G
Andreina
placebo
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I think in general it is a combination of social circumstances, learned behaviour and inherited preferance. Of course there are cases that might be exclusively one or a combination of totally different factors, but i believe that the social circumstances and the general learned behaviour play a big role in it.
Halo
Halo
Ebonyfire
Ball Stretcher
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- Jan 6, 2002
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I think it has to do with the need fr balance
I think that people strive for balance in their lives, and being dominant or submissive can be a function of the body and mind's search for balance. Yin and yang, positive and negative, etc.
Many organisms ( and humans are organisms) need balance to be healthy.
For example, I have found that many submissive men lead very assertive, and often macho lives outside of D/s.
Many men who would not seem to be submissive cause they lead arch masculine vanilla lives turn into boot licking cum sluts when they are in the presence of a Domme. Many are in positions of authority, and exhibit differing needs for submission to lalance their dominant work lives. They may even date and marry submissive women, because they have a hard time letting go.
Ebony
I think that people strive for balance in their lives, and being dominant or submissive can be a function of the body and mind's search for balance. Yin and yang, positive and negative, etc.
Many organisms ( and humans are organisms) need balance to be healthy.
For example, I have found that many submissive men lead very assertive, and often macho lives outside of D/s.
Many men who would not seem to be submissive cause they lead arch masculine vanilla lives turn into boot licking cum sluts when they are in the presence of a Domme. Many are in positions of authority, and exhibit differing needs for submission to lalance their dominant work lives. They may even date and marry submissive women, because they have a hard time letting go.
Ebony
EvilBrat74
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2002
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- 565
In my oppinion, i think everyone is born with the instinct to what order they should serve.
Since my woman takes care of everything out of the bedroom,i think i would make a great sub.But she doesn't like having control in the bedroom.She likes leting me come up with everything and likes me to make it mysterious.We talk openly about sex and i found she just likes it better that way.I think if we commited,she would make a wonderful Dom and i could make a great Sub.
Mabe as time passes and we read more from the people here, we just might become new D/s members of lit.
I can see it would be hard for me because there is alot for me to learn, and i have a tennancy to forget stuff easy.
I would be getting punished daily probably.
Not that i would mind though.
I love my woman.
Since my woman takes care of everything out of the bedroom,i think i would make a great sub.But she doesn't like having control in the bedroom.She likes leting me come up with everything and likes me to make it mysterious.We talk openly about sex and i found she just likes it better that way.I think if we commited,she would make a wonderful Dom and i could make a great Sub.
Mabe as time passes and we read more from the people here, we just might become new D/s members of lit.
I can see it would be hard for me because there is alot for me to learn, and i have a tennancy to forget stuff easy.
I would be getting punished daily probably.
Not that i would mind though.
I love my woman.
foxinsox said:Is the desire to Dominate or submit an inherent personality trait? Or is it a learned bahaviour?
What do *you* think?
I haven't really formed an opinion on this one. I know I've had vague inclinations toward dominance at least for the past few years (my memory of my younger days is pretty awful), but I could probably have gone through my life without acting on those inclinations and felt fulfilled at the end of it. Now that I've explored it a bit, I feel a much stronger pull.
I'd be interested in evidence of a genetic tendency. Any subs have submissive parents/siblings? Any Dom/mes have dominant parents/siblings?
Lain
alltherage
orgasmic inDucktion
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- Dec 9, 2001
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I think our sexual character is formed very early on and I suspect it applies in this area as well. As I think about it I am sure I have submissive qualities that have always been there. I have not traveled down that road very far. I think we all find our comfort fulfillment zones and naturally gravitate to that spot on the continuem.
G
Guest
Guest
Re: Re: The question is...
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patient1
Mr. Cheyenne
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- Apr 24, 2001
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It's really hard to look at your own immediate family & sort nature from nuture. You never know who is being themself & who is just playing a part to fill a void .
I like the old joke" Nature vs. Nuture? Either way you look at it, it's all Mom's fault!"
I think my mom did really well.
I like the old joke" Nature vs. Nuture? Either way you look at it, it's all Mom's fault!"
