The SINGLE PARENT's Place

[Arden]

The SINGLE PARENTS Place

The SINGLE PARENT's Place

I thought it might be nice to have a place where single parents of any gender or sexual orientation can share their joys, their sorrows, tips on single parenting, dating, sex, daycare... anything at all.

But most of all, I thought it would be great for Lit's SP's to have the chance to meet and forge friendships with other single parents like themselves. So, let's all get acquainted and have some fun.

The only thing I ask is that you don't come barging in here flinging abusive language regarding your ex. That doesn't mean that you can't complain, just keep the language in check so you don't scare anyone off. We need each other.

 

[Arden]

I guess I should make the first post

I'm in my 40s, and a single parent to my 20 year old son and 11 year old daughter. They are truly the joy of my life, but sometimes make me want to tear my hair out. Sound familiar?

I think it's a bit tougher to discipline as a single parent, since you have to be the rule maker, enforcer, and disciplinarian when they mess up. You have to tread lightly, and fairly or they lose faith in you.

My daughter's Dad makes no efforts to correspond with her, which breaks my heart. I've never talked him down to her, but she has recently expressed her own opinions of him... and I nearly hit the floor! Kids are a lot more perceptive then we think. Now I find myself talking to her about him more often, in a 'damage control' manner. I think it's unhealthy for her to have a bad attitude, and don't want her to grow up bearing grudges. One of my struggles with her today is wearing makeup. Lot's of the girls here her age do, and I still forbid it at school. Aren't I mean?

My son grew up on ADD medications, and spent several years at a school for kids with ADD disorders. (Small classes, and specialized teachers) It was a long struggle for him, and for myself as a parent. His grades were never great, except in the things that could hold his interest. Not the best student academically, he's a computer fanatic and can reformat a hard drive and install hardware. He also excels at technical things such as electrical work. I didn't send him off to college the year he graduated because I wanted HIM to want to go. So he spent the year renovating our old house with me and the licensed technicians. You guessed it, he followed the electricians, the boiler man, the plumber, the handyman... around like a puppy dog. But he also learned a lot. He started college last fall at a school out of state. I pray every day for his success.

I'm sure that I'll spend a good bit of time here, and look forward to meeting other single parents like myself.

Ok, time to go clean the kitchen, do the laundry, change the cat litter, mop the floor, take out the trash, change the linens, check on my daughter's homework..... Hmmm... it never ends, does it?

 

[Georgia Girl]

Thank you for creating this place. Its hard sometimes to seperate the two aspects of your life, even here.

As for me, I'm 35 and have a 5 yr old son who is my heart. His dad moved away last weekend so its been a bit of a tough week, trying to help my son adjust and yet not knowing what changes this will bring for him.

Like you, I have never intentionally talked down about my ex but he continually makes promises to my son and then doesn't follow through, just like when we were married I clean up behind him and do the things with my son that his father had promised. Sometimes I think he does this on purpose because he knows I will do those things.

My little guy is a handful. Lately I can't get him out of his Halloween costume (Anikin Skywalker) which he is wearing with one of my silk dress shirts as a cape. The shirt is shot, he took off through the briers in it yesterday.

Thats me and my precious heart. I'm sure I'll be here often too.

Dawn

 

[tonitits]

Thank you for creating this place. Its hard sometimes to seperate the two aspects of your life, even here.

As for me, I'm 35 and have a 5 yr old son who is my heart. His dad moved away last weekend so its been a bit of a tough week, trying to help my son adjust and yet not knowing what changes this will bring for him.

Like you, I have never intentionally talked down about my ex but he continually makes promises to my son and then doesn't follow through, just like when we were married I clean up behind him and do the things with my son that his father had promised. Sometimes I think he does this on purpose because he knows I will do those things.

My little guy is a handful. Lately I can't get him out of his Halloween costume (Anikin Skywalker) which he is wearing with one of my silk dress shirts as a cape. The shirt is shot, he took off through the briers in it yesterday.

Thats me and my precious heart. I'm sure I'll be here often too.

