Thoughts from an older man....

[KatieDoes]

So my comment/question was directed at getting to point that it is behaviour by PEOPLE. All of the discussed behaviours are exhibited by all manner of people - white, black, latin, aisian, gay, lesbian, and all the other monikers people ascribe to themselves.
Yes, ALL kinds of people do these things, however the post only focused on white men. Hence the question.

I am 58 and my love/lust for young, gorgeous women has never diminished. Nowadays, because of the technology, we see their images all the time. When one such image makes my heart ache, or my sex drive go to warp factor 10, I always have the same thought: how could I, a humble nobody-in-particular, but a nice man and true gentleman ever even interest this girl?
First, they are often making so much money from their OnlyFans or other pay sites that they certainly don't need a man's financial support, not to mention that precisely because they are so stunning, rich men must offer them the moon and the stars all the time.
I'm not saying I would want a relationship that was based on a financial transaction, I'm saying that in a certain way, the empowerment of women has kind of ruined traditional avenues a man could take to establish a rapport with a woman he fancied.
What is to be done? I actually have quite a lot to offer a young woman, I'm alluding to ways in which I could improve the quality of her life and save her time, while also loving her and receiving love in return. But, the young ones either expect too much, or know they can get it themselves and so are closed to the entreaties of nice men like me, or have gotten caught up in the wave of straight white man hatred that has erupted these recent years.
What is to be done...

She’s posting on this thread, replying to this poster.

Google ‘white fragility’….. it’s on the same page as your male fragility

 

[Pairaclities]

Yes, it's clear what you intended. It's also clear what you wanted me to do.

Sorry, I’m not clear on what “you wanted me to do”. Please enlighten me.

 

[eomerson]

Thoughts from an older man...
-yes, younger women are beautiful and remind you of your past youth.
-women of my age have experience, common life experience and can relaye to me.
-I was taught to respect women. They are after all the ones that make life complete.
-mutual respect and caring make for success.
-nobody is owed anything....you have to earn whether it is respect or love.
-putting ypurself in someone else's shoes can open ypur eyes towards your own behavior.
-life is too short so be nice and actually care about people. your life will be better and happier.

 

[juttjaw]

Thoughts from an older man...
-yes, younger women are beautiful and remind you of your past youth.
-women of my age have experience, common life experience and can relaye to me.
-I was taught to respect women. They are after all the ones that make life complete.
-mutual respect and caring make for success.
-nobody is owed anything....you have to earn whether it is respect or love.
-putting ypurself in someone else's shoes can open ypur eyes towards your own behavior.
-life is too short so be nice and actually care about people. your life will be better and happier.

Some people don't want to be happy. They want to be miserable. Odd, I know, but true. I've known several. They have went out of their way to remain miserable. They weren't "stuck" or "trapped" or at a disadvantage, they just wanted to be miserable. Whatever, who am I to try and change their mind. Go ahead, wallow in your own filth, just don't get it on me.

 

[Bry1313]

As someone just entering the older man phase of my life, I’ve found im less and less interested in actual age of my attraction, but whether we connect. Just reached 50, but if I met someone in their late 30’s, even though it’s a bit of a gap, if they were playful and mischievous in ways I am, well that would be a fucking delight and I’d just want to share more and more with her. That goes older too.

 

[eomerson]

Not reading ten pages but is 41 young?

It iscto me. lol

 

[SlutAddicted]

Says the guy with the Patriot shirt on.
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So, here's the thing. I grew up in an urban area. I lived in a different urban area when I was an adult. I never worried about being accosted by a black guy. In fact, I drove home from a college wedding once, through PA with a black dude who I never met, but was the brother of a chick I went to dance class with for years. I couldn't see why he should take a bus back that would take 3 times as long. My parents gave me hell when I got home. Why? Not because I ran the risk of getting hurt by the guy I gave a ride to. Because I was a white girl with a black guy driving through PA. They were afraid we might have been shot.

And it wasn't the black guys that I had to worry about cat calling me, or the touching my ass or pushing me up against the wall of the elevator. It was the white guys.

That's called privilege.

Now to be fair, I had exactly ONE creepy hispanic guy try something when I was 15. One. Compared to dozens of white guys.
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So yeah, in my experience, as a white chick, it's white guys I have to worry about disrespecting my personal space.

