The Sheltering Tree

[Spenser41]

And we're always here for you too Spenser.

Aww thanks Newme... that is sweet of you. Yep... I have gotten a lot of support and love here. The Tree Huggers are a great group of people.

 

[Spenser41]

Morning sweet shmily....I sure hope things are going better by you, hon. Got ya in my prayers!!


Delta.......Honey, it sounds like you are on the right track and maybe these appeal papers will bring forth better results than you may think!! Hang in there sweetie.....please!! And just know you are in our thoughts and prayers. *hugs*


Spens......Thanks for the talk the other day luv, you are a gem and I love ya!!!

I echo what Jazey says... Shmily, you are in my thoughts hon. And you too Delta. You will come out on the other side. Life is hard, but God is good!

Jazey, Hon... you are a blessing and I always enjoy chatting with you. Love ya hon.

 

[shmily]

Stopping by early, going to be a busy day.
Still no word on a job. Gets kinda depressing when you apply everywhere and not a word.
Anyway gotta run the kids I'm watching today just pulled up.
s

 

[Guest]

this thread upsets me....

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=13609301#post13609301


i don't think suicide is selfish and we all have no right to sit there and judge like this.


i just feel that it's the answer for me because i wouldn't be making my family's life so horrible...ever since i got those papers denying my benefits my father has been as upset about it as me. he told me as much today....but i cannot help feeling that if i was dead...everyone could move on and i wouldn't be the cause of peoples' pain. all i can see is how much of a waste of human life i am and it doesn't help that this world is so cruel and unforgiving.

 

[shmily]

this thread upsets me....

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=13609301#post13609301


i don't think suicide is selfish and we all have no right to sit there and judge like this.


i just feel that it's the answer for me because i wouldn't be making my family's life so horrible...ever since i got those papers denying my benefits my father has been as upset about it as me. he told me as much today....but i cannot help feeling that if i was dead...everyone could move on and i wouldn't be the cause of peoples' pain. all i can see is how much of a waste of human life i am and it doesn't help that this world is so cruel and unforgiving.

Delta, We are here for you. Sorry that you feel this way. I am not fully aware of your situation, but I beleive that WE are in control of our own destiny. Only you can change it. There are people near you who can help. Please contact them.

we do care. Otheres care. Keep the faith.
s

 

[Guest]

Delta, We are here for you. Sorry that you feel this way. I am not fully aware of your situation, but I beleive that WE are in control of our own destiny. Only you can change it. There are people near you who can help. Please contact them.

we do care. Otheres care. Keep the faith.
s

i do get help....but thats just not enough anymore....no amount of caring in the world will solve my problems...thanks for the nice thoughts though

 

[newme]

this thread upsets me....

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=13609301#post13609301


i don't think suicide is selfish and we all have no right to sit there and judge like this.


i just feel that it's the answer for me because i wouldn't be making my family's life so horrible...ever since i got those papers denying my benefits my father has been as upset about it as me. he told me as much today....but i cannot help feeling that if i was dead...everyone could move on and i wouldn't be the cause of peoples' pain. all i can see is how much of a waste of human life i am and it doesn't help that this world is so cruel and unforgiving.

Delta- I know it seems like it would be the easy way out, but killing yourself would cause your Dad pain everyday for the rest of his life! Some parents never move on, and if he felt in any way responsible it would kill him too. You don't want to do that to him. I know things look awful right now, and there are no easy answers, but you're doing the right things (therapy, meds.,talking to us etc.). It just takes time. So keep posting and lets us know if we can help in any way. You are always in my prayers, honey.

 

[Emes]

You have ALL been in my thoughts the last few days....

 

[Spenser41]

Stopping by early, going to be a busy day.
Still no word on a job. Gets kinda depressing when you apply everywhere and not a word.
Anyway gotta run the kids I'm watching today just pulled up.
s

Oh hon... how I know that feeling. When I was in Austin, it took me almost a year to find a job there. You would think that in a city that big you could find work. But they took one look at my resume and saw that all I had done was radio, so they figured that once I got a job in radio, I would leave that job. So... they never hired me.
Just hang in there... something will open. They always need teachers... There is a shortage of them for sure.!

