The purpose of marriage

[gravyrug]

Since the other thread got hijacked, I thought I'd start a new one.

What, in your opinion, is the primary purpose of marriage, and what forms of marriage should be legally recognized?

 

[SimplySouthern]

As I stated on the other thread...the purpose of marriage lies within the intent of the two people tying the knot.

Some people make it a show for others. To show their committment to the other person in a public forum.

Myself, I believe that marriage is to show your dedication to the other person. You don't owe an explaination to anyone else. Not that the opinions of your family and friends don't matter, but to me if you are choosing to commit yourself to another person for life you owe them more of a symbolic gesture than anyone else.

I say, for my taste at least, something simple. Vows written by the two getting married and only the minister and the amount of witnesses required by law. It carries more weight with me if the person I'm marrying isn't trying to prove something to the world.

 

[MWG]

Since the other thread got hijacked, I thought I'd start a new one.

What, in your opinion, is the primary purpose of marriage, and what forms of marriage should be legally recognized?

Hey, be careful asking that question. Some of our esteemed members will deem it illogical that you're married for making such a query.

I think all forms of marriage shall be legalized, as long as the two people are consenting adults. Personally, I don't think a legal contract is wholly necessary, but then again, I believe Weevil once made a comment about the legal recognization making it more tangible, and that kind of sums up my feelings. It makes it more concrete, besides the fact that I'm kind of hardwired towards marriage- in my family, it's naturally what you do when you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. I noticed no one in my thread ever brought that up- doesn't marriage seem to be INGRAINED into many peoples' psyches as the logical next step after a long-term, committed relationship?

 

[gravyrug]

Okay, if nobody wants to go first, here's my view.

Marriage is primarily about creating a stable environment for a family, especially for, but not limited to, children. Any form of marriage that can create a stable atmosphere should be legal, including gay marriage and marriage between more than two partners.

Dicussion? Disagreement? Insults?

 

[Sandia]

I already said it in the other thread: I think the purpose is to get presents, and to have an adult-sounding world to call your spouse.




Ok, that's not entirely true.

It's also good if you're going to have kids - it demonstrates a level of commitment that's appropriate if you're going to be bringing children into the world and raising them.

 

[gravyrug]

As I stated on the other thread...the purpose of marriage lies within the intent of the two people tying the knot.

Some people make it a show for others. To show their committment to the other person in a public forum.

Myself, I believe that marriage is to show your dedication to the other person. You don't owe an explaination to anyone else. Not that the opinions of your family and friends don't matter, but to me if you are choosing to commit yourself to another person for life you owe them more of a symbolic gesture than anyone else.

I say, for my taste at least, something simple. Vows written by the two getting married and only the minister and the amount of witnesses required by law. It carries more weight with me if the person I'm marrying isn't trying to prove something to the world.

Fair enough, but what about marriages that want to include more than two? Would you consider that impossible, or immoral, or just unlikely?

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

I think that marriage is a state of mind above all else.

With the act of being married in a church, through a Justice of the Peace, or through common law being a way to make your marriage legal.

It makes it easier to assert the rights of being a spouse.

I love my wife, and would love her just as much even if we didn't have a paper that says we are married.

 

[PCG]

Okay, if nobody wants to go first, here's my view.

Marriage is primarily about creating a stable environment for a family, especially for, but not limited to, children. Any form of marriage that can create a stable atmosphere should be legal, including gay marriage and marriage between more than two partners.

Dicussion? Disagreement? Insults?

I don't think that 'marriage' in any form is inherently more or less stable than any other committed relationship, or in a single parent household.

My marriage has never felt stable to me. I doubt it feels stable to my kids. In fact, the kids are the main reason I'm leaving my marriage. They deserve a healthier relationship model than the one they're getting in this house.

If one needs a certificate from the courthouse to feel stable and committed, there's a problem. If one has a pathological fear of that certificate, there's a problem.

 

[Sillyman]

The romantic purpose of marriage is to make a public life-long commitment to your relationship as a gesture of love.

