The SCOURIES reader – for both fans and serious scholars…

[Scribbled]

Have fun and to tell the truth, I could care less.... Have a nice day....

You could care less? Now what kind of attitude is that? Don't you want to improve your writing and win even more awards? Why, if you get as good as scouries, maybe we'll get you published too!

 

[mikey2much]

Wtf

You could care less? Now what kind of attitude is that? Don't you want to improve your writing and win even more awards? Why, if you get as good as scouries, maybe we'll get you published too!

You know I tried to see your point at start of this thread. I looked for the flowers amongst the garbage and found something of merit, the part about the ratings of the stories being posted next to the titles. I even went as far as to post in your behalf. But as this thing stretches on into forever I am changing my mind.

At the start I thought that you were just a guy who suffers from a tendency to sound like an asshole. Now I have think that maybe you are an asshole trying to sound like a writer.

I don’t know if you are Scribbled Or Scouries, but I am beginning to think that scrambled might suit you better. You have become an unpleasant odor in the AH and everybody who posts here in your little thread of self-praise is waving the stink around.

This will be the last you hear from me here, I wish that the others would do the same. I bet that when you were still in school, you had trouble playing with others. I hope that you and Scouries are happy together since you two are the only ones that deserve to have to put up with the other one.

Please guys let this asshole die a natural death, and shut the fuck up. Don’t reward him with your attention and replies.

Mikey

 

[TxRad]

You could care less? Now what kind of attitude is that? Don't you want to improve your writing and win even more awards? Why, if you get as good as scouries, maybe we'll get you published too!

I never set out to win any awards, the readers did that and I'm soon to be published so don't worry on that account.

As far as the rest of what you typed.... who cares.... sorry but I don't play games like some people, so let it go and we'll both be happy....

 

[Selena_Kitt]

You know I tried to see your point at start of this thread. I looked for the flowers amongst the garbage and found something of merit, the part about the ratings of the stories being posted next to the titles. I even went as far as to post in your behalf. But as this thing stretches on into forever I am changing my mind.

Don't fault yourself, Mikey... it happens to everyone who can see a glimmer of sanity in Scouries' rants...

 

[Scribbled]

I Left the ‘Authors Hangout some time ago….some would say I was chased away!

…left it because I found it increasingly inbred, invariably anti-new ideas of any kind. The intellectual heart of this great site had become home to a group of me-too’ers, lap dogs, whiners, plotters and back stabbers.

I also left it because I knew I irritated certain parties…my attempt to honestly review the stories in last years ‘Nude Day Contest’ was the final straw for many thin skinned AH’ers. So be it. I understood my manner wasn’t popular in AH land so left. Why bug them anymore I told myself.

And so I decided to post in future in this forum – Story Feedback - a quiet backwater where I could review my stories for the great Literotica reading public as well as introduce my ideas and opinions. I won’t upset anyone over here I thought. Shit, it’s lucky to have more than one or two viewers at any one time and there are just a handful of new threads posted every day. Besides ‘oily’ (and he’s got me on ignore), who could I bother over here?

But you just couldn’t stay over in your little world, could you? No, instead you have to scurry over here and bring your petty complaints and AH small mindedness to the one thread that asked you to stay away.

Even the Queen of England got off her throne and has graced us with some of her Imperial Posts, posts that invariably defend the status quo in a snarky, upper class manner that only a Brit can pull off.

I know it’s much easier to criticize me than it is to address my questions and suggestions. Much easier to practice group think than it is to have an original or independent opinion. No problem. You’ve got the perfect place for it. ‘AH Land’. My suggestion is you all go back to troll hunting and whining over there.

PLEASE DO NOT POST REPLIES ON THIS THREAD​

to be continued – jrs

I quoted this for mikey2much's benefit.

 

[Scribbled]

You have become an unpleasant odor in the AH

This is not the AH. It is the Story Feedback forum. Scouries explained why he came over here. I just quoted that for you because you must have missed it.

In the Story Feedback forum, we are going to review stories. Surprise, surprise. Congratulations! One of your stories will be critiqued as soon as I'm done sticking a fork in TxRad.

 

[mikey2much]

Like ants at a picnic, assholes are always with us

As I said earlier, I tried to see the merit in your ravings. I am over that now and can see you for the trouble making asshole that you are. You are right about the location, my mistake; it is the story feedback forum. However this is not real estate and location isn’t everything.

You have become a loud shrill noise in an otherwise quite library. You should sit down and thank your lucky stars that you live in an age when you can talk and act like you do and because you are so far away, still feel safe. You can hide behind your false ID and rant and rave all you want to.

