The Nice Guy

[S-Des]

OK, lead guitar and lead singing musicans get the best chicks.

It might be the trombone that's the issue. I've never seen Mick Jagger with a trombone.

But I've met a lot of women who refused to date me because they were holding out for a trombone player. It's so phallic.

 

[Trombonus]

But I've met a lot of women who refused to date me because they were holding out for a trombone player. It's so phallic.

They wouldn't still be interested would they?

 

[WARNINGWARNING]

I was nice, once.

 

[tanyachrs]

There's a lot of ground between being buddies and fucking a stranger. You can go as slow as you want as long as that tension and the feeling of potential is there. Once a girl has you categorized as a buddy, meaning she can whine to you about other men and doesn't fix her hair up to meet you, it's going to take a lot to swing that back around. What you're lacking is the assumption that any woman you meet is interested until proven otherwise.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

As I recall, it wasn't something the woman did on purpose, or even realize she was doing at all. It was a biological drive.

But once it's realized or noticed....well, just a thought. Might make a nice story idea, if it hasn't already.

I still find the idea of bedding a friend appealing. Maybe I'm weird.

 

[McKenna]

...In all honesty I think you're a beautiful person, inside and out, and any guy'd be lucky to have you, and I hope sooner or later one of them's going to see that.

Let's hope it's sooner rather than later because this "nice" girl wants to be naughty and needs to get laid.

Thank you for your kind words. I haven't much to add to the topic at hand that hasn't already been said.

Does "he" have to have a dick? 'Cause I, um, volunteer!

I'm 'fraid so, darlin'. But the fact that you'd be interested is flattering as hell.

McKenna, everytime you mention being alone, I am astonished. Such a gem should be hooked up. And you will be. I'm good at two things, predicting which women will find worthwhile mates, and which young actresses will one day be Oscar nominees. If I was right about Jennifer Tilly, I'm right about you.

Your guy is coming. He's just not ready for you yet. He has to ripen a bit, and grow into the public asshole/sensitive lover you deserve and Apple so well described.

And of course, it wouldn't hurt to carry your AV in your wallet and show it to guys!

I'm not unfulfilled; I'm just not as fulfilled as I think I could be. We all have this "ideal" in our heads, no?

Well balanced.................Check
Spine..............................Check
Humor.............................Check
Humanity.........................Check
Intellectual Intercourse...Check
Intimidated.........Well....Um......I.....Fuck it....Check!

McKenna, did I mention I love your pics

You're intimidated? Really?!

I'm embarrassed. I'm just me. I don't bite. Much.

At least you've already seen my pics. This means I don't need to pull out the wallet collection for you.






I once played around with the idea of a fuck buddy. Regular sex, no strings attached. But then I got to thinking there'd be times I just wanted a snuggle, not a fuck, so would I need a separate snuggle buddy in addition to the fuck buddy? And what about a companion for those times when I'm not craving solitude so much? And babies? Could I really do it on my own with just a sperm donor? Silly me, I still want it all wrapped up into one package. I guess this makes me a traditionalist after all.

 

[Trombonus]

Let's hope it's sooner rather than later because this "nice" girl wants to be naughty and needs to get laid.

Thank you for your kind words. I haven't much to add to the topic at hand that hasn't already been said.


I once played around with the idea of a fuck buddy. Regular sex, no strings attached. But then I got to thinking there'd be times I just wanted a snuggle, not a fuck, so would I need a separate snuggle buddy in addition to the fuck buddy? And what about a companion for those times when I'm not craving solitude so much? And babies? Could I really do it on my own with just a sperm donor? Silly me, I still want it all wrapped up into one package. I guess this makes me a traditionalist after all.

Any time, but all I did was state the obvious, and the stuff that everyone here allready knows.

I also considered a "fuck buddy" Then I realized I'd still have to find someone willing to do that. >.< I don't think I could do it without getting attached though. Wouldn't mind a snuggle buddy though.

 

[kendo1]

*McKenna: Here's what I require: A spine, a sense of humor, a smidgen of humanity, and a dash of humility, and for God's sake please don't be intimidated by a woman like me.

I need intellectual intercourse. I need someone else to catch this drift.*

*smiles*
I think I can check all the boxes. I can check all the boxes!

Though I feel I have more than just a 'smidgen' of humanity.

 

[Liar]

Damn musicians always get the best chicks!

Feh. Noone ever told me.

Anyway...

Fing is, (And I dunno if it's been said, because I haven't read through the whole thread. Yeah, bad Liar.) it's not about nice guys vs assholes. It's about shy guys vs not shy guys. I don't mean agressive, just not-shy. True predatory assholes generally gets their nuts kicked more than licked, but do a good job in keeping an image of success up for the gullible.

The most actually "conquest prone" guys that I know are also true gold nuggets of niceness. But they have a social confidence and skill on top of that that means they get the chance to show off their niceness to lots of girls.

Personally I don't have that. I know I have likeable qualities, but I couldn't commence courtship to save my life. I've never gone after a partner even though I've wanted to many times, and every relationship I've had is a result of someone coming after me.

