The Perfect Master?

[3113]

Just for my edification, and knowing that most of us can rarely be perfect...what qualites make for a good/perfect Master? Either those you find in your Master/Mistress, or those you fantasize about in your dream Master/Mistress?

 

[FurryFury]

Someone who is experienced, secure and comfortable with himself and the world around him as well as with his own Dominant personality.

Someone who knows what he wants and I fit his vision of that or can be molded to.

Someone who will take the time to build a relationship with me that is full of two way communication, mutual respect and yes, love.

Someone who can roll with the rough times and take inevitable changes in stride as they come up.

Someone who "forces" me to do the things I really want to do but am too afraid to hit on my own.

Someone who wants to be in charge sexually who enjoys spanking and fucking and just about anything else or at least will try most things at least twice, but who likes the other me too, the one that you see outside of the bedroom.

Someone who will be there.

Someone who make me his.

Someone that makes me feel complete when I am his and who lets me know that I make him happy.

Fury

 

[graceanne]

Self Control.

 

[catalina_francisco]

For a quick and short answer on the fly I have to go with Furry and Grace and add someone who is not afraid or embarrassed to show his deepest feelings, admit when he is wrong or makes a mistake, and who can be Dominant without feeling he has to live his life loud and brash, defying all the rules to prove he is el supremo and getting into fist fights to show his power....that to me is not power but most likely lack of self esteem and confidence in himself and how he fits in the world.

Catalina

 

[3113]

that to me is not power but most likely lack of self esteem and confidence in himself and how he fits in the world.

That's a really nice point and distinction--between the loud-mouth trying ot dominate in order to shore up his own self-esteem, and the truely confident who can be trusted with control of others. Who thinks of others rather than himself when he dominates.

 

[RJMasters]

For a quick and short answer on the fly I have to go with Furry and Grace and add someone who is not afraid or embarrassed to show his deepest feelings, admit when he is wrong or makes a mistake, and who can be Dominant without feeling he has to live his life loud and brash, defying all the rules to prove he is el supremo and getting into fist fights to show his power....that to me is not power but most likely lack of self esteem and confidence in himself and how he fits in the world.

Catalina

For an answer on the fly I really liked this.

I would like to take the negative and make it a positive of your last sentence.

One who has self esteem and confidence in himself and how he fits in the world.

Not one who is trying to become something, but more realizing who they are as a person and being more comfortable in letting that be expressed.

Also, willing to admit they don't have all the answers to everything. They acknowledge a need and a desire to learn. I think that is a sign of a healthy growing person.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thanks RJ...but have come up with a new one....a Dominant who doesn't whine and take things personally like they are the centre of the universe that everyone must be gravitate around and lend positive reinforcement to at all times to prevent them feeling victimised. LOL, and no, F is not such a one but have come across a few of late in my travels.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I always say never never never but the truth is, if someone had all his/her shit far more together than I could possibly hope to have mine together in the forseeable future, was, like, a PhD in one of the subjects I could be passionate about, and was so magnetic and charming and awesome that I was inspired to impress them all the time, I'd go out of my way to impress them.

The only people I wanted to Dom/me me aren't Dom/mes to my knowledge. Conundrum.

 

[shy slave]

For me, there are as many qualities that make up a good person, a good Master, a good slave as there is flotsam in the sea.

Its about what is good for you at that point in your life.

Many elements have already been said on the thread, but two elements that are important to me is a PYL who can laugh both at themselves and with you. Not every scene works perfectly and not every situation needs seriousness.
The second element is someone who respects me as a person and the qualities that make me the person I am, just as I do them.

Oh and a third element~someone who appreciates the art of a good blow job

 

[A Desert Rose]

... a Dominant who doesn't whine and take things personally like they are the centre of the universe that everyone must be gravitate around and lend positive reinforcement to at all times to prevent them feeling victimised. LOL, and no, F is not such a one but have come across a few of late in my travels.

Catalina

Jesus, no shit.

But in this case catalina, I think you use the title Dominant, kinda loosely. ;-)

 

[LostSpirit]

He will tell me what to do

He will not allow me to ask questions

He will expect my willingness and eagerness to please Him at all times

He will my trainer and my Master

He may wish to have other subs and slaves and i will accept his wishes

 

[catalina_francisco]

He will tell me what to do

He will not allow me to ask questions

He will expect my willingness and eagerness to please Him at all times

He will my trainer and my Master

He may wish to have other subs and slaves and i will accept his wishes

Oh, dear.

Catalina

 

[Kajira Callista]

Oh, dear.

Catalina

i need that yahoo smiley that shakes its head

 

[LostSpirit]

i need that yahoo smiley that shakes its head

lowers head

it is how i was trained

 

[Kajira Callista]

lowers head

it is how i was trained

lol i think you misinterpreted my post. the name of the smiley is suprised....i dont knwo if you use yahoo ...well anyway it wasnt a bad thing darlin'.