I think that "bad" people come in all colours, but as a guy your comments ring true to me. The proportion of truly criminally violent men of any race is relatively small. But my guess is that most sexual assault is not perpetrated by thugs waiting in alley ways or throwing women into a panel van. It is perpetrated by privileged men who take advantage of women in vulnerable situations - men that are part of the frat boy 'bro' culture which tend to be dominantly white.

Here in Canada we have an embarrassing example of this. In the past few years it has come to light that on several occasions the national men's junior hockey team has been involved in incidents of sexual assault including gang rape. Meanwhile there have been reports of hazing among major junior teams that included things like raping new players with a hockey stick or forcing them to do all kinds of unspeakably disgusting acts.

The actual data is that this is overwhelmingly white men that are part of an insular sports culture. Coaches, parents and relevant authorities not only turned a blind eye to this activity. They used funds raised by the league to pay hush money to the victims so that the professional careers of these rapist scumbags wouldn't be put in jeopardy.

We are a multicultural nation. I am not saying that other cultures don't have their own issues with respect for or violence against women. But this wide spread misogynist 'bro' culture is dominantly white. I am sorry to say that the guy I would least trust to drive my daughter home is a hockey 'bro'.

 

[ImiGirrst]

I think that "bad" people come in all colours, but as a guy your comments ring true to me. The proportion of truly criminally violent men of any race is relatively small. But my guess is that most sexual assault is not perpetrated by thugs waiting in alley ways or throwing women into a panel van. It is perpetrated by privileged men who take advantage of women in vulnerable situations - men that are part of the frat boy 'bro' culture which tend to be dominantly white.

Here in Canada we have an embarrassing example of this. In the past few years it has come to light that on several occasions the national men's junior hockey team has been involved in incidents of sexual assault including gang rape. Meanwhile re have been reports of hazing among major junior teams that included things like raping new players with hockey stick or forcing them to do all kinds of unspeakably disgusting acts.

The actual data is that this is overwhelmingly white men that are part of an insular sports culture. Coaches, parents and relevant authorities not only turned a blind eye to this activity. They used funds raised by the league to pay hush money to the victims so that the professional careers of these rapist scumbags wouldn't be put in jeopardy.

We are a multicultural nation. I am not saying that other cultures don't have their own issues with respect for or violence against women. But this wide spread misogynist 'bro' culture is dominantly white. I am sorry to say that the guy I would least trust to drive my daughter home is a hockey 'bro'.

Thank you for this difficult recap. It's a hard thing to call out, but I believe necessary. The 'bro's' will continue to try to dilute it, like the guy above, who wants to further engage by playing dumb. He worded his initial question such that he was manipulating me to respond in a politically correct way. Once I did that, then he could work his posts around to indicate it wasn't a post about white guys, bringing in all the violence that makes other headlines with POC. Instead, I stood by my statement - now he wants me to explain because he doesn't see it. Each are tactics to get you to give him an in so that he can distract from my original post position.
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So thank you for having courage

about not understanding what he wanted me to do. By playing dumb over what he wanted me to do, he violent tendencies aren't race based

 

[SlutAddicted]

Thank you for this difficult recap. It's a hard thing to call out, but I believe necessary. The 'bro's' will continue to try to dilute it, like the guy above, who wants to further engage by playing dumb. He worded his initial question such that he was manipulating me to respond in a politically correct way. Once I did that, then he could work his posts around to indicate it wasn't a post about white guys, bringing in all the violence that makes other headlines with POC. Instead, I stood by my statement - now he wants me to explain because he doesn't see it. Each are tactics to get you to give him an in so that he can distract from my original post position.
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So thank you for having courage

about not understanding what he wanted me to do. By playing dumb over what he wanted me to do, he violent tendencies aren't race based

Thank you. To be clear, I don't think that any particular group is genetically predisposed to behaving like dickheads. Where it comes to violence against women, there are lots of global and historical examples of males from all races and cultures behaving badly.

It seems to me that privilege and power are arguably the driving factors. Sexual attitudes towards women and sexual assault in India is appalling. It isn't a race based thing. It is because the culture conveys privilege and power to men.

The hockey culture example I used was particularly appalling. But fraternities and upper middle class behaviour reflects the same dynamics. Guys behaving like total assholes on the premise that it is either funny (it is not) or somehow a necessary/useful induction ceremony (it is not). Privilege and power gives bullies room to be bullies and rapists room to be rapists.

