this is the second time he hasn't cum...

[pisces_girl]

My partner likes to hold off from ejaculating during our sex to wait for me to cum and so that we can have longer sex. While I appreciate this, sometimes it gets to the point when his penis is too sensitive (about 45 min to 1hr into our sex) and he won't have an orgasm. He will jerk off instead as I masturbate in font of him to get him excited and this has worked once but I want him to cum from my pussy because it's a great feeling. Any tips on how to fix this?

 

[Emerson40]

Fix it?!?! I don't see where there is anything broken. Is he complaining? You guys are having some 45 min to 1 hour sessions and the endings are "happy". I really don't see the issue.
And it's only happened twice. This would be something to bring up with him if you've only had sex twice.
Believe me, he could come in your pussy, and probably in under 5 minutes if he wanted to. He's holding off cumming to prolong the ride. Enjoy it.

 

[Scrubber]

Sounds to me like you've found yourself a good lover. There's any number of "three thrusts and a grunt" merchants out there.

Sorry to add to the chorus of not seeing the problem.

 

[DungeonsOfDread]

I agree with the others. When I'm with my wife I love to have her cum multiple times before I do. Not all guys are the same mind you but our kind enjoy the prolonged sex that you can have with this method.

The thing is and I cant speak for all men but once a guy have cum, its pretty much over, but you girls can just keep cumming and cumming, at least from my experience.

 

[monkeyman057]

The scenario you described sounds a lot like some of the longer sessions that the wife and I enjoy so much when we have the time (and an empty house).

Sometimes after prolonged thrusting I find that I get a little desensitized from the friction. When that happens, I need MORE friction in order to reach orgasm. The best and easiest way to get there is with my hand (or hers).

It can be frustrating, but it's not exactly a problem - I think it just goes with the territory. Sex doesn't always have to end in orgasm. It's nice when it does but I think of it this way - If I don't cum now, I'll have some mojo saved up for later. Give his penis an hour or so to rest and then take another crack at it.

Also consider the possibility that he wants to see himself cum or he might just want to look at you. Guys are very visual and we like to see what's going on. It's a turn on for us. Sometimes I pull out and stroke it just so I can watch my wife pleasure herself for a little while. It's a nice way to rest a bit during a long session. All that thrusting and sweating and grunting is hard work, sometimes we need a little break.

 

[amofiga]

I agree with the others, especially Rainshine. Change it up as to where and when he cums and stop worrying about it. I've always tried to postpone cumming but I personally prefer to finish with a blowjob. Maybe sometime just tell him to be a "three thrusts and a grunt guy" and then let him take his time to finish you with his tongue or a vibrator. Sometimes my wife likes to cum first and then me. Sometimes she likes me to finish first then her. It's sort of rare to have each finish at the same time even though this is the usual movie fantasy.

 

[DormantEvil]

Or, after he prolongs it enough for you to orgasm once or twice, or however many times you can, give him a slow yet sensual blow job to help him re-sensitize. Avoid the really sensitive zones, kiss him all over, make out for a little while, lick his balls and gently suck his cock. Basically just service him for a while and let him regain some feeling. Perhaps go for a 69 position, then, after a while, crawl around and whisper in his ear something like, "Fuck me hard and fast, and cum inside me..." And if you really want to emphasize the cumming inside part, and don't mind the language, you could say something like. "Fuck me hard and fast, I'm your little cum slut and I want you to fill my pussy with seed."

Then again, I'm probably thinking of this from an RP point of view...so mix and match. You get the jist though.

 

[vibes]

Happens to me at times, nothing wrong with it

 

[soflabbwlvr]

My partner likes to hold off from ejaculating during our sex to wait for me to cum and so that we can have longer sex. While I appreciate this, sometimes it gets to the point when his penis is too sensitive (about 45 min to 1hr into our sex) and he won't have an orgasm. He will jerk off instead as I masturbate in font of him to get him excited and this has worked once but I want him to cum from my pussy because it's a great feeling. Any tips on how to fix this?

The scenario you described sounds a lot like some of the longer sessions that the wife and I enjoy so much when we have the time (and an empty house).

Sometimes after prolonged thrusting I find that I get a little desensitized from the friction. When that happens, I need MORE friction in order to reach orgasm. The best and easiest way to get there is with my hand (or hers).

