The Wedding Ring

[Ravin the Poet]

I have always thought about this and it came up again in another thread. When two people love each other and want to get married, the man (or women) has to give a ring. Ok, so I know the ring is a symbol for them, and I understand that. But really, if you can't afford it, why should that stop you from being engaged or getting married. Because of the norm in society that the man should give an engagment ring, it ALWAYS has to happen.

But am I the only one who thinks that if its not possible to get a ring, that shouldn't stop you from being engaged?

I can see "well, if you can't afford a ring, how can you afford to get married" argument, and I see that side of it, but I am looking at the symbol side of it, and really is it necessary.


And yes, if I get married, I will be getting a ring for her. Contradicting what I am saying yes.


Ravin

 

[M's girl]

Somehow I know you will, having read a lot of your posts. You are quite the romantic so I guess you would.

Of course a ring is THE symbol. And your end conclusion is right in my opinion; if you can't afford a ring maybe you can't affort the marriage...?

Still... engagement, to me, does not have to include an expensive ring, but I would want one, I'm old fashioned that way I guess. For me, the idea behind it all remains more important so for all I care it could be a plain silver ring (with an inscription please ) that should not cost more than, say...., 50 dollars (if thát?!). Again.... it's not even the money spent on the ring; it's the idea!

A wedding ring is supposed to last somewhat longer, would my hope be . It seems logical to spend just a little more on that one I guess. Still, I would not expect a ring with diamonds or anything. A nice gold plain band would be nice. Had one once (yes, I was engaged once, we had golden engagement rings that might have worked as wedding rings too) and it was not very expensive. Meant the world to me for a short while and at the time

 

[EJFan]

i can understand your point ravin. a lot of traditions in our culture have really outlived their usefulness... and like all things traditions change and evolve. i think it really comes down to what works for each couple.

someone interested in researching this can probably confirm or amend this but i BELIEVE the engagement/wedding ring thing was borne of the idea that the heart's main artery went through the ring finger (this was long before we had a thorough understanding of anatomy) and since the heart is the physical manifestation of emotional love, the ring around that finger (and thus the artery) was symbolizing one's love for another.

diamonds are a bit of an issue right now. i just heard a report on the news a few days ago that one of the world's leading appraisers of diamonds accidentally inflated values for diamonds. there are now a lot of people with diamonds that aren't worth what they paid for them.

in any event, i personally like the idea of engagement rings. all that really matters, however, is that two people are in love. with so many divorces and people lingering in unhappy marriages i think we need to identify real love more than we need to concern ourselves with trinkets and baubles.

btw... i'm kinda diggin' the trend of wedding rings that aren't jewelry but actually tattoos. i wouldn't get one but i sort of like the concept and it looks good on some people.

 

[pink swirl]

Of course you can get engaged without the ring. If neither one of you cares about its symbolism, the ring is irrelevant.

But if the symbol matters (and let's face it, the symbol does matter), and you can't afford a diamond, you can substitute with something that is meaningful in other ways, like maybe a cool silver ring you find during a summer street festival where you two were having the best time together. And you can buy her the diamond later when you can afford it, like for an anniversary.

Now, if you can't afford a ring, yes, I'd question whether you can afford to get married. But you can certainly get engaged.

Personally, I think it's ok that rings are expensive. Men value that which is difficult to attain.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Let me start off with this: Fuck DeBeers!!!!

Second, screw spending 3 months salary.

Third, if you are dating someone who insists on a 1 carat diamond that costs $6000, fucking dump her now because she doesn't freakin get it!

The dumbest thing someone can do is go out and put themselves in debt right at the start of their marriage just because they think it's the thing they are supposed to do. If you have the money to buy a $5000 ring, great, do it! But think to yourself, what can that $5000 buy me? That's a set of NICE furniture, that's a big downpayment on a new car, that's a great nest egg to get our life togheter started. Is it worth it to spend that money on a guady ring crusted with little sparklies?

In time so of old the ring was a simple gold band, because that's all anyone could really afford. So do you ahve to get her some big rock? Heck No. There are lots of really nice gold bands that you can get for under $100. The symbolism's the same, and that is important.

