*** This is a serious question.***

[hdlynnette]

This is not about right, or wrong, married or unmarried. This is about when you engage in "one on one" cyber sex, I.e. electronic sex, where you are physically separated from one another, be it PM, email, IM or phone; as opposed to role playing games. There is something I am wondering about. When you cyber with someone, do you always actively participate? And if you do not, do you say that you are participating I.e. masturbating? And do you see that as a lie or deception or just a means for your partner to take pleasure in your words?

 

[koalabear]

This is not about right, or wrong, married or unmarried. This is about when you engage in "one on one" cyber sex, I.e. electronic sex, where you are physically separated from one another, be it PM, email, IM or phone; as opposed to role playing games. There is something I am wondering about. When you cyber with someone, do you always actively participate? yes And if you do not, do you say that you are participating I.e. masturbating?no And do you see that as a lie or deception or just a means for your partner to take pleasure in your words?

If a guy is typing well and consistently....he's typing......lol

If he's typing lousy and slow....he has his hands full.......

Then you have guys like me who coan't type no matter what.....

 

[Azuldrgon]

When I cyber, I am always participating fully.

 

[denali]

Can I just double check I've got the question right?

Are you asking if "you" are cyberring with another person, but can't really be bothered or are not that interested at least on that occasion, whether it's acceptable to be doing something else whilst they are in the throes of passion - or thinking they are.?

I'd say no.
If you don't want to - then say so. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I'd rather "you" wanted to be involved. If you're not interested, tell him and save yourselves both some time.
Just my 2c - which is worth less than 1p at today's exchange rate.

 

[ima6uldv8]

I actively participate. If I don't feel like it, then I tell them. It's much more fun to have both parties involved.

 

[Hail27]

I try I really do.

When "cybering" with someone I really like to be as descriptive as possible and make them really imagine almost feel what we are doing. So sometimes in order for it to be great for both of us I have to either use something other than my hand or simply enjoy the wetness soaking my thighs. As I really can't type and stroke at the same time as much as I try. However when on the phone i always participate to the fullest. I may not always masturbate while cybering (though I may imagine, wish, even say I am) I am always giving it my fullest attention and enjoying the feelings it creates in my secret places.
Do I feel guilty about that. Sometimes, I 'd love to masturbate at the same time as cybering but its not always possible. I dislike monosyballic "cyber" and I suppose I assume other do to.
If I could every time I would.

 

[Velvet_Glove]

I dislike monosyballic "cyber" and I suppose I assume other do to.

Ditto!
I participate fully. I especially love being instructed where to touch, how to touch and when to cum.

 

[Hail27]

touching

thats sounds really great. So far I have found that 'Cyber' can be a little one sided at times.
A few have really got me going and I love hearing someones voice telling me exactly what to do.

 

[koalabear]

and sometimes the married ladies are just looking for a "warm up" for Hubby.......

 

[kendra1980]

This is not about right, or wrong, married or unmarried. This is about when you engage in "one on one" cyber sex, I.e. electronic sex, where you are physically separated from one another, be it PM, email, IM or phone; as opposed to role playing games. There is something I am wondering about. When you cyber with someone, do you always actively participate? And if you do not, do you say that you are participating I.e. masturbating? And do you see that as a lie or deception or just a means for your partner to take pleasure in your words?

I feel that if you aren't interested in having cybersex on a particular day, you may still want to give your cyber partner pleasure. What I don't agree with it the 'pretending' you are interested part.

If I were not in the mood, but wanted to help bring him pleasure, I would say so. I don't think there is anything wrong in that at all. It is the whole deception part of it that bothers me, I suppose.

Fortunately...I am always in the mood!

 

[trent0553]

Bump

 

[hdlynnette]

Ok....so if one partner can't actively participate for some reason, let's say they are not home alone, but they want to pleasure their partner, and don't reveal they aren't actively participating...that is deception? A lie? Even when it was to bring their partner pleasure?

 

[Blase]

I can't really type and do anything else, except intermittently, so when I'm online, I'm not really "participating" IRL. I don't go out of my way to point this out to my partner, but wouldn't deny it if asked.

I actually prefer scenarios where I'm directing a girl's actions IRL, and when that happens, I typically ask that she not try to type a response to everything that I say, because I know the extent to which someone needs to be able to concentrate and use their imagination in order to climax in that situation.

On the phone is a different matter...pretty easy for both parties to participate fully...

 

[MarkSand]

I try to be completely engaged and hope that my partner is, too

 

[IFish]

Ok....so if one partner can't actively participate for some reason, let's say they are not home alone, but they want to pleasure their partner, and don't reveal they aren't actively participating...that is deception? A lie? Even when it was to bring their partner pleasure?

Hi HD,

Since this is a serious question, I think we all have to realize that everyone is different. Since your main goal is to pleasure your partner, I say go for it. Oh, did I mention that my phone # is 978-000-0000

 

[Hail27]

I actually prefer scenarios where I'm directing a girl's actions IRL, and when that happens, I typically ask that she not try to type a response to everything that I say, because I know the extent to which someone needs to be able to concentrate and use their imagination in order to climax in that situation.
...

Yeah, that is exactly what I mean.
I won't go out of my way to tell someone either way but if asked I am always honest about my participation.
I dont think it is deceit. Just because I am not masturbating (touching myself) doesnt mean I am not enjoying it a great deal!
I would never engage in 'cyber' if I wasnt in the mood and didnt want to enjoy the sensations it creates.

