The Safe Haven
- Thread starter Spicy Southern Belle
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highlandlassie224
Fumbling Toward Ecstasy
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- Aug 28, 2007
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- 1,274
*hugs* brings hot chocolate.
It'll be better but let's just say you'll need all the strength you can muster.
*hugs to highlandlassie
Was there 4 yrs ago. Don't know how I did it other than one day at a time. But it can be done I promise
Thank you both for your support and encouragement.
It means a lot. 
{{hugs}}
JennyNo1
Literotica Guru
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- May 1, 2010
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Keep that sweet baby girl in mind when you get discouraged - you will find strength you never knew you had.
VelvetWolf
Experienced
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- Jul 9, 2011
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*big hugs* I feel for you ~ lately, if my STBX isn't making me cry, he's making me mad and frustrated enough to want to tear my hair out ~ or better yet, tear HIS hair out.
I just sit and wonder sometimes how it ever got to this point. Hang in there and hold tight to your little girl ~ you are so lucky to have her.
You're stronger than you know ~ we women have to be ~ and you can do whatever needs to be done.
Triskele
minima maxima sunt
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- Jun 22, 2011
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- 5,017
Sharing hot chocy! and lots of hugs... and bikkies.
Did the same 8 years ago. We got through it, one day at a time and life has come full circle. Cherubs now with ex for secondary school. Sad day today coz holidays are
over and daughter went back, today. Miss her heaps, already!
Ex is still a twat, but he's trying really hard to do right. I gotta deal.
T
thesweetsweetness
Guest
My baby had a check up at the Drs. today, found out she has an ear infection.
She is now off the chart for her weight, she is not gaining enough. On the growth chart they use she is -3% for her age in weight. Height and head circumference are fine. I'm supposed to focus on her eating more proteins and continue nursing. She has a weight check in three weeks. She seems happy, healthy and is doing so much; rolling, sitting, crawling, etc.. I'm worried though.
She is now off the chart for her weight, she is not gaining enough. On the growth chart they use she is -3% for her age in weight. Height and head circumference are fine. I'm supposed to focus on her eating more proteins and continue nursing. She has a weight check in three weeks. She seems happy, healthy and is doing so much; rolling, sitting, crawling, etc.. I'm worried though.
Wolfking05
Lurking in the woods
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2006
- Posts
- 15,547
My baby had a check up at the Drs. today, found out she has an ear infection.
She is now off the chart for her weight, she is not gaining enough. On the growth chart they use she is -3% for her age in weight. Height and head circumference are fine. I'm supposed to focus on her eating more proteins and continue nursing. She has a weight check in three weeks. She seems happy, healthy and is doing so much; rolling, sitting, crawling, etc.. I'm worried though.
*hugs* I'm sure she is fine and you don't need to worry
T
thesweetsweetness
Guest
(((hugs))) Thanks. I hope you're right.
Spicy Southern Belle
A Touch of Spice
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- Aug 5, 2004
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- 12,222
Hello everyone.
I'm not back, not fully at least, but I have come to realize a few things over the past few days. I came to lit because it was a place where I could completely be myself without fear of judgement. I started Safe Haven as a place where people could feel safe and share their fears and pain without having to worry about being judged. Where they could find the support they needed and be among people who care. So isn't it a bit hypocritical that the first time I need the support and friends..a time where I need to be myself and not judged, I run away from everyone? I suppose it is.
What I'm about to say is one of the hardest things I've had to admit to others. It was hard enough for me to admit to myself. I just hope that I haven't misjudged the people here and won't regret putting myself out there for you, because I need the support of those I've come to know as friends more than ever.
I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a child and have had it well under control until about six months ago. Even then it was under control for the most part, only really effected by nightmares that became more frequently. Recently that all changed and I am ashamed to admit that I have no idea why. I have been diagnosed with PTSD stemming from sexual abuse as a child and adult and a few other traumatic events. The past couple of weeks have been a near living hell because there seem to be more and more things triggering flashbacks and panic attacks. As you can imagine, some things on Lit have caught me off guard and triggered a few instances and that is what caused me to decide to take a break.
Like I said before, I'm not really back, but I need my friends. I will stick to threads that I know are safe for me and still be able to enjoy being around the people I've grown to enjoy and care about. I won't be posting as much, but I will be around some. I also miss being there for my friends. I miss giving out hugs and being here to listen when you need it. I hope that I am still welcome here and that I haven't brought too much seriousness to a place meant for fun.
I'm not back, not fully at least, but I have come to realize a few things over the past few days. I came to lit because it was a place where I could completely be myself without fear of judgement. I started Safe Haven as a place where people could feel safe and share their fears and pain without having to worry about being judged. Where they could find the support they needed and be among people who care. So isn't it a bit hypocritical that the first time I need the support and friends..a time where I need to be myself and not judged, I run away from everyone? I suppose it is.
What I'm about to say is one of the hardest things I've had to admit to others. It was hard enough for me to admit to myself. I just hope that I haven't misjudged the people here and won't regret putting myself out there for you, because I need the support of those I've come to know as friends more than ever.