Dawn

Well I think alot of people already know about me. But I am single parent of a 10 yr old son. His biological dad has never been in the picture, he split when he found out I was pregnant. It is very hard raising a kid alone. Especially with him being a boy, he needs to have a father figure. My brother said that he would be and honestly he has from time to time, but shortly after Daniel was born he divorced and remarried and doesn't spend enough time with his first 3 kids, who are all teenagers now. The boys are adhd, I am not sure if they are still on medication or not, but it has been hard. His oldest daughter is hyper and when they were in elementary school and had to go to the office and get their medication, one day they all came in about the same time and when she walked in the nurse said well there she is and she said yep we're the Hyper Hartley's. His two younger girls are 5 and the little one will be a year old this month. The 5 yr old is very hyper too. She has not been diagnosed, but boy is she a handful. They love it when Daniel comes over so he can play with her. She wears him out. The hardest part of raising him alone is that I work nights and weekends. So we do not have much time to spend with each other. My mom always kept while I was working and helped me help him with school, etc..But since she died in Oct my dad still keeps him at night but all the taking him places and helping with the homework, etc. is on me. One of his teachers called me today and told me he has not been turning in any work, he has zeroes and he said that he asked him about it and said well he didn't finish it and had the attitude of "oh well". But like he told me and I passed it on, if it doesn't improve he will not pass. I am ready to pull my hair out. He was upset this afternoon because I told him that Dad and I had discussed it and he WILL NOT get to play inline hockey and we will get the money back, we just registered him for the spring season. Also that if it did not improve that Dad would not take him to Alaska. They were planning on going during Spring break, but now looking at going in June and maybe go for 2 wks instead of 1. I think that both of these and the fact that his teacher said that he will not pass if it does not improve are a great wake up call. He is very smart but does not like to put forth the needed effort. He does have some things make it more difficult but I AM not going to let him take the easy way out. He needs to learn that sometimes you have to work hard for certain things. Like or not. Ok I will get off my soap box for now, but I am sure that I will be back.

 

[Arden]

Nice to meet you Dawn!

Your little guy sounds like an absolute doll. What I'd give to see him in his torn up costume.

I've been divorced almost 9 years, but when I think back on the marriage, I had a few resentments about not getting any help too. I worked full time too, took the kids to daycare and school, and did everything around the house. We started out splitting all the monthly bills, but by the end, I seemed to be paying almost everything because the ex acquired a drug problem on top of his drinking problem. lol Years of pleading did nothing, so I eventually got out. I didn't want the kids growing up around that. There's a lot more to it, but it's water under the bridge now.

My ex makes no promises, doesn't call or send her presents at her birthday or Christmas. I dislike that he's doing that to her, she deserves better. But I realized a long time back that I couldn't change him, that would have to come from within himself. Unfortunately, it hasn't yet.

Anyone else dealt successfully with getting spouses to keep their promises?

 

[~Dream~]

what a great idea Arden

leave it to someone like you with a big loving heart to start a thread like this ,thanks hun!!

I am 45 and married but seperated ,he is not the father to any of my 4 children and yes I said 4..
My kids range in age from 24-11 ,I have a 24 yr old son who now lives in Indiana with his dad ,a 23 yr old daughter who has an adorable 2 yr old son I just adore,Omg the messes that lil boy can create in just 10 mins!! and I have a beautiful 18 yr old daughter who has an attitude that she knows how to run my personal life better than i do , Her and her boyfriend BOTh live under My roof , but we wont get started on them tonite or that would take SEVERAL posts ,lol , and then there is my 11 yr-old baby boy ,he is soo smart and creative but sooo a momma's boy,

He is into all sorts of things and is loving me bunches now cause I just bought him a playstation 2..the 1st 3 kids are all by same father and he has done alot better in the last 2 yrs to get a closer relationship w/ our children..as for the 11 yr-old's dad well like Arden said I dont cut him down at all around my son but he has already decided that as soon as he can he would like to change his name even ,kids ARE alot smarter than we give them credit for ,
My son thinks the world of Dracoa and that means alot to me..my family is soon to get a lil bigger but thats on a more 'personal note and not to be shared online currently but I know I have alot of love to give and wish all single Mom's and Dads all the love and luck in the world

 

[~Dream~]