I have had this same situation. What works for me is a change of position, so that I am fucking her from behind with her legs closed. There are two ways we have done this. One, she is laying flat on the bed, I enter her from behind, and she closes her legs. This works most of the time. The other method works even better. She gets on her hands and knees, with her knees pressed tightly together, lowers her body so that her belly is pressing against her thighs and her butt is pointing slightly upward. The friction in this position is so intense that we only use it when this problem occurs. Success rate for us is 100%.

 

[subwannabe]

Sounds to me like you guys are stuck in a rut where you basically do the same thing all the time. I mean you play around for about an hour, you orgasm, and then he tries. You need to think outside the box and by that I mean maybe letting him cum first in the first 15 - 30 minutes on occasion. Then try your best to get him hard again and then you can get yours. Theres' no law that says you both have to cum either. Maybe one night you can have orgasms and he doesn't and the next night he orgasms and you don't. There are a million different options. Don't forget to turn the page on the book. You don't have to stay on the same page every session.

 

[knot_sweet]

The scenario you described sounds a lot like some of the longer sessions that the wife and I enjoy so much when we have the time (and an empty house).

Sometimes after prolonged thrusting I find that I get a little desensitized from the friction. When that happens, I need MORE friction in order to reach orgasm. The best and easiest way to get there is with my hand (or hers).

It can be frustrating, but it's not exactly a problem - I think it just goes with the territory. Sex doesn't always have to end in orgasm. It's nice when it does but I think of it this way - If I don't cum now, I'll have some mojo saved up for later. Give his penis an hour or so to rest and then take another crack at it.

Also consider the possibility that he wants to see himself cum or he might just want to look at you. Guys are very visual and we like to see what's going on. It's a turn on for us. Sometimes I pull out and stroke it just so I can watch my wife pleasure herself for a little while. It's a nice way to rest a bit during a long session. All that thrusting and sweating and grunting is hard work, sometimes we need a little break.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^These are very wise words.

J has this issue on occasion and I used to worry, but as he pointed out (and it's a sentiment I definately support) sex is not just about dumping a load.

There are times one of us can't orgasm, for whatever reason.

When I can't orgasm, those are the times I take pleasure in making sure J has a knee trembling, wobbly leg, head spinning experience. And most definately vice versa.

Take the focus off the big O and just enjoy all the other overlooked pleasures of sex.

 

[MsQuote]

I'm not sure if your partner's inability to come inside of you is a pattern or a problem since it's only been twice that it's happened, but it could be his pattern.

He could be like my ex-fiance, who was also my high school sweetheart earlier. When we were younger, we had lots of oral sex, but he'd always masturbate to get off. (He had a thing about not having intercourse with me until I was a bit older.) When we reunited 18 years later, we had some pretty good sex, but he still masturbated to get off more often than he came in me. The thing that I could pick up on is that he was more in the habit of masturbation than one-on-one sex ... it was just his conditioning. It was something that was never resolved, but that wasn't our deal breaker.

What you might want to do is to engage in some dirty talk when you can tell that he's on the brink of orgasm. Demand that you want more of him. Tell him that you want him to come. Get verbally and physically aggressive. It may be the trigger he needs. It's worth a try.

 

[Corwith]

It doesn't really sound like an issue to me. If it become more of a habit, it might be something to worry about; but, as it is, these things happen. That said, if you are looking for ways to make him cum sooner, I would suggest that you try to find his erogenous zones (if you don't already know them) and stimulate those areas as provactively and sensually as you can when you feel that it's about time that he blew.

I wouldn't push him too far or to hard, however, since guys like him are liable to feel like they've let you down if they've cum too soon and that could develop into a complex if it happens too often. The last thing that you want to do is to make him feel inadequate.

 

[amofiga]

I just had another thought re-reading some of the responses. Is there any chance that he's afraid of getting you pregnant or have you expressed some desire to get pregnant and he doesn't want it? I had a girlfriend many years ago that I sensed took herself off her pill in order to get pregnant and shotgun me into a wedding. I basically started pulling out and not cumming in her. It lead to some discussions which melded into arguments which lead to a final break up. Just a thought. Even if you're married and not worried about pregnancy or even "hoping" for it, he may not be of the same mindset at this point in time. I happened to catch a re-run of an old "Friends" episode the other night where Chandler started "faking" orgasms because Monica wanted to have a baby and he didn't it because of job situations.

