I'm a big fan of the martial arts, and ever since I touched down on a discussion a few weeks ago about health and sex with my opinion on martial arts and sex, I've been having a stew brewing in my head about which is the sexiest martial art in the world. The disclaimer is, of course, that like the argument about which is the best martial art, the argument about the sexiest martial art is up for horse-cart loads of personal interpretation. In fact, I'm counting on it, that's what makes the discussion so much fun.
My nominee for sexiest martial art in the world is...Tae Kwon Do! (Oddly enough, the martial art I'm taking now...fancy that
)
Why is TKD the sexiest martial art? I'm glad you asked:
1) Legs. TKD is all about the kicking. They love to kick in TKD. High kicks, low kicks, middle kicks, combo kics, rapid-fire-spinning 720 degree death-strike kicks. It's the martial art for the mastery of the leg. And what does this mean in the bedroom? This means that (Caution...hyperbole ahead.) TKD practitioners have legs that posess xexxyness unrivled in all the athletic community...anywhere! Bikers? Runner? Not bad legs, but they lack the flexability that a truely wicked axe kick requires. You ever see your hubby or girlfriend do the splits? Sexy, isn't it? Gymnasts then? Same toned legs, same beautiful lines, same tight leg muscles. They're probably close on the sexy-leg factor, but in TKD you learn how to fight with those legs. Which is xexxier, beating down a leather-clad biker who's threataning your girl or doing a flip? If you said biker-beating, you win!
2) Endurance. TKD is all about the endurance. How much so? A master once said that only when a flight of stairs can be climbed a hundred times without a single drop of sweat being lost, can mastery be attained. Nice words. And to that end, TKD practitioners train *hard*. We sweat, we strain, we build up bodies of steel and stone. Not just legs, though they do recieve a large focus. It's a whole-body things. Pushups, situps, running like a madman on speed. All part of the standard regimen. And what does this mean in the bedroom? Come on, don't tell me I have to spell it out for you...it means that when we say we can go all night long...we mean it. You want rapid hip thrusts for the next three hours? We got you covered. We've probably done it before in the dojo
3) Ass. It almost falls into the category of legs, but it's important enough that it warrents its own point. The ass is as much a component of the kick as the legs are. The ass is what gets those hips and then the whole body into a concrete-shattering attack. I hear you ask, does this mean that not only do practitioners of TKD have great legs, but they also have great asses? Yes they do, my friend, yes they do.
4) Philosophy. Martial artists are masters not only of the body, but of the mind. We train for disipline, self-control, dignity, restraint, and a host of other charactaristics that not only make us wise and well-controlled martial artists, but also make us excelent significant others. You think you're going to get a lot of lazy-ass crap from your boyfriend when you ask him to take out the garbage after he's just spent the day at the dojo training himself for restraint and constant vigilance? If you turn to the back of the book, you'll see that the answer is no.
5) The outfits. Ladies, do you not agree that a man in a uniform is a terribly xexxy thing? Of course you do. And that's just what we have. Uniforms. Clean-pressed, well worn, and airy enough to let us move. And women in TDK garb? Don't get me started.
6) Toughness. This one goes out to all the S/M lovers out there. You want a man who can take a whipping with a cat-o-nine tails, have his back torn up with a metal fork, be spanked 20 times on each cheek and still screw like a madman untill the sun comes up? Where else you going to look, the retirement home? We sit around and kick each other for the *sheer pleasure* of knowing that it conditions our bodies against pain. You want to dish it out? We can take it. And when we give back, we've got the aforementioned legs of unrivaled strength to keep you cumming from dusk till dawn till the next dusk afterwords.
7) Body control. You all know what i'm talking about, don't you... *Body control.* Think about it. That's right...
Look at that body of masterfull argumentation. Such logic. Such exposition. Such mastery of the english language. Such modesty! He must be right! Tae Kwon Do must be the xexxyest martial art in the world!