Well I think alot of people already know about me. But I am single parent of a 10 yr old son. His biological dad has never been in the picture, he split when he found out I was pregnant. It is very hard raising a kid alone. Especially with him being a boy, he needs to have a father figure. My brother said that he would be and honestly he has from time to time, but shortly after Daniel was born he divorced and remarried and doesn't spend enough time with his first 3 kids, who are all teenagers now. The boys are adhd, I am not sure if they are still on medication or not, but it has been hard. His oldest daughter is hyper and when they were in elementary school and had to go to the office and get their medication, one day they all came in about the same time and when she walked in the nurse said well there she is and she said yep we're the Hyper Hartley's. His two younger girls are 5 and the little one will be a year old this month. The 5 yr old is very hyper too. She has not been diagnosed, but boy is she a handful. They love it when Daniel comes over so he can play with her. She wears him out. The hardest part of raising him alone is that I work nights and weekends. So we do not have much time to spend with each other. My mom always kept while I was working and helped me help him with school, etc..But since she died in Oct my dad still keeps him at night but all the taking him places and helping with the homework, etc. is on me. One of his teachers called me today and told me he has not been turning in any work, he has zeroes and he said that he asked him about it and said well he didn't finish it and had the attitude of "oh well". But like he told me and I passed it on, if it doesn't improve he will not pass. I am ready to pull my hair out. He was upset this afternoon because I told him that Dad and I had discussed it and he WILL NOT get to play inline hockey and we will get the money back, we just registered him for the spring season. Also that if it did not improve that Dad would not take him to Alaska. They were planning on going during Spring break, but now looking at going in June and maybe go for 2 wks instead of 1. I think that both of these and the fact that his teacher said that he will not pass if it does not improve are a great wake up call. He is very smart but does not like to put forth the needed effort. He does have some things make it more difficult but I AM not going to let him take the easy way out. He needs to learn that sometimes you have to work hard for certain things. Like or not. Ok I will get off my soap box for now, but I am sure that I will be back.

______________


bIGG huggs to you sweety! omg I hear ya hun !! My son has been copping the same attitude about not turning in work etc and His teacher tells me , 'it's just a phase they go through , well my take is ,if he is not tryin his BESt , I am not impressed and now that I see how much he LOVES the PS2 , I have something to take away from him for punishment if hefdoesnt shape up...

on the rest of my above post i forgot to mention the FACt that the 18 yr-old daughter thinks she does NO wrong(morally),she is an alcoholic and also has panic-anxiety disorder, her and bf and my 11 yr old all ,live with me and my oldest daughter comes to visit OFTEN to have use of my computer to talk to her bf who is so far online only and lives in Calif..

 

[Arden]

Hi Dream, thanks for coming by!

Wow, you wrote so much that I may have to post two or three times to talk to you!

Your daughter, have you tried getting her into a treatment program? I know because she is 18, she could walk out the door on her own once there, but it sounds like she needs a push in that direction. You may not be able to get her to go until she's really screwed up, but don't wait too long. She has her whole life ahead of her, and I'd hate to see her waste any of it.

God, I hope I haven't overstepped any boundaries here, but I know how important it can be to get help while they are young.

Is she on Paxil for the panic/anxiety disorder? Alcohol effects are intensified by that drug.

 

[itsureis]

Ok.. Great thread idea, Arden... I think that you already know that I'm a single Dad... And now so does everyone else who reads this.. .LOL...

For you and the others... You are doing great by not talking down the other parent.. My Dad did that about my Mom when I was young and I know that I didn't like it.. And ignored most of it... But my sister still won't talk to him or even send him pics of her daughter... And that is sad... I don't do it to my kids and never will... And my wife and I when together didn't talk her ex down to my step children... I have raised them for the last eight years and rarely designate them as step children... When my wife and I seperated I even took the one of them with me along with the two that we had together... Wow... that went on longer than I thought it would... And no Arden, you can't make the other parent stick to their word...

I'm sure that I will have questions or comments in the future... Hopefully I'm not the only guy on lit that is a single parent...

 

[~Dream~]

Hi Dream, thanks for coming by!

Wow, you wrote so much that I may have to post two or three times to talk to you!