You are a mosquito buzzing in my ear on an otherwise pleasant night. Hiding in the darkness behind your keyboard, you plot and carry on annoying everybody around you. Like that mosquito you can evade and continue to irritate me. I feel sure that one good slap would take care of the problem but you are out of reach. Fortunately I have the option of going inside and slamming my screen door in you little whining face.

About my stories, I write for myself and I don’t have an editor, so maybe you have found the perfect target to rant and rave about mistakes. Enjoy yourself and rest assured that it won’t bother me.

I think that I have enjoyed some of your writing in the past. It was on a bathroom wall down at the bus station, not much plot but the spelling was correct. Too bad I was busy and didn’t need my dick sucked, or we might have met.

 

[Scribbled]

I never set out to win any awards, the readers did that and I'm soon to be published so don't worry on that account.

Like I said, anybody here can get published.

For the record, as pure taboo stroke, your story “Sister, Sister” isn’t bad. Just doesn’t work for me. Scouries’ stories are far better than yours in terms of pure erotic entertainment value.

Please keep in mind that the purpose of this exercise in humility is to help make you a more accomplished writer. With sufficient improvement, you might even deserve the awards you win.

Your story is grammatically inept and should have been rejected by the person who approved it. I can’t believe scouries gets stories rejected for poor grammar and you don’t. You have been submitting stories for more than two years. It’s a shame somebody didn’t point out your deficiencies from the beginning.

The most glaring problem is that you have no clue regarding dialogue.

Very first sentence: “Do you remember the last time we were here?” My sister Cherry asked as she leaned on the empty doorframe in the courtyard wall. (You should not capitalize my.)

Third paragraph, last sentence: “Granny wore my ass out for that little trick of yours.” I told her. (It should be a comma not a period after yours.)

Tenth paragraph, last sentence: “My poor jaws were sore for a week from the blowjob lessons.” She told me. (It should be a comma not a period after lessons and she should not be capitalized.

You do it wrong every time where you have dialogue followed by text. Probably around 50 times in this story. I’m not going to count them all.

But one more to set you straight on how to do this right: “Speaking of corn cobs,” Cherry said. “Did that dick of yours ever get any longer or did it keep on getting wider.” (It should be a comma instead of a period after said and Did should not be capitalized. Also, there should be a question mark after wider.”

Here are some other sentences of yours that particularly annoyed me:

“Grannies sense of humor didn’t extend that far believe me.” (It should be Granny’s. That one is the seventh paragraph.) “I only wanted you to eat my pussy in the middle of Grannies table, not fuck me on it.” (You did it again later on.)

“Anyone drive by on the road could see me.”

“Oh yeah, I’ll beat she would get a lick or two in every once in a while.”
“Will you spank me and eat my pussy everyday?”

“If you keep that up, I’m going to drowned you.”

Cherry was shaking and jerking through a series of climax of her own that were stupendous.

He body felt soft and warm against me.

“My legs are so weak and tremble, that I can’t move the way I want to.”

I flicked it with y tongue and then nipped it gently.

THERE ARE MANY MORE MISTAKES. I HOPE YOUR PUBLISHER WILL HAVE AN EDITOR WHO WILL FIX THEM. BETTER YET, REWRITE ALL YOUR STORIES COMPLETELY.

 

[Scribbled]

As I said earlier, I tried to see the merit in your ravings. I am over that now and can see you for the trouble making asshole that you are. You are right about the location, my mistake; it is the story feedback forum. However this is not real estate and location isn’t everything.

You have become a loud shrill noise in an otherwise quite library. You should sit down and thank your lucky stars that you live in an age when you can talk and act like you do and because you are so far away, still feel safe. You can hide behind your false ID and rant and rave all you want to.

You are a mosquito buzzing in my ear on an otherwise pleasant night. Hiding in the darkness behind your keyboard, you plot and carry on annoying everybody around you. Like that mosquito you can evade and continue to irritate me. I feel sure that one good slap would take care of the problem but you are out of reach. Fortunately I have the option of going inside and slamming my screen door in you little whining face.

About my stories, I write for myself and I don’t have an editor, so maybe you have found the perfect target to rant and rave about mistakes. Enjoy yourself and rest assured that it won’t bother me.

I think that I have enjoyed some of your writing in the past. It was on a bathroom wall down at the bus station, not much plot but the spelling was correct. Too bad I was busy and didn’t need my dick sucked, or we might have met.

Why are you resorting to personal attacks? Scouries didn't personally attack anyone. Not on this thread, anyway. I wouldn't know about other threads. Scouries stated what he perceives to be factual information, offered opinion, asked questions, and made suggestions. It seems to me that is the purpose of a forum like this. Please confine your comments to something that pertains to stories (Hint: this is the Story Feedback forum) and not whether your dick needs sucked (Hint: you can probably discuss that on some other Literotica forum).

