This is the thread for posting interresting stuff from your e-mail inbox today.

[BlondGirl]

I thought it might be kinda neat if everybody who likes posting stuff from their e-mail had a thread today to put it all in--easier to locate and read too.
Come on, y'all-- join me please in posting funny jokes, thoughtful prose, and bizarre pictures--or whatever strikes your fancy.


Here's mine:

At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of Seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.
"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee."
"I couldn't even punch out the chad at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded.
"Well, count your blessings," said one woman cheerfully, "and thank God we can all still drive.

 

[MissTaken]

Thoughts on Sex

"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man." Tom Clancy

"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither." Drew Carey

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Unknown

"My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it hard for him to come out of the closet." Bill Kelly

(Who the hell is Bill Kelly? )

"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty." George Burns

BUMPER STICKER
"My kid had sex with your honor student."

 

[MissTaken]

BTW, Great idea, Blonde Beauty!

 

[Lancaster]

Don't have any

 

[Lancaster]

Here's mine:

"When are you coming to our offices to collect your 'London's Sexiest Male 2001' award? Melanie Griffiths was very disappointed you couldn't make that dinner date with her. Were you really washing your hair that evening?

Best wishes

London Evening Standard"

 

[p_p_man]

That'll teach me to read things properly...

before rushing in.

I thought the thread was about posting interracial stuff received in our e-mails...I had a vision of thousands of "BlacksonBlondes" pics...

**sigh**

Ah well....

 

[BlondGirl]

I just found this in my e-mail:

<<<"
you should shave your pussy to show t of better
">>>

I was wondering what the person is hoping to see more of.

 

[lilminx]

Forwarded from a friend:

A father asks his ten-year old son if he knows about the birds
and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears.

Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.

"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at the age of six I got the 'there's
no Santa' speech. At seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny'
speech. Then at 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy'
speech. If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't
really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!"

 

[Barb Dwyer]

How to achieve a percentage greater than 100 - say for example 103%.


We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100%.
Well here's how you do that. Here's how you can achieve 103%.

First of all, here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future.

How does one achieve 100% in LIFE?

Begin by noting the following percentages

IF:
A = 1
B = 2
C = 3
D = 4
E = 5
F = 6
G = 7
H = 8
I = 9
J = 10
K = 11
L = 12
M = 13
N = 14
O = 15
P = 16
Q =17
R = 18
S =19
T = 20
U = 21
V = 22
W = 23
X = 24
Y = 25
Z = 26

Then:
H A R D W O R K =
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98%

Similarly,
K N O W L E D G E =
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96%

But interesting (and as you'd expect),
A T T I T U D E =
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% ... This is how you achieve 100% in LIFE.

But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO NOTE (or REALIZE), is
B U L L S H I T =
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

So now you know what all those high-priced consultants, upper management, and motivational speakers really mean when they want to exceed 100%!

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[MishkarinaSkye]

I don't know if I'm doing this right...but this was in my inbox and I thought it was interesting...



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Bin Laden,

We appreciate you taking such a strong interest in the American Airline industry.

Now that you are familiar with Boeing's line of commercial aircraft, we would like to get you acquainted with Boeing's other fine products.

We look forward to demonstrating their capabilities to you in person in the very near future.

Sincerely,
America

 

[april-wine]

a funny

 

[sigh]

apparently you all have much more interesting e-mail inboxes than i do

sheesh, my life is a dud

 

[asphaltangel]

I got this poem that a woman wrote for her son to show how she feels after the atacks!

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow,trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate Gods Love
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But its in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the Cross
He went through the valley of death;
His Victory was Satans loss.

Forgive me Lord,for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strenghten me,Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for the valleys Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But its in the valleys I grow!

Candy

 

[MissTaken]

Madame Cleo????

Apparently Madame Cleo has had some vibes about me and keeps e mailing me because she has important information to impart!!!!


LOL


All she wants to do, is to im"part" me with my money!


Geesh! And to think people will actually buy into that stuff


hmmmmmm

 

[lilminx]

Re: Madame Cleo????

Apparently Madame Cleo has had some vibes about me and keeps e mailing me because she has important information to impart!!!!
LOL
All she wants to do, is to im"part" me with my money!
Geesh! And to think people will actually buy into that stuff
hmmmmmm

You mean she's not for real?

 

[MissTaken]

For all you Star Trek fans

46 Things That Never Happen on Star Trek


The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered before.


The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists who are all perfectly all right.


The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.


The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.


The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.


An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.


A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.


A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a 'fuse'.


The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.


The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.


The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.


The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.


The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify with candy.


The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in no way connected with the 20th century.


Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.


A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, and some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.


The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.


The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day


An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."


A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.


Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."


Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!


Picard walks up to a replicator and says, "Coke on ice."


Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.


Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.


Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"


When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual range no one says "On screen."


Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.


Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).


Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.


Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).


The warp engines start acting up a bit, but then seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.


Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than ever.


Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.


Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.


Data falls in love with the replicator.


Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode. [or even: Kirk (or Riker) meets an attractive woman and does not fall in love. -psl]


The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.


An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.


Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.


Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.


Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt. (Or even, Kirk DOESN'T get into a fistfight...)


Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him.


Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics


Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack by alien race/etc!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and thus he cannot save the day.


The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eybrow.

 

[sabbathstorm]

One for the Canadians

Yes it's a Newfie joke but it's cute

------------------------------------------------------------------------
***NEWS FLASH*** 3 Terrorists Detained in Newfoundland, Canada

Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Newfoundland, Canada. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Newfoundland Provincial Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin, and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues.

The police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the province. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community

 

[sabbathstorm]

Just dug this one up