Your daughter, have you tried getting her into a treatment program? I know because she is 18, she could walk out the door on her own once there, but it sounds like she needs a push in that direction. You may not be able to get her to go until she's really screwed up, but don't wait too long. She has her whole life ahead of her, and I'd hate to see her waste any of it.

God, I hope I haven't overstepped any boundaries here, but I know how important it can be to get help while they are young.

Is she on Paxil for the panic/anxiety disorder? Alcohol effects are intensified by that drug.

_____________________

you havent oversteppped anyhing at all sweety , I appreciate the concern, nope she was prescribed zoloft and i have to admit she has been sober for 4 months now which is a start and she does have a joband is going back to school to get her GED, what worried me was the verbal and physical abuse she dished out towards Dracoa (Brian ) when he was here last and no they say she would have to admit herself for treatment cuz of the age thing...and also I cant kick her out ,I would have to legally go thru court to evict her cuz she pays $$25 a month rent!! geez hey?

 

[~Dream~]

Ok.. Great thread idea, Arden... I think that you already know that I'm a single Dad... And now so does everyone else who reads this.. .LOL...

For you and the others... You are doing great by not talking down the other parent.. My Dad did that about my Mom when I was young and I know that I didn't like it.. And ignored most of it... But my sister still won't talk to him or even send him pics of her daughter... And that is sad... I don't do it to my kids and never will... And my wife and I when together didn't talk her ex down to my step children... I have raised them for the last eight years and rarely designate them as step children... When my wife and I seperated I even took the one of them with me along with the two that we had together... Wow... that went on longer than I thought it would... And no Arden, you can't make the other parent stick to their word...

I'm sure that I will have questions or comments in the future... Hopefully I'm not the only guy on lit that is a single parent...

_______________ awww I even respect ya even more now Mr.E, its no more fun being a single father than it is a Mom thats for sure and you sure sound like one full of alot of love

 

[silkynsmooth]

Hi Everyone!!!

I love this thread.. I'm a 40yr old single mom of 2 young girls ages 9 & 6. I've been divorced for 3 yrs now and it was my decision to seperate. There was no love so I couldn't stay.

My oldest is a handful and has so much trouble with dealing with this. Her father sees her when it's convenient for him and I unfortuantely get all the anger from her. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing her and I want her back.

My youngest it doesn't seem to bother as much but she see's the way her older sister acts and tries to be that way too. These 2 girls are my life and I hope I'm doing everything I can for them.

I'm glad this thread was started and thank you Arden for starting it. Good idea.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Good morning everyone.

Its good to see a single dad here. Mr. E, I hope you don't mind if we bounce questions off of you sometimes, I know I sometimes struggle to figure out the male perspective on some things.

I hope everyone has a great day, I'm not sure how much help I can be with any of the issues we each have other than to be a listening ear and a soft comforting shoulder at times.

Dawn

 

[Arden]

Good morning everyone.

Its good to see a single dad here. Mr. E, I hope you don't mind if we bounce questions off of you sometimes, I know I sometimes struggle to figure out the male perspective on some things.

I hope everyone has a great day, I'm not sure how much help I can be with any of the issues we each have other than to be a listening ear and a soft comforting shoulder at times.

Dawn

I think you hit the nail on the head, Dawn. Bouncing ideas off one another, and just being here for others is the key. I don't think any of us Lit folks are child psychologists, but sometimes reading or talking about something can give you different perspectives on coping.

On the other hand, I imagine there will sometimes be things we'll all laugh our as*** off at!

Let's share funny cartoons, stories and jokes related to the joys *cough cough* of parenting, too.

 

[Arden]

