The processing of pain in bottoming v.s. subbing

[chy_girl]

The question I have is this: Do you process pain differently while bottoming to another PYL/Partner than you do if your submitting to your PLY/Partner?

One of the regulars in my local community has the flogger from hell and it's been part of many discussions about how not many people can take Thor (the flogger), especially when wielded by this particular Dom. So: Flogger + Pain, + Challenge = I'm In.

I didn't think anything about bottoming to this Dom - Sir and Mistress were right there, they are both very familiar with this Dom - he's even used Thor on Mistress before, I've seen the guy work, I like flogger pain - no big deal.

And it wasn't a big deal until I started to get to that "Oh, fuck! Breath!" point. It was like all of a sudden I was an absolute wimp. The same level of pain that I could take from Mistress and Sir while cracking smart ass jokes and smileing made me want to say very bad words in not fun ways. Even the residual pain today it doesn't hurt the same.

It took some time to suss out the psychology behind it (my psychology anyways) and I spoke to Mistress about it so we know what not to do in the future, but now I wonder...

Does anyone else registrars pain from someone outside of their primary PYL/pyl relationship differently than they do if it's delivered by their PYL. And is there a PYL version of this where it's different if you're Topping someone vs. Domming someone?

 

[Netzach]

Yeah I'm probably the opposite of a lot of people. I'll take moderate-heavy pain casually under a non power exchange kind of situation and I'll whine and cry from the copious teeth marks I get from T.

I process and enjoy pain better when it's between me and myself. When it's symbolic in an interaction it's another thing altogether.

 

[00Syd]

Yeah I'm probably the opposite of a lot of people. I'll take moderate-heavy pain casually under a non power exchange kind of situation and I'll whine and cry from the copious teeth marks I get from T.

I process and enjoy pain better when it's between me and myself. When it's symbolic in an interaction it's another thing altogether.

I'm the same way. I'm starting to realize that I take pain much, much easier if it's from a play partner, but the same amount of pain from Seb (my PYL) has me in a blubbering mass of tears. I don't completely understand why, yet. I need to talk with him about it.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Perhaps part of it for me is the difference in vulnerability within varying contexts. If I'm by myself with a partner I love and trust, I'm more open to sensation and able to take the journey more intimate and intense places. In a more public setting, there's a lot more of the sammy in me, less willingness to be vulnerable or let down the guard, so I am perhaps forcing myself to be stronger within that context. Certainly there's a difference.

 

[Netzach]

I'm the same way. I'm starting to realize that I take pain much, much easier if it's from a play partner, but the same amount of pain from Seb (my PYL) has me in a blubbering mass of tears. I don't completely understand why, yet. I need to talk with him about it.

my .02 it's an emotional release pleasure and where you are and are not comfortable having that.

 

[KoPilot]

I know that I take physical pain that I am inflicting upon myself MUCH easier than if someone else is in charge of it. I'm not the self-harming sort of individual (though I have cut myself before out of pure curiosity), but let's just say that having a professional piercer pierce my ears when I was 13 hurt "more" than when I've gone and pierced myself. Even if it took me several seconds to do it myself instead of instantly, like a professional would do. So I guess in that sense, for me, it's purely psychological. I know that I can trust myself far more than a stranger, and I know exactly what I am doing and how much it hurts without having to use a middleman (i.e. talking) to convey how exactly I feel and what exactly they can do to make it better.

Not sure how relevant this is to what you're talking about, though.

 

[00Syd]

my .02 it's an emotional release pleasure and where you are and are not comfortable having that.

I guess that could be a factor, but I'm going to need to think about it some more. At this point my brain is still shrugging it's shoulders and saying "man, I have no idea."

 

[BiBunny]

If it's anybody other than them, basically, it just pisses me off. The temptation to throw punches is just too great, so I've pretty much stopped casually bottoming in my old age.

 

[Soumis]

Yeah I'm probably the opposite of a lot of people. I'll take moderate-heavy pain casually under a non power exchange kind of situation and I'll whine and cry from the copious teeth marks I get from T.

I process and enjoy pain better when it's between me and myself. When it's symbolic in an interaction it's another thing altogether.

I'm the same way. I'm starting to realize that I take pain much, much easier if it's from a play partner, but the same amount of pain from Seb (my PYL) has me in a blubbering mass of tears. I don't completely understand why, yet. I need to talk with him about it.

Me too. I wouldn't say I can take more from a play pal, I think my tolerance is about the same, but I definitely give a more outward emotional response when playing with my PYL.

 

[Dearelliot]

If a woman does it to me for sex ...its fine..otherwise it is not!

 

[chy_girl]

Anything sensual pisses me off, no matter who does it - which was one of the reasons that I figured this would be ok.

I think it mostly had to do with 1) I was holding a rack facing the wall and couldn't see either Mistress or Sir and 2) They weren't there to guide my pushing past the "OH FUCK!"