I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a child and have had it well under control until about six months ago. Even then it was under control for the most part, only really effected by nightmares that became more frequently. Recently that all changed and I am ashamed to admit that I have no idea why. I have been diagnosed with PTSD stemming from sexual abuse as a child and adult and a few other traumatic events. The past couple of weeks have been a near living hell because there seem to be more and more things triggering flashbacks and panic attacks. As you can imagine, some things on Lit have caught me off guard and triggered a few instances and that is what caused me to decide to take a break.
Like I said before, I'm not really back, but I need my friends. I will stick to threads that I know are safe for me and still be able to enjoy being around the people I've grown to enjoy and care about. I won't be posting as much, but I will be around some. I also miss being there for my friends. I miss giving out hugs and being here to listen when you need it. I hope that I am still welcome here and that I haven't brought too much seriousness to a place meant for fun.
littlelovedove
Literotica Guru
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Wolfking05
Lurking in the woods
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StilettosNSpurs
Do it Cowgirl Style!
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*HUGS TIGHT and HOLDS YOU*
Move over some Woffie so I can hold her too!
Remember what I told you in one of our first PM's. Don't forget to take time out for YOU. Go do something just for YOU to make YOU feel better.
My friend, you are loved by many.Spicy Southern Belle
A Touch of Spice
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2004
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{{{{{{{{{{{Miss Spicy}}}}}}}}}}
*HUGS TIGHT and HOLDS YOU*
Move over some Woffie so I can hold her too!
Remember what I told you in one of our first PM's. Don't forget to take time out for YOU. Go do something just for YOU to make YOU feel better.
*HUGS* Thank you all.
SNS..I'm remembering. I promise. I have been taking care of myself.
T
thesweetsweetness
Guest
((((((HUGS))))))
I am so sorry you have been hurt in the past.
Thank you for opening up and sharing, I know that is not always easy to do. I hope you are able to feel some relief in sharing. Let it out and let friends be here for you to lean on. Sometimes its too hard to keep it all in.
Here are some tips I have from my group therapist for dealing with postpartum depression. I was going to edit them to what may be helpful for you, but I decided to leave them in case someone else out there lurking could benefit from them too. As with everything, take and use what can be helpful to you and leave the rest.
---
Emergency Kit for Heavy Days!
Eat something every few hours even if you are not hungry. Steady blood sugar is very important right now!
Put the baby in it's crib and take a hot shower, and envision your stress going down that drain. Feeling clean can make you feel like a human again : )
Open your windows and shades as wide as you can.
Call a close family member or friend, just to catch up.
Sing loudly, your baby will love watching you and it releases pent up feelings/stress.
Make a set time where you are going to leave the house, even if it's just to drive to get a milkshake or walk down the street. Get out of the house.
Ask your husband for 30 minutes for just you later this evening. Watch TV, Go to your favorite store, work out, grab a coffee. Just 30 minutes for yourself.
Watch your negative thoughts and counter them when they come " I am so exhausted, I can't do this anymore" vs "I'm wiped out, but my body has more strength than I know. I'm going to do the best I can, and then ask for help when my husband comes home"
Limit your demands. Remove and slim obligations where you can. You will feel better sooner, and be able to tackle those things then!
Call your counselor if things feel difficult for over 2 weeks.
---
Some things to continue to help support this important Postpartum Weeks:
Try to ensure that you are getting a minimum of 4 hours of uninterrrupted sleep at some point during the day. Studies show less than this can keep feelings of sadness or feeling overwhelmed at a peak. Pull in your partner, family, a friend, night nurse etc. to take a feeding or two.
Try to schedule at least social event every week. Whether you leave the house, have a lunch date, a skype date with a friend, or even just a phone date...staying connected is very important to recovery. Postpartum Depression, Blues or Postpartum Anxiety has the propensity to get us in an isolating cycle. Pick 1 or 2 friends who are safe to you emotionally, and keep them involved weekly in your harder moments, and the new successes of your week!
Don't be afraid to ask for help. As independant women, asking your mate to provide extra help whether with the baby, house hold chores etc. can feel difficult. Remember, this period will not last forever, and the more help you have on deck in the front end will speed up your recovery. Men often want to help, but don't know how, so be specific or praise them when they do something that was helpful. They are listening! : ) And don't let the myth that they have worked a full day keep you from allowing them to partner with you during this time. Anyone will tell you that being with the baby all day is just as demanding as a full work day.
Ellafun
Just Visiting This Planet
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2010
- Posts
- 12,697
My baby had a check up at the Drs. today, found out she has an ear infection.
She is now off the chart for her weight, she is not gaining enough. On the growth chart they use she is -3% for her age in weight. Height and head circumference are fine. I'm supposed to focus on her eating more proteins and continue nursing. She has a weight check in three weeks. She seems happy, healthy and is doing so much; rolling, sitting, crawling, etc.. I'm worried though.
Hang in there, Sweetness. Not every baby is on a chart. You be the awesome mom you are, and do what you do best...nourish her.
T
thesweetsweetness
Guest
Hang in there, Sweetness. Not every baby is on a chart. You be the awesome mom you are, and do what you do best...nourish her.
