The word "Retard" ???

[TygerEyez]

Yesterday, while playing a game around the table with my aunts and uncles, I began teasing my sister and I called her a retard. My aunt, who's son is mentally handicapped, had a fit and spent a half an hour lecturing me about not using that word.

Now, I understand where she's coming from to an extent. She doesn't want people calling her son that. I would never do that. It's just a bad habit picked up from high school, college, and my friends here in the midwest.

I know it's a dirogatory remark if used in the wrong context, but I truly didn't mean the word to be "directed" at him. Does it make me a bad person?

 

[plasticman33]

No your not a bad person........

You used it as a generic term, not as a direct insult. Your aunt should calm down, maybe she's a little over sensitive.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

I understand where you aunt is comeing from

I get pissed at people when they use the word yet oddly enough I use it myself. but I will never use it as to insult someone.

 

[TygerEyez]

That's what my other aunts said too: that since I didn't mean it directly at him, not to worry about it. Like I said, I didn't even think about it.

I think that's what upsets me the most. I used it, without even thinking "Geez, your handicapped cousin is sitting across the table from you." I felt like such a bitch.

I mean, I don't like when people use the N-word around me, even if they say that something is N----- rigged.

So if saying "retard" doesn't make me a bad person, does it make me a hypocrite?

 

[AStormyOne]

I can see both sides of the fence here....

I have a son who has autism. So, the term "retard" can be very offensive, and I hate to hear it used in any context. At the same time, I understand you didnt mean anything cruel to anyone, and was just using it as an "affectionate insult."

Maybe next time, just be careful what you say around your aunt or cousin.....

Storm

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

we have all done it at one time or antoher
and will again

you'll feel bad aobut it now but it will pass so
don't hurt yourself overr it

 

[lobito]

Some people just don't have any tolerance, that's all. Were you wrong? That's very hard for us to answer, even with your explanation here.

Take the generic and oft overused term of "fag", kids say it all the time without thinking first. It probably does NO good to say anything to them, because chances are they'll say it again, behind your back. What good is a 30 minute lecture, when just a simple "Now why'd you have to go and say that for?" would have worked most likely. Seems to me, she just wanted to make you feel like shit, even though she probably got her point across early on.

 

[girl]

I think it tells you that you're bothered with the fact that you said it...You should look at whether you want to try to get that particular word, in that context, out of your vocab.

To me, I think it's really insensitive. Because it makes the generalization that to be called a 'retard' is to be insulted (even if it's in fun - I don't imagine you called her a retard to praise her for something), therefore, being a 'retard' is a bad thing.

The nigger analogy is appropriate and I think you're right to feel like you might be acting like a hypocrite. But you've got the control over your life to change that...and if it's bothering you that much, then perhaps you should.

My .02,
girl

 

[Scabbers]

Retard

I would just never use that word in any context, except maybe when tuning an engine (advance or retard the spark). I always felt that word was insulting.

 

[morninggirl5]

I think the best option is not to use the word retard at all.

There are many, many intellectual disabilities that someone may have and you never know it. You could be insulting and hurting someone using the word and not even realize.

If you don't like the N word, substitute it whenever you start to say the R word. You'll break yourself of the habit pretty quickly.

 

[TygerEyez]

Oh, yeah, I know I was wrong. Thinking about it, I know why she didn't like it, and I don't blame her at all.

I guess I'm more upset about the fact that she made me feel so "dirty" by jumping on me in front of our entire family. Like I said, I don't like the N-word, but if people say it, I bite my tongue.

Most of my family knows I don't like it, so just by saying "please, don't" it usually stops them. But (in my opinion) that's not such a common word as "retard." (I hate that word, now, jeesh...) I'm only twenty years old, and I've been saying it since high school.

I know it's wrong, but it was an accident. She made me feel like I did it on purpose...

 

[plasticman33]

Everyone gets into bad verbal habits sometimes, I counted my daughter saying "Ya know what I mean", 25 times in a 10 minute phone conversation. Not insulting but certainly annoying.

 

[morninggirl5]

I know it's wrong, but it was an accident. She made me feel like I did it on purpose...

She's hypersensitive about it. You got the lecture she's saved up for the last few years every time some insensitive clod said something but she didn't feel free to take them to task for it.

 

[Gingersnap]

I had a sister who was called that name. She was mentally challenged. Yet it did not stop her from feeling embarassment and pain when people called her retard. I used to rage when people did that so I can understand why your Aunt went off on you. To this day my teeth grind when people use that word. I am sure you did not mean to offend. It was just a joke right? But you know something everytime I hear that used I flash to her face and the way her face would drop when some kid would use that word to jeer at her. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I fought kids when I was little over that word.