 

[monkeyman057]

What you might want to do is to engage in some dirty talk when you can tell that he's on the brink of orgasm. Demand that you want more of him. Tell him that you want him to come. Get verbally and physically aggressive. It may be the trigger he needs. It's worth a try.

I think that's worth a try - it definately should increase the arousal level, but if this is something that is frustrating him, it may just serve to increase his frustration. I definately think it's worth a try once, but if it doesn't go over well, back off the demands and just stick with more generic dirty talk. He'll love that even if he doesn't get off.

Don't take me wrong - I think this is good advice, but also that it should be followed cautiously.

 

[mike2010fc]

.....

 

[monkeyman057]

Ya I have the same problem, I can only finish in the first few minutes and then start overanalyzing, wondering if she's enjoying it and I lose my mojo and can't finish even 45 minutes later. Unfortunately my partner and I aren't close enough to switch over and have her finish me off, and I'm too self conscious to do it in front of her. I think I maybe could with a condom, but there isn't enough stimulation (total overshare, sorry). After sex she usually doesn't want to do anything else, and I can tell she's unfulfilled because we don't have sex again for weeks/months. If you can get to a place with him where you're totally forgiving of him and he feels accepted, it may become less of a problem. I've had rare times when I feel so free and relaxed it could be over if she barely touches me, but most of the time am too nervous/distracted. It's a lot of pressure being a guy!

Mike

The best thing that I ever did for myself sexually was to stop beating myself up over what I thought were my shortcomings. Once I got over myself and learned to relax, my sexual satisfaction (and that of my partners) shot into the stratosphere. Life is too short to worry about bullshit. Sex is supposed to be fun - so have fun with it and quit thinking of it as a jigsaw puzzle where very piece has to be pristine and without flaws. It's the big picture that matters - not the extra ten pounds you might be sporting or the length of your dick or how long you can stay hard or whether or not you orgasm. Just enjoy it for what it is and don't try to make it fit some predetermined or unatainable fantasy.

And as an aside - if she's not enjoying it, it's on HER to vocalize that. Any woman that is expecting you to read her mind in bed no doubt has a long list of unsatisfying encounters to lament to her friends.

 

[amofiga]

Very interesting listening to men talk about anxieties, frustrations, and insecurities about sex. Many people, especially women, don't understand what men often face relative to sexual performance anxiety whether issues with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation or inability to cum quickly or a zillion other things that it's perceived as "unmanly" to discuss with their partners or other men. From the time they are children men are pushed into this "manly-man" myth that says, "I'm always ready. I'm always horny. I'm into fucking everthing with a pussy. I don't need emotional ties." It's basically bullshit, but it finds a life of it's own and continues from generation to generation. It's good that there's a place like this website where guys can sometimes open up anonymously and let out how they feel about such things. It's especially important that women in general (and your own partner most of all) understand that men are not always simple "fucking machines" that can be turned on or off like a light switch. Male sexual feelings and responses can be just as complex as those of women who often have the advantage of being able to "fake it" and still get by. It's not possible to "fake" an erection and not easy to "fake" a male orgasm when there's no evidence of semen. But....gotta be a manly man at all times. It took me over 5 decades to understand a lot of things. Bravo for this website in many ways.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Que]

I suspect the problem isn't that "he is holding out to make sure you cum" (all though I am sure that he has that in mind and his motivation is pure there....)

I get actually laid pretty infrequently. live alone. and am on lit quite a bit.

therefore I masturbate.

frequently.

When I get to the big city and connect with a friend or a random intended to be a future friend, i find it very hard to get off. I am getting off maybe a third of the time.

It helps if I hold off masturbating a few days...(thats TOUGH to do...you seen the likes of conumbium, fangbanger or malia, etal?)

but i was listening to Dr. Jenn Berman of Sirrius/XM 109, "The love and sex show."

I realized that the biggest problem is likely idiosyncratic masturbatory technique.

As a young lad of a mere 18 when I first discovered I had a penis of course....

I used to (in a guilty-shame based fit of attempted restraint gone awry) hump the hell out of my mattress. If that was still my technique, It would probably be fine....

