The Opening Sentence

[dr_mabeuse]

In trying to track down a max Shulman quote, I came across this interesting writer's blog. Like all of us, he (or she, maybe) has a hell of a time finding that right first sentence to open the story. Unlike us, though, he/she is recording all the false starts and bad beginnings with an eye to stringing them all together and making a story out of them.

Here's the first blog entry:

==================

I will submit every word and or words I type and discard trying to perfect my beginning line. So basically the first sentence in this post is actually the 3rd try. The other two attempts will have the honor of being the first additions to my list of errors. Once the list is long enough I will take all the waisted words and attempt to turn them into a story. I wont begin till I've reached 200-300 errors on my list.

If anyone wants to join me and attempt your own stories and compare you are welcome to do so. We could possibly make a contest out of it.

1. My beginning line in ever
2. If you read
3. A cold wind swept through
4. Drenched in
5. You wake up suddenly
6. The snow had finally started to melt and it was almost to
7. For the last
8. Broken glass covered the pavement on Madison block
9.
===============

I'll bet I've tried as many as 30 opening lines in some of my stories, looking for just that right feeling of take-off.

One good trick I learned somewhere is to just write the damned story, then go back and delete the first paragraph entirely. The second paragraph usually makes a more graceful opening and you often don't even need the first at all.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You have to find what works for you.

I wrote a vampire story a few weeks ago but didnt like the end; it was okay but it wasnt good. So I placed the story aside and the ending popped into my head today. Its much better.

It all depends on what you'll settle for. So-so, or better.

 

[TxRad]

I'll go you one better Doc. In my first novel the fourth chapter ended up being the first.

 

[Liar]

Ick.

I remember writing on my stuffed-in-drawer novel a while ago, and I had that problem with every new chapter and scene. I would try out fifty phrases in my head before I got one down in typing. Obesseing too much on wit that I forgot to just tell the bloody story already.

It also stems from my intense aversion to edits. If I don't get it right the first tiime I write it, it's almost impossible to save afterwards.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

You have to find what works for you.

I wrote a vampire story a few weeks ago but didnt like the end; it was okay but it wasnt good. So I placed the story aside and the ending popped into my head today. Its much better.

It all depends on what you'll settle for. So-so, or better.

I don't think a good writer ever settles. I've heard of a lot of authors whose palms each to tear all their print books off the shelves because there was this or that they wished they'd done differently. Don't know his name but one even did a number of rewrites and published them all. For some writers ever deciding a book is done is next to impossible.

For me it has to feel done, feel right. Am I doing my character's justice? Have I left anything out?

First sentance. Never worry about it the first time around. I start writing, let the passion for the book drive me and tell the story. Then I go back, read it over and do my best to tell it better. I consider what would be the best way to introduce this character to his or her audience. Is it by showing what is around? Would this character care? Is it through emotion? Action?

The story and characters usually let me know

 

[sr71plt]

One good trick I learned somewhere is to just write the damned story, then go back and delete the first paragraph entirely. The second paragraph usually makes a more graceful opening and you often don't even need the first at all.

I've gone to trying to start off in the middle of something. That way there's no backstory or buildup to get rid of later. I think confusion, as long as it doesn't last long, is as good an attention grabber as any other technique.

 

[sr71plt]

First sentance. Never worry about it the first time around. I start writing, let the passion for the book drive me and tell the story.

I agree. So many writers say they have a hard time starting and I think it's usually that they feel they have to write a killer first sentence when they don't really know how the story is going to actually develop. I just pitch into the story, and I can't remember the last time I ever changed the first sentence.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

I agree. So many writers say they have a hard time starting and I think it's usually that they feel they have to write a killer first sentence when they don't really know how the story is going to actually develop. I just pitch into the story, and I can't remember the last time I ever changed the first sentence.

I think some writers just get so caught up in writing it perfect the first time. Self-Editing while writing, picking apart everything. You kill creativity and it's like walking through quicksand when there's a perfectly good path of stone just a few feet away. Might not work that way for everyone, but it's a pretty good way to avoid writers block.

My problem is the slightest change can jarr me up. One place that I wanted to submit to asked for a font I don't usually use. I tried writing in that font and for the first time ever I was stuck staring stupidly at the first few words, my mind blank. I kept trying to force it but finally I just changed back to my regular font and the words flowed.

JMO but the creative mind can be a fragile thing. There's enough roadblocks without us making our own.

I've changed first sentances...not often, but it's happened. Usually when I edit I'm doing more expounding of important scenes. Sometimes they don't have the right impact the first time. The last first sentance change fell under that actually. Like how it worked out

 

[SixtyMinuteMan]

In trying to track down a max Shulman quote, I came across this interesting writer's blog. Like all of us, he (or she, maybe) has a hell of a time finding that right first sentence to open the story. Unlike us, though, he/she is recording all the false starts and bad beginnings with an eye to stringing them all together and making a story out of them.