Disagree? Well, (Caution: hyperbole ahead) after i'm done laughing hysterically at your foolish ignorance (Hint: it'll sound like this: HA HA HA HA HAAAA!), I'll come back here and read your arguments and see what I think. You got a better martial art for me? I want to hear about it.
-I
My nominee for sexiest martial art in the world is...Tae Kwon Do! (Oddly enough, the martial art I'm taking now...fancy that
)Why is TKD the sexiest martial art? I'm glad you asked:
1) Legs. TKD is all about the kicking. They love to kick in TKD. High kicks, low kicks, middle kicks, combo kics, rapid-fire-spinning 720 degree death-strike kicks. It's the martial art for the mastery of the leg. And what does this mean in the bedroom? This means that (Caution...hyperbole ahead.) TKD practitioners have legs that posess xexxyness unrivled in all the athletic community...anywhere! Bikers? Runner? Not bad legs, but they lack the flexability that a truely wicked axe kick requires. You ever see your hubby or girlfriend do the splits? Sexy, isn't it? Gymnasts then? Same toned legs, same beautiful lines, same tight leg muscles. They're probably close on the sexy-leg factor, but in TKD you learn how to fight with those legs. Which is xexxier, beating down a leather-clad biker who's threataning your girl or doing a flip? If you said biker-beating, you win!
2) Endurance. TKD is all about the endurance. How much so? A master once said that only when a flight of stairs can be climbed a hundred times without a single drop of sweat being lost, can mastery be attained. Nice words. And to that end, TKD practitioners train *hard*. We sweat, we strain, we build up bodies of steel and stone. Not just legs, though they do recieve a large focus. It's a whole-body things. Pushups, situps, running like a madman on speed. All part of the standard regimen. And what does this mean in the bedroom? Come on, don't tell me I have to spell it out for you...it means that when we say we can go all night long...we mean it. You want rapid hip thrusts for the next three hours? We got you covered. We've probably done it before in the dojo
3) Ass. It almost falls into the category of legs, but it's important enough that it warrents its own point. The ass is as much a component of the kick as the legs are. The ass is what gets those hips and then the whole body into a concrete-shattering attack. I hear you ask, does this mean that not only do practitioners of TKD have great legs, but they also have great asses? Yes they do, my friend, yes they do.
4) Philosophy. Martial artists are masters not only of the body, but of the mind. We train for disipline, self-control, dignity, restraint, and a host of other charactaristics that not only make us wise and well-controlled martial artists, but also make us excelent significant others. You think you're going to get a lot of lazy-ass crap from your boyfriend when you ask him to take out the garbage after he's just spent the day at the dojo training himself for restraint and constant vigilance? If you turn to the back of the book, you'll see that the answer is no.
5) The outfits. Ladies, do you not agree that a man in a uniform is a terribly xexxy thing? Of course you do. And that's just what we have. Uniforms. Clean-pressed, well worn, and airy enough to let us move. And women in TDK garb? Don't get me started.
6) Toughness. This one goes out to all the S/M lovers out there. You want a man who can take a whipping with a cat-o-nine tails, have his back torn up with a metal fork, be spanked 20 times on each cheek and still screw like a madman untill the sun comes up? Where else you going to look, the retirement home? We sit around and kick each other for the *sheer pleasure* of knowing that it conditions our bodies against pain. You want to dish it out? We can take it. And when we give back, we've got the aforementioned legs of unrivaled strength to keep you cumming from dusk till dawn till the next dusk afterwords.
7) Body control. You all know what i'm talking about, don't you... *Body control.* Think about it. That's right...
Look at that body of masterfull argumentation. Such logic. Such exposition. Such mastery of the english language. Such modesty! He must be right! Tae Kwon Do must be the xexxyest martial art in the world!
Disagree? Well, (Caution: hyperbole ahead) after i'm done laughing hysterically at your foolish ignorance (Hint: it'll sound like this: HA HA HA HA HAAAA!), I'll come back here and read your arguments and see what I think. You got a better martial art for me? I want to hear about it.
-I
