood. Someone...?

Nothing is better than smashing bricks with your skull. Except maybe nailing 2x4s to your knees. And there was that guy on Howard Stern that hammered a spike though his penis - I've been dying to try that.

~sputtering with laughter~
Only on a BDSM board would one see this...and be uncertain if it was meant sincerely!

 

[AnonymousSlave]

What does single mean... lol


lol i've posted several ads on several sites for a bi-female for a day of play... the only replies i've had are from men. um... i'm just guessing that they are gender confused. but what do i know, i've been in gay bars and had men buy me drinks.

maybe i needed to wear a t-shirt that says, 'Hey... i'm bi... and i'm not looking for a man, so if you can stand up and pee without making a mess... go away' or would that be rude? lol

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: What does single mean... lol

lol i've posted several ads on several sites for a bi-female for a day of play... the only replies i've had are from men. um... i'm just guessing that they are gender confused. but what do i know, i've been in gay bars and had men buy me drinks.

maybe i needed to wear a t-shirt that says, 'Hey... i'm bi... and i'm not looking for a man, so if you can stand up and pee without making a mess... go away' or would that be rude? lol

They just think a hard cock is the answer for everything.

Ebony

 

[RisiaSkye]

mg, I'm sorry it's been a drag, but I think with a little patience it really *will* get better.

I'm married and not looking for a play partner, but I've got a profile at bondage.com--a friend had me pre-screening her potential get-to-knows there, so I set up an account. I was completely upfront about being married and not looking, and expressed (twice) that I was only looking for email friendship of a purely platonic variety. I was immediately flooded with email come-ons; there was apparently heavy demand for a young bi female switch among the cast members of "Romper Room," at least judging by the actual email. (Apparently, though, I could get a date if I were ever single again, disproving my previous suspicion. Who knew?) Despite stating that I was married and not looking, I was briefly quite popular with the worst variety of Dom-in-a-Box, mostly of the most illiterate and insultingly shallow variety.

So, I went back and not only punched up the emphasis on "leave me the fuck alone" in my profile, I make the profile private. Problem solved, b didn't need me to screen anymore anyway, so I didn't care if I *ever* went back.

But, I still waded through the 30 some-odd emails I got from there, partially in masochism, part morbid curiosity, part anal-retentiveness about reading anything addressed directly to me. And in there, I found one from a very cool local photographer & msub. We had some great conversations through email exchanges over the next several months. I have not been bothered again (other than an occasional stray) by the faux-players and have met some very interesting people whose view of communication doesn't include "start every conversation as though it were a speech bubble in a comic book" and who haven't come to me with demands or ridiculous expectations.

In the end, in other words, I found *exactly* what I said I was looking for there, despite the fact that it appeared hopeless and absurd at first.

 

[morninggirl5]

I think i'm beginning to understand why all these "Dom's" are being sent my way.


The ones that don't start the interaction with "on your knees slut" but the ones that wait halfway through a conversation, the ones that i think might have potential, possibly, maybe, they seem like they're not another one.....

When they insist i call them Sir five minutes into a conversation and i politely decline, i inevitably have to explain myself. And the more i explain myself, why that's not what i want, the better i understand myself and the better i'm able to say to the next one what i'm looking for.


Okay, optimism hasn't been destroyed, i'm still trying.

 

[SierraMoon]

good for you mg!!

I think i'm beginning to understand why all these "Dom's" are being sent my way.


The ones that don't start the interaction with "on your knees slut" but the ones that wait halfway through a conversation, the ones that i think might have potential, possibly, maybe, they seem like they're not another one.....

When they insist i call them Sir five minutes into a conversation and i politely decline, i inevitably have to explain myself. And the more i explain myself, why that's not what i want, the better i understand myself and the better i'm able to say to the next one what i'm looking for.


Okay, optimism hasn't been destroyed, i'm still trying.

After reading cym and Risia's posts, i went into alt.com, and redid my whole profile...actually made up a new id... my Dom has access to the other one, and he and i are having alot of problems right now...
So, i'm hoping that i will get a few more responses with this ad, (since i was more specific...)than i did the last one... we shall see....

 

[Desert Amazon]