things that sound incriminating but aren't...

[silverwhisper]

during a recent exchange w/ a close friend, i uttered the following

ed quoth
to be honest, i find it more satisfying to do by hand...wait...

we've all had moments like this, when you say something that within the context of the conversation make perfect sense, but outside of it sound, well...incriminating. or silly. or goofy. or whatever.

so what have you said/heard uttered along those lines?

ed

 

[NaughtyLil1]

During our office lunch break, I was telling a story of a strange phone call I received. I was at the good part, where I loudly proclaimed "I don't wear panties!" What I didn't know was that the doctor had walked into our lunch room. I looked at him wide eyed (oh shit!) and he just shook his head and walked out.

 

[bobsgirl]

Recently my husband made plans to play tennis, an activity that he only occasionally does. He came into the kitchen and complained, "I can't find my balls!"

Hmmm. Sounds like a personal problem to me.

 

[Sarojaede]

Once, on a public forum, I was responding to a post and hastily typed a response that was supposed to say "I suck too."

I didn't proofread.

Instead, it read "I suck tool."

And there was no edit feature for the posts.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

While learning portuguese I had a made a bit of a faux-pas.

I wanted to say; I am looking for my mother

my mother = minha mae

I actually said; I am looking for breasts

Breasts = maminhas

The worst part was not knowing why everybody else was pissing themselves laughing

Velvet

 

[Verbiwhore]

Winding up a tricky meeting with some European management team.
I ment to say..... Embrassons-nous maintenant? = Do we kiss now? (the french are very kissy in meetings)
I did say..... Baisons-nous maintenant? = Do we fuck now?

Insert your own cunning linguist joke here.

 

[Flyin_Free]

When consulting a photographer about doing a special photo of my daughter, he was concerned that he might not be able to get the lighting right to do the shot. We talked for quite a while about what the other photographers had done (when I had gotten similar photo's for my other two daughters) and it started to sound like he might be able to do the picture after all.... So I turned to him and said

"So will you do me?"

He turned red. I turned red..... And I hired a different photographer LOL

 

[Verbiwhore]

"So will you do me?"
He turned red. I turned red..... And I hired a different photographer LOL[/QUOTE]

Bet he still thinks about it tho.

 

[MagicFingers]

Many years ago

I worked as a tech for "Varian Data" Machines.
We had many young guys and girls working there, usually dressed in every-day work attire. One Friday, a sexy, cute young friend walked into our cafeteria all dressed up and wearing makeup. (I assume for a hot date later).

Wanting to make notice of how she looked, I spoke up so everyone could hear me, "Hey, it's Miss VD!"

Then I realized what I said as I tried to crawl under the table.

 

[Eilan]

About the winning field goal:

It's up--and it's good!

 

[WaltsFrozenHead]

I was at dinner with my date’s entire family (the first time). The conversation was about how people like meat cooked to differing degrees. I like meat very rare but my date’s preference is for meat that has been cooked in an Easy Bake Oven. A very clear image suddenly popped in my mind of muscles still twitching on the cow when I "smoothly" shared out loud with some degree of astonishment: How these peoples daughter, sister, and in-law, “liked her meat still throbbing…” as the words came from my mouth I heard them and thought Oh Fuck! The large family busy in conversation moved right on and never caught my slip… minus one brother in-law who sprayed wine from his nose.

 

[Saucyminx]

not a sexual one, but they still make fun of me for it

We were driving along, and i saw a vanity plate that said cat lvr. So i say "cat liver? Why the hell would anyone want their licence plate to say cat liver?"

It's been years and they still are laughing about it.

 

[Sarojaede]

"This is usually a one-man job. Your crank hand has to know how fast your grab hand can take it"

Heard on food network when talking about an old-fashioned hand operated sausage stuffing machine.

 

[bobsgirl]

"This is usually a one-man job. Your crank hand has to know how fast your grab hand can take it"

Heard on food network when talking about an old-fashioned hand operated sausage stuffing machine.

"sausage stuffing"...heehee

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I said this one today about something that was stuck/glued to someone else's hand... "Would you just quit complaining and take it off already?"


yeah, I didnt realize the way it sounded until after I got a few looks from some of the men that I work with.

 

[Eilan]

My two youngest kids sleep in Pull-Ups, and we're almost out of them.

I (rather distractedly) said to my husband, "Once the babies are in bed, do you want to go to town and get some?"

He gave me a funny look and responded, "You'd probably have better luck at that than I would."

 

[TBKahuna123]

Though they aren't popular these days, back when I was a kid my folks had a setup with a central computer and a bunch of dumb terminals in their office. Of course, they had one of those great japanese names. I will never forget my mom coming out of her office to the central lobby where I was typing a school paper and her saying "Can you please listen for the phone dear, your father is having trouble with his Wang."

That was 20 years ago and I still laugh my ass off everytime I think of it!

 

[Sarojaede]

"I might experience early release of my dough..."

on an episode of MythBusters.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

that reminds me of an exchange my wife overheard b/n myself and a friend before we were dating or even got to know one another.

my friend and i were walking across campus, reflecting on the upcoming thanksgiving break and he was saying as we passed the mrs to be that he was "really looking forward to getting some meaty breasts and thighs" over the break.

ed

 

[silverwhisper]

actual voicemail i left someone about 45 minutes ago:

i quoth
hi beth, it's ed, i've just gotten the bras. give me a buzz back when you're free.

:>

ed

 

[pleasteasme]

I'll pay extra because it's so dirty. Scrub it harder.











Yeah, I had to tell them at the car wash...

 

[Flyin_Free]

Though they aren't popular these days, back when I was a kid my folks had a setup with a central computer and a bunch of dumb terminals in their office. Of course, they had one of those great japanese names. I will never forget my mom coming out of her office to the central lobby where I was typing a school paper and her saying "Can you please listen for the phone dear, your father is having trouble with his Wang."

That was 20 years ago and I still laugh my ass off everytime I think of it!

My Science teacher in HS always used to refer to the chalk erasers as Rubbers. It was really funny to hear him say in his British accent "Where is my rubber, has anybody seen my rubber?"

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

My Science teacher in HS always used to refer to the chalk erasers as Rubbers. It was really funny to hear him say in his British accent "Where is my rubber, has anybody seen my rubber?"

I was working a convention with a guy from Yorkshire a few years back and he threw me for a loop when he said he was gonna go outside and spark a fag. I was quite shocked and he was very amused at my dismay. Of course, now that I know fag is a term for cigarrette over there... It wasn't funny at the time though.