The Power of Force and Identity

[catalina_francisco]

During this recent exploration phase we have been working on, we have found it has lead to some interesting conversations, thought provoking debates. One of those discussions has been around the role of force in D/s as in forced feminisation, forced homosexuality, etc. Seems there are a myriad of views and fears abounding around such practices, while there also being a huge amount of subs wishing to experience it, and some Dom/mes willing to attempt to fulfil that desire. It goes without saying I am not meaning force as in non-consent, but rather those acts which are deep, dark desires in a D/s sense and are mentioned in discussions or checklists as wanting to experience. From what I am hearing a lot of the fear of it comes from people and their identity as in who they identify as sexually, personally, emotionally.

While some subs want to take part in forced feminisation or homosexuality as an act of humiliation and/or degradation, there are many who also fear that then makes them someone they don't think of as them as in gay or bi when they identify as straight. Similarly, some straight Dom/mes have an issue with being able to be part of such a scene because they also fear it then changes their sexual identity and/or crosses boundaries they are not comfortable with. For me it is an interesting discussion as I can see why it generates such fear in some, though don't totally agree it is necessarily well founded. Any thoughts or experiences people care to share about such issues?

Catalina

 

[Quint]

I'm interested in what a bisexual, switchy female can be forced into. I know that your recent adventures in domination was kind of a milestone for you, C, but I'm wondering if I'm just too damn open to everything. Takes the fun out of the force, no?

From T's POV, it would be a greater challenge for him to have me dominating a male than it would be for me, for exactly the reason you mentioned. He's not at all aroused by men and I think having the third-party sexual power over one would be repugnant to him. How did Francisco work with this?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm interested in what a bisexual, switchy female can be forced into. I know that your recent adventures in domination was kind of a milestone for you, C, but I'm wondering if I'm just too damn open to everything. Takes the fun out of the force, no?

To a degree I think for some it can, but I find as the years pass I am more picky about sexual things, perhaps a side effect of the risks these days, and a lot to do with finally having a relationship where I feel I have had my dreams come true in many ways and question risking that for fun. With the pickiness then comes a need to overcome reservations, fears etc., and where females are involved I have always been more picky than with males, plus I have a lot of baggage around females, so it still presents some challenges.

From T's POV, it would be a greater challenge for him to have me dominating a male than it would be for me, for exactly the reason you mentioned. He's not at all aroused by men and I think having the third-party sexual power over one would be repugnant to him. How did Francisco work with this?

LOL, it is the rare male Dominant I am finding who is interested in going into this area with a female sub/slave, especially when they themselves are straight. F has been great and supportive of me, as well as taking his own steps to take part in assisting or filling in for me if I am busy doing something else, or in areas where I am not as skilled such as bondage ....there are those dangly bits that need to be tied secure, but safe. Though he wasn't as paranoid as some straight Doms, I think he did have a few questions to answer for himself but now seems to be much more relaxed and as he says, it is about D/s, not sexuality.

He hasn't been sexual with anyone, but I imagine if the right situation presented itself and he felt it was relevent he would consider using sexuality as a humiliation or power tool, even if only with dildoes etc. He surprises me with his ability to challenge his own limits as well as mine when the mood fits. We have both grown in this area I think through many discussions and self examination, and bringing it back to the D/s element as opposed to the sexual one....makes it a lot simpler believe it or not. I think the power/humiliation combination can play a big part in it as it then makes the forced acts have a purpose and not one that puts the Dom/me in a vulnerable position....it is almost necessary to assert that stance over the sub and emphasise their position in the triology.

LOL, and the added advantage is he is finding watching what I do works wonders for his libido and makes him want me more than ever and ASAP. It is a fun journey we are taking, and one we feel more relaxed in as time passes.

Catalina

 

[Quint]

To a degree I think for some it can, but I find as the years pass I am more picky about sexual things, perhaps a side effect of the risks these days, and a lot to do with finally having a relationship where I feel I have had my dreams come true in many ways and question risking that for fun. With the pickiness then comes a need to overcome reservations, fears etc., and where females are involved I have always been more picky than with males, plus I have a lot of baggage around females, so it still presents some challenges.

Catalina

Oops, I forgot that the description I started with (bi, switchy woman) applied to you as well. I actually meant myself as explanation of why I don't have more experience with forced _____. Silly single-minded me. S'true, in some ways I can already see myself getting less adventurous as the childish "let's sleep with everyone in the world!" works its way out of my system--which is really a shame because I never got to indulge it. But I'm sure there's compensation in there somewhere...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oops, I forgot that the description I started with (bi, switchy woman) applied to you as well. I actually meant myself as explanation of why I don't have more experience with forced _____. Silly single-minded me. S'true, in some ways I can already see myself getting less adventurous as the childish "let's sleep with everyone in the world!" works its way out of my system--which is really a shame because I never got to indulge it. But I'm sure there's compensation in there somewhere...

LOL, there always has to be hope...of course, if you are ever in the neighbourhood, you know you are both invited for dinner in Amsterdam at the very least.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I don't have much experience with "forced" anything in person. The one guy I met who said he was into forced fem got into his panties as soon as I pointed to them and said "put those on!"