I was a jeweler for many years, so I've seen it all. The materialistic GF's, these are the ones that come in to pick out their own ring and always pick some big ass over priced monstrousity and get mad when you can't just size it rignt here while they wait. Then there are the young, broke couples who come in together. He's "just shopping" he says and she's "just dreaming". Theses girls almost always hate the big gaudy stuff and wind up surprising thier boyfriends by picking something he can almost afford. These are alsot he girls who could give a rat's ass if he got it out of a bubble gum machine, just so long as it's from him. These guys always come back the next day and at least try to fill out a credit app to get the one their girl picked! Then there are the guys who want to surprise their girlfriends. They never really know what to buy, they don't want to look cheap, but they don't want to get soemthing she'll hate, but they want it to be a surprise. These guys are easy. How much can you afford? Now drop 15% off that price and buy a solitaire, then bring her back and let her pick out a bridal set and we'll swap the diamonds. Easy, safe, and in the end save's him money! Plus, you get a better diamond this way.

The jewelry industry is a huge racket and they've tweaked tradition to increase their profits. The ring is importnat, but is a diamond? Not when you really get down to it. You can always get her that big diamond for your 10th aniversary after you've put away enough money.

 

[SaraClarisse]

I agree with pink swirl's answers.

The symbolism shouldn't matter so much...but it does.

I would add that engagement/wedding rings are not only a symbol between the couple, but to the world. Everyone's going to be looking at your finger to determine your status. It's become this mutually agreed-upon thing, at least in western cultures. So until enough people make a fashion of "engagement earrings" or tattoing their foreheads with the word "married," not having a ring to show is going to lead to awkward moments and misunderstandings.

What I don't get is the diamond imperative. Diamonds are beautiful, and they're convenient in that they coordinate with any color, but to believe that a ring isn't really a worthy engagement token unless it's a diamond...that's foolish. DeBeers is brilliant in how they've marketed the necessity of diamonds. If she knows she's beautiful in sapphires, get her a sapphire. Or pick an antique garnet ring together. Or one of those candy-colored lucite things with rhinestones, if she's a hipster. Choose something meaningful between you...and something she'll really enjoy even if she can't wear it every day.

 

[Guest]

 

[revolution724]

Ultimately - screw tradition. What really matters is what's important to you, what's important to her, what's important to both of you together. There are people who could honestly not care less whether they have The Ring or not, just as there are people who would not say they minded not having it but always feel like there's something missing and people who insist on carring around a boulder on their left hands.

My understanding of the wedding ring's symbolism, as a solid gold band with no stones, is that it has no beginning and no end and is thus symbolic of eternity.

Anyway, as I say - if it's important to you or to her, then it's necessary. If it isn't, it isn't. If you're not in a place where you can reach an honest, mutual agreement about whether a ring is or isn't important, then that is more of a sign that you're not ready to get engaged than how much money you have in the bank.

 

[Eilan]

BTW, it's not huge either.

Way to turn this into a size thread.

There was a thread on the GB (I'd look for it, but I know I'll never be able to find it) where some dude was talking about spending $40K on his GF's engagement ring. I'd be scared to death to wear something that cost that much!

 

[SaraClarisse]

I'd be scared to death to wear something that cost that much!

That's what a jewelry rider on your homeowner's/renter's insurance is for. But yeah, that would be a heck of a big rider. And I suppose it wouldn't stop some psycho from cutting off your finger to get the ring.

I'm still scared after four years, wearing $2000 on my finger, and sometimes I wake up at night in a panic that I've lost it somewhere. But hubby assures me it's insured.

 

[Eilan]

That's what a jewelry rider on your homeowner's/renter's insurance is for. But yeah, that would be a heck of a big rider. And I suppose it wouldn't stop some psycho from cutting off your finger to get the ring.

I'm still scared after four years, wearing $2000 on my finger, and sometimes I wake up at night in a panic that I've lost it somewhere. But hubby assures me it's insured.

For $40K, you could get a car or two.

*edited to add that I found the GB thread referring to the $40K ring, though it looks like the thread starter deleted his posts.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=391844

 

[Bandit58]

The engagement ring I have from Gil is one we bought off eBay. It's a white gold cubic zirconia that cost about $30, and it means more to me than the $350 (in 1977) engagement ring that my ex husband got me. In fact I don't even have that ring anymore, I gave it to my daughter.

We are getting a jeweller friend to make us simple silver or white gold rings when we get married. I don't need expensive stuff, if I wanted rings and shit I could buy them myself but his love means much more to me.