I think my mom did really well.
rambling man
Somewhat Deadly
- Joined
- May 16, 2001
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I have a feeling that the origin of some, not all, sub behavior and desires lies in the desire to experience situations they feel too inhibited to experience without "coercion"
Personally, I am the guy who is masculine, in control in normal life, but wants to be dominated sometimes in the bedroom, although i do like to be dominant sometimes
Personally, I am the guy who is masculine, in control in normal life, but wants to be dominated sometimes in the bedroom, although i do like to be dominant sometimes
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2001
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Personal Opinion, based on Personal Experiences, so take it for what it's worth:
I've always felt som kind of urges and desires that were ill-defined at best, a pull toward something. My experiences growing up didn't change who I was, or do much to mold who I've become.
The experiences I've had have shed light on what was already there, have helped me to understand more about myself.
In short, I was born this way, I just might not have known what to do with these feelings without the experiences I have had in my life.
But that's just me......
I've always felt som kind of urges and desires that were ill-defined at best, a pull toward something. My experiences growing up didn't change who I was, or do much to mold who I've become.
The experiences I've had have shed light on what was already there, have helped me to understand more about myself.
In short, I was born this way, I just might not have known what to do with these feelings without the experiences I have had in my life.
But that's just me......
badmatt
Literotica Guru
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Guess my answer goes like this...
Having known nothing about the lifestyle when first introduced, most would probably say it's a learned behavior looking at someone like me. But, then if they'd been there to share in my learning experiences, they'd see that I had not only an aptitude for it but a total desire to continue to do it....
So, what it comes down to in my opinion, is not only your -predispositions- if you will, to the lifestyle, but your exposure to it. I know looking back that if I had not been exposed to both sides by My teacher, I may have had a very different outcome. And looking back if I'd been trained only as a sub, I'd probably be a very sexually repressed, and inexperienced man. As things stand, I'm a very open minded (at least I like to think so) Dom.
Having known nothing about the lifestyle when first introduced, most would probably say it's a learned behavior looking at someone like me. But, then if they'd been there to share in my learning experiences, they'd see that I had not only an aptitude for it but a total desire to continue to do it....
So, what it comes down to in my opinion, is not only your -predispositions- if you will, to the lifestyle, but your exposure to it. I know looking back that if I had not been exposed to both sides by My teacher, I may have had a very different outcome. And looking back if I'd been trained only as a sub, I'd probably be a very sexually repressed, and inexperienced man. As things stand, I'm a very open minded (at least I like to think so) Dom.
Re: I think it has to do with the need fr balance
this doesn't just apply to men.
I am pretty assertive normally and I really HATE being told what to do - but put me in a sexual situation with the right person and I too turn into a slutsub. It doesn't always go that way however mainly because i am not totally assertive/aggressive in my outside life - so sometimes i want to play dom - you are right Ebony it is about balance - at least for me
Ebonyfire said:
this doesn't just apply to men.
I am pretty assertive normally and I really HATE being told what to do - but put me in a sexual situation with the right person and I too turn into a slutsub. It doesn't always go that way however mainly because i am not totally assertive/aggressive in my outside life - so sometimes i want to play dom - you are right Ebony it is about balance - at least for me
Re: Guess my answer goes like this...
I'm curious about this statement. Do you equate submissiveness with sexual repression and inexperience? Or are you saying that, since you were exposed to both, you were able to find the path you enjoyed and open yourself up to new experiences?
Lain
badmatt said:
I'm curious about this statement. Do you equate submissiveness with sexual repression and inexperience? Or are you saying that, since you were exposed to both, you were able to find the path you enjoyed and open yourself up to new experiences?
Lain
What in interesting question! I'd never really thought of it before, actually.
For me, I would have to say being submissive is part of my personality. Although I went for years not really knowing that or even knowing what "submissive" truly meant. Now that I have been involved in a D/s relationship, and am looking for another, I can fully appreciate this part of me.
But it wasn't learned, for me. The man who introduced me to aspects of D/s simply guided what was already there to begin with. I just didn't know it.
Hope this makes sense....
For me, I would have to say being submissive is part of my personality. Although I went for years not really knowing that or even knowing what "submissive" truly meant. Now that I have been involved in a D/s relationship, and am looking for another, I can fully appreciate this part of me.