However (again in a guilty-shame based fit of attempted restraint gone awry) I used to sneak onto lit in my office downstairs to both seek validation and wank fodder back in the days when the lovely mother of my children and i were doing the dance of no-sex, repressed anger, passive aggression. As I had no mattress to hump and it was demeaning feeling to hump the carpet i started grasping my cock through my pants, ever listening for a kid to get up or the wife to come down to try and confirm her suspicion that despite her best efforts at punishment I might be about to orgasm.

so. now my dick thinks that rapid hand movement..(like your boyfriend does as he jacks for you) is the signal for the vas deference to give up its creamy bounty..(damn that was poetic!)

I TOTALLY get why you feel sexier and more connected if you are connected cock-to-cunt (sorry for the C reference to the non UK chicks, but it was more alliterative that way)

I have been with some amazingly sexy girls that were a little wounded when i just couldnt-get-off. I tried jerking one time because i was OH-SO-CLOSE....still didnt, and that girl later gave me feedback about that that she felt a lot less than because i seemed to prefer my hand..(I don't but, what are you going to do?)

Just as some women have trouble with the big O..it can be physical or mental..(for me its kinda both) and just like with women, they may well enjoy the sex immensely even if they dont have one...and just like women, pressuring a man to 'cum for me baby' doesnt help.

I would strongly advise he stop doing that..in the meanwhile as he gets used to cumming in PIV..be warmly encouraging...tell him hes great in bed, and that he has already PROVEN he can go all marathon man on your ass if needed in the future but for now..(just for funsies) lets race,,,see who can get off first. Let him know you love it wne he cums in you even if its "too fast" because it makes you feel irresistibly sexy.

 

[Que]

Or, after he prolongs it enough for you to orgasm once or twice, or however many times you can, give him a slow yet sensual blow job to help him re-sensitize. Avoid the really sensitive zones, kiss him all over, make out for a little while, lick his balls and gently suck his cock. Basically just service him for a while and let him regain some feeling. Perhaps go for a 69 position, then, after a while, crawl around and whisper in his ear something like, "Fuck me hard and fast, and cum inside me..." And if you really want to emphasize the cumming inside part, and don't mind the language, you could say something like. "Fuck me hard and fast, I'm your little cum slut and I want you to fill my pussy with seed."

Then again, I'm probably thinking of this from an RP point of view...so mix and match. You get the jist though.

Ok...next time i get to the big city im gonna hand this to my intended victim for the night.

this sounds like it might just work for me.

 

[Ramrod325]

Sounds to me like you guys are stuck in a rut where you basically do the same thing all the time. I mean you play around for about an hour, you orgasm, and then he tries. You need to think outside the box and by that I mean maybe letting him cum first in the first 15 - 30 minutes on occasion. Then try your best to get him hard again and then you can get yours. Theres' no law that says you both have to cum either. Maybe one night you can have orgasms and he doesn't and the next night he orgasms and you don't. There are a million different options. Don't forget to turn the page on the book. You don't have to stay on the same page every session.

Subwannabe has a tight ass that will help, but your taking a chance of catching the jungle rot. Maybe try bondage. Take turns strapping each other down to the bed. It might help and it'll be fun.

 

[catimann]

My partner likes to hold off from ejaculating during our sex to wait for me to cum and so that we can have longer sex. While I appreciate this, sometimes it gets to the point when his penis is too sensitive (about 45 min to 1hr into our sex) and he won't have an orgasm. He will jerk off instead as I masturbate in font of him to get him excited and this has worked once but I want him to cum from my pussy because it's a great feeling. Any tips on how to fix this?

These are only some ideas. Talk about it when there is no sex going on. Express your desires are not cast in stone (it sounds like they are not) Ask him to tell you his thoughts about what will help him get there inside you.
They say sex is mostly in the brain so find out what to stimulate there, for both of you.
Doing the same thing all the time gets old fast, even if you restrict it to 'most of the time' it will not be as good.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

is it

Is it your wonderful feeling or his that you desire? It is very easy to understand how it could be yours even though you probably do not really feel the ejaculate. A partner of mine some years ago became very, very active in an attempt to get me off after her climax. She used her mouth hands or anything else available to give me please when she was the post-shaking phase of her orgasm. If it is his wonderful feeling you want, he's getting his. If it is your wonderful feeling you want, hmmmm. Your frustration is easy to understand either way.

 

[KlaytonFrost]

Simply this: tell him that's what you want.