Things I have recently discovered

[glynndah]

There's quite a valid reason why the instructions say to put on those gloves BEFORE one begins tinting one's hair.

All of the parts of a microwave egg cooker are necessary. Apparently THAT piece prevents the eggs from exploding in the microwave.

If one parks too close to the railing and then backs up, it is possible to pop the license plate holder and the license plate off the front bumper.

The knowledge that one is wearing pretty undies is just about the only consolation when one realizes that one has been walking around the mall all day with one's fly unzipped.

One of the best ways to find one's best reading glasses is to resign oneself to the second best pair and then put them on, only to discover one has been wearing the best pair all along.

The time to find out one does NOT have any money is BEFORE one reaches the cashier at the drive-thru window.

That fancy aluminum water bottle splits just like a Diet Coke can when left in the freezer too long, although the aftermath isn't quite as spectacular.

When sending pictures to a friend on the internet, one should make sure THOSE pictures are not the first ones in the queue. The results can be rather embarrassing.

And what have you discovered lately?

 

[SeaCat]

What have I dicovered lately?

All of my cats like Fried Eggs, not to mention Bacon.

My new Cell Phone sounds better than my old house phone.

After seven days with more than an inch of rainfall each day I'm getting tired of rain.

My wife looks damned good in a wet, tight thin white T-Shirt.

Some of my neighbors hate my wife and myself.

One of those that hates my wife is a younger female who weighs close to two hundred pounds, whose husband has an obsession with my wife.

Chilling a beer in the freezer five minutes too long results in ones beer being laced with ice crystals.

Marinating two pounds of thinly sliced beef in four cups of Soy Sauce results in the beef being inedible due to it's high salt content.

You can make one hell of a brandy by freezing wine in your deep freezer then pouring off the resulting liquid.

No matter how comely they are I'm not interested in the younger women.

Cat

 

[john-the-author]

You can make one hell of a brandy by freezing wine in your deep freezer then pouring off the resulting liquid.Cat

The Vikings used to make brandy that way themselves: they'd freeze barrels of wine, then tap the slushy core in the center and drain off the high proof stuff.

What have I learned lately:

While I used to be able to work multiple full-time jobs simultaneously and make it work reasonably well and produce decent writing and not die from exhaustion, those days are 20 years in the past. I can no longer work the kind of 2x and 3x hours I used to. (And damn.)

I'm doing okay at my day job. (I wasn't sure until my annual review.)

That's about all that comes to mind right now.

 

[Safe_Bet]

1. It fits. It really, really does fit in there... Amazing.

2. California's Constitution SUCKS.

3. You do NOT want to let seagulls swim in your pool, no matter how cute the kids think they are.

4. My girls are starting to cheat at poker BETTER than I do!

5. Amy STILL tries to make Chicken Noodle Soup with milk and STILL burns the shit out of it!

6. Cats barf their own weight in hair daily.

7. Juan (my Pool Boy) thinks his hot pink Speedo is a "uniform"!

8. Other people's "Mild" Salsa ain't!

9. Amy bought two boxes of Mr. Bubbles for the girls without letting me know (cuz she uses too damn much!) :caning:

10. I love Amy bunches!!!!!! (I know I didn't just discover this but I wanted to say it anyway! )

 

[voluptuary_manque]

The kind of bizarre behavior associated with 12-year-olds is perfectly normal.




Normal does not guarantee acceptable.




School does not end soon enough in the spring.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

What have I learned?

Stupid people seem to congregate in the same place and it's always between me and home.

I thought drivers in Chicago and Atlanta were stupid, Houston is way worse.

I miss my doctors.

I miss being able to write as much as I did while unemployed.

I enjoy living in a hotel.

I really like my new job.

 

[Huckleman2000]

7. Juan (my Pool Boy) thinks his hot pink Speedo is a "uniform"!

9. Amy bought two boxes of Mr. Bubbles for the girls without letting me know (cuz she uses too damn much!) :caning:

7. Are you the one who told him this?
9. I recently read that Mr. Bubble is(was) a culprit in chronic UTIs. Better check if they've changed the formula over the years.

 

[MagicaPractica]

What a guy does when he's 98% asleep can mean more than anything he says when he's awake.

Reminders I've gotten include:

Don't let a doctor tell you what to do without questioning. You are your own healthcare advocate.

It's always worth asking.

There are always going to be people who can look past the physical and those who can't.

 

[SeaCat]

Some things not so recently learned, but usefull anyways.

You can drive that neighbor who likes to watch their TV late at night, with the volume high nuts by buying a cheap programable remote.