 

[Trombonus]

Fing is, (And I dunno if it's been said, because I haven't read through the whole thread. Yeah, bad Liar.) it's not about nice guys vs assholes. It's about shy guys vs not shy guys. I don't mean agressive, just not-shy. True predatory assholes generally gets their nuts kicked more than licked, but do a good job in keeping an image of success up for the gullible.

The most actually "conquest prone" guys that I know are also true gold nuggets of niceness. But they have a social confidence and skill on top of that that means they get the chance to show off their niceness to lots of girls.

Personally I don't have that. I know I have likeable qualities, but I couldn't commence courtship to save my life. I've never gone after a partner even though I've wanted to many times, and every relationship I've had is a result of someone coming after me.

Yeah that'd be me.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Ok, this was kind of brought up in another thread, so I thought it might be interesting to talk about. What do you think about the "nice guy." Are they overlooked too often? Are they undesirable by women? Do women secretly fear them? Anyone sick of being the "nice guy"? What's the deal?

all that I know is that I'm a nice guy and that I get overlooked by women. I have no idea if those two facts are corelated or not. I don't think I ever will.

 

[SeaCat]

I think you have to define nice. (Sorry I'm late to this thread.)

I am not nice, and I have never claimed to be. I could have a shower on my face if I so chose. (If you understand this comment then you know what I mean.)

I am however respectful, honorable and honest.

My wife is my equal, she is my partner and has been for 14 years.

We respect each other and are honest with each other.

if you go after me I'll laugh at you while hurting you. If you go after a member of my family, or someone under my protection then all rules are gone and I will destroy you, permanently, no questions asked. I am not a nice guy.

However, I have been known to hold a woman in my arms and comfrort her. I have been known to take care of the family of a patient who is ready to die. I have been known to take the arm of a woman and escort her across a busy street because I though she would be in danger.

There is a difference between being not nice and being an ignorant savage.

There is a difference between being a man and being an uncivilised child. I am a man.

Cat

 

[Oblimo]

Do not conflate shyness and insecurity with niceness ("nicety"?), Trombonus. You can still be respectful, courteous and subtle toward women while being confident and gregarious...and if you do that, I bet you'll have to fight 'em off with a stick.

 

[Trombonus]

Do not conflate shyness and insecurity with niceness ("nicety"?), Trombonus. You can still be respectful, courteous and subtle toward women while being confident and gregarious...and if you do that, I bet you'll have to fight 'em off with a stick.

lol, I never said I was. The whole reason I started this thread was because in a separate thread people were using the term "nice guy" as a generalization, and I thought it would be good for us to talk about exactly what "nice guy" meant, and what kind of person people consider to be the "nice guy." As it is, I agree with you 100%

 

[S-Des]

lol, I never said I was. The whole reason I started this thread was because in a separate thread people were using the term "nice guy" as a generalization, and I thought it would be good for us to talk about exactly what "nice guy" meant, and what kind of person people consider to be the "nice guy." As it is, I agree with you 100%

Someday, someone will have to do one of these threads that defines terms, then asks for opinions (I think a lot more could be accomplished). When I was younger, I didn't date at all. When I hit 20, I played lead guitar and sang in bands and had women asking me to sign their body parts (literally). At 30, I grew out of it and wanted to settle down. Ever since that point, I have had trouble meeting women. I am a nice guy. I am certainly no doormat. But like many have said here, I can be incapacitatingly shy when meeting a woman I'm interested in (however women who are friends think I'm great). That feeds on itself until you believe that women just won't like you. No amount of "faking it" will really help.

There are things you can do. On-line dating works for some. There are singles organizations that have parties where it's very easy to meet available women who are most definitely looking. I highly recommend taking dancing and cooking classes (both score very high with a lot of women). If you have a decent personality, once you have your foot in the door, you'll be fine. If you don't, then you're on your own.

 

[Ravlicious]

When you start student teaching (I read your profile), there might be single Mom's. What grades will you be teaching?

I don't know if you would consider this or not, but before you do, give it some serious thought. If you think you might want to teach at that school, this is a bad, bad idea. You should never get real friendly with parents--be frienldy, but keep them at an arm's length. My master teacher (I'm in my first week of student teaching actually) and I were talking about this today (not the dating of parents aspect, but just parents in general). She was telling me she'd seen too many times the teachers that get real friendly with parents almost always end up with trouble. Maybe not at the time, but sooner or later. She's seen teachers have to leave their school and get a job elsewhere because of the complications. Now, think about dating a parent and multiply that by...oh, I don't know...ten-million.

Take the advice or not. It's just my two copper pieces.

 

[S-Des]

I don't know if you would consider this or not, but before you do, give it some serious thought. If you think you might want to teach at that school, this is a bad, bad idea. You should never get real friendly with parents--be frienldy, but keep them at an arm's length. My master teacher (I'm in my first week of student teaching actually) and I were talking about this today (not the dating of parents aspect, but just parents in general). She was telling me she'd seen too many times the teachers that get real friendly with parents almost always end up with trouble. Maybe not at the time, but sooner or later. She's seen teachers have to leave their school and get a job elsewhere because of the complications. Now, think about dating a parent and multiply that by...oh, I don't know...ten-million.