 

[FurryFury]

lowers head

it is how i was trained

In RL or online?

In any case, welcome.

Fury

 

[LostSpirit]

In RL or online?

In any case, welcome.

Fury

we began online and moved to real life

curtsies Thank you for the welcome smiles

 

[Maxell46]

I think this descibes what I'm about perfectly! Thank you Catalina!!!
Could not have said it any better.

For a quick and short answer on the fly I have to go with Furry and Grace and add someone who is not afraid or embarrassed to show his deepest feelings, admit when he is wrong or makes a mistake, and who can be Dominant without feeling he has to live his life loud and brash, defying all the rules to prove he is el supremo and getting into fist fights to show his power....that to me is not power but most likely lack of self esteem and confidence in himself and how he fits in the world.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

we began online and moved to real life

curtsies Thank you for the welcome smiles

Anytime Sugah! Always good to see another one of us Southerners up in here.

*smiles*

Fury

I think this descibes what I'm about perfectly! Thank you Catalina!!!
Could not have said it any better.

*raises brows and smiles*

Fury

 

[Softouch911]

Confidence
Consistency
Commitment
Patience
Clarity of purpose and instruction
High expectations
Willing to learn
Integrity

And (the most important, imo)

A sense of humor about himself

 

[alice_underneath]

lol i think you misinterpreted my post. the name of the smiley is suprised....i dont knwo if you use yahoo ...well anyway it wasnt a bad thing darlin'.

I confess. I misinterpreted your original shaking of the head post as criticism too.

For the benefit of those of us with no BDSM experience, would you please explain why you were "surprised" by LostSpirit's first post on this thread?

Alice

 

[catalina_francisco]

I confess. I misinterpreted your original shaking of the head post as criticism too.

For the benefit of those of us with no BDSM experience, would you please explain why you were "surprised" by LostSpirit's first post on this thread?

Alice

I will be brave here....as one who does live in a TPE no limits 24/7 Master/slave relationship and has done so for over 3 years, the list is one which is raised often by people who have bought into the fantasy image spun by literature and popular porn sites/movies. It is a nice fantasy, but if put into practice in RL it soon begins to unravel as it is unrealistic on a 24/7 living together basis...fine for scening though. One of the main points which jumped out at me and often comes from people who are living mostly on fantasy as opposed to reality (or often admit later they do not live in the same house, but visit...or have just begun) is the asking no questions thing which sets a person up for abuse in one sense, in another it does not allow for the submissive to learn and grow and submit from an informed place, more so from robotic actions which don't work long term. Why not? Because even the best slave (which I fall far short of being myself) is human and has emotions and feeling and thoughts and the expectation that those feelings and emotions and even the brain can be switched off just becasue someone tells you you must is unrealistic and impossible without ending up having a nervous breakdown and being totally broken..unless of course you have a Dominant who is not going to put anything out there which challenges you which to me is equally limiting and not my preference of D/s. Simply put, it just ain't that easy to do no matter how much you as a submissive may want to....sad truth is we are not perfect. Lost Spirit may have hopes of being the slave she describes, sheesh most of us have in the beginning, but all the cyber curtsying to other posters in the world does little to impress me that it is possible long term and speaks even louder to me that this has been learned mainly in chat rooms and online as a means of creating an image of submission. LOL, F and I just had a long talk last week about the difference between living the image of it and actually doing it for real.

Catalina

 

[alice_underneath]

I will be brave here....as one who does live in a TPE no limits 24/7 Master/slave relationship and has done so for over 3 years, the list is one which is raised often by people who have bought into the fantasy image spun by literature and popular porn sites/movies. It is a nice fantasy, but if put into practice in RL it soon begins to unravel as it is unrealistic on a 24/7 living together basis...fine for scening though. One of the main points which jumped out at me and often comes from people who are living mostly on fantasy as opposed to reality (or often admit later they do not live in the same house, but visit...or have just begun) is the asking no questions thing which sets a person up for abuse in one sense, in another it does not allow for the submissive to learn and grow and submit from an informed place, more so from robotic actions which don't work long term. <snip>

Thank you for responding to my question, Catalina.

I hope you don't mind if I am brave in my response to you, too.

This response is written in the spirit of an article posted by Kajira Calista on "The Right Way" thread. An extract asserts:

"About the only universally agreed rules regarding the scene are as follows: Things should remain Safe, Sane and Consensual (see other parts of this site) and that no one has the right to criticise someone else's choices, so long as they are not hurting anyone else. In other words, so long as you remain safe, sane and consensual, no one has the right to criticise you for what you do do. "

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=397598

Here is the introductory question to which LostSpirit was responding:

Just for my edification, and knowing that most of us can rarely be perfect...what qualites make for a good/perfect Master? Either those you find in your Master/Mistress, or those you fantasize about in your dream Master/Mistress?

