This Week in Future History....

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What the future holds in the year 2035...

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . . scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.
 
What the future holds in The Year 2040...

Ozone created by electric cars diminishes along with population as goverment limits access of vehicles to those not wearing self-contained breathing apparatus.

Formal language laws, as well as all other written legislature, is abandoned when it is realized that only 0.001% of the population is literate.

The Spotted Owls plague vanishes, when most die by being hit by propellers of power generating windmills.

Natural baby-conception clinics become the fastest-growing industry in the industrialized world. ( Everywhere except France, which pioneered and has become the seat of this lucrative natural baby-conception industry.)

Courts discover that no one remembers the exact definition of heterosexual, so appeal to legalise heterosexual marriage is moot, as are the laws which have already legalized homosexual marriage. Definitions can now only be THEIR kind of marriage and OUR kind of marriage, neither of which can be ruled illegal, until researchers can discover which is the WRONG kind.

The last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East. Prime Minister Pakizah Intisarat Intisaaraat Al-Zayat of Northern England calls for an end to the War on Terror, to no avail.

Iraq is still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 5 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. US continues to maintain the new Terrorist Detention Prison (formerly Gitmo) in downtown Baghdad.

France buys Brazil, to obtain access to the country’s rubber plantations, predicting that natural baby-conception while be even more popular if practitioners can guarantee failure

President Chelsea Clinton’s ban on all smoking, causes massive protests, until she clarifies her statement in a Special Emergency Address to the Nation, that America’s lucrative marijuana crop is exempted.

Following George Z. Bush’s unsuccessful 2036 run for the Presidency, he changes his name to X Bush when it is learned that his base voters are unable to read, write, or remember his name.

The US Postal Service is taken over by operatives of The Psychic Network, who guarantee more reliability in the future.

The five year old report of the 85-year, $75.8 billion study which states that Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss is published on the internet, but nobody's Image Search Engine can find it.

Average weight of Americans raises to 350 lbs following the introduction of Soylent Green.

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with an even faster shutter speed, which has captured a picture of a man not thinking about sex..

Massachusetts marks the fifth year in its endevour to execute the last remaining conservative. Some people REALLY resist change.

Five years after the Supreme Court ruled that punishment of criminals violates their civil rights, the Assassin’s League tries to suspend the rule of habeas corpus presently required before they can legally bill their contractors.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, eight inches. Special format video screens are marketed for NBA fanatics.

Due to an old federal law requiring that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered, police are conducting random searches of anyone exhibiting fingernails less than three inches long. The National Association of Nail-Biters protests.

Congress demands direct deposit of recently legalized political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill sex abstaining Intern on Death Row. Reprieve believed unlikely.

IRS retains lowest tax rate at 75 percent, equips investigators with M-16's as standard audit issue.

Florida Democrats introduce the Red Coconut or Blue Coconut voting system.
 
Hooper_X said:
Sorry, redneck humour is lost on me.

The FBI want's to know what's in that jar you have in the basement. :rolleyes:

Cat
 
SeaCat said:
The FBI want's to know what's in that jar you have in the basement. :rolleyes:

Cat


that's Hitler's brain in formaldehyde...stole it from Jello Biafra, who was using it to make Trick Dick screwdrivers
 
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