Never
Come What May
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2000
- Posts
- 23,234
I doubt it would surprise anyone to know that I’m a strange person to live with. However, last night lavender just started acting bazaar and I’m not certain if this is something I inspired or if she had been dipping into the one of the two 1.75 liter bottles of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum she keeps over the fridge.
The evening started out well enough, lavender was bitching about traffic and I was typing up an essay for my adm. when the phone rang. I picked it up and a man asked to lavender, I inquired as to the caller’s identity and he said his man was ‘John’ who I know as the famous Mr. Lavender. No prob. I gave her the phone and they talked.
She finishes the conversation and about fifteen minutes later the phone rings again, I pick it up and this time it’s ‘Richard’ to talk with lavender, for those that aren’t in the know that’s Mr. Lavender the Second. Okay, no problem. They talk for a while and all is well.
Then an hour later the phone ring again. This time it’s ‘Bryce’ and from the shade of red lavender turns this is a Mr. Lavender I have not heard about. To make a long story shorter no fewer than five Mr. Lavender’s felt the need to call that night and lavender handled it like this wasn’t that uncommon. It seems that BratCat is no longer the Pimp Daddy of Lit.
No, I’m not finished, after the third Mr. Lavender she seemed to think that my writing would be enhanced by laying on the couch next to me and describing/comparing the attributes of each and I’m not talking hair color here folks. In order to aid with my visualization of these attributes she started bringing out a banana, a pencil, a candle - all sorts of objects. Needless to say I now know how big the biggest thing lavy’s taken in the back door is.. and let me tell you, I’m impressed folks. Oh, and lavender’s parents think she’s a virgin.
Then she started talking in gibberish. Literally. It seems that lavender invented a language her freshman year of high school and now she felt the need to ‘assist my writing’ by talking to my in said language. It was so annoying I threatened to do her damage, at which point she demanded a back massage.
Later on she announced that I was to tell everyone that she and Mischka were my camp councilors in Paginquat, Colorado when I was thirteen. Never mind the fact that neither her nor Mischka have been camp councilors, the two only met a year ago, I was living in Oregon at the time, none of us have ever been to Colorado, I’ve never been to camp and there is no Paginquat Colorado.
Speaking of Mischka, she's under a great deal of stress right now because of school, law review and the interview process. Lavender has informed me, however, that Mischka can't really be under stress because she's married and therefore having sex all the time. It seems to me that lavender's getting the same and with more men but who am I to argue?
Anyway, that's my report from the lavyland ranch, I know you care deeply about this.
The evening started out well enough, lavender was bitching about traffic and I was typing up an essay for my adm. when the phone rang. I picked it up and a man asked to lavender, I inquired as to the caller’s identity and he said his man was ‘John’ who I know as the famous Mr. Lavender. No prob. I gave her the phone and they talked.
She finishes the conversation and about fifteen minutes later the phone rings again, I pick it up and this time it’s ‘Richard’ to talk with lavender, for those that aren’t in the know that’s Mr. Lavender the Second. Okay, no problem. They talk for a while and all is well.
Then an hour later the phone ring again. This time it’s ‘Bryce’ and from the shade of red lavender turns this is a Mr. Lavender I have not heard about. To make a long story shorter no fewer than five Mr. Lavender’s felt the need to call that night and lavender handled it like this wasn’t that uncommon. It seems that BratCat is no longer the Pimp Daddy of Lit.
No, I’m not finished, after the third Mr. Lavender she seemed to think that my writing would be enhanced by laying on the couch next to me and describing/comparing the attributes of each and I’m not talking hair color here folks. In order to aid with my visualization of these attributes she started bringing out a banana, a pencil, a candle - all sorts of objects. Needless to say I now know how big the biggest thing lavy’s taken in the back door is.. and let me tell you, I’m impressed folks. Oh, and lavender’s parents think she’s a virgin.
Then she started talking in gibberish. Literally. It seems that lavender invented a language her freshman year of high school and now she felt the need to ‘assist my writing’ by talking to my in said language. It was so annoying I threatened to do her damage, at which point she demanded a back massage.
Later on she announced that I was to tell everyone that she and Mischka were my camp councilors in Paginquat, Colorado when I was thirteen. Never mind the fact that neither her nor Mischka have been camp councilors, the two only met a year ago, I was living in Oregon at the time, none of us have ever been to Colorado, I’ve never been to camp and there is no Paginquat Colorado.
Speaking of Mischka, she's under a great deal of stress right now because of school, law review and the interview process. Lavender has informed me, however, that Mischka can't really be under stress because she's married and therefore having sex all the time. It seems to me that lavender's getting the same and with more men but who am I to argue?
Anyway, that's my report from the lavyland ranch, I know you care deeply about this.
