The Seduction of Saddam Hussein

[shereads]

Okay, you guys clearly don't want to pay for your 5's (re: Valentine's Day stories). Or maybe you do, but money is tight during the holiday season. I understand. Forget the trouble I went to, as your devoted reader and patroness, to set things up with PayPal. Some other time, maybe.

Instead, I propose that you earn your 5's by writing, in 100 words or less, the climactic moment of the Seduction of Saddam Hussein - in which the CEO of Evildoers is convinced by a patriotic celebrity volunteer (see poll) into revealing his Weapon(s) of Mass Destruction. (Celebrity selection need not take into account whether your celebrity's country of citizenship is/was among the Coalition of the Willing.)

Winner will be selected by me, using two basic criteria: nipple hardness (mine or Saddam's or your heroine's, whatever works for me at the time) and opinions of posters to this thread (maybe).

If nobody bothers to post a story, I'll just randomly assume a winner based on your clever AVs and signatures.

Sorry you didn't bid now, aren't you?

 

[Icingsugar]

Which celeb...

Miss Piggy?


No story, I got to Zzzzzz....

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Hilary!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Proposal #1:
Paris Hilton and What's-her-name Richie have to live with Saddam in a spider hole underground at night and spend daytime searching for WMD's wearing skin-tight CBS suits. Later shows: BDSM as they beat Saddam with the bottoms of their shoes.

Proposal #2:
Saddam joins Jonny Knoxville and the Jackass gang in dropping bowling balls on their nuts from the top of a three-story building.

Proposal #3: "Joe Dictator"
20 eligible bacheloretes vie for Saddam's affection, thinking he's a bloodly megalomaniacal tyrant. The fun comes when they learn at the end that he's a beaten old-man. They get to beat him with the bottoms of their shoes. Donny Rumsfeld moderates.

All ideas, copyright Weapons Of Mass Entertainment(TM), Inc. 2003

Hurry: Fox network is interested.

---dr.M.

 

[Pure]

I agree with the Paris Hilton idea; it occurred to me independently. However I'm not sure I can execute it. I don't know much about her and haven't seen her show, just her mug on the tabloids saying "I'm not a slut." or "I've changed." (after the release of the video).

However since she's been roughing it in Arkansas, she's probably prepared for the rigors of Iraq, underground hideouts, etc.

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[shereads]

But was it a lesbian kiss or just a kiss-kiss? I'm confused.

 

[Guest]

I'm more than confused, and not about Madonna and BS. I first voted for Anna Nicole because my immediate thought was that she and Saddam are both puercos. But now I do not want to think about anyone seducing him, not in the least. Way icky.

Perdita

 

[shereads]

I think "Joe Dictator" has network prime-time written all over it. If there's a way to work Paris Hilton into the series, so much the better. (Although Prince Charles' footman seems to be the current polling favorite.)

 

[TheEarl]

Why not Tony Blair? After all Teflon Tony appears to be willing to do just about anything for George Dubya.

A tag team of Tony Blair and Peter Mandelson. The spin would be so huge that Saddam would be persuaded to give up the WMD in a second. Even if he didn't realise he had any before Tony started speaking.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Why not Tony Blair? After all Teflon Tony appears to be willing to do just about anything for George Dubya.

A tag team of Tony Blair and Peter Mandelson. The spin would be so huge that Saddam would be persuaded to give up the WMD in a second. Even if he didn't realise he had any before Tony started speaking.

The Earl

HFS! Now that's scary. I can picture Mandy in a dress, but not Tone.

Lou

Edited to add: P.S. I voted for Prince Charles' footman in the poll. Quick question, would that be the guy from The Mirror, or the guy?

 

[oggbashan]

I think Saddam could only be seduced by a sales team from an armaments manufacturer:

"We have this nice line in crop dusting drones. They are invisible from the ground or air and very radar stealthy. Would you like half a dozen?"

"How much?"

"A few weeks supply of oil. A mere nothing to a man of your talents. What would you like the drones to distribute? Anthrax, nerve gas, vanilla Coke?"

"Anthrax."

"And how much anthrax, in what form?"

"A few hundred tons. It is in granular form disguised as sand."

"And where would we have to go to load it?"

"The UN inspectors' compound. We hid it under the roadway."

Og

 

[MR. Gibson]

I think we should have janet jackson and beyonce try to seduce saddam. You see Janet walking in the interrogaton room in her bodyhugging black mini-dress and Beyonce in her body hugging yellow mini-dress they should get the info out of saddam but if this fails we will also have Britney spears and jessicca simpson come into the room with britney in her teeny red thong bikini and jessica in her blue teeny thong bikini. I tell you if somebody put on some sexy rock music and all these sexy gals began to strip. All hell would break loose!!!



By the way I have a new erotic poem out called "My rack!" find it at:
MR. Gibson' sexy tales!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Prince Charles..?

 

[Mysty61]

I don't think this is even a contest - Anna Nicole Smith stands out in front of all the rest. She has ample assets, and likes older wealthy mem preferable who are near death. It seems to me they were made for each other.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Yeah, but we'd have to go for what Saddam would find sexy, wouldn't we?

Let Anna-Nicole into his cell, and he'll just go into Praying Mode.

 

[Wills]

Competition Rules.
Seduction of His Excellency.
I require a competition, each contestant must demonstate their ability to raise the Iraqi 'flag' within 60 secs. Those failing will be taken on a guided excursion to the Euphrates.
The 'flag' must be raised 6 times in one hour, those failing will...
Use of hands is forbidden, those fail...
Each raising of the 'flag' will be accompanied by a monetary consideration, to me. Shall we say $1million.
Competition deposits, monetary or otherwise, are non-refundable.
Any one wishing to opt out for medical reasons will be taken on a guided tour...
Gender is immaterial providing the right deposit is made at the time of entry.

His Excellency, Saddam Hussein.

 

[MR. Gibson]

very good wills! I think I see Pamela Lee enter the contest now. I see her now reading the rules . Pamela plans to enter the contest not in clothes but in her birthday suit. I tell you when pam gets nude I don't know how many Iraqi flags she will raise but she sure will raise a lot of American ones!

 

[MR. Gibson]

but then again it may be hard for an american girl to seduce saddam because he hates anything America.!

 

[LorriLove]

hiya

why fuck about, just attach electrodes to his bollocks and keep pressing the button until he confesses, just have to hope he doesn't cum his cocoa and lose cock interest before he gives in

 

[sex200561]

fuck seduction

kill the twat.

Of course after a fair trial, costing millions so that his human right are not infringed

 

[oggbashan]

Saddam likes power. Send him a powerful woman. Margaret Thatcher would do. She'd send him running back to his funk-hole.

Og

 

[Guest]

Saddam likes power. Send him a powerful woman. Margaret Thatcher would do. She'd send him running back to his funk-hole.

Ogg, I could not stop my mind from visualizing the scene, gave me such a larf.

Perdita

 

[TheEarl]

Saddam likes power. Send him a powerful woman. Margaret Thatcher would do. She'd send him running back to his funk-hole.

Og

Oh dear God. Made I larf.

Unfortunately the next thing I thought of was John Major and Thatcher working a good cop, bad cop routine on him. Or should that be the other way around?

The Earl