The legal purpose of marriage is to create a contract where two individuals must support each other.

The religeous purpose of marriage is to sanctify a relationship before God to show it's nature is spiritual, not merely carnal.

The ritual purpose of marriage is to iniate young adults into the responsibilities of full adulthood, with all the burdens and respects that that implies.

The fun purpose of marriage is to hold a big party so you can get presents and eat cake even though it isn't your birthday.

 

[gravyrug]

I

It's also good if you're going to have kids - it demonstrates a level of commitment that's appropriate if you're going to be bringing children into the world and raising them.

That's what I mean by a stable family environment. That level of commitment. Thank you.

 

[zipman]

If one needs a certificate from the courthouse to feel stable and committed, there's a problem. If one has a pathological fear of that certificate, there's a problem.

Damn good post for a troll

 

[SimplySouthern]

Fair enough, but what about marriages that want to include more than two? Would you consider that impossible, or immoral, or just unlikely?

I've always been one of those people who refuses to argue with someone else about what's "right" morally.

I don't think I could see myself in a more than 2 person relationship, but I can't say it's impossible immoral or unlikely for others. Relationships are defined by those involved in them. Who am I to cast shadows on the happiness of others. I'm sure there are things in my life that seem impossible and immoral to others, but I quite frankly don't give a shit what someone else thinks.

Same sex marriages should be fully legal in my book. Marriage isn't about gender, it's about love and committment.

 

[gravyrug]

I don't think that 'marriage' in any form is inherently more or less stable than any other committed relationship, or in a single parent household.

My marriage has never felt stable to me. I doubt it feels stable to my kids. In fact, the kids are the main reason I'm leaving my marriage. They deserve a healthier relationship model than the one they're getting in this house.

If one needs a certificate from the courthouse to feel stable and committed, there's a problem. If one has a pathological fear of that certificate, there's a problem.

The legal aspect, I think, is the government interest in encouraging the stability. But you're right, the legal aspect should have no bearing on the stability of a relationship, just a reward for those that demonstrate a commitment to it.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

My marriage has never felt stable to me. I doubt it feels stable to my kids.

And if you were with the right guy, would this change?

Just a question, because I know a lot of people get married to the wrong people for the wrong reasons, and then get a bad taste about marriage or long-term relationships as a whole.

When it all boils down, marriage is just a long-term relationship. Most long-term relationships tend to end on a bad note, and there's always squabbiling. Married or not changes nothing.

 

[PCG]

Damn good post for a troll

Amazing, isn't it?

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Same sex marriages should be fully legal in my book. Marriage isn't about gender, it's about love and committment.

Exactly.

Marriage is a state of mind and like you said, it's defined by the people involved.

 

[gravyrug]

Exactly.

Marriage is a state of mind and like you said, it's defined by the people involved.

So, by this standard, should the state not be involved at all? Or should it instead recognize anyone who is willing to claim the title of "married"?

 

[SimplySouthern]

And if you were with the right guy, would this change?

Just a question, because I know a lot of people get married to the wrong people for the wrong reasons, and then get a bad taste about marriage or long-term relationships as a whole.

When it all boils down, marriage is just a long-term relationship. Most long-term relationships tend to end on a bad note, and there's always squabbiling. Married or not changes nothing.

For what it's worth, here's my take on things. Most people tend to disagree with me....but it's still my view.

I think we are all looking for that one person who "completes" us. Like 2 halves of a whole looking for that other side of the coin.

That's why it hurts so much when a relationship ends. I think we go into any relationship, no matter what the circumstances, thinking that this could be "the one". Sometimes this allows us to overlook things that could be great big blinking "WARNING" signs. When the realtionship ends, it leaves us to have to start over again....and we feel more than a little disappointed by it.

With the right two people, marriage will work. Not without effort of course, but with less effort than it will take for the wrong people to try to mesh 2 lives into 1.

 

[PCG]

The legal aspect, I think, is the government interest in encouraging the stability. But you're right, the legal aspect should have no bearing on the stability of a relationship, just a reward for those that demonstrate a commitment to it.

