The Search

[Lonelypoet]

The Search

I search and search and search for her,
through every hill and dale.
No soul can know my loneliness,
no heart nor tongue can tell.

My eyes they long to see her face,
to drink her beauty in,
my arms to give a warm embrace,
and melt against her skin.

My heart it calls and calls to her,
her voice I long to hear,
its sound will soothe my very soul,
its words will take my fear.

Fear remains as I search this world,
and live my life alone.
My heart is like a block of ice,
and soon to be a stone.

So come my dear, I beg of you,
and melt this icy stone,
then pledge to be my trusted friend,
so I won't walk alone.

I will give to you all my love,
my heart shall cease to weep.
My head shall nestle midst your breasts,
when I lay down to sleep.

 

[flyguy69]

While such verse can be very moving to the subject of the poem, other readers can be put-off by claims that no one but you could ever know how it feels to be lonely.

Otherwise, the poem is too long in the sense that it only says one thing: the narrator misses his/her dear one. It contains too many abstractions like arms that melt and hearts that call, generic images like hills and dales and cliched metaphors like icy, stoney hearts for my taste.

The rhyme structure is ok, but not particularly interesting and reuses the stock rhyme "alone/stone."

Sorry I can't be more encouraging with this one.

The Search

I search and search and search for her,
through every hill and dale,
no soul can know my loneliness,
no heart nor tongue can tell.

My eyes they long to see her face,
to drink her beauty in,
my arms to give a warm embrace,
and melt against her skin.

My heart it calls and calls to her,
her voice I long to hear,
its sound will soothe my very soul,
its words will take my fear.

My fear remains as I search this world,
and live my life alone,
my heart is like a block of ice,
soon to be a stone.

So come my dear, I beg of you,
and melt this icy stone,
then pledge to be my trusted friend,
so I won't walk alone.

I'll give to you all my love,
my heart shall cease to weep,
my head shall nestle midst your breasts,
when I lay down to sleep.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

The Search

I search and search and search for her,
through every hill and dale,
no soul can know my loneliness,
no heart nor tongue can tell.

My eyes they long to see her face,
to drink her beauty in,
my arms to give a warm embrace,
and melt against her skin.

My heart it calls and calls to her,
her voice I long to hear,
its sound will soothe my very soul,
its words will take my fear.

My fear remains as I search this world,
and live my life alone,
my heart is like a block of ice,
soon to be a stone.

So come my dear, I beg of you,
and melt this icy stone,
then pledge to be my trusted friend,
so I won't walk alone.

I'll give to you all my love,
my heart shall cease to weep,
my head shall nestle midst your breasts,
when I lay down to sleep.

I found your poem to flow like a river...
or perhaps better yet a waltz that gingerly twists with each stanza and stronger in others, I feel you wrote your heart's feelings into a literary creation that was obviously given much thought...

a 'gem' of a poem!

 

[Nickie Smiles]

The Search

I search and search and search for her,
through every hill and dale,
no soul can know my loneliness,
no heart nor tongue can tell.

My eyes they long to see her face,
to drink her beauty in,
my arms to give a warm embrace,
and melt against her skin.

My heart it calls and calls to her,
her voice I long to hear,
its sound will soothe my very soul,
its words will take my fear.

My fear remains as I search this world,
and live my life alone,
my heart is like a block of ice,
soon to be a stone.

So come my dear, I beg of you,
and melt this icy stone,
then pledge to be my trusted friend,
so I won't walk alone.

I'll give to you all my love,
my heart shall cease to weep,
my head shall nestle midst your breasts,
when I lay down to sleep.

This poem could use some help. May I play with your words, and show you rhyme and meter? I would be more than happy to.

 

[Lonelypoet]

Confirmation.

Finally, I get confirmation of what I have believed all along about poetry, and that is you should write from the heart, and not from the "technical aspect" of writing poetry. "Flyguy" looked at it from the "technical perspective," and "Myerotictale" looked at it from the "emotional perspective." Everyone is different, and everyone reacts differently to the same thing. Kinda like, the same sun which melts wax, hardens clay. The preconceived notion which is already in a person's heart is going to determine what they see in a poem, or in anything in life for that matter. Everyone is different, and that is what makes life so grand. Some people love oysters(I do), and some people almost vomit at the very thought of them. Again, every one is different.