Well I think alot of people already know about me. But I am single parent of a 10 yr old son. His biological dad has never been in the picture, he split when he found out I was pregnant. It is very hard raising a kid alone. Especially with him being a boy, he needs to have a father figure. My brother said that he would be and honestly he has from time to time, but shortly after Daniel was born he divorced and remarried and doesn't spend enough time with his first 3 kids, who are all teenagers now. The boys are adhd, I am not sure if they are still on medication or not, but it has been hard. His oldest daughter is hyper and when they were in elementary school and had to go to the office and get their medication, one day they all came in about the same time and when she walked in the nurse said well there she is and she said yep we're the Hyper Hartley's. His two younger girls are 5 and the little one will be a year old this month. The 5 yr old is very hyper too. She has not been diagnosed, but boy is she a handful. They love it when Daniel comes over so he can play with her. She wears him out. The hardest part of raising him alone is that I work nights and weekends. So we do not have much time to spend with each other. My mom always kept while I was working and helped me help him with school, etc..But since she died in Oct my dad still keeps him at night but all the taking him places and helping with the homework, etc. is on me. One of his teachers called me today and told me he has not been turning in any work, he has zeroes and he said that he asked him about it and said well he didn't finish it and had the attitude of "oh well". But like he told me and I passed it on, if it doesn't improve he will not pass. I am ready to pull my hair out. He was upset this afternoon because I told him that Dad and I had discussed it and he WILL NOT get to play inline hockey and we will get the money back, we just registered him for the spring season. Also that if it did not improve that Dad would not take him to Alaska. They were planning on going during Spring break, but now looking at going in June and maybe go for 2 wks instead of 1. I think that both of these and the fact that his teacher said that he will not pass if it does not improve are a great wake up call. He is very smart but does not like to put forth the needed effort. He does have some things make it more difficult but I AM not going to let him take the easy way out. He needs to learn that sometimes you have to work hard for certain things. Like or not. Ok I will get off my soap box for now, but I am sure that I will be back.

Good Morning Toni, glad you dropped by!

What you said about your son's recent grades and lack of caring about school work is VERY familiar to me. My Mom cared for my son after school until I could pick him up each day at their house. (They lived about 5 blocks from his school) He was 11 when she passed away, and from that point things really went downhill with him. She was his Grandma, but was like a second mother to him. (We lived with them from the time he was born, until I married when he was 5) He never showed it outwardly, but losing his Grandmother affected him deeply. He lost interest in everything, and didn't care about failing at school. We finally sought help from his doctor, who prescribed a very mild anti-depressive medication for him, which lightened his mood. Also had him go to talk therapy with a male psychologist for a while, so he could open up where he might not feel able to with one of his family members. I found a former teacher who was willing to tutor him after school at my Dad's place, so like it or not, his homework and projects got done. (Bless her heart, to this day she's still very close to us and corresponds with him regularly) But it was still a challenge every day to deal with him. He wouldn't even bother to brush his teeth every day if I didn't stay on his case. He also took up swearing *grrrrr!*and it took every bit of patience that I could muster to not react to it.

I divorced his stepdad just a few months after my Mom's death, and at the time when I thought he'd start acting more adult because some negative influences were removed from his life, he turned the tables and got worse! Can you imagine my surprise! lol There's nothing about life as a single parent that is predictible. ~sigh~

Sorry I rambled on for so long here, Toni, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in dealing with a child that has become difficult. My son is still difficult at age 20, and we take it day by day when he's home. He's got a girlfriend here that has been great in helping him see different perspectives. She's at college too, but they visit over vacations. She gets on his case when he swears at his little sister, and isn't afraid to tell him when his line of thinking is warped. I hope they stay close for a looooooooooong time.

 

[Arden]

Ok.. Great thread idea, Arden... I think that you already know that I'm a single Dad... And now so does everyone else who reads this.. .LOL...

For you and the others... You are doing great by not talking down the other parent.. My Dad did that about my Mom when I was young and I know that I didn't like it.. And ignored most of it... But my sister still won't talk to him or even send him pics of her daughter... And that is sad... I don't do it to my kids and never will... And my wife and I when together didn't talk her ex down to my step children... I have raised them for the last eight years and rarely designate them as step children... When my wife and I seperated I even took the one of them with me along with the two that we had together... Wow... that went on longer than I thought it would... And no Arden, you can't make the other parent stick to their word...

I'm sure that I will have questions or comments in the future... Hopefully I'm not the only guy on lit that is a single parent...

Hi Mr. E, I hope that you won't be the only single father to drop by here... and I already know that you're an exceptional Dad from another thread that we both frequent.

It was interesting to hear how you and your sister dealt differently with you parents talking each other down to you as children. I feel lucky to have had parents that stayed married, and never fought with each other at all. But you're so right, negative talk about ex spouses can be psychologically damaging to some kids, or lead to lifelong grudges. I have a few friends that have lost many years with one parent by shutting them out of their lives. Some have reunited after having a family of their own, yet sadly, some have not.