I swear, it's harder to get M who like to dress up dressed.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't have much experience with "forced" anything in person. The one guy I met who said he was into forced fem got into his panties as soon as I pointed to them and said "put those on!"

I swear, it's harder to get M who like to dress up dressed.

LOL, I can relate to what you say....we are finding many who say they really hate the idea, need to be forced, etc, etc, then mention they have a large personal collection and more on the way, and want to know if they can wear them when they are to meet you. Then comes the deciding of who is controlling who, and just how you can push those buttons in ways they might get the extra unexpected buzz from. I like the opportunity to use my mind and be creative with it though.

Catalina

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I'm interested in what a bisexual, switchy female can be forced into. I know that your recent adventures in domination was kind of a milestone for you, C, but I'm wondering if I'm just too damn open to everything. Takes the fun out of the force, no?

From T's POV, it would be a greater challenge for him to have me dominating a male than it would be for me, for exactly the reason you mentioned. He's not at all aroused by men and I think having the third-party sexual power over one would be repugnant to him. How did Francisco work with this?

bisexual switch, here. Hi!

Stuff I can be forced into? Forced confinement, whether in cages, closets, etc. Forced degradation/humiliation... as that is generally not how I dominate, and my Doms generally don't dominate me that way. There's lots I have left to experience... but I don't think any of it is the kind of stuff C was talking about.. none of it is stuff that I think could threaten my orientation, my opinion of myself, or my "appearance" to other people.

 

[CharleyH]

During this recent exploration phase we have been working on, we have found it has lead to some interesting conversations, thought provoking debates. One of those discussions has been around the role of force in D/s as in forced feminisation, forced homosexuality, etc. Seems there are a myriad of views and fears abounding around such practices, while there also being a huge amount of subs wishing to experience it, and some Dom/mes willing to attempt to fulfil that desire. It goes without saying I am not meaning force as in non-consent, but rather those acts which are deep, dark desires in a D/s sense and are mentioned in discussions or checklists as wanting to experience. From what I am hearing a lot of the fear of it comes from people and their identity as in who they identify as sexually, personally, emotionally.

While some subs want to take part in forced feminisation or homosexuality as an act of humiliation and/or degradation, there are many who also fear that then makes them someone they don't think of as them as in gay or bi when they identify as straight. Similarly, some straight Dom/mes have an issue with being able to be part of such a scene because they also fear it then changes their sexual identity and/or crosses boundaries they are not comfortable with. For me it is an interesting discussion as I can see why it generates such fear in some, though don't totally agree it is necessarily well founded. Any thoughts or experiences people care to share about such issues?

Catalina

This is an interesting question, but why is not forced masculinisation a question in to the female as a humiliation process? Why do we always discuss the male submissive?

 

[catalina_francisco]

This is an interesting question, but why is not forced masculinisation a question in to the female as a humiliation process? Why do we always discuss the male submissive?

LOL, mainly because that is where we have been experimenting/exploring (so my thoughts were locked on it yesterday), but that is changing to include women as well hopefully. That said though, given it is socially more acceptable for a woman to dress and act masculine than a man to become totally feminine in all ways, there is at times a bigger hurdle for the male to overcome. Add to that society also accepts 2 women sexually together more so than 2 males and it still comes out as not quite the same challenge, though on a personal person by person basis it can be just as big a hurdle if not more, depending on the person and situation. I also think mostly due to the societal views that most women can accept the challenges easier, incorporate them into their identity easier, than the males who still struggle with issues of identity, homophobia (which is also an issue for women, but not as often it seems as males), and repercussions. The thought processes and overcoming those deep fears and sterotypical myths fascinate me.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

This is an interesting question, but why is not forced masculinisation a question in to the female as a humiliation process? Why do we always discuss the male submissive?

Interesting!

I've actually found that many femme subs have a secret kinky thrill if "forced" to dress/act butch or male. I've found it brings out fun sides of them that never occured to them otherwise, and I've not found embarrassment to be the reaction.

I've also found, much more commonly, that forced feminization on a butch femsub can be much MORE harrowing, arousing, difficult, embarrassing etc. than it is on a male.

Feminization was a hard limit for me when I was bottoming.

So yes, I think we've all internalized the idea that extreme femininity is somehow a negative.

 

[Shadowedge]

This is an interesting question, but why is not forced masculinisation a question in to the female as a humiliation process? Why do we always discuss the male submissive?

I guess I am the other side of this, because as a bi-sub I have no desire to be masculized, and, in fact , it is a hard limit for me.

When we were doing a cross dressed play I was cast as a man. Just in rehersal, with no costumes or anything, trying to walk like a man caused me to break down emotionally in a big way. I finally had to tell the director, (who I was dating ) that I couldn't do it.

I don't really have much else to add, but i thought I would put in my 2 cents.

 

[FurryFury]

This is a very interesting thread. Being on stage a lot I often take male roles and have no problem with it.

I have Bi leanings but little to no actually experience with it.

I think if I were a sub in RL and taking control of others under my Master's watchful eye that would be very exciting.

I would love to hear more about anal fisting!

I've actually changed in some ways, and learned a lot just doing the little that I have since November online and in RL. I find it a little scary all the changes and lessons I have learned about myself and my husband. What's next? Will it all settle down at some point? Or will things continue to change in ways I never saw coming but think are very exciting?

Fury