Threesome Advice

[SensualSarah86]

Hello,

I would like to know how to introduce a threesome into a marriage. My husband and I are open to the idea of having sex with another girl. I've read up on it a little, but I'd like some advice from couples who have done it. I'm not so much interested in advice from people who have not obviously. My husband and I are very much in love, and have never been the jealous type. On one hand I feel secure because he is completely in love and devoted to me but on the other hand I don't want the whole situations to get TOO crazy and now we are both just fucking whoever we want whenever we want.

 

[shortstuff02]

We have had 2 in the past. You have to make sure to set boundaries. Possibly that you both won't be involved with someone else unless you are both present. For us we are not the one night stand type so for us it is a steady person. Also we all talked and made sure we were on the same page. If any of us felt uncomfortable we could discontinue at anytime. Need to make sure to keep emotions in check with everything.

 

[aniowachick]

We have done it a few times with a good friend of mine.

The only problem I had was she was so new to hubby, he was paying more attention to her then me... Make sure everyone is equal and talk about it right afterwards.. make sure to stay completely open.

Also hubby and I have a rule, we only play together, neither has permission to go off alone.. it is something we share

 

[ofLebanon]

When I was in a swinging relationship, the threesomes were good because my ex was always very aware of who was getting how much attention. I call it having a game master. It doesn't have to be ordering people around, just suggestions and nudges to make sure no one is left out. Discuss, discuss discuss. Before, after if you plan to do it again and so on. Know not only what you want, what your spouse wants, and what your playmate wants. This can be a lot of fun - think anticipation and teasing! Also, meet somewhere neutral before play time, to allow everyone to relax and give an easy out if someone changes their mind at the last minute. Dinner and drinks works well.

 

[djyak]

Liking this thread a lot! Very good advice, as hubby and I have always role played a MFM or MFF, but have been talking more about possibly making it a reality. This hleps a lot! Another reason why we love it here on Lit!

Tifani

 

[Sans Tache]

All excellent advice, above. I've been in and out of the lifestyle for 30 years while both married and unmarried. When it comes to 3-somes an important question to ask, and this applies espcially to men, are you comfortable having someone of your own gender in a 3-way. Any guy will say yes to being with 2 women but a majority change their attitude when the lady wants 2 men. Homophobia, jealousy, whatever the reason.
This is a question that you, Sarah, must put to your husband. And would he be willing/interested in having sex with another man? If you bring another woman into the picture your husband is expecting you to have sex with her. A forgone conclusion and it is assumed you want girl-girl interaction.
If you're both "in love and devoted" there shouldn't be any issues but your concern about things getting "TOO crazy" raises a red flag. Pana and I partake in open swinging and do everything togetner but we do have a few friends with whom we will get together with in a one-on-one basis.
The fact that you both are "fucking whoever"..."whenever" suggests, to me, that you two have more discussing to do before having a 3-some or 4-some. When all persons are present that's when that ugly green monster is most likely to raise it angry head. Believe me,I have been there.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

The first thing you have to do is decide whether you are interested in bringing a stranger into your relationship, or if you want to convert a friend into a lover. There are advantages and risks to both. On the one hand, you risk alienating a friend or damaging a friendship if you broach the subject to her and she is not interested, or if she agrees and then feels weird about it afterward. On the other hand, you may feel more comfortable with someone you already know and for whom you already feel some affection.

Conversely, you don't risk damaging a friendship if you involve a stranger, but the risks you do encounter are largely unknown until you make a connection. In other words, if things don't work out, you can walk away from her without any hard feelings. At the same time, it's difficult to assess someone's entire personality in a short period of time. She may be a stalker or worse.

The other thing to consider is that it isn't always easy to find a single bi-fem for a FMF threesome experience. There's a reason why they are referred to as "Golden Unicorns" within the lifestyle. Whichever route you take, you should prepare to be patient. It could be a while before this fantasy is realized.

 

[tomwantstosee]

Good to see that this fantasy is shared by other people/couples as well.
Sorry I cannot contribute the "real" experience, but I think this thread started by a woman adds a lot! Thanks for starting it!

 

[infinity706]

The first thing you have to do is decide whether you are interested in bringing a stranger into your relationship, or if you want to convert a friend into a lover. There are advantages and risks to both. On the one hand, you risk alienating a friend or damaging a friendship if you broach the subject to her and she is not interested, or if she agrees and then feels weird about it afterward. On the other hand, you may feel more comfortable with someone you already know and for whom you already feel some affection.

Conversely, you don't risk damaging a friendship if you involve a stranger, but the risks you do encounter are largely unknown until you make a connection. In other words, if things don't work out, you can walk away from her without any hard feelings. At the same time, it's difficult to assess someone's entire personality in a short period of time. She may be a stalker or worse.

The other thing to consider is that it isn't always easy to find a single bi-fem for a FMF threesome experience. There's a reason why they are referred to as "Golden Unicorns" within the lifestyle. Whichever route you take, you should prepare to be patient. It could be a while before this fantasy is realized.

Single, bi females that are open to threesomes aren't that hard to find. It's just hard to find one that isn't slutty. (not that there's anything wrong with slutty)

Of course, there's another option that I haven't seen brought up in this thread. You could hire a prostitute. Hookers don't stalk you, the don't get jealous, they'll follow the rules you want, and you'll never even have to see them again. You can even be picky on looks if you want. It doesn't even have to be illegal if you make a trip to somewhere prostitution is fair game.

 

[SensualSarah86]

Hey thanks everyone for the advice! I like what you had to say Panasony. My husband is defnitely not interested in me having sex with another guy. I'm not particularly interested at this moment, but I can't speak for the future. We had never discussed things of this nature before we got married. Sex has always been a touchy subject my whole life and now here I am 25, just barely being able to admit alot of my fantasies. And YESSS I do want to have sex with a women, and most likely someone I have a connection with or friendship, it's really new to me and it's kind of scary right now.....This fantasy seems very complicated haha. But I do find my self a little hesitant because of the double standard on my husband's part! Maybe it is just better to live by the conventional marriage rules???