Here's the first blog entry:

==================

I will submit every word and or words I type and discard trying to perfect my beginning line. So basically the first sentence in this post is actually the 3rd try. The other two attempts will have the honor of being the first additions to my list of errors. Once the list is long enough I will take all the waisted words and attempt to turn them into a story. I wont begin till I've reached 200-300 errors on my list.

If anyone wants to join me and attempt your own stories and compare you are welcome to do so. We could possibly make a contest out of it.

1. My beginning line in ever
2. If you read
3. A cold wind swept through
4. Drenched in
5. You wake up suddenly
6. The snow had finally started to melt and it was almost to
7. For the last
8. Broken glass covered the pavement on Madison block
9.
===============

I'll bet I've tried as many as 30 opening lines in some of my stories, looking for just that right feeling of take-off.

One good trick I learned somewhere is to just write the damned story, then go back and delete the first paragraph entirely. The second paragraph usually makes a more graceful opening and you often don't even need the first at all.

Yeah, I'm in. I'll start saving my opening lines.

God knows I'm bad at them. Gotten to the point where I start stories with dialogue sometimes, work my way into the narrative from there. Cheap trick, but better than the 18th iteration of "Once upon a time..."

 

[3113]

Meh. Call me Ishmael.

Honestly, I use to be one of those "good" writers who never settled. Then I began to realize how sloppy readers really were and decided that I didn't have to be so meticulous. If it's genius it's genius, and if it isn't my nitpicking won't make it genius.

All that's important is that the first line grab the reader and keep them reading.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Without thinking Sue spun to her right, knife up, cutting edge out, stopping short of slicing through the throat that now kept still under her intense gaze.


That's the first line I wrote of the current novel I'm working on and it started Chapter 23.

It was going to be Chapter 1, but as things go and they always do, the first Chapter was something completely different.

 

[unregistered]

 

[R. Richard]

==================

I will submit every word and or words I type and discard trying to perfect my beginning line. So basically the first sentence in this post is actually the 3rd try. The other two attempts will have the honor of being the first additions to my list of errors. Once the list is long enough I will take all the waisted words and attempt to turn them into a story. I wont begin till I've reached 200-300 errors on my list.

If anyone wants to join me and attempt your own stories and compare you are welcome to do so. We could possibly make a contest out of it.

1. My beginning line in ever
2. If you read
3. A cold wind swept through
4. Drenched in
5. You wake up suddenly
6. The snow had finally started to melt and it was almost to
7. For the last
8. Broken glass covered the pavement on Madison block
9. It was a dark and stormy night
===============

How about a truly original line for 9.?

 

[sr71plt]

Here are the opening lines of the four short stories I have in the Halloween contest. I didn’t rewrite any of them after first putting them down. Nothing Joycean or earth-shattering or deeply meaningly, but they are all still fine with me. All but the first one start the story in the middle of action. The first one is a historical horror epic:

“The Escape of the Schlange”

On Sunday, April 28, 1793, the bells in towers of the harbor town of Charlotta rang out at 2 p.m.

“Alienated”

"Just a few more minutes and maybe I can get there," Kat muttered to herself.


“Cougar Treats”

"Aw, Mom."


"Gustaf’s Castle"

"Oh, come on, Rob.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I quit worrying about the first sentence. In my opinion if the first paragraph works then you made it.

 

[sr71plt]

I think the need for a killer first sentence has been overschooled. It the reader has picked your story/book up, in all probability they are going to stick around for more than the first sentence. There's probably more danger in including an egregious spelling or grammar error or trying to pack too much into the sentence than in something short had propells the reader right into the story without a whole lot of fuss.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

I think the need for a killer first sentence has been overschooled. It the reader has picked your story/book up, in all probability they are going to stick around for more than the first sentence. There's probably more danger in including an egregious spelling or grammar error or trying to pack too much into the sentence than in something short had propells the reader right into the story without a whole lot of fuss.

Might have been overschooled by the 'first five page' mentality. A lot of writers trying to get published know if they don't hook the editor quickly they don't stand a chance. Worst thing is a lot of the books I've picked up in bookstores, liking the flow of the first couple of pages, fall flat in the long run

Some writers write because they love it. Most write because they want people to read what they write and love it as much as they do. Too many get caught up in getting past the slush pile and start caring less about writing a good story.

 

[TE999]

Last year, perfect_deb started a story thread entitled 'Grab 'Em By The Balls' that stressed the importance of the first sentence or two catching the readers interest. Several folks contributed 300 word stories and there was a contest of sorts judged by her alone. I did not do well.

Some great opening lines came out of it as I recall.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I'm not a good enough writer to feel a need to be that obsessive. If the agent/publisher/whoever doesn't like it enough to carry it along, there's always e-publishing. I write because I like to. If someone likes to read it, I'm pleasantly surprised. If they are pleased enough to pay for it, I'm grateful. No way will I ever concoct The Great American Novel, anyway.