Thank you.
Ellafun
Just Visiting This Planet
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2010
- Posts
- 12,697
Dear Spicy,
Once upon a time, a beautiful, caring, nurturing woman walked into a faceless world and gave it the one thing no one else could: a heart. A true beating, loving heart. The reason she was able to bring that gift was because she knew how it felt to be hurt. She knew the importance of lending an ear, offering a shoulder, wrapping arms around someone and letting them fall into the protection of a guardian who had the grace of an angel. She knew that sometimes, the best thing to do was simply to listen.
But sometimes the angel had to return to her home, just for awhile, to refresh, relax, and renew. To hear the voice of God in her own ear, so that when she needed to relay His messages to others, the voice was fresh and new. And sometimes, the angel found that in order to find that renewal, she had to purge herself of the pain that she had collected from so many. And in doing so, she continued to purge herself of the pain she carried inside. Not knowing what to expect, the Angel exposed her pain, with the hope that someone would come and help her, as she had helped so many others.
What the Angel didn't know was that she is treasured, loved and cherished by many of the friends who she has carried through the darkness. There are arms that would reach out to hold her, even if only virtually, prayers spoken for her every night, tears shed on her behalf. She didn't understand that so many lives had been touched by her light and her joy.
You are gift from God, dear one. There is nothing you could say, or do, that would make me love you any less than I do. I will continue to pray for you as I do every day. Please know that you are NOT alone. I love you so much.
el.
Once upon a time, a beautiful, caring, nurturing woman walked into a faceless world and gave it the one thing no one else could: a heart. A true beating, loving heart. The reason she was able to bring that gift was because she knew how it felt to be hurt. She knew the importance of lending an ear, offering a shoulder, wrapping arms around someone and letting them fall into the protection of a guardian who had the grace of an angel. She knew that sometimes, the best thing to do was simply to listen.
But sometimes the angel had to return to her home, just for awhile, to refresh, relax, and renew. To hear the voice of God in her own ear, so that when she needed to relay His messages to others, the voice was fresh and new. And sometimes, the angel found that in order to find that renewal, she had to purge herself of the pain that she had collected from so many. And in doing so, she continued to purge herself of the pain she carried inside. Not knowing what to expect, the Angel exposed her pain, with the hope that someone would come and help her, as she had helped so many others.
What the Angel didn't know was that she is treasured, loved and cherished by many of the friends who she has carried through the darkness. There are arms that would reach out to hold her, even if only virtually, prayers spoken for her every night, tears shed on her behalf. She didn't understand that so many lives had been touched by her light and her joy.
You are gift from God, dear one. There is nothing you could say, or do, that would make me love you any less than I do. I will continue to pray for you as I do every day. Please know that you are NOT alone. I love you so much.
el.
Azuldrgon
Her Squishy
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2005
- Posts
- 68,614
My baby had a check up at the Drs. today, found out she has an ear infection.
She is now off the chart for her weight, she is not gaining enough. On the growth chart they use she is -3% for her age in weight. Height and head circumference are fine. I'm supposed to focus on her eating more proteins and continue nursing. She has a weight check in three weeks. She seems happy, healthy and is doing so much; rolling, sitting, crawling, etc.. I'm worried though.
*hugs* When she starts growing more they'll say she's too big.
*Hugs* Ella. Love that story.
T
thesweetsweetness
Guest
lol... Maybe? Thanks and (((hugs)))
Ditto. Where is the "like" button when you need it?? I need a few tissues too..*Hugs* Ella. Love that story.
Azuldrgon
Her Squishy
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2005
- Posts
- 68,614
lol... Maybe? Thanks and (((hugs)))
Ditto. Where is the "like" button when you need it?? I need a few tissues too..
*handkerchief*
T
thesweetsweetness
Guest
Spicy Southern Belle
A Touch of Spice
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2004
- Posts
- 12,222
My baby had a check up at the Drs. today, found out she has an ear infection.
She is now off the chart for her weight, she is not gaining enough. On the growth chart they use she is -3% for her age in weight. Height and head circumference are fine. I'm supposed to focus on her eating more proteins and continue nursing. She has a weight check in three weeks. She seems happy, healthy and is doing so much; rolling, sitting, crawling, etc.. I'm worried though.
Those charts don't know everything sweetheart. My son was always wearing clothes that were a year or two behind what he should be and he was pretty darn healthy.
Doctors don't know everything either. I fought for 7 years to convince them that my son was delayed. All they would say is that I was imagining things or that he would grow out of it all. Turns out he is autistic. Go with your gut. She is healthy, happy and doing really well.
Sorry about the ear infection. Those are the worst. Poor baby and poor mommy. *hugs*
Thank you for what you shared. I am sure many will find it useful.
Spicy Southern Belle
A Touch of Spice
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2004
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*HUGS SO TIGHT* Ella...I just don't know what to say other than thank you. You truly have touched me so deeply that there just aren't enough words. I am so blessed to have you in my life.
gonna go find a tissue now.
*HUGS*
gonna go find a tissue now.
*HUGS*