 

[Spenser41]

this thread upsets me....

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=13609301#post13609301


i don't think suicide is selfish and we all have no right to sit there and judge like this.


i just feel that it's the answer for me because i wouldn't be making my family's life so horrible...ever since i got those papers denying my benefits my father has been as upset about it as me. he told me as much today....but i cannot help feeling that if i was dead...everyone could move on and i wouldn't be the cause of peoples' pain. all i can see is how much of a waste of human life i am and it doesn't help that this world is so cruel and unforgiving.

Delta, I agree with you that the thread is not a helpful thread for someone who is thinking of doing what you are. I do think now is the time for you to see a professional ASAP. You are wrong if you think you will cause least pain to people.
DO you realize that if you killed yourself over this, your father would be destroyed over it? Do you realize that some parents NEVER get over a child dying before they do? Do you realize that if you killed yourself and your dad had to find you, how you would just screw him up for life? Listen hon, Life is hard... and you are just now refilling your paper work. What you need now is meds to help you with the depression. Once you get that in your system, you can think clear to deal with this crap. YES it is hard.. I have been there. MANY TIMES... and yes I came close to killing myself. But then I thought about how it would effect my kids, my family and others. When you want to end your life you are not thinking clearly... And you may think you are, but you're not. That is because of the depression and chemical embalance. And if you are taking drugs, then you need to talk to your doctor ASAP and tell him you want to end your life and that if something is not done soon, you believe you will do it. To keep saying I am going to end my life over and over again, sounds like you are trying to talk yourself into it as well.
The best thing you can do is get help and get it NOW!
Because you MAY THINK that everyone will be better if you do... but that is just a lie. You will leave behind many broken and wounded hearts... and some of them, like your dad, will never ever recover from it. SO when you think that killing yourself is going to be the answer... it is not the answer, but will only hurt those that love you.
You can get answers and you can come through this, but for know, the only way to do it is with medical help and you need to get it today!

 

[MaryBears]

Spenser......I agree with you on this....SHE needs medical help now.....And like you I have been to the point that I thought about suicide.....but thank the Good Lord, he had my doctors intervine......I am very gratiful for my doctors they are very good....and yes throughout this process, I have crossed many many dark tunnels....but with meds, doctors, family and the Good Lord's help I made it thru...and YES I still battle it everyday....but I take it day by day and have come to the conclusion that life is to short to not try to make the best you can off it....And yes it is HARD as hell...but there is things and people out there that can help you.....there is all sorts of organizations that can help with food and shelter.....DELTA you need to get Medical help first, then get the other help...and if your doctors are good ones they will help you battle the Social Security issues​

Delta, I agree with you that the thread is not a helpful thread for someone who is thinking of doing what you are. I do think now is the time for you to see a professional ASAP. You are wrong if you think you will cause least pain to people.
DO you realize that if you killed yourself over this, your father would be destroyed over it? Do you realize that some parents NEVER get over a child dying before they do? Do you realize that if you killed yourself and your dad had to find you, how you would just screw him up for life? Listen hon, Life is hard... and you are just now refilling your paper work. What you need now is meds to help you with the depression. Once you get that in your system, you can think clear to deal with this crap. YES it is hard.. I have been there. MANY TIMES... and yes I came close to killing myself. But then I thought about how it would effect my kids, my family and others. When you want to end your life you are not thinking clearly... And you may think you are, but you're not. That is because of the depression and chemical embalance. And if you are taking drugs, then you need to talk to your doctor ASAP and tell him you want to end your life and that if something is not done soon, you believe you will do it. To keep saying I am going to end my life over and over again, sounds like you are trying to talk yourself into it as well.
The best thing you can do is get help and get it NOW!
Because you MAY THINK that everyone will be better if you do... but that is just a lie. You will leave behind many broken and wounded hearts... and some of them, like your dad, will never ever recover from it. SO when you think that killing yourself is going to be the answer... it is not the answer, but will only hurt those that love you.
You can get answers and you can come through this, but for know, the only way to do it is with medical help and you need to get it today!