But it wasn't learned, for me. The man who introduced me to aspects of D/s simply guided what was already there to begin with. I just didn't know it.
Hope this makes sense....
badmatt
Literotica Guru
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Lain
I'm definitely saying the latter. Basically the problem would have been that had I been only exposed to being a sub, I definitely would not have been comfortable voicing My desires and needs to My partner. And on top of that, I don't think I would have felt near the freedom that I do to explore, not only in finding new partners (be it a D/s relationship or not), but in finding new ways to express My sexuality.
As far as submissives being repressed and inexperienced, have only ever found a few who were, and they were cowed into their submissiveness by people whose domineering nature had nothing to do with the D/s lifestyle and everything to do with being control freaks and just haters of everyone but themselves.
Lain said:
I'm definitely saying the latter. Basically the problem would have been that had I been only exposed to being a sub, I definitely would not have been comfortable voicing My desires and needs to My partner. And on top of that, I don't think I would have felt near the freedom that I do to explore, not only in finding new partners (be it a D/s relationship or not), but in finding new ways to express My sexuality.
As far as submissives being repressed and inexperienced, have only ever found a few who were, and they were cowed into their submissiveness by people whose domineering nature had nothing to do with the D/s lifestyle and everything to do with being control freaks and just haters of everyone but themselves.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
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I am a sexual submissive.foxinsox said:
Within the boundries of a close, loving, supportive BDSM relationship, i can be (and often want and need to be) rather more submissive than not, if that's desired by my Dom/me.
I am not, however, any kinda stereotypical submissive personality.
I'm intelligent and educated. I have opinions that i think are of value on many and widely diverse subjects. I don't pretend to be less than i am for anyone, for any reason, ever. I'm vocal and i'm a middle school science teacher, for gods sakes. Those kids would eat me alive if i was timid and submissive in the classroom. I have lots of nilla friends, poeple who've known me for years and years, who would crack up laughing at the suggestion that i'm some kinda shrinking violet submissive kinda woman. My soon-to-be-former husband has always called me "the big guns" in ref to my tendancies to go in after a problem and grab hold of it and not let go until it was resolved - usually in my favor.
I am *not* a submissive in terms of natural personality.
I am, however, most definitely, a sexual submissive.
The two are not necessarily synonymous.
And, btw, i've always been a sexual submissive.
It's as integral a part of who i am as a person as are my blue eyes - and aways has been.
Genetics, i say.
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Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2002
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- 14,176
soon-to-be-former
Quote
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My soon-to-be-former husband has always called me "the big guns" in ref to my tendancies to go in after a problem and grab hold of it and not let go until it was resolved - usually in my favor.
I am *not* a submissive in terms of natural personality.
I am, however, most definitely, a sexual submissive.
The two are not necessarily synonymous.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will soon have former wife <smile>
Yes there are at lest these two types of Subs
That is why some are int oplay/scening
Others are into 24/7 TEP
Some are heavy into BDSM
Some are more into D/s
As a Dom I am more in psychologial domination
Though I will play I prefer a 24/7 TEP
However I also prefer a female sub that is intelligent with a strong intelligual curiousity. One that can carry on long conversations.
We are all different in many ways.
I do believe that we need to focus on our simlarities as while.
Richard
Michigan
PS: It would help if she also could spell and type since I can't <smile>
Quote
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My soon-to-be-former husband has always called me "the big guns" in ref to my tendancies to go in after a problem and grab hold of it and not let go until it was resolved - usually in my favor.
I am *not* a submissive in terms of natural personality.
I am, however, most definitely, a sexual submissive.
The two are not necessarily synonymous.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will soon have former wife <smile>
Yes there are at lest these two types of Subs
That is why some are int oplay/scening
Others are into 24/7 TEP
Some are heavy into BDSM
Some are more into D/s
As a Dom I am more in psychologial domination
Though I will play I prefer a 24/7 TEP
However I also prefer a female sub that is intelligent with a strong intelligual curiousity. One that can carry on long conversations.
We are all different in many ways.
I do believe that we need to focus on our simlarities as while.
Richard
Michigan
PS: It would help if she also could spell and type since I can't <smile>
lilminx
...