I think your Aunt was speaking from that same place when she got angry. She loves her kid and she doesn't want to see him hurt. That word hurts her cause it hurts him. It perhaps will put a different spin on things for you if you keep this in mind.

 

[Tim1]

good thread

Finally something better than " should I wax my Ass"

The term you used like many terms used in the past have now become hurtful to many people. I try not to use the ones I know are on the list. I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt...but your Aunt was right to point it out. Im my opinion however she would have done the better thing to pull you aside and tell you in a nice way. You 20 years old, I'm sure you would have understood. Now she has hurt you as much or more than you may have hurt someone else. You will get over it.....Young adults sometimes learn from us Older ones in the very same manner by which you did it.

 

[girl]

I know it's wrong, but it was an accident. She made me feel like I did it on purpose...

But do you think you would have thought this much about it if she had just said, "Please stop." ...? I think you're getting something really good out of the whole situation. And maybe you had a few minutes of discomfort, but I imagine she (and her child) battles this every single day. Use this experience to make yourself a better person.

My .02,
girl

 

[koalabear]

Change it to fucktard..........simple.

 

[PHANTOM5875]

Change it to fucktard..........simple.

HEY!! I was raised by a tribe of fucktards! Why, I oughta stuff you into a can and, oh, wait! you're already, uh, in a can. *Ahem*, sorry!

Seriously though, TigerEyez, timing and locale is everything. I wish I had a nickel for all of the times I have said something that I instantly wanted to retract. I sense from your postings that this was NOT said in front of the young person. Your aunt was right to point out that perhaps that was a poor choice of words but no harm was meant or received except on her part. It is understandable how she would be somewhat sensitive, maybe too much so. I think she could have been a little more tactful in her response to you as well.

Don't feel bad. I really put my foot in my mouth when I was in college working on my bachelor's degree. I had a habit of giving the Nazi salute and going "Zieg heil!" to my bossy friends and pushy strangers until my new German professor saw me do it, rolled up his sleeve and showed me his tatoo from one of the concentation camps. I could have crawled under the linoleum on the floor if I could have squeezed under it! I was so embarassed I didn't return to his class until he spotted me in the student union. He knew I was avoiding his class out of shame and embarassment. He gently pointed out in his soft spoken manner that words and actions can hurt and offend even when not meant so. He insisted that I return to his class and he did not count me absent for the days I had skipped his class to that point. He knew I had punished myself enough already

I never forgot his kindness and have since tried to be more considerate and careful in my words and actions. I don't always succeed, unfortunately.

Anyway, I wouldn't dwell overly much on your aunt's reactions other than to pick a more fun and creative insult to pummel your friends and relatives with.

 

[christophe]

No it does not make you a bad person. You said something in jest. Your timing was probably bad, the choice of word was bad, but your intent did not strike me as malicious...had you said it with purposeful intent to injure a persons feelings or degrade them, that would be a different story!

We have all been there where we open mouth and insert our foot...lord knows I am a veteran. thats why I always wear my mint flavored shoes!

 

[patient1]

Change it to fucktard..........simple.

Just what exactly does that( fucktard ) mean?
To copulate slowly?

P.S- koala, you've got the mintiest breath on the board

 

[Gingersnap]

Koalabear, why say it at all?

 

[Purple Haze]

I don't care much for the word because I have a family member that has endured quite a bit of ridicule for one lifetime. Calling someone a "retard" is offensive to anybody that has a handicapped sister, cousin, friend, even if it's used in jest. I usually ignore it, because the people who use it aren't very creative. There are so many other better words for ridicule, dipshit, fuckwad, dingleberry, pinhead, butt-face, just to name few.

The word "moron" comes to mind.

I've got more.

 

[InnesLane]

I too have a son with autism (nodding an hello to Stormy) and my daughter reports that she has been taunted in school with that word in reference to her brother.

"He's a retard and so are you!" - that sort of thing.

The word hurts. As a parent I bristle when I hear it. But Tyger, the fact that you're here, asking these questions, tells me that you're a good person. We all fuck up, hon. That's life. It's how you react to your fuckups that counts, and whether or not you try to avoid those same fuckups in the future.

Relax. You're doing fine. And you know, I'm sure your aunt still loves you too. Give her a hug. Tell her you're sorry. It'll be cool.