The legal contract is a reward for demonstrating a commitment? How so? Last time I checked, they were handing out marriage licenses to anyone who filled out the paper work and promised they weren't cousins.

And if you were with the right guy, would this change?

Completely

Just a question, because I know a lot of people get married to the wrong people for the wrong reasons, and then get a bad taste about marriage or long-term relationships as a whole.

I don't have a problem with marriage... I don't know that I'll get married again, but then, I never thought I'd get married in the first place. It wasn't ever a dream I had as a little girl to be that woman in the white veil with all the flowers.

I'm looking forward to a healthy long term relationship with someone who loves and respects me. Whether that ever becomes a marriage or not is anyone's guess. Right now, I'd say no... just because TO ME marriage as an institution seems superfluous.

 

[MWG]

So, by this standard, should the state not be involved at all? Or should it instead recognize anyone who is willing to claim the title of "married"?

See, this is one of the main reasons why I'm not gung ho about marriage being a legal contract and recognized by the state (for which I received a hell of a lot of scrutiny)- the law or any form of gov't being so heavily involved in someone's relationship, to me, just seems batty.

 

[gravyrug]

The legal contract is a reward for demonstrating a commitment? How so? Last time I checked, they were handing out marriage licenses to anyone who filled out the paper work and promised they weren't cousins.

Perhaps I should have stated that differently. The legal aspects of marriage *should* be a reward for a demonstrated commitment. The way it's done now makes it too easy both to get married in the first place and to get out of it when you're just tired of dealing with each other. When it comes right down to it, I'd just as soon the government stayed out of marriage altogether. But it ain't gonna happen.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

So, by this standard, should the state not be involved at all? Or should it instead recognize anyone who is willing to claim the title of "married"?

If two people, of legal age want to get married, then they should be allowed to do so. The state should recognize such unions because disallowing them the privelege of getting married won't get them to marry someone they can.

Church's wouldn't have to recognize such marriages, but then again, who cares?

 

[JazzManJim]

I, personally, think the only germane purpose for which the government should be involved in marriage is to promote the societal benefits.

Children in families with a stable marriage do far better than their counterparts. This is something that scientific studies have managed to show repeatedly. Stable children become stable adults and that's good for society.

If folks want to get married for other reasons, or not, that's well and good and entirely up to them. Whatever ceremony they choose to observe to sanctify that union - or none at all - is fine with me. But I think it's important that government put its blessing on marriage to make it more likely that our soceity produces stable, well-adjusted children.

Now, of course, I could be deluged with stories about how so-and-so was a child of a stable marriage and they turned out to be Jeffrey Dahmer or Anton LaVey or Jerry Falwell, but that's beside the point. There will always be exceptions to any rule. But having that stability is measurably good for kids and that's what matters most to me.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

For what it's worth, here's my take on things. Most people tend to disagree with me....but it's still my view.

I think we are all looking for that one person who "completes" us. Like 2 halves of a whole looking for that other side of the coin.

That's why it hurts so much when a relationship ends. I think we go into any relationship, no matter what the circumstances, thinking that this could be "the one". Sometimes this allows us to overlook things that could be great big blinking "WARNING" signs. When the realtionship ends, it leaves us to have to start over again....and we feel more than a little disappointed by it.

With the right two people, marriage will work. Not without effort of course, but with less effort than it will take for the wrong people to try to mesh 2 lives into 1.

I agree with you.

Which is why (when I was single), I would remember those "warning signs"...and when I met someone who I got no warning signs with, I got married to her. I would hope that everyone does it that way.

Everyone should have a list of things they do and don't want in a spouse, and stick to that list. Of course, human nature plays a bigger part in the mix.

 

[PCG]

Children in families with a stable marriage do far better than their counterparts. This is something that scientific studies have managed to show repeatedly. Stable children become stable adults and that's good for society.

Who judges the stability of the marriage?

Is stability the same thing as happy?

How many studies are done involving adult children of loveless, yet stable (ie:no abuse/fighting/conflict) marriages?