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2001
- Posts
- 19,004
I am not heavily into the BDSM lifestyle, but I am very interested in many aspects of it.
I think that there are a variety of factors that may make one desire (or need) to submit or be dominant.
1. Nature- some people are naturally dominating in bed, others are naturally submissive.
2.The point one may be in one's life. For example, I have to have so much control over so many things in my life right now (work, the well-being and education of other people, finances, etc,) and I would like to have someone take control over me and decide what's going to happen. It's a nice break. OTOH, there are times in my life when I have been the one taking control in the bedroom, always initiating as well. This could possibly have contributed to my desire to have someone control me. I got tirted of always ahving to do the wanting.
When I was younger, though, I think that I had many characterisitics of a dominant woman. My friend J and I were at a friend's house in high school, and he was busting my chops over something. I have always been very aggressive, and I threatened to beat him up. He took off his belt and chaellenged me, so of course I took him up on the challenge. He ended up on all fours, me whipping his ass with his own belt. We both were having fun.
There are more things, but my brain is fried and I can't think. I need a good glass (or three) of wine right now.
I think that there are a variety of factors that may make one desire (or need) to submit or be dominant.
1. Nature- some people are naturally dominating in bed, others are naturally submissive.
2.The point one may be in one's life. For example, I have to have so much control over so many things in my life right now (work, the well-being and education of other people, finances, etc,) and I would like to have someone take control over me and decide what's going to happen. It's a nice break. OTOH, there are times in my life when I have been the one taking control in the bedroom, always initiating as well. This could possibly have contributed to my desire to have someone control me. I got tirted of always ahving to do the wanting.
When I was younger, though, I think that I had many characterisitics of a dominant woman. My friend J and I were at a friend's house in high school, and he was busting my chops over something. I have always been very aggressive, and I threatened to beat him up. He took off his belt and chaellenged me, so of course I took him up on the challenge. He ended up on all fours, me whipping his ass with his own belt. We both were having fun.
There are more things, but my brain is fried and I can't think. I need a good glass (or three) of wine right now.
AnonymousSlave
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2002
- Posts
- 128
i think submissiveness is a factor of both a born trait and environmental conditioning. i don't believe a person actually has a choice in it. i think they can try to overcome it or simply learn to relax and enjoy being their true self.
G
Guest
Guest
deliciously_naughty
One Sexy Mama
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2002
- Posts
- 4,765
I'm with Cym...
I'm a sexual submissive...but I'm anything but outside the bedroom. I have a masters degree and will pursue a Doctorate...and in the high school world as well as the world of academia, submissive don't survive. I am generally the one to take charge of situation and have tried that in the bedroom...but there's something that makes me need the dominance.
Strong men (and women) make me hot. Having my arms held over my head by superior strength is sexy...being ordered to go down is thrilling...and calling a man master (and although I haven't done it yet, calling a woman mistress) makes me wet. The experience of having my control taken from me is something I've finally accepted.
It was there all along...I just needed (and continue to need) the right lovers to bring it out.
I'm a sexual submissive...but I'm anything but outside the bedroom. I have a masters degree and will pursue a Doctorate...and in the high school world as well as the world of academia, submissive don't survive. I am generally the one to take charge of situation and have tried that in the bedroom...but there's something that makes me need the dominance.
Strong men (and women) make me hot. Having my arms held over my head by superior strength is sexy...being ordered to go down is thrilling...and calling a man master (and although I haven't done it yet, calling a woman mistress) makes me wet. The experience of having my control taken from me is something I've finally accepted.
It was there all along...I just needed (and continue to need) the right lovers to bring it out.
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2002
- Posts
- 14,176
Will it work?
For many what you describe is what works.
The subbies I have had have been very assertive in there everyday life with others. With me they were very submissive. They did throw challenges my way all to often <smile>
Richard
Michigan
mayi said:I am curious.......i am asserative in real life, but want to be submissive in the bed.........will it work.....will i find what i want?
mayi
For many what you describe is what works.
The subbies I have had have been very assertive in there everyday life with others. With me they were very submissive. They did throw challenges my way all to often <smile>
Richard
Michigan
