Thing I have learned about rl BDSM

[MsWorthy]

I thought a thread disclosing what we learned about bdsm, over time, might help some who are new to this life/play style. So, do share with us the hard, embarrassing, difficult lessons you have learned, from experience, about bdsm.

This may seem self-evident (don't most things seem easy after we learn them), but . . .

I have learned that regardless of all the talk about a dom/mes needs, desires, preferences coming first . . . it isn't all about me. If she (the submissive) doesn't have the same/complementary desires/goals/values that I have, it will not work out/last. It isn't all about the Dom/me!

~I will be back to this thread as I think of more lessons I have learned~

 

[~Dream~]

there has never been

anything in my life as fulfilling and liberating to me asmy BDSM relationship with Artful..
Communication of DEsires,wants,needs thoughts is of UTMOST importance however,,I have learned to rxpress myself more truthfully and openly in this relationship because of the great trust and high respect I hold for my Master tho..
He fulfills my needs and sees to my pleasure almost even before I ask anything of Him at all sometimes as strange as it may seem.
I also wish more than ANYTHING to serve Him ..incorporating all this into real-life skin to skin was like the answer to all MY Dreams..



the only embarrassing things for me so far is just that I need to learn to 'speak up' lol when I am cumming(embarrassing indeed!)
other than that all I can say is Real life BDSM is only better than online in the fact that ALL the senses are used and treasured also..

 

[A Desert Rose]

welcome back

dream doll- I have missed you.

 

[Hot4Heels]

The stuff you THINK you may like the most you may like the leats. Because of the sights, sounds, smells, all that real life stuff. While alot of it is in the mind the senses cannot be ignored.

Conversly something you have never even thought about may turn out to really trip your trigger because of the experience.

 

[MissTaken]

My first important lesson was

~submissives do have a choice, especially in the beginning while the trust is growing. I merely intend to give a rousing "Hell, Yeah!" to MsW's post.

The second important lesson was

~the relationship is a relationship on it's own merit before during and after the BDSM. If you dont' have common interests, enjoy one another's company out of the scene and genuinely care for the other, there is no point to continuing. (Regardless of how good he is with that riding crop!)

The third of many lessons was

~a true Dom obtains your respect and submission without having to "prove a thing." They need not tell war stories, nor do they need to put on a Domly air. They have it naturally. They beget your trust because of who they are, not what they are and they cherish it, nurture it and use it wisely in play.

 

[MissTaken]

OHhhhhhhhhhh

I almost forgot this one!


Limits change!


Your view of BDSM when first getting involved will evolve with the wind.

And it is awesome!

 

[CarolineOh]

I have learned that it is not the grand scenario or the elaborate scene, but the small things; a certain gesture, a tone of voice, the merest look between us, that has the greatest impact on my feelings of submission to him.

 

[MissTaken]

OH yes, Caroline!


Like when he whispers naughty things in your ear?


mmmmmmmm

 

[Desdemona]

Move slow. Ask questions. Get to know each other well and make sure you both understand what the other is looking for and needs. Develop the relationship/friendship. It isn't all about the scene or the genitals, although.....

Submission takes effort and isn't just about being tied up or kneeling.

Learning to truly trust is a scary thing sometimes and it takes time and effort from both parties.

Online doesn't always translate well into real life.

 

[WriterDom]

Well, if you are a new Dom/me and have found this place, you're well ahead of the game. Absorb all that you can from different sources. Don't be afraid to jump right in. For every novice Dom there are probably 2 novice subs.

And for all, get involved with a local group if you can.

 

[WillowPuss]

One of the things I have learnt is that when you have submitted completely you are then freer than you have ever been before.

 

[MsWorthy]

BDSM D/S should be fun!

Role-play and rituals are wonderful, but if you aren't having fun you are taking yourself too seriously.

Being a stern and inflexible taskmaster is great for a scene, but if you are living a 24/7, it is necessary to be flexible and able to compromise.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: BDSM D/S should be fun!

Role-play and rituals are wonderful, but if you aren't having fun you are taking yourself too seriously.

Being a stern and inflexible taskmaster is great for a scene, but if you are living a 24/7, it is necessary to be flexible and able to compromise.

Taking oneself to seriously simply makes one an unbelievable pomposs ass. That goes for both the submissive and the Dominant.

I have discovered it is much easier to get someone to understand that in real time than it is online.