 

[Stella_Omega]

And so I decided to post in future in this forum – Story Feedback - a quiet backwater where I could review my stories for the great Literotica reading public as well as introduce my ideas and opinions. I won’t upset anyone over here I thought. Shit, it’s lucky to have more than one or two viewers at any one time and there are just a handful of new threads posted every day. Besides ‘oily’ (and he’s got me on ignore), who could I bother over here?

The poor frog only wants to find a small pond to be big in -- and what do you know, even this little pond is too big!

But I do like his idea of reviewing his own stories in six-mile-high glowing neon. It's a great comedy routine.

How is it possible to have "over 6,000 votes" on a story- and not have reached a 4.50 rating?

 

[mikey2much]

My writing might get better, but you will always be an asshole

Why are you resorting to personal attacks? Scouries didn't personally attack anyone. Not on this thread, anyway. I wouldn't know about other threads. Scouries stated what he perceives to be factual information, offered opinion, asked questions, and made suggestions. It seems to me that is the purpose of a forum like this. Please confine your comments to something that pertains to stories (Hint: this is the Story Feedback forum) and not whether your dick needs sucked (Hint: you can probably discuss that on some other Literotica forum).

Dealing with assholes always gets personal with me

 

[scouries]

Story Review

D E L E T E D

PLEASE DO NOT POST REPLIES ON THIS THREAD​

 

[scouries]

Pips???

D E L E T E D

PLEASE DO NOT POST REPLIES ON THIS THREAD​

 

[scouries]

Valentines Contest

D E L E T E D

PLEASE DO NOT POST REPLIES ON THIS THREAD​

 

[MarshAlien]

Scribbled:

It occurs to me that scouries, your "lord and master," would also benefit from your keen eye and literary acumen, because it would be difficult to find a story that is, to use your words, as "grammatically inept" as his most recent submission, "Ex-Con's Big Cock.” As an initial matter, I would note that his own review of the story (the second post on this thread) omits informing potential readers that this story, at its most basic, is little more than another hackneyed manifestation of the male fantasy that rape will “tame” any woman. For that reason alone, I cannot recommend it to other readers.

As for specifics:

“Slowing I took in every curve of her young body.” This sentence needs a comma after “slowing.”

“Perfect round melons I suddenly ached to put my hands on.” This sentence fragment needs a verb, assuming that subject is “melons.”

“Just fucking asking for it, I thought as I watched her braless breasts dance under her pink tank top.” They dance while she turns slowly to face him?

”She approached the pickup slowly, even warily, but still, there was an athletes grace evident in the movements of her long, colt like legs.” The word “athletes” should have an apostrophe.

“Her sparkling blue eyes reflected the youthful confidence you only encounter in the young and innocent.” It is odd that youthful confidence would be only encountered in the young, isn't it?

"'I fell, I wasn't paying attention," she answered me with a rueful but friendly grin.” “I fell” and “I wasn’t paying attention” are actually two sentences, and should be separated with a period, or even a semi-colon, but not a comma.

"‘It's the state park up there...the roads blocked off...you're not allowed in that way.’" The word “roads” should have an apostrophe.

“‘And then after quickly checking the backseat added, "There's no hunting this time of year mister.’" This sentence fragment needs a subject, like “she.”

"That's disgusting! Of course we weren't...he was a married man...old...we never...I never thought...he was a friend." Two paragraphs earlier, and several paragraphs later, Jim is described as “young.”

“As she blabbered on I watched her nipples as they stretched the thin fabric of her top this way and that, had to actually clench my hands into fists to stop from ripping the material from her breasts.” This run-on sentence should be divided.

"Bending over to lift the bike, her two full, round tits were momentarily exposed; luscious, soft, white, pink capped orbs the likes of which I'd been dreaming of for years on end.” This sentence contains an excellent example of a misplaced modifier. It is unlikely that her full round tits were bending over to lift the bike. I could be wrong. “Pink capped" should be hyphenated.

"‘Tea? A real sissies drink.’" It should probably be “sissy’s” or perhaps sissies’ if he intended to use the plural.

”Her little round titties were almost jumping out of her top as she bent.” I thought they were full round tits (see above).

“Mashed against hers as my tongue probed moistly, trying to penetrate her mouth.” This sentence fragment needs a subject.

"‘My moms a Ranger...she was a State cop,’ she hissed as she backed towards the open door.” The apostrophe is the on the key on the second row located just to the right of the colon. Buy a whole case while you're there.

“‘I liked your brother,’ she accused as she sidled backwards through the clearing towards the path that ran through the copse that started twenty yards left of the front porch.” I’m sure he was devastated at the accusation that she liked his brother. The rest of this sentence reads kind of like “The House that Jack Built.”

