The "She" Issue

[Selena_Kitt]

Ok... what do ya'll do in lesbian fiction with the "she" issue... to avoid confusion of two "she's" in the same sentence... do you just use proper names rather than pronouns???? Every other sentence has a character name in it, it seems, when I'm writing girl/girl stuff... it feels unnatural to me, but I guess that's cuz I'm used to writing boy/girl stuff?

Help!

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Ok... what do ya'll do in lesbian fiction with the "she" issue... to avoid confusion of two "she's" in the same sentence... do you just use proper names rather than pronouns???? Every other sentence has a character name in it, it seems, when I'm writing girl/girl stuff... it feels unnatural to me, but I guess that's cuz I'm used to writing boy/girl stuff?

Help!

I tend to use proper names or descriptions, such as "the former schoolteacher", so as to avoid confusion myself.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I tend to use proper names or descriptions, such as "the former schoolteacher", so as to avoid confusion myself.

Works well in non-erotic scenes... but "the veterinarian cupped her breast" doesn't quite do it...at least, for me...

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Well that's partly why I pick professions a lot of times that are more erotic, at least for me. Dominating a teacher is a particular fantasy of mine.

 

[rgraham666]

Haven't done much lesbian porn.

What I did in both pieces was emphasize the differences between the two women.

Eg. 'The dark haired femme' or 'the buxom blonde'

 

[TheEarl]

Ok... what do ya'll do in lesbian fiction with the "she" issue... to avoid confusion of two "she's" in the same sentence... do you just use proper names rather than pronouns???? Every other sentence has a character name in it, it seems, when I'm writing girl/girl stuff... it feels unnatural to me, but I guess that's cuz I'm used to writing boy/girl stuff?

Help!

Try writing it in 1st person so that one of them's an 'I'?

I think the only thing you can do is use the character names and descriptors as much as possible. I find that stuff like "the blonde" works well to break it up. Pick one or two descriptors and stick with them throughout.

The Earl

 

[Liar]

Ok... what do ya'll do in lesbian fiction with the "she" issue... to avoid confusion of two "she's" in the same sentence... do you just use proper names rather than pronouns???? Every other sentence has a character name in it, it seems, when I'm writing girl/girl stuff... it feels unnatural to me, but I guess that's cuz I'm used to writing boy/girl stuff?

Help!

Does it make a different that it's sex? How would you handle a conversation, or a boxing match, between two women?

 

[Stella_Omega]

It's the same problem when you write any extended scene between two people of the same sex. I just wrote a scuffle between two men, and had the same problems I combined proper names and descriptors. It is tough, but the people who want to read it will puzzle their way through

 

[Rope64]

Give lots and lots of details, so that you have several handles (so to speak ...) to differentiate them by. "The soft, full breast weighed against her cheek" v. "She took the taut, girlish nipple between her lips."

 

[Selena_Kitt]

It's the same problem when you write any extended scene between two people of the same sex. I just wrote a scuffle between two men, and had the same problems I combined proper names and descriptors. It is tough, but the people who want to read it will puzzle their way through

yeah, actually the sex seems EASIER... I don't go in for physical description a lot... and in these heartfelt moments, "the blonde" doesn't seem to work... would anybody mind if I posted a snippet... maybe it's just me feeling like there's too many proper names and it actually sounds ok to read?

 

[CharleyH]

Ok... what do ya'll do in lesbian fiction with the "she" issue... to avoid confusion of two "she's" in the same sentence... do you just use proper names rather than pronouns???? Every other sentence has a character name in it, it seems, when I'm writing girl/girl stuff... it feels unnatural to me, but I guess that's cuz I'm used to writing boy/girl stuff?

Help!

I detest saying it because I hate touting my work unless money is involved but, check out my She/Her story in The Screening

I am removing it soon.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

The first thing I do, is takeone of the main's proper names and make sure it has a logical diminutive. Jen for Jennifier for example. Before the sex scene, I'll use the interchangeably, that gives me two proper names I can use to break it up. My characters almost always have some glaring differece that can be stated in a word or two Blonde, redhead, tall, small, older, younger ect.

I generally reflect the pronoun back as well. that is to say if I use she or her, it will refer back to the last character stated by name. if you're consistant with it, your readers will pick up on it, and it gives you the freedom to use pronouns more without looseing them,.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

The first thing I do, is takeone of the main's proper names and make sure it has a logical diminutive. Jen for Jennifier for example. Before the sex scene, I'll use the interchangeably, that gives me two proper names I can use to break it up. My characters almost always have some glaring differece that can be stated in a word or two Blonde, redhead, tall, small, older, younger ect.

I generally reflect the pronoun back as well. that is to say if I use she or her, it will refer back to the last character stated by name. if you're consistant with it, your readers will pick up on it, and it gives you the freedom to use pronouns more without looseing them,.

Hey Colly I was just looking for your essay - i know there is a paragraph on the pronoun issues.

btw... please tell me you copied and pasted your above post from somewhere... It's very unlike you. Now i'm worried

Edited to add: Not meaning you didn't write it. Merely that it's not in Collish

 

[kendo1]

As Strunk says: Be consistent.

Each character change demands a para change anyway. So, only one name is required in each para. What problem?

Maybe you should post a snippet.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Hey Colly I was just looking for your essay - i know there is a paragraph on the pronoun issues.

btw... please tell me you copied and pasted your above post from somewhere... It's very unlike you. Now i'm worried

Edited to add: Not meaning you didn't write it. Merely that it's not in Collish

No, I typed that one

 

[Boxlicker101]

Ok... what do ya'll do in lesbian fiction with the "she" issue... to avoid confusion of two "she's" in the same sentence... do you just use proper names rather than pronouns???? Every other sentence has a character name in it, it seems, when I'm writing girl/girl stuff... it feels unnatural to me, but I guess that's cuz I'm used to writing boy/girl stuff?

Help!

Like Colly, I sometimes use a simple nickname as well as a given name, and like others have said, I use a descriptive. The blonde. The taller woman. Her friend. The woman on top. etc.

I don't usually refer to a person's status unless it's relevant. "Her secretary" if the story has to do with sexual harassment. "The virgin" or "the former virgin" if it's a first time. His sister. His mother. etc.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I generally reflect the pronoun back as well. that is to say if I use she or her, it will refer back to the last character stated by name. if you're consistant with it, your readers will pick up on it, and it gives you the freedom to use pronouns more without looseing them,.

That's what I do. Also, repeating proper names is a lot less jarring to the readers than it is to you. They (hopefully) get caught up in the story and don't notice. Being overly conscious of it just makes it feel more awkward to you, as the writer.

Here's a snip from something of mine, with an awful lot of pronouns, but I think it still reads clearly:

“I love this cock,” Niko whispered.

He pushed Bran back onto the table and jerked his pants down. Books went flying, knocked to the floor; Bran’s fingers clutched the edge of the table as Niko greedily sucked him down. He was rough and hungry and Bran moaned low in his throat. He wasn’t going to last long…so fierce, red wet lips a halo around his shaft, the face of a cherub and the eyes of a dirty angel looking up into his from between his spread legs, hands gripping his hips, urging him deeper until he felt soft breath in the curls at the base of his cock.

 

[Pure]

a further suggestion

One may cut down the number (or proportion) of sentences that have person A or person B as the subject. Say, leave only one third to one half.

(I realize that some possessive pronouns and possessives of names will be required, but most badly writen two person scenes have an overabundance of "Jill reached for...." "Jen screamed." sequences.)