Whaddya expek from a bear?

 

[sr71plt]

Some writers write because they love it. Most write because they want people to read what they write and love it as much as they do. Too many get caught up in getting past the slush pile and start caring less about writing a good story.

Right, right, on that. I've seen so many highly polished query letters backed up with a disappointing manuscript.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Right, right, on that. I've seen so many highly polished query letters backed up with a disappointing manuscript.

I can imagine. I tend to do best with the publishers and agents that ask for a short 'Cover letter' a synopsis and three chapters. Still dealing with a flooded market but get more bites.

My query letter scares them away...it's almost as long as my synopsis.

I think the worst mistake I made was trying out a new author without looking at more than the blurb at the back. Highland romance, I like those sometimes just for some light reading. By the time I'd read the first chapter I was ready to goudge out my eyes. Flat characters, boring prose.

I don't think you have to be perfect to be published. Avoiding the need to do self-mutilation in your readers is always a plus though

 

[driphoney]

I will submit every word and or words I type and discard trying to perfect my beginning line. So basically the first sentence in this post is actually the 3rd try. The other two attempts will have the honor of being the first additions to my list of errors. Once the list is long enough I will take all the waisted words and attempt to turn them into a story. I wont begin till I've reached 200-300 errors on my list.

If anyone wants to join me and attempt your own stories and compare you are welcome to do so. We could possibly make a contest out of it.

I guess, after seeing all the replies to the whole thread, your answer is "No!"

I don't write enough to get a good list going. I do often start off with what I think is a catchy beginning, only to have to come back later and change or eliminate it. One morning when I woke, this brilliant sentence popped into my head. I'd been wanting to tell this part of the story, but hadn't worked it out, so here I am with the freakin' amazing first line. I jump outta bed repeating it over and over while my crusty-trusty laptop warms up. I'm looking for paper ... anything to get this flash of genius down. I get it down, then the whole first paragraph just flows. I'm so impressed I have to share it. The responder's comment, "Man! You are good!"

It's the beginning of my posted story here. I look at that bit of tripe now and blush every time. What a crap sentence! What a silly paragraph.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I guess, after seeing all the replies to the whole thread, your answer is "No!"

I don't write enough to get a good list going. I do often start off with what I think is a catchy beginning, only to have to come back later and change or eliminate it. One morning when I woke, this brilliant sentence popped into my head. I'd been wanting to tell this part of the story, but hadn't worked it out, so here I am with the freakin' amazing first line. I jump outta bed repeating it over and over while my crusty-trusty laptop warms up. I'm looking for paper ... anything to get this flash of genius down. I get it down, then the whole first paragraph just flows. I'm so impressed I have to share it. The responder's comment, "Man! You are good!"

It's the beginning of my posted story here. I look at that bit of tripe now and blush every time. What a crap sentence! What a silly paragraph.

Dr. Samual Johnson was asked the secret to good writing sometime back in the eighteenth century. "Cast your eye back over what you have written," he said, "And whenever you see anything you think is especially fine, strike it out. Strike it out."

As I said in the thread on hooks, I don't look for an especially grabby first sentence when I write. Rather, I think of the story as something like an airplane the reader's going to be riding in for the next few thousand words, and I want to provide the smoothest and most elegant take-off I can as we fly off into story-space. One that eases the transition between reality and fiction and makes them settle back into their seat and savor the experience.

 

[Verdad]

Ick.

I remember writing on my stuffed-in-drawer novel a while ago, and I had that problem with every new chapter and scene. I would try out fifty phrases in my head before I got one down in typing. Obesseing too much on wit that I forgot to just tell the bloody story already.

It also stems from my intense aversion to edits. If I don't get it right the first tiime I write it, it's almost impossible to save afterwards.

Sounds like the reason I've put my attempts on an indefinite hold. I couldn't turn off the editing and reediting, and I'd pretty much end up tying myself in knots. My sympathies to anyone with a similar approach!

As a reader, I thoroughly agree with Doc about hooks. Anything that's too obviously contrived, too blatantly trying to trick me into reading the story, puts me off. I think of the hook as a question the story raises in my mind in the course of a couple of para's, and I prefer to be seduced, not shocked, into wanting to find out the answer.

In erotic fiction particularly, I don't believe a sexual act has to occur in the first para's, but I do believe a hint of eroticism needs to be established early on, in a similar way a say, sci-fi story would give an early hint something is 'different' about the world we're entering.

The opening (by which I mean more than just the first sentence) establishes a contract with the reader and tells them what to expect, so I think it would be as odd for it not to feature a hint of eroticism in an erotic story as it would be if aliens suddenly landed in the third chapter of a dead realist piece.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

The pill bottle was empty.

She knew this was a mistake before even considering it.

Life is short and the world is large.