Please do offer your thoughts and opinions whenever you get the urge. You are most welcome here, and seeing the male perspective on some things may be helpful to many of us.

 

[itsureis]

_______________ awww I even respect ya even more now Mr.E, its no more fun being a single father than it is a Mom thats for sure and you sure sound like one full of alot of love

Thanks, Dream... And yeah, I love them all tons... They are what kept me going each time that life has hit me hard...

 

[itsureis]

Hi Everyone!!!

I love this thread.. I'm a 40yr old single mom of 2 young girls ages 9 & 6. I've been divorced for 3 yrs now and it was my decision to seperate. There was no love so I couldn't stay.

My oldest is a handful and has so much trouble with dealing with this. Her father sees her when it's convenient for him and I unfortuantely get all the anger from her. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing her and I want her back.

My youngest it doesn't seem to bother as much but she see's the way her older sister acts and tries to be that way too. These 2 girls are my life and I hope I'm doing everything I can for them.

I'm glad this thread was started and thank you Arden for starting it. Good idea.

My oldest daughter, who is still with her Mom, is lashing out at me right now... And I'm not the one who choose this course... She's mad because her Mom had another man move in not a month after I was gone... And she feels very trapped and alone... It's misplaced anger for both of our daughters, the only thing that we can do is continue to love and support them... They will see things better as they get older...

 

[tonitits]

Good Morning Toni, glad you dropped by!

What you said about your son's recent grades and lack of caring about school work is VERY familiar to me. My Mom cared for my son after school until I could pick him up each day at their house. (They lived about 5 blocks from his school) He was 11 when she passed away, and from that point things really went downhill with him. She was his Grandma, but was like a second mother to him. (We lived with them from the time he was born, until I married when he was 5) He never showed it outwardly, but losing his Grandmother affected him deeply. He lost interest in everything, and didn't care about failing at school. We finally sought help from his doctor, who prescribed a very mild anti-depressive medication for him, which lightened his mood. Also had him go to talk therapy with a male psychologist for a while, so he could open up where he might not feel able to with one of his family members. I found a former teacher who was willing to tutor him after school at my Dad's place, so like it or not, his homework and projects got done. (Bless her heart, to this day she's still very close to us and corresponds with him regularly) But it was still a challenge every day to deal with him. He wouldn't even bother to brush his teeth every day if I didn't stay on his case. He also took up swearing *grrrrr!*and it took every bit of patience that I could muster to not react to it.

I divorced his stepdad just a few months after my Mom's death, and at the time when I thought he'd start acting more adult because some negative influences were removed from his life, he turned the tables and got worse! Can you imagine my surprise! lol There's nothing about life as a single parent that is predictible. ~sigh~

Sorry I rambled on for so long here, Toni, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in dealing with a child that has become difficult. My son is still difficult at age 20, and we take it day by day when he's home. He's got a girlfriend here that has been great in helping him see different perspectives. She's at college too, but they visit over vacations. She gets on his case when he swears at his little sister, and isn't afraid to tell him when his line of thinking is warped. I hope they stay close for a looooooooooong time.

Well we have had problems somewhat with him before. We had taken him to Sylvan when he was younger, couldn't afford to send him there, but they tested him and she told me that Daniel needed special teachers that could work with him the way he is, wouldn't that be nice, she said that he is like an artist, he can see the big picture, but does not want to be bother by the small details. He also has mild motor skill problems, he tried to use that on us a year or so ago. We also think he might be mildly dyslexia but he uses all this to be lazy and doesn't want to bother working at it. You know I did think about him losing mom, who was another mother to him, yesterday and wondering if maybe that is what part of the problem is. He loves to play hockey and we have threaten to not let him play if he did not do better and he will for a bit. Here recently he has been excited about Dad taking him to Alaska to meet some relatives. I have not met alot of them and the ones I do know I have not seen in many years but we keep in contact through yearly newsletters, etc... I think he is just so excited about doing fun things that he would rather been doing that he doesn't want to do the work. Arden you did not ramble on. I probably am. I love him so much and it hurts that he does not work up to his potential. I know when I was a kid it came fairly easy to me, but I had to work harder than my older brother, he didn't even have to try, and still never quite made as good grades. But my mom never accepted anything but our very best. She always told us if the very best you can do is a F, fine, but if your very best is an A , then you better have an A not a B. She and I have always stressed that with Daniel but he thinks that we just wanted him to be perfect! I just hope and pray that he will get through this. I would gladly take him to a psychologist, my cousins kids go to a lady that is great, she is a Christian and she is very good. She knows Daniel too and she is the one that found him a mentor. I just wish I could afford to take him. It's a catch 22. Especially being a single parent and struggling to make ends meet and take care of all the needs and all the little things that always seem to pop up. Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it alot.