 

[aniowachick]

We have threesomes with females but bringing in a single man is out of the question.

Hubby says it doesnt turn him on, he isnt thrilled with the idea so no threesomes with me. Couples yes, single men , no.

We had a threesome with my best friend, wasnt weird, had a few no problems

I dont think of it as a double standard, both of us should enjoy it, I like sex with women, so does hubby.. we agree.

I would enjoy a threesome with another man, hubby wouldnt so we dont.

 

[nakdsub]

I'm sorry, but I have to get in here

S.S. I know you asked for advice from those who have experienced threesomes in their marriage and I have to confess, I have not. I wasn't going to add anything here until I read your last post stating your husband is against a MFM threesome and you consider it a double standard.
At the least, and I think everyone who posted above me will agree, adding a third party to your love making is a RISK, especially considering your last statement. I really think you have to ask yourself if the fantasy is worth the risk.
Would it be possible, instead of taking that risk, you could experiement with other forms of intimacy with your husband. Find other ways to make your love making very special, things that are only shared between the two of you?

 

[gemaussieslut]

I thought I might be able to contribute the experience being the third party.
I have been the 'extra' female in quite a few threesomes (with already set up couples)

What has worked well in each occasion is to meet prior - for coffee or dinner or whatever to meet and greet and see if you are both/all attracted to one another or not. To make this less threatening, one couple actually initially just had the female meet me - and we met up with her partner later after chatting.

Ground rules and expectations were discussed prior to setting a date for hooking up which is also good.

In all situations I have been fortunate and been the center of attention. The couple I presume had made that decision to focus on me, to make sure I didn't feel like the extra - which I really appreciated.

Online dating and adult sites - is where I found the couples (I went looking for my first bi experience, but wanted the comfort of a cock too ) so that was easy.

But yes lots of discussion with your partner first about what you are both looking to get from the experience is vital - and then that same discussion needs to happen with the friend/prospective woman aswell.

 

[nakdsub]

Please don't take this the wrong way

I'm not trying, nor do I have any interest in being accusatory here, but I'm interested, have you seen couples break up because of allowing a third party?
I am usually a very broad minded person except in the case of swinging, open marriages, or taking on another sex partner.
As a third person, have you seen one partner or another become jealous?
Just wondering.

 

[aniowachick]

I only know of a few swinging couples, and so far, married many many years 15+ and happy as can be.

I do know of 2 open marriages that ended in divorce. I think that playing alone can be to intimate and can see troubles there. Hubby an I will only be sexually with others together

 

[SensualSarah86]

I know a few couples who have experimented with threesomes, they seem fine. I know ultimately the decision is up to me but it is good to get the perspective of people who have done it. I feel really secure in my marriage and there is a honest open line of communication, I also feel really lucky that I married someone I can be honest with about things like this. Who knows when, where, or with who a threesome will take place! haha thanks for the advice everyone

 

[silverwhisper]

sensualsarah8 quoth:
hey thanks everyone for the advice! i like what you had to say panasony. my husband is defnitely not interested in me having sex with another guy. i'm not particularly interested at this moment, but i can't speak for the future. we had never discussed things of this nature before we got married. sex has always been a touchy subject my whole life and now here i am 25, just barely being able to admit alot of my fantasies. and yes i do want to have sex with a women, and most likely someone i have a connection with or friendship, it's really new to me and it's kind of scary right now.....this fantasy seems very complicated haha.

i think it's great that you and your husband can trust one another enough to talk about the subject at least.

when my wife & i first started dating, she didn't realize she was bi. that was just something we learned after we got involved. so since we've been together, there've been a few times that we've had a third person join us, usually another woman. and she has my standing OK to be with another woman without my being present, provided i know about it beforehand.

as we like to say: when you come right down to it, i have an outie, not an innie, and that does make a big difference. :>

sensualsarah8 quoth:
but i do find my self a little hesitant because of the double standard on my husband's part! maybe it is just better to live by the conventional marriage rules???

i think convention has its place, but like any stereotype, of dubious applicability in specific cases. i'm not sure i'd agree it's necessarily a double-standard if he doesn't have a same-sex kink the way you do.

b[]sensualsarah86[/b] quoth:
i know a few couples who have experimented with threesomes, they seem fine. i know ultimately the decision is up to me but it is good to get the perspective of people who have done it. i feel really secure in my marriage and there is a honest open line of communication, i also feel really lucky that i married someone i can be honest with about things like this. who knows when, where, or with who a threesome will take place! haha thanks for the advice everyone

i think you and your husband need to ask yourselves two questions before having a threesome:

1. are you OK with one another crying out someone else's name? first time i ever had a threesome, that was hard for me, and i'm really not the jealous type.

2. what is/isn't OK for one another to do with the other person? is it sexual stuff (you can't fuck her, only i get your cock), romantic (no kissing/making out), or is it all good?

nakdsub queried:
have you seen couples break up because of allowing a third party? i am usually a very broad minded person except in the case of swinging, open marriages, or taking on another sex partner. as a third person, have you seen one partner or another become jealous? just wondering.

yes, and in fact it was almost exclusively my fault because i was the jealous party, and the threesome was my idea. that was my first threesome, a MFM and had i been thinking clearly, i wouldn't have done it. of course, i was then involved with a woman who didn't wind up becoming my wife so i view it as my starter threesome.

however, my subsequent threesome experiences--and lest it seem like i've got a lot of experience with them it's only been a few--have been much more than satisfactory. :>

ed