 

[Pixie Boobalicious]

Based on my experience, I would say get the diamond ring if you can afford it. It doesn't have to be large.

I gave my wife a diamond engagement ring 23 years ago. The original setting has been repaired a few times, and replaced twice. The only part that remains from the original ring is the diamond.

Every now and then she tells me how she still looks at it many times each day and I will often catch her staring at it. She gets a lot of enjoyment looking at it's beauty, and for me, that that is reason enough.

BTW, it's not huge either.

How lovely for her! I hope that in 20+ years I still have that feeling.

I don't think it will make any difference that my ring contains an alexandrite, my birthstone. It's a dark stone that actually looks like different colors (mostly a green-blue-purple range) in different types of light. Way cooler than a diamond.

We went shopping for it together, too. While the saleslady gave him the "4 C's" talk, I got bored (already sick of it from the bridal magazines) and looked around at other display cases. Then she had me come back for sizing, and to try on a few. Well, more like a dozen, and not one of them looked right - it could be my pale skin (goth-lovers, take note), but the diamonds just seemed to sit lifeless on my finger. So I asked to try one of the alexandrites, and I knew the ring was perfect - it seemed to transform my hand. I couldn't stop grinning, and I was afraid to look at my now-husband, in case he was as unimpressed as we'd been with the diamonds. But he said "Wow, that looks..." and actually picked my hand up to look at it more closely (which, from an engineer, is often better than a compliment in words).

So there it was, and here we are. Besides having a beautiful, unusual ring, we dodged yet another angle from which the bridal industry uses your emotions to distract you from their blatant overcharging.

Of course, if your girl insists that you spend a certain amount of money , you can get her a bigger stone, or a matching something-or-other. But guys, only get her a less ordinary stone if she doesn't mind people asking to look at it, and complimenting her, occasionally with a note of envy. Some girls don't even know they're allowed to have something else!

Pixie

 

[Guest]

 

[Singer20]

Let me start off with this: Fuck DeBeers!!!!

Second, screw spending 3 months salary.

Third, if you are dating someone who insists on a 1 carat diamond that costs $6000, fucking dump her now because she doesn't freakin get it!

The dumbest thing someone can do is go out and put themselves in debt right at the start of their marriage just because they think it's the thing they are supposed to do. If you have the money to buy a $5000 ring, great, do it! But think to yourself, what can that $5000 buy me? That's a set of NICE furniture, that's a big downpayment on a new car, that's a great nest egg to get our life togheter started. Is it worth it to spend that money on a guady ring crusted with little sparklies?

I agree about not going into debt right off the bat. Unless her daddy is rich, (or I am, who knows) my lovely bride and I won't be having a large wedding either. No worries though, since I haven't met her yet.

 

[pleasteasme]

Even though I am not given to frivolity, a ring still holds meaning to me. The ring is a circle, symbolic of eternity and unity. The meaning and thought behind the ring is more important than the cost of it.



With that said, I like silver or platinum and diamonds.

 

[Guest]

 

[pleasteasme]

a while back my wife was telling me how she would like a platinum diamond ring. I've made a few posts here about it. Imagine my shock at the price difference between gold and platinum.

After Christmas I was telling her how one day while my son and I were at the mall, I went into a jewelry store while waiting for him to get something to eat. I was telling her how beautiful the platinum diamond ring I saw was, when she said "oh, the one I want will have 3 diamonds on it, at least 1/2 carat each."

Oh wow! I bet that is a pretty penny on the price tag!

I appreciate silver, white gold, or platinum. *Not that I have much any of the two more expensive pieces*

A girl can dream, right?

 

[Guest]

 

[EJFan]

i, for one, love jewelry... and i have to say that i wouldn't mind it if someone bought ME an engagement ring. any takers? i promise a lifetime of charming wit and substandard sex. this is a one time offer.

 

[pleasteasme]

Yes, and some day it might just come true.

We'll see.

 

[Guest]

 

[EJFan]

Knowing you're a jersey guy, all of a sudden I'm picturing you wearing a black suit, partially unbuttoned white shirt with no tie and a dozen gold chains around your neck.

ok. where's the fucking camera? huh? c'mon! where's the mother fuckin' camera... tell me before i rip your nuts off and feed 'em to ya on a cracker!

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]