Things a mate should NEVER say to the One they are having sex with!

[yeishia]

Things you shoud NEVER say during Sex no matter who it is!

Again my origional thread was removed because it contained the words BDSM

This is open to anyone: of any sexual persuasion, vanilla, dominant, submissive or anything in between


I will go first!

Oh god not again, I'm gonna die!!!!!!!

 

[Bsquad]

"What the hell do you think you're doing with that thing!"

 

[ShireWolfe]

"That thing goes WHERE!?"

 

[Fira]

okay...several at once...

"you might want to read the instructions first"
or
"did you even read the instructions for that thing?"

start singing "it's a small world after all" or "we welcome you to munchkinland" when he takes his pants off

 

[Ausus_girl13]

Fira that is hilarious!

What else you got? Cause that is not coming near me.

 

[yeishia]

My my my ......is that a wart?

 

[ShireWolfe]

"...you are -NOT- wearing that to bed..."

 

[dragonrazor]

pulling from a joke that either came from Playboy or Reader's Digest (it's been a long time, what can I say):

A man makes a lewd comment about a woman, and his WIFE says something to the effect of "With your needle dick?"

Later, when the two are in the throes of passion: "Is it in yet, is it in yet?" "I DUNNO, WOMAN, I CAN'T TELL"

 

[blondnbashfulbi]

I would like to get a big black dildo and have you fuck me with it.....but really your cock is great just like it is... I just want to experiment...really

 

[dragonrazor]

"Is it supposed to look like that?"
"Is it supposed to be green?"
"where were you hiding THAT thing?"

 

[yeishia]

Master!!!!!!! Do we have to...........

 

[yeishia]

Do you really love me?

(That one is a real killer lover or Master hehe)

 

[dragonrazor]

"Let's make this quick, I've got another appointment in ten minutes"

 

[monique_minx]

"I usually get paid for this..."

 

[dragonrazor]

"ah...ah hah hah hah...oh...I'm so sorry but...it's SOOO kYOOOT"

yes, I know I'm a tortured soul. Too many webcomics, not enough time.

"You know, (insert name here) can lick own pussy"

 

[yeishia]

Your cock ring is caught on my clit ring!

 

[EesomeBeastie]

"Darling, I've something important to tell you."

This was said to a lady I know, by her boyfriend, when they were making love, or so she swears. He apparently stopped in mid thrust, looked her right in the eyes with a most serious expression, uttered these words... then let loose a vile and deliberate fart!

He thought it was a great joke.

She did not.

He is now an ex.

 

[dragonrazor]

"Darling, I've something important to tell you."

This was said by an ex-boyfriend to a lady I know, or so she swears. He apparently stopped in mid thrust, looked her right in the eyes with a most serious expression, uttered these words... then let loose a vile and deliberate fart!

He thought it was a great joke.

She did not.

He is now an ex.

That sounds like something my cousin or little brother would do.

"Honey....I used to be a man/woman" o.o now wouldn't THAT be the start of an awkward conversation, no matter which side you're on

 

[babygurll1968]

Hehe..making love in the dark,guy wearing condom and out of the heated moment of passion you hear the word......


OOPS

 

[yeishia]

Fuck it fell off?

You idiot!!!

 

[dragonrazor]

oops...lol..

"Baby? My darling girl....I used to sleep with your brother" o.o is it sad that my own ideas are starting to disturb me?

 

[EesomeBeastie]

"Would you like a pickled onion up your bum?"

I have actually been asked this.

I declined the kind offer, graciously!

 

[Ausus_girl13]

You look like my mom. (or dad, depending)

 

[dragonrazor]

You look like my mom. (or dad, depending)

oh god, and I thought mine were bad lol

 

[yeishia]

That's so good, your the only one that makes me feel like that___________( Inserts wrong name