I also agree that everyone is different and will therefore have a different opinion on this issue.

 

[kendra1980]

Hi HD,

Since this is a serious question, I think we all have to realize that everyone is different. Since your main goal is to pleasure your partner, I say go for it. Oh, did I mention that my phone # is 978-000-0000

^ that was funny!

 

[kendra1980]

Ok....so if one partner can't actively participate for some reason, let's say they are not home alone, but they want to pleasure their partner, and don't reveal they aren't actively participating...that is deception? A lie? Even when it was to bring their partner pleasure?

Lynn,

For myself, I'd say that, yes, it is deception. What's wrong with being able to say, "I can't today, because of xxxx reason, but..you sure can, let's do that?"

I don't fake orgasms, and I'd not let him think I was 'actively participating" when I was not, or could not.

 

[KnightWing]

Lynn,

For myself, I'd say that, yes, it is deception. What's wrong with being able to say, "I can't today, because of xxxx reason, but..you sure can, let's do that?"

I don't fake orgasms, and I'd not let him think I was 'actively participating" when I was not, or could not.

What??? Women fake orgasms???

 

[mrtnmoon]

what's this "cyber" stuff y'all keep talking about?

 

[dcraz]

Judging from so many of the repsonses here, I'm still not sure I understand the question...

Cybering is far different than same room sex. It is, by its very nature, more distant and 'removed'. If both people are on the phone, then maybe they can both participate. Maybe. But especially if you are 'chatting' online (i.e. typing), it is VERY awkward to have real time, two way conversation.

Speaking for myself, even same room sex is more mental than physical. It is about the experience, the sharing, the intimacy, the opportunity to please another in every aspect. When I focus on the deeper value and quality of the sex, the physical release is there in spades! Something echoed by my partners I might add. It is as much about attitude as it is action.

Given that cybering is somewhat removed to begin with, I have found it much easier for one person to focus on the giving while the other focuses on the receiving. In other words, if I am the one typing, or speaking into the phone, I would much rather my partner on the other end, concentrate on the fantasy I am painting for them. For them to try to participate by giving feedback only breaks up the fantasy and the timing because of the awkward nature of the feedback. Likewise, if someone is talking dirty to me, I would rather close my eyes and 'live' what they are sharing with me rather than talking over them, trying to force myself back on them. It just doesn't work. At least not well. At least not for me...

Now as to the 'deception', again, I don't think I understand the problem... Why would someone be upset or feel 'deceived' simply because the other did not 'participate'. I just do not understand the emotion here. Would a man expect a woman who is going down on him to moan and groan and claim to have cum five times for being given the opportunity to service him? Would this be 'required' for him to feel properly satisfied? Is his blowjob somehow less fulfilling because it was not the best ever for her too? Why must this attitude exist at all. Can he not just enjoy the pleasure someone is willing to offer him freely? God knows I would be appreciative! Or does he have a problem with the simple act of giving? Can he not possible imagine giving pleasure unless he received his own equal pleasure in return? Is this why he cannot imagine her doing the same for him? Maybe he is consumed by tit for tat. Giving only if receiving equal pleasure.

Like I said, I don't think I understand...

 

[TitianaPeaks]

Sounds as though someone is DEEPLY conflicted about cyber sex......and maybe sex in general.....and is probably in a relationship......

Let's boil it down......same rules apply to 'cyber sex' as in person sex.....how's that? Treat your partner how you'd want to be treated....

 

[Spenser41]

Ok....so if one partner can't actively participate for some reason, let's say they are not home alone, but they want to pleasure their partner, and don't reveal they aren't actively participating...that is deception? A lie? Even when it was to bring their partner pleasure?

Not sure where you are going with this hon, but if you like the person and someone is typing and the other person can not join in... there is nothing wrong in saying, I can't but let me help you... and here is what i would like to do. I have cybered and helped someone when I could not do it and to be really honest, it is difficult for a guy to type and masturbate at the same time. Women can do it while riding a toy... or dildo... they may not type very well... as things progress but they do have the chace to use both hands....

Personally I perfer phone because you can both do it and enjoy it and hear the other cum. But if you are only doing cyber, best thing is to let one cum and then the other.... so they can focus on the playing and not the typing. But those are my thoughts...

 

[kendra1980]

Lynn,

I agree, if you are talking about 'how' the cyber works best, one giving as one receives, and then vice versa does work best for when we've done it.

phone, is pretty much the same, it seems to work best that way, but while you are talking to your partner, you can be actively doing things to yourself as well...so in my mind that is actively participating - as are other things.

When we are together, my time and desire is to be totally with him.

So if the question is...when you cyber or phone, and your partner is talking to you - engaging you in a fantasy, is it alright to let them think you are enjoying yourself with them, when in reality you are giving yourself a pedicure...I think the answer there is no...it isn't alright.

Lots of good points made above!

Missing you, we are due a call this week, sweetness! I got things to share xoxoxo

 

[BareFootPagan]

I actively participate , as it tends to spur my imagination. In the case of phone sex , the fact that I have gotten much noisier the past few years is a nice enhancement.

I have gotten a couple of toys in the last few months which can do a nice job of pleasuring me while I have both hands free