In her response, she presents a list that includes many things that would not work for me, either in r/l or even as a "dream". I gather from your response that they would not work for you either.

But the question is..... is it fair to criticize LostSpirit for her fantasy, or act shocked/surprised by her dream?

And even if this were not a thread about "dream" Masters, is it fair to post a snippy negative response to her list, without even asking a few clarifying questions? [For example - how do you know she isn't just into scening? And is there anything wrong with that if she is?]

I would answer these questions by saying - yes, a critique is absolutely fair IF you have reason to believe that any element of the "Safe, Sane and Consensual" creed is being violated.

You have carefully explained why some elements of LostSpirit's list might set someone up for abuse. Believing this, a critique of her list seems fair.

But I am compelled to point out that this longer explanation is a lot more helpful than either an "Oh dear" or a dramatic shaking of the Yahoo head.

I appreciate you taking the time to explain.

Alice

 

[Kajira Callista]

I confess. I misinterpreted your original shaking of the head post as criticism too.

For the benefit of those of us with no BDSM experience, would you please explain why you were "surprised" by LostSpirit's first post on this thread?

Alice

hmmm how to explain this one.
It suprised me because you dont see a sub/slave posting her/his willingness to give themselves over to another completely too often around here.
I dont know if that was her thoughts on a fantasy Master or not, didnt think that far into the post.
Cat is right though, easier said then done in real life even if in our hearts we truly feel that way.

 

[catalina_francisco]

hmmm how to explain this one.
It suprised me because you dont see a sub/slave posting her/his willingness to give themselves over to another completely too often around here.
I dont know if that was her thoughts on a fantasy Master or not, didnt think that far into the post.
Cat is right though, easier said then done in real life even if in our hearts we truly feel that way.

Thanks KC...and is the difference between experiencing it and fantasising it. IMHO, there are Doms out there who will desire a slave to be trained to act in that way, and it is the first sign to me that they have no experience except with their mind and hand alone. Alice, it is not about judging another, or whether I am cut out for it...believe me, I have been told by more than one I am....it is about reality. Let me explain this easier in a way which may work. Do you imagine that if you were such a slave, or any slave for that matter, that if your child was dying or needing you, or your parent had just died tragically (as that is another one I can personally relate to well), do you think it possible to then at the command of a Master drop into the mode of being able to fulfil any of these successfully:

He will tell me what to do

He will not allow me to ask questions

He will expect my willingness and eagerness to please Him at all times

He may wish to have other subs and slaves and i will accept his wishes

...without the issues you are dealing with impacting on it? For me it is at those times the 'perfect Master' comes into play by being there for you, allowing for you to slip up, helping you straddle both areas in balance, realising you are both human and need to be able to express yourself respectfully, as well as work as a team to achieve the desired goals, while including and dealing with the outside issues.

It is easy to buy into the image that being perfect and obeying as described by this list is easy if you are a 'real slave' and that nothing else should matter except his desires and wishes, and in part that is true, but unless you live in a bubble, life is going to play tricks with this popularised vision of D/s and unless you deal with it and reality, it all becomes unravelled real quick. Actually for me it should have been easier to manage if it were that simple because I am totally reliant on him financially, I am living 15,000kms away from family and friends, I am in a country where I don't speak the language, I am in a culture which is vastly different to the one I grew up with, I am totally isolated, so in theory that only leaves him to be my sole focus and still life and it's turns, and being human, make it impossible to live this fantasy in the way portrayed by many.

For awhile most including myself will believe it is possible, will try to make it possible, will even give a good impression it is working, but as F has said, it is not living it for real, it is role playing and until you bring reality into it and accept it will impact, it is not that real in the deeper sense of the soul. It is not easy to explain to anyone who has not been there, and that is not a judgement or to put anyone down, it is just one of those things that goes deep and is not easy to imagine the depths to which it goes until you have spent some time doing it and working through the issues day to day...and my belief is that will never stop as perfection is an illusion, there is always something which will encroach on it, disturb it's smooth running.

Also don't be fooled into thinking it means I and others don't try, that it is an excuse not to try, as I for one try very hard, but that is what it is all about...work, not all fun and games. It is a challenge, and often I don't succeed, but I keep trying to achieve whatever is needed at the time. I also during my deepest mourning and stress periods still live as a slave and do my best, but in those times it is often a matter of realising things are just not going to work the same and also that it can't always be magically expected to as if nothing else matters. He is my number one focus, the most important part of my life, but he is not a God, he is not magical (well sometimes he is ), and at times for various reasons I am not going to be the perfect slave we both desire, nor is he going to always be 100% the perfect Master...we are human.

Catalina