Flyguy, I was just giving the person's point of view about their loneliness, for it is true that when we are going through bad times that no one can understand, because we feel that we are the only one. There is even a current song out I think called, "The Only One," and it addresses this exact point, for part of the lyrics say, "...you're the only one in a crowded room." Also, there is nothing wrong with using figures of speech, or metaphors, or symbolic language in poetry, for that is what "poetic license" is all about. Anyhow, I still apppreciate your comments, for it helps me to understand what other people think about poetry, and how they approach it.

Myerotictale said my poem flowed like a river, or was like a waltz, and then ended by writing that it was a "gem of a poem." Again, everyone approaches poetry with different points of view, and that is okay. If Flyguy gets enjoyment from the technical side of poetry, cool, and if I get enjoyment from the emotional part of the poem, and the mental images I try to produce from them by incorporating metaphors, and symbolic language, then that is cool as well! Poetry is for everyone to enjoy. Some of the best poetry I have ever read was written by people who had never heard of "the rules," like meter, and so forth. And, you know what? That is the best poetry in the world.

In one response, the "less than technical" aspect of my poetry was brought to my attention. Yet, in the other response, "it flows like a river, and is like a waltz," and not to mention a "gem of a poem." I appreciate both reactions, for once again, it shows the diverse reactions people exhibit when reading poetry, much like a person judges a painting based upon its own merit/merits. Thanks again for your responses.

Just like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," then "poetry is in the heart of the beholder." ~ Lonelypoet

 

[Lonelypoet]

Rhyme and Meter.

Nickie Smiles, Please don't be offended, but I do not care one whit about "rhyme & meter." I really don't. That is nothing against people who do, but this is my style, and that is how I write poetry. Again, please do not be offended, but rhyme & meter are not even thought about when I write poetry. Have you ever seen "Dead Poets Society?" Well, the approach which Robin Williams took towards poetry in that movie, is the same approach I take as well. Rhyme and Meter do not figure in when I write. ~ Lonelypoet

P.S. I simply have things to rhyme and flow as I intend them to for each poem I write. Some people disagree with that approach, but people have a different approach for everything, and this is mine.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Finally, I get confirmation of what I have believed all along about poetry, and that is you should write from the heart, and not from the "technical aspect" of writing poetry. "Flyguy" looked at it from the "technical perspective," and "Myerotictale" looked at it from the "emotional perspective." Everyone is different, and everyone reacts differently to the same thing. Kinda like, the same sun which melts wax, hardens clay. The preconceived notion which is already in a person's heart is going to determine what they see in a poem, or in anything in life for that matter. Everyone is different, and that is what makes life so grand. Some people love oysters(I do), and some people almost vomit at the very thought of them. Again, every one is different.

Flyguy, I was just giving the person's point of view about their loneliness, for it is true that when we are going through bad times that no one can understand, because we feel that we are the only one. There is even a current song out I think called, "The Only One," and it addresses this exact point, for part of the lyrics say, "...you're the only one in a crowded room." Also, there is nothing wrong with using figures of speech, or metaphors, or symbolic language in poetry, for that is what "poetic license" is all about. Anyhow, I still apppreciate your comments, for it helps me to understand what other people think about poetry, and how they approach it.

Myerotictale said my poem flowed like a river, or was like a waltz, and then ended by writing that it was a "gem of a poem." Again, everyone approaches poetry with different points of view, and that is okay. If Flyguy gets enjoyment from the technical side of poetry, cool, and if I get enjoyment from the emotional part of the poem, and the mental images I try to produce from them by incorporating metaphors, and symbolic language, then that is cool as well! Poetry is for everyone to enjoy. Some of the best poetry I have ever read was written by people who had never heard of "the rules," like meter, and so forth. And, you know what? That is the best poetry in the world.

In one response, the "less than technical" aspect of my poetry was brought to my attention. Yet, in the other response, "it flows like a river, and is like a waltz," and not to mention a "gem of a poem." I appreciate both reactions, for once again, it shows the diverse reactions people exhibit when reading poetry, much like a person judges a painting based upon its own merit/merits. Thanks again for your responses.

Just like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," then "poetry is in the heart of the beholder." ~ Lonelypoet

What I see from what you saw leads me to see
a better way...

...In 'the Search' I found a gem of a poem like a winding river' That Waltzed' to a lonely poets song!


and I will have to check out this Robin Williams Movie...sounds like my kinda poet!

 

[Lonelypoet]

Thank You!