Dry Ice, a two liter soda bottle with cap and a warm day means you can scare the crap out of people.

A cat laying in your lap, when startled has twenty points of contact. All of them sharp.

A two liter soda bottle filled with air thirty feet underwater, capped then released will scare the crap out of people.

Cats like warm electronics.

Cats will always honk up a hairball where you least want it.

Cat

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Some things I learned a long time ago...

People will always do what you tell them not to do.

Kids say the darnedest thing, when you least expect it.

Dogs are good friends.

Why worry over things you have no control over?

Life's a bitch and then you die.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Beware the persons who claim to hate politics. They can be frighteningly good at it.

 

[TE999]

Machetes don't always cut what you want them to.

Toes and heavy furniture don't interact well.

Fire ants are never dead, only waiting to strike.

Tortoises can and will piss on you if you hold them incorrectly.

Most people can't drive worth two cents.

The past is but a prologue to the future.

 

[PrincessErin]

.....

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I like this so far.

I've learnt that it's difficult to reason to a non verbal two year old who is awake at two in the morning.

I've learnt that there is a reason that certain doctors work in a walk in clinic setting. They are less informed about giving out medications which resulted in me being told yesterday "that dose is totally wrong and is for children." The end results is another ten days on antibiotics.

Grade 8 students regress all year until they are as mature and responsible as my two year old. The school year will be over when they mutate into infants. The miracle is that they will transform into normal Grade 9 students in September.

Boy do you have them pegged!

 

[DesertPirate]

1. It fits. It really, really does fit in there... Amazing.

I am now curious nad scared at the same time

 

[john-the-author]

I am now curious nad scared at the same time

I must say that I'm not entirely sure I want to ask that particular question, either, DP.

ook.

 

[Safe_Bet]

I am now curious nad scared at the same time

I must say that I'm not entirely sure I want to ask that particular question, either, DP.

ook.

You're better off not asking... you'd both blush...

 

[SlickTony]

When sending pictures to a friend on the internet, one should make sure THOSE pictures are not the first ones in the queue. The results can be rather embarrassing.

Hmmm. Now we're curious about those pictures.

Most cats I've known like warm electronics. My sister has periodic trouble with her LAN...she blames her cat. Calls it Striped Cat Interference. Sounds like a good name for a band, even if it does have a similar cadence to Red Jumpsuit Apparatus...

 

[CarolinaHeat]

1. If you hang the park pass from your mirror and look confident, the people at the front gate let you go thru without paying even though your pass expired 10 months ago.

2. I feel like I'm playing poker. I've got 10, J, Q, & K of hearts and a really strong feeling I'm gong to pick up the Ace. Knowing the odds are against me....I've gone all in and risked my entire world on this overwhelming feeling that I'll get the Royal Flush. So, I'm chasing the river. Translates to...I've wrecked my entire world...just for a chance at forever happiness. Yet, I realize that card may never fall. I never thought I'd risk it all...but I've learned there's certain things and once-in-a-lifetime people that come into your life that are worth sacrificing it all just to see how the cards are played out.

3. I've discovered that it doesn't matter if I wake up at 3am, 4am or 7am...For one reason or another, I'm still not going to leave for work on time.

4. I've learned even when I'm having a bad day, it's best not to dwell on it and bring others down with you. Instead, do what you can to try to make someone else smile and happy. It'll lift you both up.

5. I've discovered when making an international wire transfer...."amount to transfer" is AFTER currency conversion, not the US $ amount. OUCH!!!

 

[DesertPirate]

You're better off not asking... you'd both blush...

What was it?

 

[CarolinaHeat]

You're better off not asking... you'd both blush...

you know I'm not too shy to ask
and I probably know the answer!

 

[Blackie Malone]

karma is a fucking bitch

 

[Chantilyvamp]

My heart will always do as it wants no matter what I say.

That a heart can break in ways you never even thought possible.

That fate has pms right now.

That a good friend can make you smile when you least expect it.

Buying toys for other people is a freaking blast.

Daydreams are wonderful things.

I have discovered that the 3 people who did the course materials for my university class are idiots and in need of being slapped and probably should not have put their names on the materials.:caning:

The memory of a laugh, a hug, a held hand and a kiss on the cheek is worth more than any gold in the world.

 

[Saucy_Sage]

You're better off not asking... you'd both blush...

I think a much better question is why she describes Juan as "my pool boy." Does Amy have a separate pool? Or just a separate boy?

 

[jomar]

...

When sending pictures to a friend on the internet, one should make sure THOSE pictures are not the first ones in the queue. The results can be rather embarrassing.

But I LIKED those pictures!