 

[Arden]

Hi Everyone!!!

I love this thread.. I'm a 40yr old single mom of 2 young girls ages 9 & 6. I've been divorced for 3 yrs now and it was my decision to seperate. There was no love so I couldn't stay.

My oldest is a handful and has so much trouble with dealing with this. Her father sees her when it's convenient for him and I unfortuantely get all the anger from her. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing her and I want her back.

My youngest it doesn't seem to bother as much but she see's the way her older sister acts and tries to be that way too. These 2 girls are my life and I hope I'm doing everything I can for them.

I'm glad this thread was started and thank you Arden for starting it. Good idea.

Hi silkynsmooth, welcome to the half-crazed single parents place!

My daughter saw her father only once or twice a year after we divorced, but she and I have maintained a great relationship with his Mother, which I feel is just as important. Until I moved myself and the kids out of state a year and a half ago, she would spend the night at her Grandma's place at least once a month, go to church with her, etc. My daughter has two older half-sisters that live in OK, and they all usually spend a week together at their grandmother's place in the summer. The other girls had to back out last summer, but I'm hoping to get my daughter back to visit her Grandmother this summer whether the other two can make it or not.

It is tough dealing with the kids when they start acting out from frustration. All I can offer is talk to her as often as you can on an adult level about family relationships, and your need for her to act nicely towards you... especially in front of her sister. Tell her flat out that it's not fair for her to subject her little sister to her anger. What about offering her a time out for both of you together when she gets angry? Maybe take her in another room, close the door, and let her rant and rave all she wants to you. She will calm down eventually, and then the two of you can then discuss what's been eating at her. Maybe let her think that your time outs together are a sacred place where she can have your complete trust, your full attention during her ranting, and many reassuring hugs before you two leave the room each time.

Darn, I wish I'd thought of that when my own were younger. Probably wouldn't have worked with my son, but might have with my daughter on occasion. She's been a breeze to raise compared to my son, but now that she's a pre-teen, my sweet young lady sometimes evolves into a terror in front of my eyes. Could be hormones... lol

 

[itsureis]

Good morning everyone.

Its good to see a single dad here. Mr. E, I hope you don't mind if we bounce questions off of you sometimes, I know I sometimes struggle to figure out the male perspective on some things.

I hope everyone has a great day, I'm not sure how much help I can be with any of the issues we each have other than to be a listening ear and a soft comforting shoulder at times.

Dawn

Bounce questions off of me all you want... I will surely give you my oppinion... But you must know that I am not your average male... So my thoughts may be a bit different from what other men think... But I was once normal so maybe they will be ok, anyway... LOL...

 

[itsureis]

Hi Mr. E, I hope that you won't be the only single father to drop by here... and I already know that you're an exceptional Dad from another thread that we both frequent.

It was interesting to hear how you and your sister dealt differently with you parents talking each other down to you as children. I feel lucky to have had parents that stayed married, and never fought with each other at all. But you're so right, negative talk about ex spouses can be psychologically damaging to some kids, or lead to lifelong grudges. I have a few friends that have lost many years with one parent by shutting them out of their lives. Some have reunited after having a family of their own, yet sadly, some have not.

Please do offer your thoughts and opinions whenever you get the urge. You are most welcome here, and seeing the male perspective on some things may be helpful to many of us.

I will offer up my thoughts... Trust me in that..

You need to know... My mom never talked down dad... At least not until we were well into being adults... And then she didn't tell us anything we didn't already know...

