Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[LaRascasse]

The title says it all. Have fun. I'll get us started.

"I hope you don't have AIDS. I don't want to catch it again."

Or the classic

"Honey! I'm home."

 

[sr71plt]

"Harold? I thought you said your name was Carol!"

 

[Boxlicker101]

I hope I get my HIV test results back from the clinic today.

 

[Dual_Triode]

"Is it in yet?"

 

[MarcelineTheVampireQueen]

So can we discuss our wedding plans?

 

[YDB95]

"I wish we were making a baby."

My ex said that to me once - she was out of work, and I was a grad student living on a stipend. Just...no!

 

[McKenna]

Are you done yet?

 

[glynndah]

Bang!

 

[sr71plt]

"Are you sure that's how your pit bull smiles?"

 

[Cruel2BKind]

'I have to poop'

 

[TE999]

"They pop open sometimes. Don't worry about it."

 

[sr71plt]

"I know you said you take your mother everywhere you go, but . . ."

 

[Kikoro]

This applies to just about anything, not just sex...

"Here, hold my beer. Watch this!"

 

[loquere]

What's your name again?

 

[loquere]

Are you in yet?

 

[loquere]

No, I really need to get the phone it's my doctor, with the results.

 

[loquere]

Honey I was born a man

 

[loquere]

I'm having a heart attack

 

[loquere]

I couldn't find the KY. I used peanut butter instead. Wait, whys your face swelling up.

 

[HeyAll]

"You realize this isn't free right?"

 

[TE999]

"That's my brother, just ignore him."

 

[redhot_363236]

Oh no, that's not a strap on

 

[Bramblethorn]

"By the way, I'm a violent transphobe." (Or homophobe.)

 

[MSTarot]

"Eighteen?" Giggle "Who said I was eighteen?"

Also the above phrase followed with the ratchet sound of a pump shotgun being worked.

 

[lovecraft68]

Wow, you're tighter than my mom

Or

You're not as big as my daddy