They both know that I like to push the limits of how much I can take, I just didn't realize how much I've come to depend on them supporting that.

It's definitely something I want to try again, but there are certain things that would have to be different. And it's kind of irritating that I'm such a pussy when it's not one of my PYL's wielding the weapon of choice.

 

[Netzach]

I know that I take physical pain that I am inflicting upon myself MUCH easier than if someone else is in charge of it. I'm not the self-harming sort of individual (though I have cut myself before out of pure curiosity), but let's just say that having a professional piercer pierce my ears when I was 13 hurt "more" than when I've gone and pierced myself. Even if it took me several seconds to do it myself instead of instantly, like a professional would do. So I guess in that sense, for me, it's purely psychological. I know that I can trust myself far more than a stranger, and I know exactly what I am doing and how much it hurts without having to use a middleman (i.e. talking) to convey how exactly I feel and what exactly they can do to make it better.

Not sure how relevant this is to what you're talking about, though.

I am this kind of control freak too, but I can't can't cant' inject myself. (no this was sadly non recreational drug use)

I can stick anyone else with anything just fine.

 

[ownedsubgal]

well i do not "bottom" to anyone, when i serve or am used by those other than my Master it is still submitting. however yes there is a difference in the way i process pain implemented by my Master vs. pain implemented by others. similar to Syd, my pain tolerance with my Master seems to be much lower than it is with others, and with my Master i have the tendency to turn into a crying, sniffling mess quite easily.

in my case though i know the reason, which is pretty simple: with others i am naturally stoic, i sort of zone out and become somewhat dead inside emotionally. now mind you, this applies to receiving pain only, not sex. with my Master i am completely emotionally open, i feel EVERYthing, and because i feel everything it is much more difficult for me to take the pain.

 

[KoPilot]

I am this kind of control freak too, but I can't can't cant' inject myself. (no this was sadly non recreational drug use)

I can stick anyone else with anything just fine.

FFF Yeah I couldn't stick myself either. Though that's more to do with my fear of needles than anything else. (Though strangely I used to do a lot of "body art" in high school that involved sewing patterns into my hands with a needle and thread.)

Though no way I could do that to other people. Squick.

 

[intothewoods]

How I process the pain is different, but the level I can take just depends on how warmed up I am.

 

[subish2009]

I've never bottomed or submitted to anyone but my husband, so I can't say how it will be for me if I do someday, but I DO know from all kinds of more mundane, vanilla experiences with pain that I have a pretty high pain tolerance unless I'm in any way scared. Fear of pain makes me fall apart completely. So, my best guess is that I'd be okay bottoming for someone else as long as long as I'm feeling strong and confident about it and my husband is there and pleased, so I feel safe. But that's pure speculation.

 

[rida]

Whether it is with Hubby or the Sadist, it is submission in both instances. But it seems that I can handle more pain with the Sadist than with Hubby. Mostly I think it is because, with Hubby, I very rarely have the freedom to let my screams and cries out. So the inability to make sounds is what actually inhibits my tolerance the most.

Another reason, I think, is that with the Sadist I know my sufferings are what pleases him and the lack of warm-up brings me to the limit almost immediately and from there, I'm just taking it while being a screaming and crying mess. With Hubby, he prefer a steady increase of the discomfort, ultimately breaking my mental hold on things way before my physical one. And once I break down, everything hurts too much and I just cannot stand it anymore.

As for bottoming for a stranger or in public, I only had once instance of such thing. But the Sadist was there and more or less directing the whole scene. So, psychologically, I was still submitting to him.

As for hurting myself on purpose? No fucking way. What do you think I am, a masochist?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I've never bottomed or submitted to anyone but my husband, so I can't say how it will be for me if I do someday, but I DO know from all kinds of more mundane, vanilla experiences with pain that I have a pretty high pain tolerance unless I'm in any way scared. Fear of pain makes me fall apart completely. So, my best guess is that I'd be okay bottoming for someone else as long as long as I'm feeling strong and confident about it and my husband is there and pleased, so I feel safe. But that's pure speculation.

Fear does the same thing to me, sometimes. I go one of two ways. I build things up in my mind, and I'll either fall apart... or sometimes I realise it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Depends on the pain being inflicted I think. I've melted down at a minor beating. When I got my piercing, I thought 'is that it?'

Very occasionally though, fear can bring great resolve.

There's no rhyme nor reason.


Today, today was fear, anguish and resolve. He beat my ass heavily and I barely squeaked. I wouldn't have been able to take that sort of pain for someone else. For me, there needs to be that emotional connection. That's what makes me strong enough.

With someone I didn't know as well, I tend to be more in charge, it's more about what I want. And I stop when I want. Yes, I process that pain differently, because it's selfish and fun. And thus my tolerance levels are lower.