 

[shmily]

Amen Mary & spencer - You are both right on target. Delta - please get help now - call someone, -doctor, dad, 911, something
s

 

[Guest]

Delta- I know it seems like it would be the easy way out, but killing yourself would cause your Dad pain everyday for the rest of his life! Some parents never move on, and if he felt in any way responsible it would kill him too. You don't want to do that to him. I know things look awful right now, and there are no easy answers, but you're doing the right things (therapy, meds.,talking to us etc.). It just takes time. So keep posting and lets us know if we can help in any way. You are always in my prayers, honey.

i will leave a letter behind......my father knows that if i kill myself it sure as hell wouldn't be his fault. the reason has nothing to do with him.

i was thinking of checking myself in the hosptial....but i've been in them so many times that they no longer help and i don't feel like doing group therapy because i don't want to sit around and listen to other people talk about their problems as it never helps me. and the last thing i want to be reminded is that i'm not alone.....it just makes me want to kill myself more because this world is so fucking cruel.

 

[Guest]

Spenser......I agree with you on this....SHE needs medical help now.....And like you I have been to the point that I thought about suicide.....but thank the Good Lord, he had my doctors intervine......I am very gratiful for my doctors they are very good....and yes throughout this process, I have crossed many many dark tunnels....but with meds, doctors, family and the Good Lord's help I made it thru...and YES I still battle it everyday....but I take it day by day and have come to the conclusion that life is to short to not try to make the best you can off it....And yes it is HARD as hell...but there is things and people out there that can help you.....there is all sorts of organizations that can help with food and shelter.....DELTA you need to get Medical help first, then get the other help...and if your doctors are good ones they will help you battle the Social Security issues​

i've said this already....i take medication and see a therapist....this is not enough......unless the world suddenly because a much nicer place....there isn't any point

 

[Guest]

i'm going to stop posting here. i thank you all for your guidance and wanting to help i just don't think it's right to post how i feel here anymore.

i wish you all well.

 

[Emes]

i'm going to stop posting here. i thank you all for your guidance and wanting to help i just don't think it's right to post how i feel here anymore.

i wish you all well.

Delta...we ALL care about you and are worried. PLEASE dont stop posting. My yahoo and MSN are on....please come and talk.

 

[newme]

i'm going to stop posting here. i thank you all for your guidance and wanting to help i just don't think it's right to post how i feel here anymore.

i wish you all well.

Please keep posting Delta. You have met cruel people and life is terrible right now, but here on Lit there are wonderful people who think you are so special that they check here everyday to see if you've posted. And I know several us have given you our IM and email addresses. The world is not completely void of compassion, and even if you only get it here, let that be enough until the world has a glimmer of hope. Go to the hospital, if only for tonight, and call your therapist right now, and tell her how you feel!! Please...

 

[MaryBears]

maybe the meds are not strong enough....or maybe you have been on them so long that they are no longer working for you......I am not trying to be cruel....I am just trying to let you know that people do care about you and that we don't want to see you take your life.....YES this life can be so cruel....but the way I see it is I would rather live in this cruel life than to commit suicide and burning in hell.....Sorry I was trying to not bring religion....unfornately religion is apart of life also.....and if it wasn't for my belief in God and prayers (many many of them) I would not be were I am at this point......So I will close this with saying, God Bless you and I am praying for you.​

i've said this already....i take medication and see a therapist....this is not enough......unless the world suddenly because a much nicer place....there isn't any point

 

[Spenser41]