Take the advice or not. It's just my two copper pieces.

Excellent advice. I've finally reached an age where many of the mothers bringing in their kids for lessons are single and attractive. I ALWAYS steer clear of them. The fastest way to lose your job (or just make your life a nightmare) is to mess around with people whose children you work with. Ugh, I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.

 

[Trombonus]

I don't know if you would consider this or not, but before you do, give it some serious thought. If you think you might want to teach at that school, this is a bad, bad idea. You should never get real friendly with parents--be frienldy, but keep them at an arm's length. My master teacher (I'm in my first week of student teaching actually) and I were talking about this today (not the dating of parents aspect, but just parents in general). She was telling me she'd seen too many times the teachers that get real friendly with parents almost always end up with trouble. Maybe not at the time, but sooner or later. She's seen teachers have to leave their school and get a job elsewhere because of the complications. Now, think about dating a parent and multiply that by...oh, I don't know...ten-million.

Take the advice or not. It's just my two copper pieces.

Yeah I'd agree with that. However "student" teaching is different. You're basically just training, and you don't stay at that school in the end. As it is, I'd only be at a particular school for half a school year. Still, it's be difficult for me to date a single mom of one of my students. I agree, that causes all kinds of problems. That's not to say that there aren't other teachers I could date. I plan to do a few months of substitute teaching starting in January, and see no reason why I couldn't get to know some of the other teachers. Mom's I'd stay away from, I don't know that I'd want to be with someone that already has a kid at my age. Maybe if I was a little older, but not right now. Anyways, we'll see what happens. Life often works in mysterious ways, and you just never know

 

[rawr_rae]

This might be a stretch here, and I'm young and might have a very generalized, brash view on what love or romance is, so don't ridicule me too much. But maybe no one really knows what they want in a partner. Maybe it isn't about being nice or being an asshole, it's just about finding someone who you want to spend forever with. I mean, don't we all just want to wake up in someone's arms in the morning?

 

[Trombonus]

This might be a stretch here, and I'm young and might have a very generalized, brash view on what love or romance is, so don't ridicule me too much. But maybe no one really knows what they want in a partner. Maybe it isn't about being nice or being an asshole, it's just about finding someone who you want to spend forever with. I mean, don't we all just want to wake up in someone's arms in the morning?

Well said.

 

[Ravlicious]

Oh, other teachers, for sure. I've substituted, and I've heard stories of husbands and wives teaching in the same school. And, believe me, there are plenty of hot teachers out there. And, really, if you find one that's single, what better opening for asking her out on a date can there be than: "Boy, what a rough week. You want to go out this weekend to (dinner/movie/theme park/whatever) to blow off some steam?" C'mon, something along those lines would be an easy opening.

Any other single people reading this, a variation of that line works great in any profession. I used something like that to ask my wife out on our first date when we worked together at Disneyland. It got me that date, and we dated for over four years and have been married for over seven. Just an old married guys bit o' advice to anyone who wants it.

But, yeah, back to the teacher-parent situation, stay away from it, student teacher/credentialled teacher/whatever. Don't do that to yourself.

Unless she's super-hot...I keed, I keed!

 

[rawr_rae]

Thank ya muchly sir! Nice, interesting topic for a thread.

Now do you consider yourself a nice guy?

 

[elsol]

I think nice guys feel entitled... like the ladies should just fall into their laps.

Work for that booty!

 

[Trombonus]

Thank ya muchly sir! Nice, interesting topic for a thread.

Now do you consider yourself a nice guy?

Sure Rae. Yeah I consider myself a nice guy. What's my definition of a nice guy? Basically the kind of person who treats people with decency and respect, often putting them before himself. Polite, respectful and kind are some words I'd use to describe one. I mean, it's different for every person. Some people say it's the shy quiet guys. While I fit that description too, I've known a few quiet guys who weren't especially friendly either. I think the vast majority of guys out there are "nice guys", but there are those of us that just have the worst problems in dealing with relationships, especially initiating them. I know I for one just kind of freeze up. Once I'm in a relationship things are smooth sailing, and being friends with girls is now problem. However taking that step from friends to relationship is hard, and not something I'm comfortable with, and I'm sure many of you other guys, and girls too can relate.

P.S. Thanks for the compliment.

 

[Trombonus]

Oh, other teachers, for sure. I've substituted, and I've heard stories of husbands and wives teaching in the same school. And, believe me, there are plenty of hot teachers out there. And, really, if you find one that's single, what better opening for asking her out on a date can there be than: "Boy, what a rough week. You want to go out this weekend to (dinner/movie/theme park/whatever) to blow off some steam?" C'mon, something along those lines would be an easy opening.

Any other single people reading this, a variation of that line works great in any profession. I used something like that to ask my wife out on our first date when we worked together at Disneyland. It got me that date, and we dated for over four years and have been married for over seven. Just an old married guys bit o' advice to anyone who wants it.

But, yeah, back to the teacher-parent situation, stay away from it, student teacher/credentialled teacher/whatever. Don't do that to yourself.

Unless she's super-hot...I keed, I keed!

You are most wise my friend.