 

[Arden]

Bounce questions off of me all you want... I will surely give you my oppinion... But you must know that I am not your average male... So my thoughts may be a bit different from what other men think... But I was once normal so maybe they will be ok, anyway... LOL...

LMAO!!! All that is required here is a sense of humor, Mr. E., and we can see yours displayed quite nicely in your Av. It's great to know that I can always count on seeing you smile any time that we cross paths!

{{{{{Mr. E}}}}}

 

[~Dream~]

Well we have had problems somewhat with him before. We had taken him to Sylvan when he was younger, couldn't afford to send him there, but they tested him and she told me that Daniel needed special teachers that could work with him the way he is, wouldn't that be nice, she said that he is like an artist, he can see the big picture, but does not want to be bother by the small details. He also has mild motor skill problems, he tried to use that on us a year or so ago. We also think he might be mildly dyslexia but he uses all this to be lazy and doesn't want to bother working at it. You know I did think about him losing mom, who was another mother to him, yesterday and wondering if maybe that is what part of the problem is. He loves to play hockey and we have threaten to not let him play if he did not do better and he will for a bit. Here recently he has been excited about Dad taking him to Alaska to meet some relatives. I have not met alot of them and the ones I do know I have not seen in many years but we keep in contact through yearly newsletters, etc... I think he is just so excited about doing fun things that he would rather been doing that he doesn't want to do the work. Arden you did not ramble on. I probably am. I love him so much and it hurts that he does not work up to his potential. I know when I was a kid it came fairly easy to me, but I had to work harder than my older brother, he didn't even have to try, and still never quite made as good grades. But my mom never accepted anything but our very best. She always told us if the very best you can do is a F, fine, but if your very best is an A , then you better have an A not a B. She and I have always stressed that with Daniel but he thinks that we just wanted him to be perfect! I just hope and pray that he will get through this. I would gladly take him to a psychologist, my cousins kids go to a lady that is great, she is a Christian and she is very good. She knows Daniel too and she is the one that found him a mentor. I just wish I could afford to take him. It's a catch 22. Especially being a single parent and struggling to make ends meet and take care of all the needs and all the little things that always seem to pop up. Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it alot.

_______________

your Mom's philosophy and mine are exactly the same where grades are concerned.I have always told Jesse , if you are trying your very best and still bring home d's and e's=equiv to F ,then Mommy will not say anything but will just help you even more and I accept grades as such , too many parents PRESSURE their child to go into sports and make GOOD grades ,etc in my eyes..
I have seen friends of mine who have college degrees for cyin out loud that are working at 'burger-flips (Mcdonald's etc)..anyways I feel if the child SHOWS an interest in those things then if you at all possibly can , encourage and pursue that , raising children costs alot of $$ and the last time I looked good ole George W was not really raising my SSI checks all that darn much and it doesnt pay for me to work if I am gonna be punished fr it by having my check cut down..
I DO agree that as much education as you can get is important ,however too little teachers are truly concerned with your 'average' student nowadays and are more into promoting Mr . football scholarship ,or miss cheerleader of the year..personally that disgusts me... I was a popular kid in school but not cause I had money or prestige but because I TRULY cared for my friends..as I am teaching my son to..

 

[~Dream~]

I think with me its so hard with Jesse cause I really DO want him to have a male role model ya know? He adores his older brother however ,Jason is living back in Indiana with his father now and has been since last Sept..I am not trying to find a FATHER for my son as he already has 1 (worthless piece of crap that he is ) never writes, calls , no support, nada , how 1 man can be soo COLD is beyond me ..
Anyways I would like to say that on Dracoa's benefit ,he spent alot of time on the ps2 ( we rented one then ) w/ Jesse and a friend and he also talks alot on the phone with him , shows an actual interest in what Jesse has to say, He has alot of fun and Jesse like that about Brian and so do I...He also sees Mommy is truly happy, Jesse had no real desire to move down to Arkansas when I was with Artful and was really hurt when he passed away recently as well...sometimes I think He knew things wouldnt work out between Artful and I before I did cause our talks in messenger would keep Jesse awake sometimes..however He is looking forward to Brian's next visit with great anticipation, as much as Mom sometimes I think ..damn am I MONOPOLIZIN this thread or what ? sorry Arden ..geez