Folks,
I am going to say this and it maybe cruel, and I am NOT trying to be cruel.
For the past 2 weeks Delta has said she wanted to end her life. We have all reached out to her and told her how we feel, we have offered our help, our support and our concerns. We have encouraged her to tell her doctor and theripst that she is going to do it and do it soon. She does not tell them this, but just says this life is cruel and I just do not want to deal with it anymore. There is a time when you can say all you want to a person, but they are going to do what they are going to do.
Do I want her to end her life? NO! But we have offered and suggested everything we can, but I get the impression, she just doesn't want to do it anymore.
We are not a counseling center. We are not trained therpists or even doctors. We have tried to offer her our help and our support. She feels life is not worth living, she does not seem to care what this would do to her family, and she pretty much seems to have made up her mind.
IF she really wanted help.. real help, she would have said ... if I do not get help, I am going to end it NOW! The doctor and therpist, by law, if they feel she is really serious, would commit her to clinical help. And she said she has ben there many times, so this is an issue that has been going on for a LONG TIME.. and just not something new.
My mind is clear. I have shared my concern and my support, and she basically says nothing works so it is not worth trying.
A person has got to want to be helped in order to get it. We ran into a situation like this about 2 yrs ago here on lit. A girl said I am ending my life tonight. We got ahold of the owners of the board and of course they could not do anything. We finally found someone who knew this person and they found out this is just something she did for attention and had pulled this stunt many times.
I am not saying that Delta is doing this. Not at all. But I do know she has said for the past 2 weeks I am going to do it and we have all offered her our help, suggestions and support and she has rejected all of it.
Do I want her to stop posting her? Nope... not at all. But what bothers me, is that she says, the world is cruel. Well hell, all of us have found that out. Most of us have gone thru some very serious things. Mary Bear is major health issues as does Jazey and Shadow. Some of them the pain is so bad they do wish they were dead, but they just keep plugging on. Some people on here were sexually abused by friends and relatives. I know a woman that was so badly raped that it tore her up so bad that she could never have children. Some people have lost their jobs, gotten cancer, and other major life threatening problems. I know a man that has only a year left to live. He is doing all he can to keep that from happening, but in the mean time he is living life to the fullest. Talk about a cruel world! But Mary said something that is true... she could not make it if nor for her faith in God. That is where many find their strength. And for many that is what gets them through it all. Folks, if Delta wants to talk to you... please do.. she does need friends and support. And I would like for her to keep posting.
But, she also has to know that the help and support is there, but if she doesn't reach out for it, there is NOTHING we can do. She has to reach out and say, YES I NEED HELP.

This is not washing my hands of her... this is saying... Ok, we have said and tried and suggested everything we know to do. For someone to say I will just leave him a letter and he will know it is not is fault really bothers me. Because as a parent of 3 adult children...they can write all the damn letters they want... but I will always be hurt and wounded by them taking their lives and I will ALWAYS feel like... I could have done more... Is it clear thinking or the right thing to do? No, but any parent will do it. This is why some say that anyone that would kill themselves, do not realize the pain and suffering they leave behind. The truthful of the matter is, they just don't care if they do or not, all they can focus on is how they just no longer want to deal with life and they just want out of it. What they do not realize is they get out of it, but the leave it all for the family and friends to deal with it for many many years to come.

Delta, I think you need to check yourself into a clinic and tell them, it is not working. There are other drugs, and other things that you can try and do, if you really want to. But just as any other doctor or therpist will say to you... you have got to want to get better to get better. No one is just going to wave a wand and make it better for you. We all suffer major hardships in life... and all of us have to deal with it. All of us have had meds, therpists, doctors, family, friends, GOD, and other things to help us. It is there if you want it and there are many.. both here and in real life that have held out their hands and arms to you. But all you have done is say... it doesn't work. It does.. but you have got to want to. And no one can make that choice for you... but you.
I wish you the best....

 

[Leeleigh]

i've said this already....i take medication and see a therapist....this is not enough......unless the world suddenly because a much nicer place....there isn't any point

Delta I am going to be down right blunt..
The world is what it is.. not you nor I can change it.. the only thing each of us can change is ourselves, our way of thinking and our outlook..