Thanks MET, appreciate the compliment. I have nothing against people who follow the "Rhyme and Meter" method, but it is just "not me." For me to have to learn rhyme and meter would take the love of poetry away from me, and then writing a poem would become a chore. I have read the poems which follow strictly according to the rhyme and meter method, and I personally do gain something from those poems as well. Some people have a love for writing that type of poetry, but that is them, and I cannot adhere to those guidelines. I simply must write from the heart if I am ever to enjoy it.

~ Lonelypoet

 

[PatCarrington]

Nickie Smiles, Please don't be offended, but I do not care one whit about "rhyme & meter." I really don't. That is nothing against people who do, but this is my style, and that is how I write poetry. Again, please do not be offended, but rhyme & meter are not even thought about when I write poetry. Have you ever seen "Dead Poets Society?" Well, the approach which Robin Williams took towards poetry in that movie, is the same approach I take as well. Rhyme and Meter do not figure in when I write. ~ Lonelypoet

P.S. I simply have things to rhyme and flow as I intend them to for each poem I write. Some people disagree with that approach, but people have a different approach for everything, and this is mine.

if i translate this correctly, you are saying that you make no attempt to determine the validity of anyone's critique, since none will make a difference in the way you write?

if so, why post poem after poem in a public forum? i count 5, unless i missed some.

welcome to lit, by the way.

 

[Guest]

It is presumed, unless otherwise stipulated, that a poem posted in the forum is waiting to be discussed. As you said, we'll all come up with different views but you seem very sure in your style and need no advice.

For what it's worth I find a poem with "air-kissing" rhymes is just irritating. I look for a rhythm and true rhyming or free verse, one or the other. Your words, while eloquent, don't feel emotional and so don't help the reader to feel with you.

We may all be barking up the wrong tree here and you rolling your eyes in exhasperation over there - but, as I said, a poem posted here is fair game for the other poets to offer advice and opinions on.

Keep writing - you have the confidence to defend your style and that ain't bad.

Oh yes - and welcome to Lit

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Thanks MET, appreciate the compliment. I have nothing against people who follow the "Rhyme and Meter" method, but it is just "not me." For me to have to learn rhyme and meter would take the love of poetry away from me, and then writing a poem would become a chore. I have read the poems which follow strictly according to the rhyme and meter method, and I personally do gain something from those poems as well. Some people have a love for writing that type of poetry, but that is them, and I cannot adhere those guidelines. I simply must write from the heart if I am ever to enjoy it.

~ Lonelypoet

I believe alot will agree with you LP~
The thread "sudden passion suddenly" or something close to that is for that kind of writing explicitly. To throw an emotion or thought on paper /screen and walk away. Also smithpeter had a threa writing live ..which I think is the same aspect. There is a range of poets as there is a range of styles. I have a thread called chasin chickens which the name come from the first poem I posted on it and from there it became my passion write, pull up lit go to that thread and jot a poem or idea for one down. Perhaps post another of your poems so we can get a feel for your style. <grin>

 

[Nickie Smiles]

Nickie Smiles, Please don't be offended, but I do not care one whit about "rhyme & meter." I really don't. That is nothing against people who do, but this is my style, and that is how I write poetry. Again, please do not be offended, but rhyme & meter are not even thought about when I write poetry. Have you ever seen "Dead Poets Society?" Well, the approach which Robin Williams took towards poetry in that movie, is the same approach I take as well. Rhyme and Meter do not figure in when I write. ~ Lonelypoet

P.S. I simply have things to rhyme and flow as I intend them to for each poem I write. Some people disagree with that approach, but people have a different approach for everything, and this is mine.

No, I am not offended. I was assuming you'd want to get your work published someday, and wanted to know if you'd like some help since I'm an editor. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed. I'm glad that I asked.

I won't go into the technical problems because I get the impression you don't care for constructive criticism, and you also seem very sensitive. Did you only want to share with us? If so, that's okay. I'm just one to play.

Take no offense either, and of course, I know about Dead Poets Society. - grins and winks -

Thank you for sharing your poem.

Nickie

 

[Lonelypoet]

Thanks Again.

Thank you Pat and Tristesse, appreciate the input. I do defend my style, Tristesse, because I have a right to, and you have a right to yours, and Pat, and so on. I have read dozens of poems on here, and I like each in their own way. The only comments you will see on here from me about someone's poem/poems will be to compliment them on it. If I do not care from someone's poem, then I remain silent.

