Three One-Offs

[madelinemasoch]

(post deleted)

 

[TheRedChamber]

(Critique deleted at OPs request)

 

[AlinaX]

One thing that jumps out from a brief glance is you frequently start a sentence with a character name. While it's important to use names for clarity and it helps to break up reliance on and repetition of pronouns, overuse of names is like wearing heavy boots indoors.

 

[alohadave]

Walk of Shame - Nude Day 2023 contest submission. It's basically one long public humiliation scene.

This feels like the middle of something else. There is no lead up or conclusion to the story.

 

[AG31]

I've only written three one-offs. I'd like some feedback from you on the forums on them.

I only read the first one because the subjects of the other two were so far out of my range of tastes. The comment I made is at the bottom of this reply.

Walk of Shame did raise a question I've had for a long time. What's an adjective that describes the state of being ashamed? A word analgous to "sissification" and "infantilization." I have a personal list of qualities that are deal breakers for me, and the quality so well described in A Walk of Shame is one of them. But I don't have a word. Do you?

I wish we could edit comments, because the fact that the writing never took me out of the moment was another reason for the 5 stars.

I'm giving this five stars for technical merit. It's well stated and flows. Here's an especially felicitous sentence: "The words rushed out of his mouth and fell to the space of the floor between them in a puddle."

At a personal level, I'm not into MCs who are ashamed, so I really sort of skimmed the last half.

 

[AG31]

This feels like the middle of something else. There is no lead up or conclusion to the story.

That's one of the things I liked. (I'll stay off my "simple erotica" band wagon beyond that.) I really respond to stories where I'm plunged directly into the eroticism.

 

[AlinaX]

Humiliated? Shamed? Degraded?

 

[AG31]

Humiliated? Shamed? Degraded?

A noun. Analagous to "sissification" and "infantilization." I don't care for xxxxxxxxxxxxx of the MC in a story.

 

[AlinaX]

The humiliated? The shamed? The degraded?

Oh.

Humiliation. Shame. Degradation.

 

[AG31]

@AlinaX - "Humiliation. Shame. Degradation."

Yeah... Those ought to work. Why do I still look for something?

Sissification and infantilization are more objective, less involved with the subjectivity of the MC.

I always think, English being the incredibly rich language that it is, that there's a perfect word.

OH!!!! WordHippo.com!!!!! Back in a bit.

I'm back. Well, maybe English is failing me here. I tried entering "shamification," but WordHippo was having none of it. These are the best I could come up with.

degradation (doesn't really do it, because doesn't necessarily mean the object feels shame...)
debasement - ditto

I could say "the quality you find in MadelineMasoch's main characters" - But that's a teensy bit cumbersome...