You don't want to sit in group cause you don't want to hear about other peoples problems.. Maybe you should, and it might make you think your problems are not so bad..

These people here are not therapist.. If you are seeing one, and getting no where, in your opinion, then its time you changed therapist..

Suicide is not an answer to any problem.. because is simply creates new problems.. For the people who are left, they will always feel pain, they will always feel a sense of guilt, they will always ask why.. was there something I should have seen, should have done, should have fought harder for. You may be at peace, but you will leave your family being tortured in hell.. Thats the bottom line..

Take it from someone who knows what the hell she is talking about. The man I was going to marry killed himself after Vietnam.. While my head "knows" the reason why.. the emotional part of my brain and my heart still don't understand, and still grieve.. 30 years later.

Quit talking and get help.

 

[MaryBears]

Spenser and everyone else.....Just wanted you all to know that your all in my thoughts and prayers.....and thanks for being here for me....you all are truely blessed.... ​

 

[shmily]

HEY HEY HEY
It's a new day. The sun is shining (at least where I am). Sit back and soak up the son. Sending out warm thoughts and prayers for all of us here.

We are all dealing with something in RL, it helps to have friends here and there that you can escape with. Someones problems are always bigger then yours. No one lives in a perfect world - I personally don't think it would be any fun. *jumps of the soapbox*

Spencer, thanks for the chat the other day. It helps.

Asking special prayers for a close friend of mine - they had a house fire yesterday. lost the 2nd floor and the house is not livable. but thank the lord all 5 kids, pops, and mom and dad and the cat made it out ok. Was going to Houston to help her this weekend, but another friend called last night and her mom passed away and needs me to watch the 2yr old for a week while they go to MS. So keep both in your prayers this week.

love, hugs, kisses to all
s

 

[Guest]

actually...i have told my therapist....she knows everything.....i didn't ask for help...i wanted someone to simply listen.....i have exhausted all my resources.....i have not rejected anythying as i would not have told my therapist if this was so.......and as i said before that i have checked myself into a hospital many times and it has not help. and once again I AM ON MEDICATION! i am seeing my doctor next week and will also tell him everything. what i don't appreciate is someone blindly judging me on my few posts when you don't understand the situation nor do you know what I HAVE DONE. furthermore, you sound like so many others i've encountered who, while it's nice to care, feel the need to offer suggestions when i never asked.....i would not ask for help on here because words only do so much.

i have my family and friends who understand me completely and know that i am VERY lucky to have them but it does not change my pattern of thought.....i'm not coming by this thread anymore to be tossed aside or judged. if you knew what i was actually going through....you would not have posted this.....

don't worry....i'm getting help and will continue to do so....i know i have a problem and i AM doing what i possible can. maybe i'll pull through maybe not but that's up to me.....

i just wanted someone to listen. don't worry....i won't post here anymore as it is obvious that i am being judge and not being taken seriously enough. amazing how you all seem to have solution for my problems but what about others? you can type whatever you want on here but most things are easier said then done.

nevermind, it's obvious you don't care and that reading that i want to kill myself upsets you....so i will no longer post my problems on the board and i will rely on my friends and family to pull me through....at least they know exactly what i'm going through.

 

[shmily]

Delta, sorry if in any way i have offended you.

NO you did not ask for help.
NO we do not fully understand your situation.

Our reaction on this thread is to help - we are a caring group.

WE do listen and when we here talk of suicide our gut reaction is the person is crying out for help.

so lets just make a deal that we agree to disagree on this topic and lets drop it.

promise no more talk of suicide and we promise we will not try to Fix you.

Deal - handshake - lets get on with life.

 

[MaryBears]

{{{{{{{{{{Hugs to all that wants them}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and also.....Hope everyone tries to stay cool....it is a very hot day....unfornutely I am getting ready to go do my laundry and that is going to be one hot job but I have to get it done.......So everyone take care and have a good one.​