modest mouse
Meating People is Easy
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2001
- Posts
- 8,363
Area 'Fagtard' Neither Homosexual Nor Retarded
By Justin Kern
CORFU, NY--In an announcement from the Corfu Junior High School
cafeteria, Daniel "Fagtard" Vest pleaded with fellow students about the status
of his new nickname. "I think all of you are missing the point," said Vest.
"Being a 'fagtard' would constitute me being homosexual and mentally
retarded. I am neither."
After giving Vest a powerbomb wedgie for using the word "constitute,"
8th-grader Peter Harris gave another side to the story. "When you say stuff in
English class, it's always something totally gay. And look at the retarded way
you drink your milk."
The moniker "fagtard" was placed upon Vest after a pathetic attempt to catch
a football in gym class. In the two weeks since the incident, Vest has been
called "fagtard" upwards of 100 times a day by students and even teachers.
"Just look at him," said 8th grade science teacher Mr. Davis.
Vest made more statements to solidify his case, stating that he kissed a girl
from two towns over last summer, and that his mom told him that he's not
retarded. The bullies at a nearby lunch table shot down Vest's argument by
making an obnoxious, collective fart noise when Vest sat down. Vest's final
cry for help was made by asking fellow students to please call him "something
I actually am, like a bedshitter."
[This comes from The Warp]
http://thewarp.studentplanet.com/
Here is the pic that accompanies the story.....
By Justin Kern
CORFU, NY--In an announcement from the Corfu Junior High School
cafeteria, Daniel "Fagtard" Vest pleaded with fellow students about the status
of his new nickname. "I think all of you are missing the point," said Vest.
"Being a 'fagtard' would constitute me being homosexual and mentally
retarded. I am neither."
After giving Vest a powerbomb wedgie for using the word "constitute,"
8th-grader Peter Harris gave another side to the story. "When you say stuff in
English class, it's always something totally gay. And look at the retarded way
you drink your milk."
The moniker "fagtard" was placed upon Vest after a pathetic attempt to catch
a football in gym class. In the two weeks since the incident, Vest has been
called "fagtard" upwards of 100 times a day by students and even teachers.
"Just look at him," said 8th grade science teacher Mr. Davis.
Vest made more statements to solidify his case, stating that he kissed a girl
from two towns over last summer, and that his mom told him that he's not
retarded. The bullies at a nearby lunch table shot down Vest's argument by
making an obnoxious, collective fart noise when Vest sat down. Vest's final
cry for help was made by asking fellow students to please call him "something
I actually am, like a bedshitter."
[This comes from The Warp]
http://thewarp.studentplanet.com/
Here is the pic that accompanies the story.....