Yes, Pat, my poetry is fair game, but that does not mean it has to be changed just because someone suggested it, for then I would become a "puppet" to other folks suggestions. And, I have changed a couple of lines here and there in a couple of my poems I've posted on here, and those changes were made because of others suggestions, and because I saw where they were coming from on the suggestion and critique. So, I have made changes to poems on this site.

Again, I appreciate your input.

~ Lonelypoet

 

[Lonelypoet]

For Nickie.

Yes, Nickie, for now I just want to "share" with fellow poets. I would like to get my work published one day, but for now, I am happy with "sharing."

So, you like to "play" with words, eh? Well, so do I. I love the poem at the end of the song "Nights In White Satin." It moves me to no end. I love the images which that song and poem brings into my mind. Wow!

I thank you, Pat, Tristesse, and the others for giving me a warm welcome to Lit. I appreciate it!

Thanks again, Nickie.

~ Lonelypoet

 

[Nickie Smiles]

if i translate this correctly, you are saying that you make no attempt to determine the validity of anyone's critique, since none will make a difference in the way you write?

if so, why post poem after poem in a public forum? i count 5, unless i missed some.

welcome to lit, by the way.

The Search by Lonelypoet

I search and search and search for her, 8
through every hill and dale, 6
no soul can know my loneliness, 8
no heart nor tongue can tell. 6

My eyes they long to see her face, 8
to drink her beauty in, 6
my arms to give a warm embrace, 8
and melt against her skin. 6

My heart it calls and calls to her, 8
her voice I long to hear, 6
its sound will soothe my very soul, 8
its words will take my fear. 6

My fear remains as I search this world, 9 (should be 8)
and live my life alone, 6
my heart is like a block of ice, 8
soon to be a stone. 5 (should be 6)

So come my dear, I beg of you, 8
and melt this icy stone, 6
then pledge to be my trusted friend, 8
so I won't walk alone. 6

I'll give to you all my love, 7 (should be 8)
my heart shall cease to weep, 6
my head shall nestle midst your breasts, 8
when I lay down to sleep. 6

Pat, I believe that's three unless I counted wrong.

What I found disturbing was the over-use of commas when they should've been periods - visa versa in some areas. Not only is the meter off, but having punctuation problems causes the reader to stumble over words. It didn't flow like a river to me, and after reading some of the posts here, I feel more comfortable to say so. I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Over-all, I'd rate this poem a 3 = 75% (Lits rating system). I do agree with fly's comment, and I also believe the rhymes are too common/simple. I would say this is very nice poem, but it would really soar if Lonelypoet would let us help him/her out.

 

[Nickie Smiles]

I love the poem at the end of the song "Nights In White Satin."

Moody Blues

 

[Lonelypoet]

Pat Is Right!

1. Lover's Moon
2. The Flame Of Love
3. Touch
4. Luscious Lass
5. The Search

Pat is right. I have posted five.

Lonelypoet

 

[Nickie Smiles]

1. Lover's Moon
2. The Flame Of Love
3. Touch
4. Luscious Lass
5. The Search

Pat is right. I have posted five.

Lonelypoet

LMAO! I thought Pat was talking about syllables. I've made an ass out of myself again. Oh well. I'm still smiling.

 

[Lonelypoet]

L-M-A-O, Too!

Nickie, I just woke the neighbors up in my apartment! I am rolling. I am still smiling, too! See? ~ Lonelypoet

 

[wildsweetone]

hey lonelypoet, what are the neighbours doing in your apartment? nevermind! i don't want to know! lol



can one of you Poetical Brain boxes tell me...

is it possible that a pause can be counted as a syllable?

 

[Tzara]

is it possible that a pause can be counted as a syllable?

I don't think you count it as a syllable, but it does affect the rhythm of a line. See this, for example.

 

[wildsweetone]

thank you Tzara

 

[gypziedoll]

The Search

I search and search and search for her,
through every hill and dale.
No soul can know my loneliness,
no heart nor tongue can tell.

My eyes they long to see her face,
to drink her beauty in,
my arms to give a warm embrace,
and melt against her skin.

My heart it calls and calls to her,
her voice I long to hear,
its sound will soothe my very soul,
its words will take my fear.

Fear remains as I search this world,
and live my life alone.
My heart is like a block of ice,
and soon to be a stone.

So come my dear, I beg of you,
and melt this icy stone,
then pledge to be my trusted friend,
so I won't walk alone.

I will give to you all my love,
my heart shall cease to weep.
My head shall nestle midst your breasts,
when I lay down to sleep.

this gave me goosebumps....for so many this kind of search is endless