"‘Hurrrrrry...please hurry,’ she croaked out suddenly, finally giving in to the demands of her ripe, young body.” The author seems to have trouble identiftying the proper letter he should repeat to emphasize his character’s moans. Later on we find “pleassssssse” and the even more difficult to pronounce “Jesssus Christtttttt.”

THERE ARE MANY MORE MISTAKES. I HOPE YOUR PUBLISHER WILL HAVE AN EDITOR WHO WILL FIX THEM. BETTER YET, REWRITE ALL YOUR STORIES COMPLETELY.

I'm sorry. That was your line.

 

[Scribbled]

Scribbled:

“Perfect round melons I suddenly ached to put my hands on.” This sentence fragment needs a verb, assuming that subject is “melons.”

You mentioned sentence fragments several times. I'm sure you realize that many famous best-selling authors besides scouries utilize fragments.

 

[MarshAlien]

You mentioned sentence fragments several times. I'm sure you realize that many famous best-selling authors besides scouries utilize fragments.

And apostrophes. <-- ooh, ooh, just like that.

But you're right. Many famous best-selling authors . . . do use sentence fragments.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You mentioned sentence fragments several times. I'm sure you realize that many famous best-selling authors besides scouries utilize fragments.

The difference being, they probably use them on purpose.

Another difference might be that these famous best-selling authors don't write fawning blurbs for themselves and call them "reviews".

 

[starrkers]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y286/starrcats/smilies/deadhorse.gif

 

[TxRad]

Thank you Scories for your flaming review....

The story you are bashing has 170 votes and a score of 4.71 and there hasn't even been a sweep yet.... keep it up...

Now back to the regularly scheduled crap.....

 

[TxRad]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y286/starrcats/smilies/deadhorse.gif

Ain't it funny.....

 

[Darkniciad]

Actually, it wasn't directed at you, thus ending the post with

For the record, as pure taboo stroke, the story isn't bad. Just doesn't work for me.

So, I'll direct this at you now.

I read past grammar goofs all the time. A good story can overshadow that every time. My main problem with your story is probably something that works perfectly well with your target audience. The relentless assault of the word "Daddy" in so many places where a pronoun would work just fine was like a prize fighter beating me upside the head. Frankly, the characters felt flat as well ( certainly not fodder for sexiest female character )

I aimed my post at scribbles complaining about almost identical issues in someone else's work, while holding your story up as the holy grail. I pointed out where the grail had the same imperfections.

And to answer your final question - no. That's why I didn't vote. The story didn't do anything for me. I can see where it works with the target audience. I don't see how that qualifies it as the best thing since sliced bread. You're a master of self-promotion, utilizing both good and bad publicity with equal skill. You write pretty good taboo stroke.

Your strongest skill appears to be stroking your own ego, however.

Change the daughter to a nanny, put a name in place of Daddy, and post the same story in Erotic Couplings. See what happens. The only real strength of your story is the taboo appeal. You'd end up with the same average score, and a tiny fraction of the views/votes/comments. Actually, the risky inclusion of stereotypical Arab gang rape dream would probably lower your score in any other category once those one issue 1s dropped on you.

Even dropping the quotes from the title would have drastically reduced the views. The quotes causing it to appear on page one of the category listing is part of that view count. I assume that to be intentional, considering you utilized the same formula on your second highest viewed story.

You're good at what you do. It doesn't make you Master of the Known Universe or the greatest author to arise since cavemen painted on rock walls.

[size=+2]Ellipses and Pipses????[/size]​

Did some genius really go through my story counting pips? At least I hope you were holding your dick while you counted.

At first when I read the post this am I thought he was referring to something somebody else had written – it didn’t seem to be addressed to me at all. Then when I clicked on the link I found myself looking at Literotica’s #1 story for 2006! My story! The widely acclaimed - ‘Daddy’, I whispered. The most commented on, most voted on, most viewed……..….. (count the pips my good man)

And it’s especially strange coming from you. You’re one of the few posters in this forum who generally writes intelligent, constructive comments. What the heck did I ever do to you? Christ, I don’t even know you.

C’mon pal, you read the number one best seller and you ended up counting pips? Not even the slightest hardening?

 

[Guest]

deleted

 

[Darkniciad]

I thought I was Master of the Known Universe.

Is it really wrong for me to imagine you dressed up in Teela's outfit right now?

:: Glances down :: Are my cheezy 80's cartoons showing? *laugh*

::wondering how many will actually get the reference::

 

[Scribbled]

Thank you Scories for your flaming review....

The story you are bashing has 170 votes and a score of 4.71 and there hasn't even been a sweep yet.... keep it up...

Now back to the regularly scheduled crap.....

What is a sweep? I must have missed that one.