Reality in western culture is that privilege and power rests with mostly affluent white males. I will avoid the more complex gender discussion for the moment and simply say that I don't think that a homogenous group of males from any other race would necessarily behave any better given the same degree of privilege and power.

So to reframe my earlier comment if I were to consider whom I would be least comfortable driving my daughter home it has nothing to do with race one way or the other. I assume that men of all races are roughly equally likely to have the same intentions towards my daughter. The question is which are more culturally likely to not respect her agency. The answer is the guys who are most accustomed to privilege and power.

 

[ImiGirrst]

Thank you. To be clear, I don't think that any particular group is genetically predisposed to behaving like dickheads. Where it comes to violence against women, there are lots of global and historical examples of males from all races and cultures behaving badly.

It seems to me that privilege and power are arguably the driving factors. Sexual attitudes towards women and sexual assault in India is appalling. It isn't a race based thing. It is because the culture conveys privilege and power to men.

The hockey culture example I used was particularly appalling. But fraternities and upper middle class behaviour reflects the same dynamics. Guys behaving like total assholes on the premise that it is either funny (it is not) or somehow a necessary/useful induction ceremony (it is not). Privilege and power gives bullies room to be bullies and rapists room to be rapists.

Reality in western culture is that privilege and power rests with mostly affluent white males. I will avoid the more complex gender discussion for the moment and simply say that I don't think that a homogenous group of males from any other race would necessarily behave any better given the same degree of privilege and power.

So to reframe my earlier comment if I were to consider whom I would be least comfortable driving my daughter home it has nothing to do with race one way or the other. I assume that men of all races are roughly equally likely to have the same intentions towards my daughter. The question is which are more culturally likely to not respect her agency. The answer is the guys who are most accustomed to privilege and power.

Which in the states is white guys.

I agree with your suppositions.

 

[GHFinSTL]

I am going to have to agree with Escierto about whether the women are being exploited. Your conception may be that women are treated in the East as they are in America. They are at best 1950's America when it comes to women rights and their treatment. Women are treated very poorly. I've talked with them, asked why they want an older man, and it is basically like Escierto was saying, a man to be nice to them, not beat them, not constantly demanding sex from them, plus there is financial security. More often than not I've seen the women exploiting the old man. They take his money and run off, and can be downright mean to them. I wondered why some of the men put up with the women. The lonely old man is just looking for companionship and yes, sex with a younger women. It's a bit like the line in an Eagles song, "she used him, he used her, and neither one cared".

 

[Escierto]

I am going to have to agree with Escierto about whether the women are being exploited. Your conception may be that women are treated in the East as they are in America. They are at best 1950's America when it comes to women rights and their treatment. Women are treated very poorly. I've talked with them, asked why they want an older man, and it is basically like Escierto was saying, a man to be nice to them, not beat them, not constantly demanding sex from them, plus there is financial security. More often than not I've seen the women exploiting the old man. They take his money and run off, and can be downright mean to them. I wondered why some of the men put up with the women. The lonely old man is just looking for companionship and yes, sex with a younger women. It's a bit like the line in an Eagles song, "she used him, he used her, and neither one cared".

I hate to be that guy but I gotta make sure Bob Seger gets his credit here

 

[Luv2FucAStL]

I hate to be that guy but I gotta make sure Bob Seger gets his credit here

Really - I was wrong? You don't know how many years I have been attributing that to the Eagles, it's the Silver Bullet himself! Let me guess - Night Moves? It is 'cause I had to look it up. And you corrected the guy who defended you?
Well, I'd rather be corrected than to continue to be wrong, so thanks for saving me further embarrassment, even if in a very public manner.
For 200 points what is the song Hotel California about? For every correct answer, she will take a piece of her clothes off.

 

[mark_j]

Really - I was wrong? You don't know how many years I have been attributing that to the Eagles, it's the Silver Bullet himself! Let me guess - Night Moves? It is 'cause I had to look it up. And you corrected the guy who defended you?
Well, I'd rather be corrected than to continue to be wrong, so thanks for saving me further embarrassment, even if in a very public manner.
For 200 points what is the song Hotel California about? For every correct answer, she will take a piece of her clothes off.
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